


"And I Pity You"

by Meadow_Wanderer



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fate, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, Love, M/M, Mpreg, Music, Niall-centric, and love making, sexy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 102,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meadow_Wanderer/pseuds/Meadow_Wanderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The group that had come in third on X-Factor has now become a world famous, award-winning band. With multi-selling albums, sold out concerts, and in-demand merchandise, One Direction seems unstoppable. An although they are blessed and loved where ever they go, the journey would be lonely if they didn't have each other. An immediate friendship developed into a full-blown relationship as time went on for the band, but one must remember that even the smoothest of roads traveled on has its bumps.</p><p>And if the boys aren't careful, it could all come crumbling down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Small Crack in the Wall

(Niall's P.O.V.)

Sometimes after shows, when the screams of love and adoration still ring in my ears, I go to a quiet corner in the arena or the bus and just take a moment to breathe it all in. How fortunate and how lucky I am to be doing this, living out my dream as the other boys and fans join me along for the journey. Who was I but a young guy from Mullingar who went into the X-factor audition nervous and hoping that putting myself in front of that huge audience was all worth it? And it was.

Now here I am still smiling in this corner after preforming the amazing concert and I can't help but let a few tears slip out from being so happy. Plus not only is seeing all the fans happy and having the time of their lives all worth it, but also being able to preform with the four other guys who are my best friends, my family, and my boyfriends. (Just don't let everyone else know that last part haha)

But as I come down from my high, a thought begins to bother me, the same thought that always bugs me when I do this. You see I appreciate it all, everything, because I know if me and Harry didn't get that second vote in our audition, we wouldn't be here. And without us, the other three would have been sent home during bootcamp. One Direction wouldn't even exist. I keep this thought in my mind all the time, whenever we are sitting around laughing with the crew, messing around on stage with one another, or even when one of the boys is kissing down my neck as we lay in bed. If a miracle or fate didn't happen, we wouldn't even be here.

And what bothers me is.... _I don't think the other boys even realize that._

 

-/-

 

After a few more minutes of reflecting, I get up and wander down the hall of the arena as I take my ear plugs out. Wandering into the dressing room, I see the Harry, Louis and Zayn all horsing around and laughing. Liam was changing on the side, chuckling at the lovable idiots before him with adoring eyes. He noticed me walking over and pulls me in to kiss my forehead. I sigh into him, because I loved when he did that.

"You all right Nialler?" he asks as he put an arm around my shoulders, looking down into my eyes with love.

I smile back up at him. "Yeah I'm fine, just tired."

A hand grabs my waist, pulling me from Liam into tattooed arms. "Well we better get ya back to bed love." Zayn kisses my neck as he said the words lowly and slow. I just nod and close my eyes.

All of a sudden I was hoisted on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "To the car!" he cried out causing me to laugh loudly.

Harry followed us and smacked my butt, laughing too, as Zayn ran out the door and to the van.

I could only imagine Paul following behind and shaking his head fondly at the five of us.

 

-/-

 

When we arrived into our hotel, they gave us keys to our shared room. Even if the bed wasn't big enough for the five of us, we would just make it work.

Once in the room, I hopped in the shower letting the water wash away the work and worries of today. After I finished showering, I changed into my boxers and went out into the bedroom. The guys were all the in the process of getting ready for bed, Harry kissing my cheek as he passed me to take a shower. I smile and hop into bed, snuggling deep in the covers. Being the first one done has its perks.

I let my eyes rest as I felt the bed dip down behind me, an muscular arm thrown over my torso and pulling me into a strong chest.  _Liam._ I could tell it was him by his smell, as he dipped his head down and pepper kisses firmly in my neck. I just smile and tilt my head to give him room to continue. 

I feel a hand trail up my arm as someone placed a light kiss on my chest. I open my eyes to see Zayn in front of me and he leans in to give a soft kiss to my lips. My hand found its way to his shoulder as another hand rest upon mine and wove their fingers through my own. As Zayn leaned back I see that it was Harry's hand I was holding as he placed kisses on Zayn's shoulder. Louis was behind Harry, snuggling into his back with an arm around his waist.

Harry looked up to meet my eyes "Goodnight." 

We each said "Goodnight" back and gave each other the usual round of kisses, one for each person. 

Louis finishes with a "Goodnight" _peck_ , "Goodnight" _peck_ , "Goodnight"  _peck,_  then plopped down behind Harry.Turning the light off, we all settled down into the bed, one by one falling asleep.

Just as my eyes were slowly closing for the last time, I realize something that made them snap open and my heart clench a little.

_Louis hadn't given me a goodnight kiss._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note is that the story is mostly told from Niall's perspective unless said otherwise


	2. Continues To Spilt...

(Niall's P.O.V.)

Since that hotel night, things went normally. We preformed, were interviewed, met fans, and just carried on.

But things weren't normal.

Louis, after he forgot to kiss me that night, had stopped me as we were leaving the hotel room the next morning. He hugged and kissed me with a passion I don't know where came from. I just assumed that he realized his small mistake and tried to make up for it, so I went on the day relieved with no worries.

But I was wrong.

Weeks went by and the kisses and hugs from Louis grew more and more scarce.  Even during intimate moments. Not for all the boys, just... _me_. And I can tell you that it hurt. I tried to fix it, tried to talk to him, ask what I did wrong. He would just either smile and walk away or saying "everything's fine". I learned you just can't fix what you don't know is broken.

So when I explain it to my other best friend and band drummer, Josh, who is totally cool with our whole relationship, I tell it like this. 

It's like you take your heart and tie it to someone else's. In this case, I tied it to four other hearts. You trust that the other heart owners will guard this string with their whole being as you do. But if one decides to try and pull the string, fraying it till it's almost broken, it feels horrible, because you can't pull on it to try and bring them back. That will only cause the string to break. You have to just wait. Eventually though, the person pulling it usually decides to stop pulling, come back, and repair the string to make it even stronger than it was before.

But no, Louis didn't pull the string.

_He_ _cut it_.

 

-/-

 

 One of my mother's Nicholas Sparks books (hey! don't judge me) said this about making love: It's "trust & commitment, hopes & dreams, a promise to make it through whatever the future might bring. The greater the love; the greater the tragedy when it is over.”

_'The greater the love...'_

When I met these boys, most of us were still young and thus still virgins. As time grew on, we gave each other everything. Sure, most of the time our eyes were filled with lust for one another, but always behind it was something even greater...love.

It was one night after a concert, when we just all felt it. The need for one another. The need to be closer than anything could be, skin to skin, mouth to mouth, heart to heart.

Once Paul dropped us off, we rushed into the elevator to go up to our room. Each of us were touching at least one other person. After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator finally dinged and we all but ran to our hotel room. After getting that dang door opened, we went in, kicking the door behind us. Fumbling hands and clashing mouths, we stumbled into the bedroom to have sex.

Each of us stripped one another to our boxers, placing kisses and marking each other's skin as ours.

But then..it happened.

 We were on the bed, making out with each other until Harry and Liam began kissing, and Zayn got behind Liam placing kisses on his shoulders and back. They didn't know that things between me and Louis were falling apart.

I froze when I realized me and Louis were left together. I looked into his eyes, scared I find repulsion and rejection, when all I saw was an overwhelming love and fear. It confused me but then he crawled over to me laying on the bed, hovering himself over me and gently stroking my cheek. "I'm sorry" he whispered. In that moment, I knew exactly what it meant.

He then leaned down to kiss me as I wrapped my arms around his neck to kiss back with more force. It was like it was just us in the room, as he took of both of our boxers and prepared me for him.

As he did that, we would either look into each other's eyes or kiss fiercely with so much feeling it took my breath away. Finally I nodded to let him know I was ready as he entered slowly and gently. This wasn't just fun or rough sex, like we could hear Harry, Liam, and Zayn having.

No this was love making and I couldn't help but cry.

As our bodies rocked together, Louis started to tear up too as he leaned in to kiss away my tears. I moaned in pleasure as hit the spot and kissed my neck softly. As we neared the climax, he took one last look into my eyes, let one tear drop fall on my cheek, and kissed me demandingly as we came with a cry into each other's mouth.

After a moment, with me blinking tears from my eyes as I looked up to the ceiling, he pulled out and went to the other side of the bed. Zayn came over and kissed my cheek as he laid his head on my chest. Liam and Harry laid down behind him with Louis on the other end. After a few minutes, I could hear all their breathing even out as they feel asleep.

But I just continued to stare at the ceiling. I knew exactly what that "I'm sorry" was. It wasn't an apology, it was a goodbye. I closed my eyes letting a few tear drops fall down my face, praying my dreams to take me away from this aching pain.

_'...the greater the tragedy when it is over'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I'm really awkward and uncomfortable writing sex scenes sorry!


	3. ...Until It Breaks A Piece Off

(Niall's P.O.V.)

The morning after, as the other three showered together and got ready, Louis quitely asked to talk to me in the living room. I knew this was it.

He took a seat down on the couch opposite of mine, staring down at his clasped hands in his laps. I just sat there, feeling numb.

"I don't hate or think you aren't worth it. I just...I.." I could see him struggle to say the words. "I just don't... _feel_ the same way about you as I do about the other boys." Those words sounded truthful and genuine in my ears. "I just don't...love you." he spit out while averting his eyes. Those words sounded wrong and almost like a lie to me, but broke my heart none the less. I could feel the breath being knocked out of my lungs and my eyes began to water. I would have fought, would have tried so hard to keep him, but I didn't have the strength to argue, to fight for someone who had already given up.

So I just looked him in the eye and nodded. "I understand." I looked down at my hands as I heard him get off the couch and run to the room with the others. A single tear drop fell from my eyes as the boys laughter sounded from the other room.

 

-/-

 

So two days later here I was, on stage and dealing with heartbreak the best way I could, by playing my guitar and singing my solo in Little Things. I poured my heart into it as my eyes got teary. I didn't need to look to know that not only did the fans notice, but also the boys...even Louis.

But I just pretended it I was ok. I just pretended that when we all goofed around stage that the touches Louis gave me or the way he would loop his arm around my neck that everything was fine. I let out the best fake spasm of laughter I could when he would make a silly face at me or tell me a lame joke. It was hard, but luckily, I had the other boys.

But they didn't get it. 

They noticed our distance. They noticed how he wouldn't give me a goodnight kiss anymore or any kiss for the matter. They noticed how he stayed away from me, only being by me when we were preforming or interviewing. So they tried to change that...and...I really wish they hadn't.

 

-/-

 

"Ok lads good show but I think we need to fix something." Harry turned to look at us as we got into our motel room. "Louis come give me a kiss please" he commanded with a smile.

Louis, looking a bit confused, just shrugged his shoulders and stood on his tiptoes to kiss Harry. "Now kiss Liam." 

I gulped as I already knew where this was going. _Please stop Please stop Please stop_

Louis just grew more confused but went over and gave Liam a peck. "Now Zayn."

That's when Louis froze, but after a moment went over and kissed Zayn quickly on the lips and turned to give Harry a stern glare. "Now Niall."

Louis narrowed his eyes at Harry before coming over to me, his eyes softening as he gazed into mine. He hestitatingly placed a kiss my cheek lightly as I shut my eyes in pain.

"On the lips Louis." 

Louis pulled back to glare at Harry and growled out "no."

Harry just narrowed his eyes in anger. "No?"

Louis stepped towards him and said firmer "No."

"And why not?!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO! BECAUSE I..I DON'T LOVE.." he stopped himself before he finished but the damage was already down. I just hung my head down in humiliation and hurt. 

Liam was the first to break the silence. "But..Lou..don't you..don't you...?"

Louis turned solemly to Liam and said one final word, softly. 

_"no."_

 

-/-

 

And so the week went on normally. We toured, were interviewed, met fans, and carried on.

But it wasn't normal.

The boys felt like they had to split there time between me and Louis. Like divorced parents, they had two homes they had to travel between, back and forth, back and forth. They were comforting me while still trying to love him. And it's not that me and Louis acted hateful towards one another, we just acted civil, faked happiness on stage, and pretended the other didn't exist. It was actually more Louis who was the one trying to pretend I didn't exist.

Sleeping and cuddling and sex were different. One night, I could have all three guys by me with Louis in his own room. Another night just me and Zayn or Harry or Liam, sometimes Harry and Liam or so on. But some nights it was just me. Those were the nights that hit me hardest. Because I was left to my thoughts, my insecurities, and my aching heart. The others tried to help heal me, but it wasn't enough. Sure we all still gave kisses and handjobs and what not, but we never really made love anymore. The told me they love me and I told them I love them (and Louis), but never did they try to connect us wholely. I thought it was because they didn't think it was right without everyone.

But I was wrong.

Because one of those hard nights by myself, I could hear moaning coming through the wall. The same wall that connected my room to Louis room, where the other boys where. And it hurt. It hurt, because the morning after no one mentioned it nor said anything. It hurt because even when I got a night with all three guys, they just kissed me and feel asleep. It hurt because I would go to grab something to eat from the kitchen and I would see Louis grab one of the boys and slam his mouth on the other, kissing forcefully and purposefully. It was like he was trying to prove something. But he would do it when he didn't think I was looking or even there, but I saw it all. I saw the way he would demand so much from them physically and give everything back. I saw the way he would hold them adoringly or carefully as if they were new toys he just got. I saw the way he loved them, and I missed that.

Because what's funny is the first pair to start off romantically wasn't Larry or Niam or even Ziall. No the first pair was Nouis. Louis and me. I remember how I had looked up to with admiration and he had looked down on me with compassion and love. He was the first to make a move, by kissing me softly on the lips when I asked him if he liked someone.

His answer had been _"yes."_

So now seeing all this happen, it just hurt and confused me. What changed? Was I not good enough for Louis? For the boys? It was like I meant nothing to him, like he wanted to hurt me so much to the point I felt I couldn't breathe. But it was like the boys where almost taking his side, even when they didn't know what happened. Although they assured me they loved me and Louis equally, I couldn't help but feel like I was the one standing on my tip toes, letting my fingers push helplessly against the edge of a heavy box of valuables on the top shelf to keep it from crashing down. 

But I pretend that I am ok, I pretend that everything is alright. I give out a couple of "I'm fine's" and get back a couple of "Okay, if you're sure's". I thought that maybe our cracked walls just need some fixing. Like maybe, I just need to get some concrete to fill in the crack and it would be ok.

But it wasn't, because another piece was about fall. Someone was pulling one of the strings to my heart and bringing scissors up to cut it.

 _I just didn't think it would be_ _Liam._  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( I just want to tell you that it's really all from Niall's P.O.V. unless I say otherwise)


	4. The Second Crack is Even Bigger

 

Things continued as they did. The boys tried to make our relationship work with a split in it, while I tried to make my own heart keep working with it's split in it. A week had past since the incedent, and I still had hope that everything would be ok. But sometimes, when you are focused on pretending that is fine, you don't even realize that a loved one is dealing with their own struggles. It builds and builds in the shell of our being until it finally explodes.

It happened Thursday night.

 

-/-

 

The concert was going good. Well, as good as one can hope when private lives where in knots. The crowd was yelling with excitement and energy. I focused on that to keep going, to not pay mind to Louis' act or the troubles that would undoubtably be waiting for us.

But I snapped out of it when I could see Liam wasn't as into the preformance. He seemed frustrated, but mostly dealing with troubling thoughts in the back of his mind. The other boys didn't seem to notice too much, only tickling or hip-bumping him to bring out a grin, one that looked forced. So I walked over to him as the other guys where dancing around. I grabbed his face and pulled his head down to kiss his forehead, just how I loved it when he did it to me. I was rewarded with fans screaming even more loudly, but the best prize was the breathtaking, real smile Liam showed me. So I gently patted his shoulder and skipped off to dance.

But when we sat down on the stairs to sing Moments, something felt different. It just felt, _off_ in a way. I began my solo as I felt someone trace their finger lightly against my arm. It was Liam and he was gazing down at his finger as it continued its journey up and down my arm. Fans couldn't see it clearly from where we sitting, probably just looking like Liam was looking down at something random or just thinking about something, but I could see the way his eyes looked sad and pained. Once I finished my solo, I reached my hand to grab his, which would look like I was just scratching my arm. He squeezed it tight, then let go as we sang the chorus.

As the concert finished, we bowed to the audience, applause echoing loudly. The others took off to the dressing room as I took off to find a quiet corner to reflect. A thought suddenly occured to me as I sat down. 'I get Liam tonight... _only_ Liam.' And for some reason I don't know, my heart clenched tightly.

 

-/-

 

The boys waved goodnight to us as they headed down the hall to their room. Liam stuck the keycard in the slot then pulled the door opened as the light flashed green. He held the door open for me as I walked in, letting it shut softly behind us. We made our way into the bedroom, putting our stuff on the floor. I figured I would just take a shower, kiss Liam goodnight, and go to sleep. That's how it went usually these days. At least, that was what I _expected_. 

As I turned to ask Liam if he wanted to shower first, "Hey Liam.." a mouth crashed down roughly on mine. My eyes shot open in surprise as he put a hand on my neck and one on my back to pull me closer to him.

After a brief moment, I just melted into his lips, kissing back passionately. I missed this; I missed the feeling of not being able to contain love for another person. It was the feeling of needing to express that love physically, emotionally, and fully. No bars, no holds. And right now Liam was expressing it all. He picked my legs up to wrap around his waist as he walked forward until I was pushed up against the wall. But the kissing did not seize. He was licking into my mouth hungrily, as if he had not tasted his favorite ice cream for a long time, only finally to get a scoop of it. After we pulled away to catch our breaths, he looked into my eyes with a desperation and meekness. What happened to the dominant guy kissing me a moment ago?

"Can I?" he asked gently, hesitatingly. I could only nodded my head slowly, not really understanding what troubling thoughts were in his mind. 

And with that, he connected his lips back to mine firmly as he carried me over the bed. He laid me down softly while beginning to pull clothing pieces away one by one. As we both ended up naked, he began to stretch me out while still kissing firmly onto my mouth, as if he just couldn't seem to stop. I could feel the love, the lust, and the unknown emotion in his fevered kisses. But, I could also feel the string between our hearts being pulled.

When I was ready, he lined up then entered me in one swift motion, causing me to gasp as my nails dug into his back. His face hid between my neck as he bit down, waiting for me to adjust. After a few moments, I nodded my head as he pulled back as thrust back in. I clung to him, wrapping my legs around his waist and arms around his upper back as he continued to thrust in, speeding up with each motion. I moaned his name over and over again as he hit that sweet spot again and again. 

"Liam" I moaned out breathlessly. That only caused him to thurst harder as I let out a loud shout. He was holding me tightly, on hand on my hip as the other held my back. His mouth biting up my neck to my mouth as he continued his movements. Finally I came between us with a loud shout as his hips stalled, causing him to come inside me with a moan against my neck. We were breathing harsly and rapidly, still connected together as we came down from our highs. My hair was sticking to my forehead with sweat as I felt Liam's sweaty forehead against my chest. I could see his firm back move up and down as he tried to calm his breathing. After a moment he pulled out and laid down beside me, pulling the sheets up over us to our stomachs. I slolwly put my head on his chest, hooking an arm over him.

His chest began to slow to an even pace as I felt my eyes beginning to close. Then, right before I felt to sleep I felt a pair of lips softly press up against my forehead. I smiled, thinking that maybe everthing would be alright as we drifted off to sleep.

_I just didn't even feel the string being cut._

 

-/-

 

Waking up, I felt warm sheets against my cheek. I heard some rustling in the background as I slowly opened my eyes. It was morning and Liam was dressed in sweat pants, putting somethings in his duffle bag. He then grabbed a hoddie he wore often, throwing it over his head and slipping it down his torso.

I smiled as I sat up. "Hey what are you doing up? What time is it?" I asked as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

Liam stopped his movements, freezing for a moment. Then he slowly turned towards me as he looked at me with remorseful eyes. "I can't do this."

I grew confused. Can't do what?

He swallowed as he continued. "I..I can't do this. This whole relationship. It's...it's not right."

I stared for a moment but speaking up softly, "But Liam.."

"NO!" He yelled out of nowhere. He clenched his fists tight. "I CAN'T! I MEAN WHAT WE'RE WE THINKING?! WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK OF THIS RELATIONSHIP...THIS THING?! I MEAN MY OWN PARENTS DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT I'M GAY! SO HOW DO I EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT I'M GAY FOR FOUR OTHER GUYS?!! THAT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS! NO MORE! NO MORE!! IT'S A MISTAKE! I REGRET GETTING IN THIS STUPID RELATIONSHIP AND I'M DONE!" He looked away, breathing harsly as he finished his rant.

All of a sudden, I felt vulnerable. I pulled the sheets closer to try and cover myself. _A mistake?_   So what was last night? Some 'last-minute-get-some-before-I-reveal-the-truth-and-go-break-some-hearts?' I felt used and hurt beyond belief. But I just kept my head down and said nothing.

I heard the rustling of stuff being put in the duffle, then the sound of a zipper pulled closed. And with that, Liam grabbed his stuff and walked out of the room, letting the hotel door slam shut. I sunk back down in the bed, pulling the sheets up to my neck as I buried my face in the pillows. I sniffed, feeling the tears coming as I wished for the aching in my heart to disappear. 

 

 


	5. The Day the Rest of the Wall Finally Fell

 

Liam had got his own hotel room, leaving the other guys confused and me just heartbroken. They tried calling him or knocking on his door, but he wouldn't answer. I knew he wouldn't.

When Monday did roll around and Liam came out of his room, the other three guys tried to hug and kiss him. He only gently pushed them away and shook his head. Zayn and Harry didn't understand and looked like to little kids that were told that they couldn't go to the zoo today like had been planned. But Louis..well he didn't give up. He only gave sneaky kisses on Liam's cheek, which of course Liam didn't react to. But I don't think Louis was waiting for a reaction; more like waiting for Liam to come back to us..to _them_. 

The twist in not just mine, but all the other boys' guts was when Liam started to hang out with Danielle again. Pics were all over the internet of her and Liam hanging out together, going to dinners, _holding hands_. He was smiling each time, seeming like he was the happiest guy on earth. Rumors and gossip asking if the couple were getting back together? And for once, I couldn't tell if those smiles were fake or real. He wasn't really around us that much to see up close.

I could really see the effects of Liam's decision on Louis, Harry, and Zayn. Especially Zayn and Harry. Zayn seemed to slip into quiet mode. He seemed to be fuming inside, while remaining passive in front of the crowds. Harry was..sad. He would sometimes look at Liam forlorn, like a school boy seeing his crush accept a rose from someone else. I tried to talk to them, comfort them, but Zayn would just shrug off my touch and Harry wouldn't even acknowledge me. It was only when I was passing in the hallway of an arena, did I see the two of them whispering in fevered words in one of the lone corridors. I stayed hidden as they continued their arguement till Zayn kissed Harry hard on the mouth, the other melting into the kiss. Zayn then pulled back and asking a quiet "okay?" which Harry nodded to. Zayn smiled and pecked Harry's lips as I decided to move before they could see me.

Where was I left in all this? One left me, one gone, and two giving up on me? Would the relationship even survive? The wall was already half way broken off. I tried to keep it from being destroyed, tried to even fix it. But it was only a matter of time before the rest fell down. I just had to wait till Saturday night.

 

-/-

 

The music was blaring loudly in the club, making it feel like the ground and walls were vibrating. I was sitting at a table, sipping on some beer as people moved all around the dance floor. I didn't feel like coming here, but Paul insisted we boys got at least some fun time after working so hard. I didn't even feel like getting drunk, only just taking small sips of my one drink. Josh, who had been sitting beside me, had gotten up to use the restroom. I could see Liam in the middle of the packed danced floor, grinding his hips against Danielle. It ached my heart to watch him move against her as he had done with me and the other boys so many months before. Louis was somewhere else in the crowd, fist pumping, looking happy as he danced with his friend Eleanor, who management like to use as a diversion for the fans. She was sweet and kind, always accepting of us. Its funny because I don't even know what 'us' was anymore.

I was lost in my thoughts and dealing with my breaking heart, when all of a sudden a very drunk Zayn crashed down into the Josh's seat. He chugged the rest of his beer then slammed the bottle down on the table. "You know.." he began. "When I first was put with you guys, I was the happiest guy in the world. I mean..I got to make my dream come true, sing to so many people, and just ride the awesome rollercoaster of life. You know? But the best part was that my best friends had become my boyfriends."

My eyes widened as I looked around to see if anyone had noticed Zayn's drunken rant. Luckily it was too loud and dark for anyone to see or tell what was going on. As I looked back at Zayn, Harry took a seat next to him calmly, remaning quiet and refusing to meet my eyes.

"And it was all good!! Sooooooo fucking good, you know? Like the sex was great and the secret was fun to keep, but also because I loved you alllll. But now? HA! IT's just ALL gone to SHIT!" He waved his arms around. "Annnnd do you know whose fault it is Niall????"

I shook my head, feeling lost as the last two strings were being pulled by the others. 

"ITS YOURS!" he shouted furiously. "IT's is All FUCKING YOUR FAULT NIALL! First! You messed up and fought with Louis who can't even KISS YOU!" _Is that what Louis told them?_ "Then! YOu drove LIAM away from us! And NOOOWWW, we have watch as he grinds all up on that FUCKING BIRD! THE one who he had LOVED once Niall! I mean did you want this relationship to just be DESTROYED?! Did you hate the happiness we BROUGHT EACH OTHER?! And you know what?! YOU are the WORST singer out of us! We didn't need you and we DON'T! You are also ANNOYING, FUCKING STUPID, AND SELFISH!!!" He leant forward in my face as he growled out the last words, "and I am so fucking done with you."

He slammed his hand on the table as he stormed off, leaving me feeling crushed and empty.

_Cut._

Harry, who had just let Zayn go on saying all those hurtful things to me and never once tried to stop him, just looked into my eyes sadly. He then got up and walked away, chasing after Zayn.

_Cut._

_  
_I felt like I couldn't even breathe. My throat was closing up and my eyes were beginning to water. I was shaking as someone touched my shoulder lightly. "Hey" Josh softly said from behind me.

I shook my head and prayed I wouldn't break down right here.

"Hey" he said again as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "I came out of the bathroom and saw what happened. I'm sorry I couldn't make my way over fast enough to stop him. You are an amazing singer Niall. You are also funny, smart, selfless, and no even close to being annyoing. You are perfect and _they_ are the ones fucking wrong." he whispered into my ear, making sure I heard the words clearly.

I just shook my head and asked softly, "Can we go back to the hotel please?"

Josh nodded and helped me stand up, never once letting his arm leave my shoulders. He guided us through the crowd, which all just passed like blurs to me. I could only focus on the ground, feeling like I never needed to blink my eyes shut as we climbed into a taxi and headed to the hotel. He held me close and I prayed that my tears could wait just a few more minutes until I was alone. Finally, we arrived back at the hotel. We paid the cab driver and walked into the lobby, passing the front desk to the elevators. I didn't even notice  that we had moved until I was standing in front of my hotel room and Josh was using the key to open the door. He held it opened for me as I walked inside.

"Do you want me to stay?" he asked concerned.

I looked up to meet his worried eyes as I shook my head. "Not tonight Joshie. I just want to be...alone." My voice barely able to not quiver.

He nodded as he gave me one last hug and shut the door quietly. I walked into the bathroom, pealing off my clothes and starting the shower. I was thankful that tonight had been scheduled as me in my own room. I didn't want to face anyone. Not now...maybe not ever. Once the steam started fogging up the mirror, I climbed in and sat down on the bottom. I let the water rush over me and I pulled my legs to my chest, wrapped my arms tightly around them, and then put my head down on my knees. Then, I began to let out all my pain as my body shook with sobs and the tears flowed out.

 _My only company was my broken heart, which now had four cut strings dangling from it._  

 


	6. Left Alone in the Ruins

 

 

You would probably think that my heart, after being tied down to four others, would feel free when the four strings were cut. Almost like my heart would float away like a balloon, flying high to the clouds above.

Well, you're wrong.

Instead my heart, after being held up by those four others, felt lost and empty when the four strings were cut. My heart didn't float, but fell down and down with no one to catch it. It was like dropping a glass cup, watching it descend in slow motion to the ground until it smashed into a thousand pieces. And all I could do was watch as my breakable, glass heart fell down to the floor.

 

-/-

 

After spending the weekend crying in my room, barely able to get any food down, we were scheduled for a meeting with management. I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to move. All I wanted to do was just stay in bed, letting my tears flow out. I wasn't ready to face them, the boys that broke my heart and let our wall crash down. I didn't feel numb like I needed to feel. Instead, I felt pain and sadness and anger and so much hurt, that it made me choke up with tears to even think of facing them. I can't do it, I don't want to. But I had to. So here I was, in sweats and a grey hoodie with bags under my eyes, being driven to the management office with one of our security Jeff, who was kind enough to not make small talk, besides the occasional "Are you ok there Nialler?" I could only bite my lip and nod, holding in the cries of agony I wanted to unleash. Once at the office, I said a quick and quiet "thank you" as I headed up to the top floor. Getting out of the elevator, I walked forward and neared the double doors. All of a sudden my hand began to shake as my breathing picked up. I just shook my head and my hand out as I prayed God to get me through this. With that, I turned the handle and stepped inside.

I was the fourth one to arrive, Zayn, Harry, and Louis already sitting in that order in the lounge chairs set in front of the big desk. "Ah there's Niall!" James, one of the really cool manangement people called out. He was always my favorite, because of how understanding and patient he was. I just nodded then went to take a seat of the two left, choosing the one on the very end, leaving a seat between me and them. As I sat in the seat with my head down, I could only imagine management making confused faces. I didn't dare nor desire to see Harry and Zayn's faces, the words and actions from that night still burned into my mind and heart. After an awkward period of silence, the doors opened again as Liam came in. "Sorry I'm late." He shut the door then took the last seat next to me as I glanced up to see the management team including Simon, in front of us.

It was James, another guy named Arthur, two ladies named Cilvia and Blaire, and Simon, sitting in his designated seat in the middle. From where I sat, I could feel someone's gaze on me from the side. But I refused to meet it, switching into a numb mode of silence and quiet suffering. Simon took a moment to look at us, before he began speaking. "Ok boys. The concerts have been going great, sales are through the roof, and the album has gone platinum. Great job boys." I would imagine that before all the problems, we would have clapped or cheered at the news, maybe even just gave a grateful smile. But now I could feel no one smiling or even responding. The only person that reacted was Liam, who I could see nodding in my prepherial vision.

"So we have rumors and gossip under control, no problems even after Saturday night" He said stated, with a pointed look in Zayn's direction. I was slightly confused, because no one had noticed the arguement in the club, besides Josh. But I didn't even turn my head to see Zayn's face, because I didn't care what happened after. How could I, when my heart had been thrown to the ground to break into a million pieces. "Anyways, this week you all have a break. You can fly home to your families or stay here, whatever you like."

Liam raised his hand slightly as he spoke up. "I'm going to fly home to see my parents and sisters."

Simon nodded as he turned to look at us. "Ok. The rest of you flying home or staying here?"

Zayn said "Staying here."

Harry next, "here."

Louis, "Just here."

Simon then turned to me as he asked, "Niall? You staying here?"

I looked up to meet his eyes as I nodded, "Yeah." My voice sounded horse from crying so hard and from trying to strain my throat to contain the screams of pain trying to escape during my breakdown. I could see concern build up in his and the other management's eyes as the boys' gazes burned into my skin. But I just looked at Simon and shook my head as I looked back down.

He understood I didn't want to talk about it, so he moved on. "Ok good. Well boys have a nice break and I'll see you all soon."

We all got up and one by one and went to leave throught the doorway. Leaving last, I was almost out the door when Simon asked, "Niall.." I turned to see the team looking at me in worried. "Are you ok?"

I looked at them for a moment before I decided to answer truthfully, "No, I'm not." I swallowed the lump building in my throat, "But I'll be fine, always am." I gave them a tight smile as I turned and left.

 

-/-

 

Liam had left for Wolverhampton to see his family tonight. I just stayed in bed, crying silently as the memories of our relationship flooded my brain. The boys were everything to me, but I guess I was nothing to them. I have no idea where the other three are and frankly I don't want to think about them, because it only reminds me that they're not here with me, where they _belong_.

Zayn, even after we had gotten back to the hotel, had wandered off with Harry following him like a lost puppy. It hurt that they didn't even try to apologize. Louis just looked at me, like he wanted to go over and comfort me, but then thought better of it and wandered off after them. And there I was alone. They assumed that lies they heard were true and decided that I was the one who destroyed everything. Funny because why would I when I wanted so badly for this whole relationship to be forever. I wanted _our_ love to be forever. 

I thought I knew what love was. I thought I had gotten so lucky when Louis kissed me, and then the rest of the boys slowly joined us. I thought I was blessed when we all said the first "I love you"s to each other. I  thought it felt amazing when management had let us stay together, even if only in secret. And I tried to give all I had, only hoping for a small piece of love back. But I never expected it in return, **never**. I never got jealous when I saw all the boys kiss one another, because I knew that I would be kissed too. I thought there was no greater love in this world than what we had between the five of us. I thought love was kind and patient and caring and giving. Like when we held one of us when he was sick, when we kissed away the tears when one of us was sent hate on twitter, and when we all looked into each other's eyes after we made love together and wished to be nowhere else in this whole world but there. I thought our love was enough to hold us together. 

But I was wrong once again. I don't think I ever knew what love was.

I went up to my hotel room and glanced up to see Josh at the door leaning against the wall, waiting for me. I just smiled a crumbly smile at him as my eyes watered. He pushed off the wall and opened his arms to me as I ran into them, letting my tears out that I held in during the meeting as I hugged him close. He just wrapped his arms around me tight and let me cry. What better bestfriend could I ask for? 

And so I let him come in and lay down on the bed with me as I silently cried into his chest. He just slowly rubbed my back, letting the only the sound of my occasional hiccup fill the silence. Soon I drifted off to sleep, dreaming that everything was ok and back the way they were before the strings were cut.

 

-/-

 

When Liam came back, something was different. It was almost like a switch had flipped inside him. I noticed it when Louis had run up to him in the lobby and hugged him. He buried his face into Louis' neck and hugged him tightly back. He then pulled back and kissed Louis' forehead, making me turn my head away quickly. I felt my eyes grow watery and my heart clench at the once familiar gesture. I just couldn't bear watching it, so I turned around and walked back to the elevators, not bothering to try and be civil and welcome Liam home.

As the week went on, my nightmare brought forth the most crushing scene. Liam had slowly joined back with the other three, turning what was once _LouisHarryZaynLiamNiall_ into  _LouisHarryZaynLiam_ and  _Niall._ They cuddled and gave each other sneaky kisses and just loved each other. I guess Louis had been right in that Liam was coming back to them. Zayn and Harry looked happy at his return, but I couldn't watch them for long, not be able to stomach nor bear that they didn't need me nor care. Sometimes in passing, I would see Liam walking the opposite way and look like he wanted to try to talk to me. Talk about what? That he hurt me and used me, but now felt like the 'relationship' which he had said was wrong and that he regretted, was fine now? At least now that I was out of the picture? But he either stalled or I would just look away and walk fast past him. I would hide from them, from my own personal hell. 

Concerts were horrid. I was still so very, very grateful for to be doing my job, but being near the boys who acted like nothing was wrong was horrible. Mostly, I was just numb during each preformance, because that's what it was...a preformance. A time to prove who could pretend that their life wasn't falling apart, that their love hadn't been thrown away like a piece of trash, and that they weren't sitting alone in the ruins of what had once been a wall built up with love. I think I won the Oscar.

Without Josh, I'm sure that I would have given up after that night at the club. But Josh held me every night, and helped me just keep moving. But I was scared when that wouldn't be enough. I was scared when I finally just hit that rock bottom I was nearing. Did the boys not care? Did they not see how they had ripped my heart apart, cutting the ties to something so delicate? But then again, Zayn's probably right. It's all my fault. So when I felt sick towards the end of one concert, I could only think that I deserved to be puking my guts out afterwards as Josh rubbed my back. Laying in bed, that night as Josh spooned behind me, I thought again about the ruined wall of love. No matter how much cement or glue I tried to use, there was no fixing this wall. I could feel my falling glass heart was almost to the floor and I was only waiting for it to smash.

 _But all hope was not lost, because fate had a plan for me. My luck was about to turn around._  


	7. What was Salvaged in the Wreckage

 

'Gosh dangit, so gross.' I thought as I wiped my mouth with some toilet paper then flushed it down the toilet. This was the third morning I had woken up to run to the bathroom to throw up. The days were still consisting of exhaustion and hurt but my heart was beginning to numb. Something was actually keeping it from smashing, but I didn't know what. Anyways, throwing up had it's toll on my energy, but no one really knew besides Josh that this was happening. I felt a soft hand rub against my shirtless back. "Again Niall?"

I turned to see Josh looking worried for me. I thank God that he has been my rock these past few days. "Yeah, I don't know what it is. I don't feel ill and after I finish puking I feel perfectly fine the rest of the day."

He moved his still rubbing hand to my shoulder and gripped it firmly. "We're going to the doctor's Niall." I was about to speak up, but Josh beat me to it. "No. I'm not letting you get sick. You are going to be taken care of, even if I have to drag you there myself Nialler." 

I huffed and pouted, but he just shook his head at me with a smile, not budging. I just sighed "Fine."

He smiled then picked me up bridal style. "Whoa!" I yelled as he carried me to the room to get changed.

 

-/-

 

After a lot of pouting and begging, Josh recruited Paul to help bring me to the doctor's office no matter how much I didn't want to go. So here I am sitting on examination table with Josh sitting in one of the chairs, waiting for the doctor to come in. I was anxiously tapping my foot, still nervous that the doctor would ask to take my blood or tell me I'm terminally ill. "Niall." Josh put a hand down on my leg to stop the movement. "You're gonna be fine. Everything's going to be fine." 

I remember a time when I had the other four guys to reassure me if we had to go to the doctors. It always helped to have them there, even if I was just getting a check-up. I sighed because it just another memory that left me feeling achy inside. But I nodded at Josh, because he was actually helping me a lot by being here. A knock at the door sounded as it swung open to reveal an older man in his late 50s come in.

He closed the door then turned to face me. "Hi I'm Dr. Markson. You must be Niall" he stuck out his hand, which I shook. He then turned to Josh, who stood up and shook his hand as well. "I'm Josh, Niall's friend and the drummer of the band."

Dr. Markson smiled as he took a seat in front of me. "Well it's nice to meet both of you and I can assure you that whatever is said in this room will remain private and confidential." I nodded, grateful. He seemed like a kind older guy from the first few seconds of meeting him. He took out a notepad as he asked "So Niall, what seems to be the problem?"

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "Well..I've been feeling bad. I threw up a few days ago after one of the concerts. And I don't feel bad all the time but definitely thrown up in the morning, yet the rest of the day I'm perfectly fine so I don't think it was food poisoning or the flu." He just nodded and scribbled down some stuff. "I've also been feeling tired lately. At first I was think it was because of...well a _problem_ we're dealing with in the band. But now I go to bed early and still wake up tired. And..um..well that's really it." He wrote a few more things down then looked stood up. He set his notepad down on the counter behind him and then turned towards me.

"Ok, I'm just going to give you a small check up and take a blood sample." I swallowed at the thought of a needle but Josh just clapped his hand on mine squeezing it reassuringly. I nodded slowly, knowing that it would probably help solve whatever is going on.

The doctor nodded understandingly and then put on his stethoscope. He put the two rubber ends in his ears then put the round circle under my shirt and on my left side of my chest. "Ok deep breath." I inhaled then exhaled. He moved it towards the other side, "Again." I did the same as he listened. He moved it around to my back. "Again." _Inhale_ , _exhale._  Moved it lower down my back "And one more time." _Inhale_ and _exhale._  He then removed the circled end form my back and took off the stethoscope. Putting his fingers on each side of my neck, he rubbed in circular motions, going up and down. Then he took out one of the tools that you can look into your mouth and ears with a little light at the end of it, from his pocket. "Ok, follow the light Niall." My eyes followed the tiny circle of light as he moved the tool up then down, side to side. "Ok and I'm just going to check your throat." I opened my mouth as wide as I could, letting him shine the light in to see the back of my throat. "And finally your ears." He looked into each ear, checking for God knows what.

"Ok! Let's get that blood sample!"

I gulped.

 

_-/-_

_  
_One needle and slight panic attack later, Dr. Markson walked back in with a folder holding the results. He sat and the chair and opened the folder up. "Ok Niall. Your check up was fine, no sore throat or anything like that. So I looked over the results and I think I know what is causing your nausea and exhaustion. And I also will remind you that this is confidential and will not be discussed with other people outside this room . So I guess I'll just come out and tell you. Niall..you're pregnant."

?????????????????????

The room was so silent a pin drop could be heard. Josh's eyes were wide as saucers, while I must have looked like a fish, opening and closing my mouth in shock. Finally I stuttered out, "P-prregnant?" Dr. Markson just nodded his head. "Yes. Male pregnancy is actually a real thing, it just doesn't happen often. If you mind, I'll show you. Please just lay back on the table please."

I just followed his request, still in shock but also very curious to see what he wants to show me. Josh grabbed my hand as Dr. Markson wheeled over a small machine and lifted my shirt up. He then took a bottle and squirted small gel stuff on to my stomach, which made me shiver. "Oops sorry, forgot to mention it's a bit chilly." I just let a small smile crack through. He took a small stick and placed it on my stomach as the screen showed black and white movement. "Yes there it is, your baby. And from the size I would say you are about a month along" He said, pointing to a small white dot on the screen that was about the size of a chunky chocolate chip. "I understand this is a shock to you Mr. Horan, but male pregnancy occurs in males who have been born with a female reproductive system. That enables them to bare children, although they would have to have a relationship with another man to achieve it." I blushed at his words, but he spoke kindly with no judgement or disgust. "If you do not want to continue the pregnancy, there is an option to remove it if you wish."

I thought at the timeline and a month ago would mean that the father would be _Louis?_ I know the whole relationship got screwed up and went to shit, but abort the baby? An innocent baby that did nothing wrong? Louis and I's last time together was making love, meaning this baby was made from love. Sure, I would be a single dad and deal with fixing my broken heart alone, but as I gazed at my little chocolate chip (teehee) on the screen, my heart just filled with so much emotion and love. In that moment, I knew that this is what kept my heart from smashing on the floor. I just smiled as a tear of joy, which was a first in the past couple of weeks, rolled down my cheek. I turned to Josh, who was still holding my hand, and smiled at him. He must have been able to see it was a genuine smile and gave me a nod that meant 'I'll support you no matter what'.

I sniffed and turned to the doctor. "No, I'll keep the baby."

 

-/-

   

We sat in the car, driving back to the hotel with hormones pills and prenatal vitamins (put in non-descriptive bottles) in hand. Josh understood that I needed time to think about what I was going to do and who I was going to tell. So when Paul asked if I was ok, I just told him that yeah it was just a bug that I had caught, but I would be fine in a few days. I knew I would tell Paul soon, but I just needed to come up with a plan. Josh kept a hold of my hand the whole way back, making me feel secure in knowing he would be there for me. 

We finally got back to the hotel and walked past the screaming fans who had gathered outside. I just gave them a wave and went inside. Paul went off to go talk to a team leader as Josh and I hopped in the elevator. I kept thinking about being pregnant and how I would look with a baby bump in the future and even the idea of chasing an adorable little, giggling baby around a house. Those thoughts made my heart warm and made me smile. The elevator dinged as the doors opened and of course, we were face to face with Louis, Liam, Zayn, and Harry talking. When they noticed it was us, they stopped talking immediately. I just kept my head down, said 'excuse me', and walked out of the elevator past them, Josh hot on my heels. We kept walking down the hallway then turned left till we arrived at my hotel room door.

We unlocked it and went in, going straight to the bedroom. I flopped on the bed face first, blowing out a big puff of air. The bed dipped down to my left as I turned to lay on my back, Josh following suit. We just laid there for awhile before I spoke up. "You know, it did hurt to see them all together like that, but it wasn't like...horrible. You know? Like it didn't hurt me so bad when I'm so focused on being pregnant. Almost like nothing could bring me down from this high." 

Josh spoke after a moment. "You know, I don't get it. I saw you always give so much of yourself and never ask for anything. And I don't even know the full story of what happened, but they're treating you like shit, which you don't deserve at all. It's just bullshit, you know?"

I turned to look at him. I just needed someone to know. So I took a deep breath and told him what happened.

 

-/-

 

"...and so yeah I mean I get that it's my fault, but..."

"Niall stop." I looked up as he placed his hand firmly on my shoulder. "It was not your fault. Zayn's wrong. He's fucking **wrong**. Louis' a shit, Liam's an even bigger shit, and Zayn and Harry are just shitty together. They make up one huge piece of shit. They all hurt you and all you did was love them. Even after they said they didn't love you, did they come and check on you? No. Did they come and help you? No. Did they still actually be decent friends? Fuck no! They've been nothing but selfish bastards. They can go do what they want, but they're wrong. They ruined it, NOT you."

I felt a little relieved as I gave him a watery smile. Someone was on my side, someone cared. "Thanks Joshie."

He smiled at me. "No problem Nialler. I'll always be here for you. And I know you are going to make a great dad."

I chuckled as I wiped my tears. "I hope so. I just...I don't think I'm going to tell the boys. I don't want to. I know that sounds horrible but they already rejected me, hurt me so much and I won't let them dare hurt or reject my little chocolate chip."

"Hey" he said softly. "I understand. I don't event think they deserve to be near you nor your little, haha, chocolate chip. I just want the decision to be yours and not for me to force my opinions on you."

I let my free hand come to rub my t-shirt covered, still flat stomach. "No this is my choice and I'm going to love and protect him or her from everything that could hurt them. Even if it is their own fathers." Josh just nodded and squeezed my hand.

I know keeping the baby means planning a lot in advance. I will have to tell management, Paul, my family, some friends, and get help from people like Simon and Lou Teasdale, who can help cover up my bump till I go on break. Hiding it from fans is one thing, but hiding it from the boys who I still actually see almost everyday is a whole other thing. But I was ready to take on the world for my baby, my little chocolate chip, because that's what love is. It's the willingness to risk any and all for someone you love. Funny how even though I haven't yet met him or her, I already have more love for them than I've ever had for anyone else. 

I know that the old wall may be in ruins, but I've found a piece of salvage in the wreckage, my new hope, and now I'm ready to build my own wall. 

_It's just time to singe off the four broken strings of my heart and focus on beginning anew._


	8. Laying out the New Foundation

 

It's been a week since I found out that I'm pregnant and I can say that I feel...good, actually. My heart is still mending slowly, but each day feels like it gets a little easier to breathe. I don't feel the need to cry myself to sleep anymore. It's like my little chocolate chip, my little angel, is gently picking up from the ground.

Looking in the mirror right now, my stomach doesn't look any different from last week, except that maybe I have a thin pudging right near my belly button, but I think that's from eating three burritos during lunch. Ha! You think I ate a lot before? Well you ain't seen nothing yet! I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when I'm almost due. I bring my hand slowly to my stomach, tracing my finger lightly across it. "I love you lots my little chocolate chip" I whisper softly. I can't wait to hold him or her.

A knock brings me out of my thoughts as I put my shirt back down and walk over to the door. I check the peep hole to see with relief that it's only Josh. I open the door with a smile. "Hey Josh." "Hey Niall, you ready to go?" I nod my head, grab my bag, then head out the door.

We got down to the lobby and then walked out to the car waiting in front. Me and Josh were heading to the arena a few hours early. This is what I started to do on the day of shows; it helps me avoid the other boys till the showtime and I get to really know the people in the band and the people behind the scenes. As the city passed by us in the windows, I think about how tomorrow is going to go. I'm going to be going to a private meeting by myself where I'm going to tell management, Simon, and Paul that I'm pregnant. I can only hope for the best you know?

We arrived at the arena to see that a crowd had gathered, even this early in the day. I went over to some of the girls and took pictures with them and signed their stuff. After about 10 minutes, security escorted us into the building, where we headed off to the extra stage in the basement. This is where the band practices the sets or where we will sometimes go to practice signing arrangements. Josh opened the door for me as we walked in to see that the guitarists, Rick and Roy were already there playing freestyle. They turned to see us enter, greeting us with a enthusiastic "HEY! NIALLER and JOSH-A-POSH!" Josh just shakes his head and goes to take his seat behind the drums. I went over and picked up my acoustic guitar to play with them. I love when we just jammed together before concerts, even if we had to practice the songs we had to preform over and over again. "Ok boys.." Rick said in a loud voice. "Let's kick this mother off!" Oh dear lord, how much funny stuff have behind the scenes have I been missing this whole time?!

 

-/-

 

"And thank you! Goodnight San Diego!" Louis yelled as the lights went down. I wandered off, about to go change when I found my feet caring me past the changing room and instead to an empty room. I walked over to the corner, sat down on the floor, and just took a moment to think. I realized that I haven't really reflected like this since the whole relationship got destroyed. I was and still am very grateful, no doubt, but I thought reflecting would only make me see that the boys didn't care that fate brought us together. That they didn't care that this moment, our moment, was so rare and special. It was like they took what was a gift and threw it in the trash, thinking it was worthless and cheap. What they didn't realize is that the gift was bought using everything the person had. I was afraid it would only be reliving my heart breaking again.  But now I see that reflecting shows I have something more important to think about, my chocolate chip. And yes, if you hadn't realized that the baby's name is unofficially chocolate chip or little chocolate chip until stated otherwise. Anyways, I realize that without fate or a miracle, I wouldn't have made it through first round of auditions, I wouldn't have made it through bootcamp as a part of a group act, and I wouldn't have met four people who I came to love, even if it didn't go as well as I hoped. But the most important thing is that I wouldn't be having my little chocolate chip. And that is the sole reason I wouldn't wish for any different fate to happen.

But I was still really nervous to go tell the wondrous news to management. I'm expecting shocked and puzzled reactions, maybe anger or something worse. I don't think they would be disgusted since they already knew that us five had been dating. What would be the surprise is that I would tell them that I was out of the whole 'relationship'. But also, that I would be asking them for one huge favor, one that a whole bunch of people were about to be apart of.

 

-/-

 

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Josh asked me for the hundredth time. And for the hundredth time, I just sighed and answered, "Yes Joshie. Thank you for your support, but I need to do this on my own, to really step up and get my life in order. And don't worry I will be fine." _I hope_

Josh just let me go with a promise of "Well I'll be here waiting for you when you get back. Be brave Niall." He hugged me tight and sent me on my merry way. 

Paul and Jeff drove me to the music office. I was going to tell them too so they could help me protect my baby bump from big crowds, and also because they would be in on the favor I was going to ask. The trip to the office seemed to go by so slow, when in actuality, it took us about 5 minutes to get here. Going up in the elevator, the nerves hit me. I'm pretty sure I am shaking right now. Hmm..I wonder if I can go into to labor about 8 months premature? A hand laid on my shoulder startles me so bad I jump. "Whoa there Nialler. Calm down, it's just us" Paul says with clear concern in his voice. Jeff stands there beside me looking just as worried as Paul. "What's wrong Niall? What's this meeting about and why aren't the rest of the boys here?"

As the elevator dings, letting the doors open, I take a step out of it with the two bodyguards following me. We make our way down the hall as I try to explain. "Um..well...see it's something big and I need the two of you's help. And the reason the others aren't here is because of it's about them too. I just..." I paused as we reached management's office, knocking on the door. We heard a voice call 'Come in'.

"I'll explain everything to everyone once we get in here ." Here goes nothing as I turn the handle and go inside.

It's exactly like the last meeting, the same management people sitting behind the large desk with Simon in the middle. Except I'm here to discuss things by myself, and I'm gonna talk about things way more in depth and truthful. "Ah Niall, good to see you." Simon says to me as I take a seat in middle of the five empty ones. "Paul, Jeff" he nods at them in greeting. They stand behind me as he then turns his attention back on me. "So Niall, what did you wanna talk about, and if I may ask also, why did you not want the other boys to be present?"

_Well, here goes nothing._

I take a deep breathe and focus my eyes on my hands before I began speaking. "Well, I actually want to tell you all something. To announce something. And I understand if you'll be angry or disgusted with me but I just need to say everything without interruptions please." I look up to see everyone nod with puzzlement in their faces.

So I continue, "Well as you well know the boys and I had the relationship and well...I'm pregnant." Shocked faces and wide eyes find their way onto everyone in the room. But I keep going to not be interrupted. "I'm about a month and one week along actually. And I know that it's crazy but yeah male pregnancy is real and I didn't even know I was able to conceive. And I'm telling you this because you deserve the right to know that I'm keeping this baby. I will NOT abort it or give it up for adoption because it was made from love and I already love my little chocolate chip more than anything in this world." At the looks of confusion, I quickly explain, "I call my baby chocolate chip because the first sonogram looked like a chunky chocolate chip haha." Smiles started to crack through on management faces as I continued. "Anyways I'm going to take full responsibility of taking care of this child. I have plenty of money saved up and I can still keep preforming. But I'm going to love this baby and raise him or her because I want to. And I will, but I just need your support. Please." I finished my speech, feeling like I gave everything I could in it.  
 _  
_

It's a painstaking silent moment before James speaks up. "We're not disgusted Niall. And I think I speak for everyone here to say that we're proud of your decision. I'll support you and will help any way we can." The other members nod their heads in agreement, saying "Same", "I agree", "Anything we can do, we'll help out" and "Congrats Niall."

I smile in relief with watery eyes, "Thank you."

Simon, who had yet to speak, finally said his peace. "Well Niall. I for one..." He looked in to my eyes and a smile breaks through, "..am proud of you. Yes, this changes things, but you standing up to your responsibility and doing what's right. I can see you've put a lot of thought into this and we'll help out as much as we can. I know that there is a long break in five months time, which will help bring you privacy and not paparazzi trying to get a picture of your soon-to-be baby bump. You could even fly back home with the boys to Mullingar to have the baby if you wish. I think it's best to wait before announcing it, or even at all. It's really up to you guys if you want to in time."

I smile as I feel Paul and Jeff clapped there hands on my shoulders with pride. But then I realize the last thing Simon had said and I feel my smile falter. I have one more thing to tell them, to ask of them. "Um, that's the thing. We broke up. Well, they broke up with me." Shock and speechlessness accompanied the silence as I kept on speaking. "I don't really know what happened but it wasn't because I told them I was pregnant. They actually don't even know that I am. A lot shit went down and it hurt lot to be going from 'I love you's' to 'I hate you and its all your fault's'. And that leads to the favor I'm asking of you all. One that will be really difficult to keep and hard, but I have to ask. I don't want them to know, none of them. I'm want to raise this baby on my own, show him or her that they are so loved and cared for. I'm not going to let my chocolate chip get hurt or be told that they were a mistake by the other boys, because my baby isn't a mistake. Never has and never will be. And I don't want to tell the boys so that they'll just try to make it up to me to just be close to the baby. To what? Make the baby love them so they can leave without a second glance just like they did to me?  They haven't try to apologize to me this whole time and they could have. But no they blamed me, lied to me, hurt me, and used me for their own needs and I'm NOT gonna let that happen to my baby." I couldn't even speak anymore as my throat closed up and tears fell out of my eyes. I may be healing, but explaining the pain I felt still burns my heart. I waited for the outrage and the yelling to start. I waited for the whole room to tell me how selfish this was to keep this from the boys. I waited for the blame and hate.

But it never came.

Instead I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and another hand rubbing my back softly. I turned to see that it was Simon's arm around my shoulders. Funny because I never even heard him get up from his seat. Paul was rubbing my back while Jeff handed me a tissue to wipe my tears. "We understand why you don't want to tell them" Simon started saying. "They all have been making this month hard for you, we've all noticed it. Not just during that one meeting but it's showed up in different press and gossip websites. We didn't realize the extent of the damage nor realize that it has gotten all messed up. It's your decision Niall. You're the one carrying the child and if you don't want us to tell them, then we won't. I won't even try to convince you otherwise, because I'm on your side Niall. We all are here ok?"

I sniffed and nodded. "Thank you, I just..I'm just trying to do something good for the baby. To make sure it's loved and cherished."

Paul spoke up for the first time. "Nialler, you're doing more than anyone would in this situation. I know now why you we're so nervous, but trust me, we'll be there for you every step of the way." I looked up to see everyone in the room nodding with kind smiles on their faces.

_I breathed easier, because yes, this meeting itself felt like a miracle._

_-/-_

Josh hugged me tight as I told him how well the meeting went. Plans were set and we just needed to get through five more months and I could go home to Ireland and have the baby. Just now, we just had to come up with a plan to get through those five months. We would have to for one, cover up my growing bump to hide from fans and press, until I was ready to tell, and most importantly from the other boys. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to tell them. 

So that's how we are here, in the arena a few hours early again. Only this time we didn't go straight to the jam session. Instead, we are knocking on the dressing room door, waiting for someone who will hopefully help us, to open it. After a few seconds the door swings open and there stands a smiling Lou Teasdale, our stylist. "Niall! Josh! How are you guys? Come on in, come on in." She steps aside as we graciously enter the room. She shuts the door and goes over to take a seat in one of the styling chairs. "So, what can I do for you guys?"

I take a moment before launching into the question and explanation. "Well, Lou I'm...I'm pregnant." Her face shows surprise before it morphs into joy. "Niall! That's great, congratulations." She gets up and gives me a big hug. She then steps back and looks in confusion at Josh. "But if you're announcing your pregnancy to all of us...why aren't the _boys_ with you? I mean I've noticed you all have been a bit put off with each other, but I would think that this was be happy news?" 

Seems everyone noticed it. Well, Here we go. "See that's why we came to talk to you. The boys and I broke up, because well...it all fell to pieces. Except now, I'm the lone person out. And see, the boys don't even know I'm pregnant. I found out last week. Anyways, I've talked to management, Paul, and Jeff and told them and they were happy about it but I also told them that the boys and I are over. That things went bad. So I asked them to do me a huge favor, one that I'm asking you right now. I have five months till the huge break we have for a couple of months. In those five months, I need the boys and the rest of the world not to find out I'm pregnant. Which is where you can hopefully come in. Right now, it won't be so hard to hide, but in five months, I'll undoubtably have a baby bump. Can you please help dress me in certain things to hide it? And can you also help keep this secret from the boys?"

She looked sympathetic and a little unsure. So I told her everything. From that concert night where Louis forgot to kiss me goodnight to the feeling of being alone and sobbing as the other boys got back together.

She listened patiently, holding my hand when I felt like choking up at the memory. I turned to her as I finished and said, "I'm not trying to turn you against them. All I'm asking for is your help."

She squeezed my hand and pulled me into a hug. "Of course I'll help dress you. I'll also give you some baby books I read when I was pregnant with Lux. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone, besides Tom, but he will understand just as I understand now. You aren' trying to selfish Niall, you're trying to do what's best for the baby. Don't worry, I'll help." Josh clapped his hand on my back as I said to her, "Thank you Lou, Thank you so much."

She smiled. "No problem Niall. Now.. tell me how you nicknamed your baby 'chocolate chip' again?"

I laughed as I explained it to her with enthusiasm. _Fate was definitely making good on it's promise._

 


	9. Connecting my New Start with My Roots

 "Ok well right now, we will keep you in clothes that you always wear for now. You don't have a noticeable bump yet, but we'll focus on that when the time comes" Lou explained as she took my measurements and tried to figure out a plan of action.

We are in my hotel room with Josh, trying to think of subtle things to wear as my baby bump starts to show. It's been almost a week since I told management and Lou about the pregnancy. "What about scarves?" Josh suggested.

Lou thought over it for a moment. "Well, that would be good, if paired with a thicker jacket. But if it's too hot, we don't want to overheat Niall. Maybe more hoodies, but styled with a leather jacket or so? Kinda like how I styled Liam for the Brit Awards this past year."

I nodded my head, because that could work. But it all depends how big I get, which also has to do with what I eat and how much I eat of it. Darn carbohydrates.>:/

Lou wrote down the last measurement in her notebook as the clock said 3:45. "Well, I have your measurements down and I'll try to add a few inches on the waist lines as the months go on. We'll adjust them as your tummy gets bigger though." Then she put one hand on her hip and used her other hand to point at me. " And now you, Nialler, have a meeting to get to! Me and Josh will finish packing for you and it'll all be ready when you get back. "

I nodded, gave them both hugs, then headed out the door and down to the lobby to meet Jeff. The boys and I had another scheduled "meeting" which was just a subtle way to ask if we were going to be traveling over the short break of the weekend and monday. I would be casually telling them that I was going home to visit my brother and his wife and to see my new nephew Theo. But in actuality, I was going home to _tell_ my brother, his wife, my mom, dad, and some friends that I was pregnant. I figured I needed to tell them soon before my bump got noticeable or even more hard to hide. Simon thought that this way wouldn't arouse to many questions that just taking off would have.

Jeff smiled at me once I reached the lobby. "Ok ready Niall?" I nodded and followed him out to the car. We decided that going in separate cars would be best, so after the meeting I could head back to the hotel quickly, grab my stuff, then go catch my flight to Ireland. When we got outside, screams greeted my ears as fans let out their excitement. I just waved and smiled at them as Jeff took the driver's seat and I hopped in the passenger seat of the black SUV. As I was closing my door, the screams grew loud again. I looked up to see that the other four boys were walking out of the hotel's front doors. As I closed my door quickly and we began to take off, Harry's eyes met mine. He looked slightly confused and sad as he noticed I was in my own car, but I just faced forward in my seat and focused on the road ahead.

"So how's the baby? Coco chunk been doing good?" I just smiled and shook my head at Jeff's own nickname for the baby.

" _Chocolate chip_ is doing great. Or at least I think so, because I haven't had any more morning sickness and my stomach is a like a centimeter bigger than last week."

"Awww, is Niall measuring his bump?" He cooed.

"Yes, don't make fun of me" I said as I gave him a playful punch in the arm. 

"Ok, ok!" He laughed and held his free hand up in surrender. "I'm just glad that you're happy Niall" he confessed seriously. "Couldn't stand to see you so down a few weeks ago."

I let out a sigh as I sunk down into my seat. "Me too Jeff, me too.."

 

-/-

 

I took the end seat on the far right. The boys hadn't arrived yet, but they probably would be here any moment. The management team all looked at me with care. "Feeling good Niall?" Simon questioned.

I just nodded and smiled at them. "Yeah I'm feeling good. And thank you for setting up this meeting and the flight tonight." They all just nodded as the door opened and the four other boys came in. Phew, perfect timing. They took their seat, with surprisingly, Zayn seating in the seat next to me. But I didn't look over, instead just kept focusing on the fluffy clouds outside the windows. 

"Ok boys" James started off. "Good job this past week. The promotional work went great for the movie and I know the fans are counting down the months till the premiere." I smiled at that comment. The movie would be great, but it's in like 6 months or so, so I have no idea how I'm going to hide my bump.

Simon then took the lead. "Ok so you a short break this weekend and Monday off." _He sets up the scene._ "Any of you planning to go home?"

Liam spoke first. "Uh no."

Louis shook his head. "No."

Harry shrugged his shoulders "Nope."

Zayn shook his head "No thanks."

_Cue my line._

"Yes."

I feel the four other boys snap their heads in my direction. [In one direction ;) ] They know that three days is not long enough of a break to travel so far to Ireland and back. But then again they don't know much about me these days at all. So I just sit in my chair and watch as management faces morphed into fake surprise. _Seems like I have tough competition for the Oscar this time around._

"I really want to visit my brother and his wife to see Theo. Even if it's for a very short time." I smile, because I actually can't wait to see my family and friends.

Simon pretends to ponder it before nodding his head. "Ok sounds good. We'll call the airline and schedule your flight for tonight to make sure you have as much time as you can with your family. If that's alright with you Niall?"

_Ladies and Gentlemen the Best Actor award goes to Mr. Simon Cowell._

I nod my head. "Yeah that sounds great."

"Great!" He claps his hands together. "Well, that's all for now boys. We'll see you next week and have a good, long weekend."

I stand up from my seat and make my way out the door first, practically running to get back to car.

 

-/-

 

"Ok here's your passport, your suitcase, and here's your carry on. I packed your laptop, headphones, IPhone, magazines, and snacks in it for you." Lou handed me my bag and ID. She then hugged me tight. "Have a good flight and be safe. And also good luck. They'll understand, I know it."  I was nervous telling my parents but I know I needed to do it and I really needed their support.

Josh came then came forward and hugged me tight. "Good luck Ni. Call me with the verdict." I nodded and let him go as I turned and headed out from my hotel room. I gave them a wave then let the door close as I made my way to the elevator. As the elevator opened, of course again, Liam appeared. Only this time he was by himself.

"Niall, you're leaving already?" He asked with surprise as he stepped out of the elevator by me. Funny how those are the first real words I heard from him in weeks. I just nodded and tried to go inside the elevator, but his hand grabbed my arm gently. "Niall..I...well.um..shouldn't you just..stay? I mean..maybe we can all hangout or something...?"

I pretty sure my face looks blank at this point. _What is he doing?_ I just shake my head and gently take his hand off my arm. "Sorry, I gotta go. Have a nice break Liam." With that I get in the elevator and press the lobby button. As the doors are closing, I hear "Niall! I..wait!" but it's too late. The doors have closed and I feel the lift moving downwards. I guess maybe it's just fate's way of saying it's too late for a lot of things.

The elevator dings as the doors open to the lobby. I roll my suitcase and hold tight to my carry on as I cross the lobby area. As I keep my head down and head to the right front doors, Zayn, Harry, and Louis are heading inside the hotel form the left front doors. I can feel them spot me, but I dash out the doors in a flash. Jeff helps me load my suitcase in the car as I hop back into the passenger seat and he takes his seat behind the steering wheel. As we are pulling out of the hotel parking drive way, I see Liam run outside with the other guys hot on his tale. My phone is vibrating as it tells me that Liam is trying to call me. I just hit ignore, turn off my phone, and close my eyes to try to rest on the way to the airport.

 

-/-

 

Jeff had dropped me off at the airport with a 'good luck' and a hug. The flight to Ireland was over a good ten hours, meaning I got to sleep on the way over. Luckily, Simon must have booked a small jet, because it was only me and the flight crew on it, no other people to worry about.

I just finished a good two big plates of food. Geez chocolate chip, slow down on the hunger please. Just kidding, but really I can't have you showing too  early. I said 'Thank you' to the stewardess as she took my plates then disappeared behind the curtain, giving me some privacy. Now that I was alone, I brought a hand up to my stomach and began to slowly rub it. Just then, an idea came to me! I looked down at my still flat tummy and brought my hand to rest on it beside the other one.

I smiled as I began to talk to my baby softly. "Hi baby. My little chocolate chip. Right now we are on a plane going to go see your grandma and grandpa. We are also going to go see your uncle Greg and his family. I'm going to tell them that I'm pregnant with you. I already told management, Lou, Josh, and some other people, but now I need to tell my family. I'm excited but also really nervous. They could never hate you but they could have a problem with me being gay and pregnant. But no matter what baby, you will always be loved. Whether it's me, the whole family, and my friends, or it's just me. You will always be loved. You know, even though you were a complete surprise, I can't even begin to tell you how happy that I am because of you. You picked me up when I was down, and if that isn't a miracle in itself, then I don't know what was. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I love you baby and I can't wait to meet you in like 8 1/2 months. Goodnight my little chocolate chip." And with that, I pulled the blanket up to my neck and snuggled down into the seat. After a few seconds, my eyes closed as I drifted off to sleep.

 

-/-

 

Ten hours later, I was waved goodbye to the stewardess and the pilots and headed through the tunnel into the main airport lobby. It was around 7pm and I was ready to be home. Finally I got through the tunnel and looked around to try and see my family. I had called them that I was visiting and they insisted that they would pick me up. I headed over to the baggage area as I could feel people start to do double takes at me. Luckily, I was just moving to quickly to be stopped.

"Niall!!!" I looked up to see my mom waving her arms frantically with a big smile on her face. My dad and Greg are standing behind me waving their hands. A huge smile breaks out on my face as I run the rest of the distance towards them and hug my mom tightly. "I missed you guys" I let out as she hugs me tightly around the neck. She pulls back after a few moments and smiles brightly up at me. "We missed you lots my little Nialler." 

"Son" my dad says as he pulls me into a tight hug. Then Greg claps me on the back and hugs me too. "Missed you little brother. It's been too long."

I agree as we all head to get my luggage. It definitely has.

 

-/-

 

After they picked me up at the airport, we had driven the few hours to Mullingar and just laughed and talked about anything and everything. It was around 11pm when we got home so we all said goodnights and hugged one last time before bed. I fell asleep, hoping that my announcement would go smoothly.

I woke up in the morning, showered, and got dressed. Then I headed down for breakfast, smelling delicious pancakes cooking. I could hear my dad and Greg talking in the kitchen as I neared the bottom of the stairs. I turned left and entered the quaint kitchen. My dad looked away from Greg and up at me as I entered. "Ah there he is!" Greg turned around with a big smile. "Finally, the little prince is up." I just shook my head and went to go sit by them at the breakfast table.

Mom finished making the pancakes and brought a big serving plate over to us with at least 20 pancakes on it. "Alright boys, dig in!" She said and she took one of the empty seats. I heard giggling to see Greg's wife, Rebecca, walk in with a happy Theo in her arms. "Hey Niall! Good to see you!" She gave me a hug then she took the last empty seat. Theo clapped his hands in excitement. I smiled at him and then began to serve myself pancakes on my plate.

"Wow Niall, you must have not eaten in years! Geez do they not allow you guys to eat?!" Greg joked as I finished off my seventh pancake. Oops, forgot pregnancy leads to really excessive eating. Luckily everyone just laughed as I quickly joined in. I pushed my plate aside and took Theo from Rebecca's arms, bouncing him on my knee. He just gurgled excitedly and clapped his hands.

"No..um...just hungry. I mean what can I say but I missed mom's cooking." It's true, because my mom is a bombin' cook..

She just shook her head fondly at me. "Well..." My mom touched my arm gently. "We are glad to have you back Niall. Even if it's for a short time."

They all nodded in agreement with happiness in their eyes. Theo just giggled as I kissed his little head. I really hoped they all would still be happy in a few hours.

 

-/-

 

We were all in the living room, sitting around in an awaiting silence. Rebecca had gone to put Theo down for a nap as we all talked. I folded my hands together, holding them tightly so they wouldn't shake. I was a little nervous...ok, actually I was like sweating bullets right now. Rebecca walked into the room and took a seat by Greg on the couch as they all looked expectantly at me.

My mom broke the silence first. "Ok Niall, you said you had something important to tell us? Does it have to do with the band?"

I gulped and nodded. "Um..yeah I guess it does. Well, um.. see I went to the doctor.."

Concern and slight horror painted on their faces. "You aren't sick are you? I mean, please don't tell me that you're seriously ill?!" My mom and dad looked ready to have a panic attack. Rebecca had wide eyes and Greg looked scared.

"What? No. NO! I'm not sick nor am I dying." They all looked relieved at that statement. "But, you might want to kill me after I tell you this."

Confusion filled the room as my dad spoke up. "Niall, whatever it is, we'll get through it together. We won't be mad, just tell us what's going on."

I took a deep breathe as I finally began to tell them the news. "Well, first, I'm...um..gay." They all looked surprised as I continued. "Well, actually I don't know if it's just gay for some or bisexual. But anyways, um that's not the real reason I came here to talk you guys. You see, I'm...pregnant." Silence, erie silence. I just looked down at my hands, not being able to face their looks of judgement or revolt. "And I know that you all probably hate me or even are disgusted or are just plain confused. I didn't know I could get pregnant. I...yeah, so I understand if you like don't want to be in my life. But I really do want you all to be apart of the baby's life because he or she deserves to be loved. And I just...really want all of your support." Some tears leaked out of my eyes as I sat in anticipation.

I felt hands lift my face gently as I look up to see my mom giving me a kind, small smile. She then wraps her arms around me, hugging my close. I hug her back, not knowing what she is about to say but appreciating that she still loves me. "Niall.." I pull back to look at her. "Thank you for telling us. I had seen how close you were to the other boys when you all visited but I knew that you weren't ready to talk about it. And I am not disgusted nor could I ever hate you. I love you and I will be there for you every step of the way of this pregnancy." I let out a relieved smile. "Plus! I get to be a grandmother!" she said excitedly as I laughed.

"Son." I turned to see my father looking at me with a proud smile on his face. "We love you, no matter who you are. And I know you were scared to tell us, but we're here for you and always will be."

I sniffed and let out a "thanks dad" as I turned to look at my brother and his wife.

Greg just looked shocked. "Wow...I don't know what to say. Maybe umm cool? Or whose the father?" Rebecca turned to him and smack him in the back of the head. "Ow" he rubbed his head. She then turned to me and smiled. "I think what your loving brother is trying to say is that he's happy for you and that we both will support you Niall."

Greg spoke up next. "Yeah little brother, you know you're one of the most important people in my life. I'll be there for you too. And hey! Now Theo will have a younger cousin to play with!" I smiled at that thought.

My family don't hate me. They support me. But Greg's question and my mom's speech reminded me I had one more thing to discuss.

"Um, there's one more thing. The father is one of the boys. We were all in a relationship together, but um, now we are broken up. And the things is that they don't know I'm pregnant. And I don't plan on sharing that with them either. It's just I can't really explain what happened, only that it ended badly. And I just don't want things to end badly for my child and for them growing up." I felt my throat closing up as I continued. "I'll be back home in about five months or so, and plan to have the baby here. I just don't want it to get out to the public so we just have to keep it under wraps until I'm ready to tell the world."

I looked up to see them all with understanding looks. They respected my decision and would help me. My mom hugged me close as she spoke. "We'll be there for you Niall. And everything is going to be ok."

_And for once, I really believed it was._

 

-/-

 

"Bye sweetie" My mom hugged me close at the airport. "Call us when you land." 

"I will mom. Love you." I hugged her back tightly.

She pulled back and patted my cheek."Love you too." 

My dad and brother gave me hugs too and then with a wave I walked to my gate. 

I had a few minutes before we boarded the jet, so I pulled out my phone and finally turned it back on. The phone began constantly buzzing as message after message showed up. Most were from Liam. I just deleted them then dialed Josh. It rang twice before he answered with a cheery "Niall! How's it going?! Did everything go ok?"

I chuckled. "Yeah everything went great. They support me Josh. They support me and my chocolate chip." I could feel a few tears of joy threatening to come out.

"That's freaking great! Now please tell me you're coming back soon! I miss my little Ni bug!" He fake cried.

I full out laughed. "Yeah I'm heading home now. Be back there soon enough Joshie."

"Good! Call us when you land and me and Paul will come pick you up!"

"Ok I will. See ya soon!"

"See ya Ni!"

I ended the call and headed towards the plane as they announced that boarding had begun. I felt like I was leaving with a victory. My roots are now connected to my new start. And now that I had my friends, family, and team supporting me I was ready to take on these next five months.

_Bring on the adventure._


	10. The Pieces Start Coming Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was written so fast and i was like what? lol anyways hope you all enjoy

 It's been about another month or so and I am almost three months pregnant. I even have a small baby bump that is really cute! Lou and the other people who know can't seem to stop awwing at it or trying to touch it. Right now, I can still wear baggy t-shirts and muscle shirts but we'll probably have to change that in two weeks or so. Mom, Dad, and Greg with Rebecca call at least twice a week to check in on me and help plan for when I come back home in a few months. Mom and Rebecca are so excited and can't wait to touch my bump either, although my dad and Greg say that they'll just give me a hug since that's a little weird. 

Another thing that has changed besides my body is the amount of people that know about my secret. Of course Josh, management, Paul, Jeff and Lou know, but now so does her husband Tom, the band (the actual band) Rick and Roy, the new headliners 5 seconds of Summer, the sound, prop, and light technicians, the other security guys ,and a lot of other people. Even the cooking crew know because of how hungry I've been and I just felt bad making some sweet older ladies make me extra food, so I told them. They were so ecstatic that they now always bring me snacks stealthily and have become like my adopted grandmothers. But even with so many people knowing, they have all understood my decision to keep it under wraps from the world and the boys. They have helped me keep it a secret and have also been so great, always looking out for me.

The boys seem a bit off, but I try not to think about them. When I came back from Ireland, I just headed straight to my room to hangout with Josh and plan. I avoided Liam and the others for a few days, only seeing them when we had rehearsal. I could feel Liam always try to catch my eye during concerts but I just focused on dancing around or going and goofing off with Josh near his drums. Concerts haven't been horrid. They have actually been good. The other boys always act really well during concerts, like everything is fine. But then I notice how they actually don't jump around as often or have a blast as usual. They also try to hang near me more than once during concerts, but I just skip off and do my own thing.

One thing that has become a ritual of some sorts is every night before going to sleep, I sit up on the bed, place my hands on my small bump, and talk to chocolate chip. I talk about everything and anything. What I'm feeling, what happened that particular day. I also talk about my family, friends, and sometimes even the boys. I tell my baby all about how the band got started and even how he or she came to be (minus the sexual details). I also like to put my headphones on my bump and play music for my chocolate chip. From my favorite bands to even some of our own songs. I can tell you that nights have become my favorite part of my day. It's just me and the baby's time together. 

 

-/-

 

"Niall! My man!" Justin exclaimed as he pulled me into a big hug. "And Josh!" he hugged Josh too. Justin Bieber, Josh, and I had decided to go to V festival together to check out the awesome music. Jeff and Paul were also with us to make sure we were safe. Every since becoming part of One Direction, my music hero Justin and I became great friends and stayed in contact. He is also someone I trust a lot so I told him about my news and he immediately had my back.

"How ya feeling Nialler?" he nudged me in the ribs. I smiled, taking a sip from my water bottle. No pints when you're pregnant. Boo...Just kidding.  "Good, you know. Feeling good, but next week or so is probably when we all have to come up with things to hide the um.." I leaned in closer to whisper "bump."

He nodded "That's good. Now let's go have some fun!" He lopped his arms around Josh's and mine's necks as we started to walk around the music festival. We would occasionally get stopped to autograph something or to be taken a picture with, not that I minded. It was a lot of fun and luckily my bump wasn't visible through my baggy shirt just yet. The bands playing were awesome and I took some selfies and photos to upload to twitter and instagram. I just loved being here and now with two great friends and the bodyguards as we danced and laughed the night away.

As the concert was coming to an end, I went to go grab another water bottle quickly before we had to head out. I went into one of those tents, picked up a cold water, opened it and gulped half of it down. As I went to take a breath, I heard a girly voice yell out "Niall!"

I froze for a moment before I turned around to see Perrie and the rest of Little Mix headed my way. "Hey!" she wrapped her arms around me into a big hug. As I hugged her back I couldn't help but freeze thinking she could feel the slight bump of my stomach. After a moment, she pulled back with a surprised face as I went and side hugged the other girls quickly. If Perrie suspected something, she was kind enough not to say anything.

"So is it just you or are the other boys here too?" Jesy asked as she looked around trying to spot them.

I shook my head. "No they aren't here. It's just me, Josh, and Justin with Paul and Jeff."

"That's cool!" Jade said excitedly. "We are heading out to beat traffic but just needed some water to hydrate after a few of those pints. I guess you had the same idea?" she laughed. I just gulped and nodded with a plastered smile.

Jesy giggled at a sudden thought. "You know you seem pretty lucid. Not like to judge, but I was expecting the infamous drunken Niall jumping and down on stage with some of those bands."

I just laughed and shook my head. "Yeah you would think but um, no I'm not drinking tonight."

They all looked shocked since I am a bit known for: 1) being Irish 2) drinking like I'm Irish

Perrie, who had known about the boys and I's relationship and had been kind to help cover it up, looked at me as she ask quietly just for us five to hear, "Um Niall, are you..?" The other girls gave her confused looks.

Darn it! She felt the bump.

"Um..yeah. I'm pregnant." I rubbed my hand on the back of my head. Talk about awkward. 

They all looked shocked. Then Jesy, who was a little tipsy, shouted. "Congratulations!" as she threw her arms around me. I just laughed as patted her on the back.

"Wow" Jade said in surprise. "Well yeah, what Jesy said, Congrats Niall! Oh! Tell the other boys congrats too!"

I nodded as Perrie looked conflicted. She must have talked to Zayn to know that things weren't great between us. I just nodded at her to give her the go ahead. "Um, girls.." The three excited girls turned to her. "Niall and the boys broke up." All three looked in complete shock at me. I just nodded solemnly.

"Oh my gosh!" Jade covered her mouth with her hands. "Niall, I'm so sorry!" Leigh-Ann and Jesy nodded in agreement.

I just shook my head and smiled. "It's ok, I mean I'm healing. But um, see they don't know I'm you know. And I don't want them to know. It's just that um well thins have been shitty between the boys and I and I don't want to use this as a way to try and change things. You know? My chocolate chip..." I pointed to my stomach, "is not a bargaining tool. Nor is it something that the boys can hurt. So if ya'll could not tell, that would be great."

They all nodded in understanding. Perrie came and hugged me again. "Of course Niall. I know some more details that the girls don't but I know you didn't deserve any of it." The rest of Little Mix came and joined our group hug.

Leigh-Ann called out. "You just have to promise to invite all of us to the baby shower!" We all laughed as I said "of course" and told them goodbye.

I walked out the tent and back to Josh and Justin. "Ready to go Ni?" Josh asked as he looped his arm around my back. I yawned and leaned my head on on his shoulder. He just chuckled as we all began walking toward the car. "C'mon Nialler let's go home." 

 

-/-

 

Another few weeks passed quickly. We were constantly on the move, going from concert to concert, interview to interview. My adopted grandmothers constantly tried to make sure that I was ok. They would have Advil or aspirin on hand in case my back started to hurt or if I got a headache. They also checked every morning to make sure I took my prenatal vitamins and ate a full breakfast. I think the best and my favorite part was that they would  always bring me fresh baked cookies. At this rate, I am going to be as huge as a whale.

Lou now has made me some custom fit jeans that are snug on my legs but have extra room in the waist part to help cover my bump. Also I now can't wear any tight fitting shirts nor any tank tops. It's either hoodies or loose fitting t-shirts. But even with all the extra precaution that has to be taken, I can't help but love my bump. It's gotten a little bigger now and all the ladies I know can't help but want to hug me and touch my bump. Even Perrie and the other girls in Little Mix ask for some pictures over text. I just laugh and send them ones I take in my bathroom mirror. I also send pictures to my family. My mom has even started to frame them.

Whenever we go out in public, Paul and the other security guards keep an extra eye out for me. Especially after one time, when a particular huge crowd had pushed the barriers done and tried to make a run for us. We were mobbed from all sides, as security and police tried to push them back. One girl had bumped me, which sent me almost flying to the floor. Luckily, Paul caught me and we eventually made it out alive and unscathed. But that didn't stop security from checking to make sure me and my bump were okay. They other four boys were confused and concerned that I was getting the most medical attention, but I just focused on not panicking nor sending myself into an early labor. After that, the boys have started to try and stay close to me or somehow touch me during the concerts. It's a little weird but it's probably just to keep up appearances. Whenever we have an interview I always take the free seat or stay at the end of the couch. They would all make sad faces at that or frown but I just keep smiling and trying to enjoy the interview.

If I'm not doing a concert or interview, I'm hanging out with Josh and my friends who work backstage. It's actually nice to relax back and just have fun with these awesome friends because if the boys and I didn't break up, I wouldn't have gotten to really know all these people or come to care for them as they care for me.

Right now me, Josh, and Lou who insisted she had to be here, are sitting in the doctor's office waiting to get another sonogram done. Since we have been so busy, the appointments have been few and sporadic but today I'm super excited for this visit. We are going to see how my little chocolate chip is growing and hear his or her heartbeat.

As if on cue, the Dr. Markson knocks and enters. "Niall, Josh good to see you!" We give him a wave hello. "Ah I'm sorry I don't believe we met?" he sticks his hand out in welcome to Lou.

She smiles warmly and shakes it. "I'm Lou Teasdale, the band's stylist and newly appointed Godmother to Niall's baby." Yes, I asked her to be the Godmother and Paul the Godfather. I mean how could I not when they've been nothing but supportive and helpful to me.

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Teasdale. I'm Dr. Markson, Niall's doctor and not-so-newly appointed doctor to Niall's baby." We all chuckle at his sense of humor. "Ok Niall!" he claps his hands. "Ready to talk another look at your baby?"

I nodded my head enthusiastically as I lay back and pull my shirt up. He comes over and squirts the cool gel, which this time I was prepared for, and puts the want on my stomach. He presses down lightly as he moves around. After a minute or so, he points out. "Ok here the baby." He's definitely gotten bigger since last time. "Now listen to this.." he flips a switch on the machine as a swooshing sound fills the room. I let out a laugh as tears of happiness fill my eyes. That's my baby's heartbeat and it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. "The baby's got a strong heartbeat and looks to be developing just right."

I turn to see Josh smiling happily and Lou sniffling. "Oh Niall, the baby's beautiful and the sounds of the heartbeat get's me every time" she says as she dabs her eyes with a tissue. She experienced the joys of pregnancy with Lux so I can see how this feels like another joyful experience too.

Dr. Markson ask me "Would you like a picture?" I nodded enthusiastically. "Can I have a few copies for my family too?" Lou raises her hand. "I want copy!" Josh looks at her in surprise before he raises his hand too "Me too!" 

The doctor just laughs and hands me a paper towel to wipe my stomach before he suggests, "How about I just give you 20 copies? Is that good?"

I laugh but nod. "Yeah sounds great." He gets those printed out as I clean off my bump and pull my shirt back down. He hands the pile of photos to me, giving one to Josh and one to Lou who both look excitedly at the picture. He then hands me a CD. "And here is the baby's heartbeat so you can listen to it anytime you want." 

I take it happily. "Thanks Doc."

"No problem Niall and at the next appointment we'll be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl! If you want to that is?"

I nod excitedly. "Definitely! Can't wait!" 

Lou raises her hand. "And me and Josh will be there too." He then sheepishly added, "For more copies."

Dr. Markson just lets out a loud laugh as we all chuckle.

_Things are looking up._


	11. And the New Wall Starts to Slowly Build

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is one long (another word for donkey) chapter! I hope you like it!

'Four months' I think to myself as I stare at my stomach in the long mirror this morning. Holy cow! I'm four months along and my bump is, as Lou would call it, "so freaking cute!" 

Today is the day I get to go find out if I'm having a little boy or girl and I'm so excited! Lou is also ecstatic and continues watches over me like a mother hen. But now that I think of it, everyone is excited. Well, everyone that knows I'm pregnant is. You see Lou, in her excitement after the last ultrasound, went around telling all that know that they should all gather around as I announce the gender. So after the ultrasound today and before the concert, everyone is going to gather around in a big meeting room as I make the announcement. They are also getting my parents skyped on my laptop and the girls of Little Mix skyped on another laptop. There are bets going around, most think its a boy while some adamantly think its a girl. It's gonna be like one big party haha.

"Excited to know the gender Nialler?" Josh asks me as he snakes his arms around me from behind and rests his head on my shoulder. He places his hands on my bump.

"Yeah, but I think Lou is more excited." I chuckle thinking of how Lou had debated me about sending out secret invites to this "announcement party." And luckily I won that argument and we didn't send out invites.

"You look adorable Ni" Josh smiled at me in the mirror. I smiled brightly back at him. "Thanks Joshie!" Sometimes I think we both imagine of how easy it would be if we were together. For one were best friends and two, he has been by my side the whole time, and three he is pretty cute. But he and I both know that even though I'm healing from my heartbreak, I'm not ready to move on or begin dating again, especially when I'm pregnant with one of my ex-boyfriend's baby.

So he just does what he does best and is there for me, helping me get through each day. I thank God for having a someone who cares for me so deeply that hasn't left my side.

"Well you better hurry Niall and get to your meeting. Then after we'll meet up in the lobby to go to the doctor's office." I turn and hug him tightly, well as tight as I can with my bump between us. "I'll see ya in a little bit!" As I head out the door, Josh says "Wait!" I turn as he hands me a big hoodie. "Don't want to give away your secret to early." I laugh and feel like face palming myself. That would have been interesting. "Thanks Josh!" I slip it on and then I head out the door and down to the lobby.

Surprisingly when I get down there, the rest of the boys are sitting in the lobby waiting for me. They immediately stand when they see me which I must look like a confused toddler who is lost in the grocery store. Gosh darnit! Now I'm hungry! :(

Paul pulls me into his side to try and shield my bump since it sticks out just a tiny bit as we all head out to the car. "The boys thought it would be nice to just all go together! C'mon Ni!" He knows how uncomfortable I am around the boys, especially trying to hide my pregnancy, so I silently thank him for breaking the awkward tension.

Once outside, we all pile into a van to head over to management's office. OO! I still need to invite them to the "announcement party" haha. I take a seat in the front near the window, just looking at all the fans yelling in excitement outside. I smile and wave at them. I feel someone take a seat next to me, but I just keep my focus outside. Paul and Jeff hop in the driver and passenger seat. "Ok here we go!" Paul puts the van in drive and pulls out of the hotel slowly to make sure he doesn't hurt any fans that might try to come close to the vehicle.

I angle body towards the window and stretch my hoodie to make sure my bump stays hidden. I can feel the others' stares burning into my skin but I just try to ignore it. Thankfully, Paul put the stereo on so there's music to fill the awkward silence.

The person beside me clears there throat. "So Niall...how was the visit to your family?" I turn to look at Liam as the other boys watch us expectantly. Visit? Oh right! The trip back to Ireland.

"Um, it was good." I gave a nod then focused back to the window. We were at a stoplight and I could see a mother and father waiting to cross the road. The father was holding a small baby, bouncing him into a fit of giggles as the mother watched them with love while pushing a stroller. As we get a green light and drive forward, I can't help but imagine me walking around town pushing a stroller with a giggling baby. Josh or some of my friends from home would probably be beside me as we all enjoyed the day together. It all seemed so perfect.

"Niall?"

I turned to see that we were outside of the office already and all the other boys and bodyguards were outside the car waiting for me. Gosh, guess I just day dreamed the whole ride. I slid out of the car, carefully to 1) not fall and hurt the baby and 2) not make my bump noticeable to the boys. Luckily, I landed smoothly and with no bumps (literally). I walked on ahead and followed Paul inside the office and to the elevator. The doors opened and we all piled in as it took us to the top. I was against the back wall, with Paul and Jeff in front of me to shield my bump, but somehow ended up beside Zayn with our hands just slightly brushing up against each other. As I watched the numbers go up, I felt his fingers reach out to try and trace  the back of my hand. I gently pull my hand away as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. I followed Paul and Jeff out, with the others trailing behind me.

"Ah there my boys!" Simon said with an award-winning smile as we came in the meeting room. We all took our seats, me in my usually end seat to the right while Harry kinda rushed to sit beside me.

"So, I hope you are all excited that the months are going down till the premiere. The date has been set by the film makers and my apologies but it will be during your break in 2 months. All I'm asking for is three nights, one in London, one in New York, and one in L.A. for the premieres then you're free to go back on break for the remaining time."

Shoot! I'll be like six months pregnant at those times. Maybe I can fake sick? What do I tell them 'Sorry I had a case of the malepreggers'?  Yeah, probably not. Guess I just have to work with Lou on this one.

"So the concert tonight is going to be big. About three thousand seats filled and I know you all will smash it. And I think that's it. Any questions?"

We all shake our head.

"Good! We'll off you go!" He shoos us away.

As we stand up, I hang back to ask management a question. One Lou bugged me to ask. Once all the boys are outside, not really noticing yet that I'm not following I turn and ask them really quickly and quietly. "So today I find out the gender of the chocolate chip and Lou is throwing this "announcement party" and you all are invited. It's before the concert and everyone is meeting in the big room C."

They all smile and say "We'll definitely try to be there then."

I nod then walk out with Jeff clapping his hands on my shoulders and following me. We walk to the elevator to see the boys look at us questioningly. Paul just secretly smiles, knowing what I already asked. "I just had a quick question" I tell them then look up at the number and wait for the elevator to come.

It dings and opens the doors as we all pile in, same places and everything. Then the doors close and we head down to the main floor and back out to the car.

We arrive back at the hotel as we all get out and go back inside. I look around the lobby to spot Josh and Lou talking on one of the couches. I run over to them quickly, not even noticing the other boys lingering behind. Lou notices me first with a big smile. "Ready?" I nod as they both jump up and we head to the front to go back outside. I pass the boys and say "Excuse me" as I brush past Harry. I could imagine them probably looking forlorn at me, but right now all I can think of is getting to the doctor's office and finding out if my chocolate chip is a girl or a boy.

Josh and I hop in the BMW as Lou gets in the driver seat. She starts the car excitedly and we take off to Dr. Markson's.

 

-/-

 

The tension is so painstaking, yet no one wants to break it. Not until we know what the gender of the baby is.

Dr. Markson is rubbing the wand over my gel-coated bump as he tries to get a good picture. Lou is holding my right hand tightly while bouncing her legs anxiously as Josh holds my left hand firmly, eyes fixed on the screen. I keep trying to guess what the screen is going to say but I have no idea.

"There's the head and it looks like it's sucking its thumb." We all three let out an "aww" and he moves the wand across my abdomen. "There's its legs and feet." He moves the wand around a certain spot. "And it look like it's a..." We all hold our breath. He turns to us with a sly grin "Are you all sure you want to know..?" "YES!!" we all shout, feeling like we're at the very tippity top of a roller coaster.

He just laughs and looks back at the screen. "Well congratulations Mr. Horan. It's a boy." 

Lou and Josh let out a shouts of joy as I laugh and feel tears leaking out my eyes. I sniffle and let a smile so big spread across my face. It's a boy. My little chocolate chip is a boy and I couldn't be happier. I turn to Dr. Markson and say a grateful "Thank you." 

He smiles at me as he hands me a paper towel to wipe off the gel. "No problem Niall. And here is CD of the video from just now and the copies of the photos, which I believe you asked for at least 60 of them this time?" I just chuckled because hey! it's not my fault most of the people want to have a photo of the baby. 

Lou takes the photos. "Thank you! Oh my goodness! Look at my adorable godson." She gushes over the photo. She then looks at me. "Sorry Nialler but I'm going to spoil this child rotten."

I just laugh and sit up as Josh hugs me tight. Lou jumps in and pulls Dr. Markson into our group hug.

_Time to go share the good news._

_-/-_

_  
_We stopped at a drive-thru to pick up food because I was hungry then we headed on over to the arena. We had gotten back on time as we planned, with about an hour and a half before showtime. We all immediately went to the meeting room to have the "announcement party". Lou was practically skipping and Josh just walked with his arm over my shoulder and a smile on his face. Everyone one was meeting there except the boys, who the vocal coach had came up with an excuse that they have to practice warm ups before show. We finally got to the room as Lou pulled open the door and we walked in.

The huge room had over a hundred people in it who cheered in excitement when we walked in. Everyone from the guitarists and the boys of 5 seconds of summer to the light/sound/prop technicians, from cook staff and stage staff, to security and even management where there. I could also see the laptops set up in the front, one showing my parents and my brother with Rebecca and the other showing Perrie, Leigh-Ann, Jesy, and Jade. Lou was practically jumping in her shoes with excitement as she ran over to her husband Tom to get a good view of me standing up in the front. Josh padded my shoulder before he went to stand with Roy and Rick. 

I took a deep breath before I began speaking. "Thank you for coming to this. And thank you to Lou for setting this up." I pointed to her as people clapped. "First before I tell you.." everyone fake groaned. "Oh bugger off. I just wanted to say thank you so much for helping me, for being there for me. And thank you for helping me keep this on the down low. You all have been so great and I couldn't ask for a better family." They all let out an aww's as I continued, "Now, about the baby's gender, my little chocolate chip is..." They all leaned forward as everyone inhaled.

I smiled with my hands on my bump as I told them "It's a boy."

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Cheers went around as everyone clapped and yelled in excitement. Calum and the other boys of 5SOS ran forward and spun me around as they let out whoops. I just laughed and hugged them all. My adopted grandmothers came forward and kissed me on the cheek and patted my stomach with glee. I hugged them each tightly too. I could see in the back Lou passing out the copies of the photos to everyone who had asked for one while Rick and Roy were going around giving the winners of the bet their earnings.

Michael from 5SOS screamed out "GROUP HUG!" Everyone came in and joined in the massive hug, my bump is the center of it all. I could feel the overwhelming love in the room. 

After the hug, Simon and management came up to me. "Congrats Niall!" He gave me a big hug as they all did. James picked me up during his hug. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "Maybe in a few years we can sign him to a record deal?!" I just shook my head at his joke. "Good one James, Good one. First let me have the baby before you start putting him to work." The rest just chuckled at him.

We all hanged out in the room, me talking briefly to my family and Little Mix on the laptops. Someone then said we had 1/2 an hour till showtime. We all headed out of the room as everyone headed to their posts, still talking in excitement. As I went into the hallway I could see Liam, Louis, Harry, and Zayn walking towards us with confusion on their faces. I would be confused too if it seemed everyone had disappeared only to be coming out of a big meeting room. I passed them with Lou beside me as we headed to the dressing room to get changed.

I could hear Louis ask Paul behind me what was going on. Paul just responded. "Just a quick announcement. Now go get ready you four. Concert starts in an 30 minutes."

_It's almost showtime._

 

-/-

 

The concert was going great. I was having fun, laughing and singing while dancing around with Rick, Roy, and Josh. The fans were just on tonight, yelling with excitement, singing along with all the songs, and just enjoying themselves. So many times I just wanted to put my hand on my bump and rub it but I stopped myself each time. Luckily Lou's idea with a hoddie and a leather jacket pairing really worked and hid my bump great. I didn't even notice how the other four boys looked at me or tried to stay near me the during each song. I just was in too much bliss about the baby to worry about anything else.

We were singing 'Live While We're Young' when all of a sudden the lights went wonky on stage. Some of the mics even turned off. Mine and Harry's still worked but the other's didn't. We stopped singing as the band stopped playing. The fans began to get upset.

James came on stage. "Ok folks. Sorry we are having some technical difficulties. It'll be just a few minutes. Sorry!" He waved and headed off stage as the crowd booed in sadness. The other boys and I followed him off stage as the tech tried to fix the problem. The boys went off to the dressing room to take a small break, when I overheard James talking with one of the guys. "Sorry James, it's gonna be at least ten minutes." He rubbed in face in frustration but nodded in understanding.

I walked over to them "Everything ok?"

He looked up to me and shook his head. "One of the electrical wires frayed and it's gonna be at least ten minutes till they fix it."

"Anything I can do to help?"

He thought about it for a moment before he looked like a light bulb went off. "Yes!" He snapped his fingers. "You can go out there and entertain them! Maybe tell them a joke or..." He saw something and ran over to grab it before running back to me and thrusting a guitar in my hands. "Sing to them Nialler!"

I looked in shock before I shook my head fervently. "No..I...I'm not that good. You can ask Liam or Harry or Zayn or Louis!!! Just I'm not..."

He stopped me by putting by hands on my shoulders and looking into my eyes. "Niall, you're great. You sing amazingly and you'll do fine! You do this for a living."

"But I'm not good enough." I looked down at my feet.

He shakes me a little. "You are good enough Niall. Go show the world and maybe one day you can show the video to your chocolate chip! Please?"

I look up and nod.

"Thank you! Now go get 'em!"

I walk towards the stage entrance and take a deep breath before heading back out there. The cheers immediately start again as I wave at the audience. I walk to the center front of the stage as someone brings out a microphone and stand to put in front of me. I nod to the tech named Sarah in thanks as I look back out at the audience. Three thousand people screaming and looking at me in anticipation.

'Ok. Don't panic' I thought to myself. You've sung to large audience before. You can do this. But than again you sung with the other boys and you are alone. Oh gosh I'm alone.'

I gulped as I put on my guitar and the back of it bumped my baby bump. I looked down to see that it slightly raised from guitar. 'Wait, I'm not alone. Not anymore.' 

I looked up and smiled at the audience. "Hi! So while the crew tries to sort out the technical difficulties, I'm going to sing you'll a song." The audience screamed in response as I strummed my guitar. "So this is a cover of Tulisa's 'Young' that I thought really applies to my life write now. I hope you like it." [*really James' Arthur's amazing version but for the story we'll pretend it was Niall who wrote it*]

I took a deep breath and looked out at the audience. Well, here goes nothing.

 

-/-

(Third Person's P.O.V.)

The other four boys of One Direction where heading back to backstage to see if the problem was being sorted. As they where walking closer to the stage, the could hear screams of the audience. They weren't upset screams but happy cheers. The confused boys walked closer to the side curtains to see Niall on the stage with a guitar and microphone stand in front of him.

"Hi! So while the crew tries to sort out the technical difficulties, I'm going to sing you'll a song." The audience lets out a massive cheer in response.

Liam turns to James who is watching with them on the sidelines. "Do we go out there too or?"

James turns to them and shakes his head. "Nah, just listen."

The boys all follow to James' instruction and watch as Niall gets ready to sing. "So this is a cover of Tulisa's 'Young' that I thought really applies to my life write now. I hope you like it."

He strums his guitar then plays into in a steady beat. Then he starts singing.

"I said forgive us for what we have done.." The crowd cheers as the other boys and crew's mouths fall open in awe.

"We're young

We're young

We're young 

I said forgive us for what we have done

Oh, we're young

Yeah...

 

Uh, yeah.

I've made a lot of mistake in my past

but I refuse to live there.

Nah!

I saw a lot of hearts break in the past,

but I refuse to go there 

Ah!

It hurts too much,

I'm looking for a crutch.

I'm looking for just any girl,

just for a touch.

I let my angst out..

I let myself go...

And I let myself down,

I swag it out

Uh, uh, baby girl

I'd like to dance

Uh!

But I'm just looking for a brief romance

What's wrong with that?

I'm young

Forgive me.

I live fast, die a legend.

Oh..... 

 

Oh, no

Oh, no

Oh, no..

 

Forgive us for what we have done

We're young

We're young

We're young

 

I said forgive us for what we've have dooone

Cause we're young!

We're young

 

Oh, we're young

Oh, we're young

Oh, we're young

We're young

 

We're young

We're young

 

Forgive us

We're young

Forgive us

We're youunng"

 

The crowd cheers wildly as they give Niall a standing ovation. Niall just smiles and wipes the tears from his eyes. "Thank you, thank you so much" he says into the microphone.

The whole crew backstage claps and cheers on Niall who looks so flabbergasted at the crowd's response. James feels like a proud father, watching as Niall gets the recognition he deserves.

Louis had tears in his eyes as his heart aches. He wants to run out and hold the blond closely and kiss the daylights out of him. Harry lets the tears fall down his face as he looks at Niall in wonder. He misses him so bad it hurts. Liam is in awe over his little Niall as is everyone in the arena tonight. He feels empty without him by his side. Zayn's body is practically shaking trying to hold in sobs. How could he ever say that Niall couldn't sing? That he was the worst singer of them all and that they didn't need him? Drunk or not, he has regretted hurting his little snowflake every since that night at the club. But tonight was the knife that truly pierced his heart. All four boys looked on in pain as Josh and the 5SOS boys ran out on the stage and hugged Niall closely. That should be them, holding Niall close and loving him. That should be them making him smile the most breath taking smile and making him laugh in happiness. It's hurts and has been hurting since the day they all left Niall, and now they are seeing just what their actions have led to.

Niall smiles at Josh and the 5SOS guys as he takes in the applause which is incredibly still going.

One thought ran through his mind _'My luck has definitely turned around.'_

-/-

(Back to Niall's P.O.V.) 

"Ok 'Mr. Superstar'!" Lou greeted me as she was let into my hotel room by Josh. "Now that you are even more super famous, I hope you won't forget all us small people" she joked. I just laughed and hugged her closely as my bump would allow. Last night's video of my performance spread like wildfire but I didn't let it get to my head. It just felt great to sing out what I've been feeling, but it was a one time deal and I'm happy to go back into the group singing dynamics.

"Ha ha very funny Lou. Now you said you were coming to help me and Josh with shopping for baby clothes today?"

She put her hands on her hips as she gave me a pointed look. "Of course Ni! I mean who knows what you could end up buying! Sheesh!" She waved her hands in the air."But first!" She took out her phone. "You promised me I could take a picture."

I sighed but nodded, because she has been wanting to take a picture of me with my bump and also take one with just her face with my bump and post it on her instagram. That way she tells the world her "friend" is pregnant but not really saying who is actually pregnant.

"Yay!" she cheered as she pulled me into her side and wrapped one arm behind me and one on my bump. "Here Josh, can you take the picture?" He nodded as she handed him the camera.

"Ok ready? One, two, three!" He took it then said "Cute" and handed the camera back to Lou. "One more pic!" she beamed up at me as she pulled me into the bedroom near the full length mirror. She got on her knees and lifted my shirt over my baby bump. She then positioned the phone to take a picture of her excited face near my bump as she put a hand on it. "One, two, three!" She snapped the shot as she got up and viewed the picture. We all gathered around to see.

It was actually cute and worked well because Lou was beaming adorably while you could only see my bump and part of my legs. You couldn't see my face nor even my chest. To me, the picture made me look a little feminine which helped disguised that it was me in the picture. "Looks good Lou" Josh said. She nodded then began typing things into her phone. After a few minutes she announced "done!" 

Both mine and Josh's phones buzzed with a new alert. I pulled my phone out to see it was a tweet that said Little Chocolate Chip that also contained an instagram url. Clicking on the link, it took me to her instagram page showing the picture she just took. The caption read "My friend is having a baby and the adorable nickname for it is Chocolate Chip. Look how cute the bump is!!"

To the world it would just seem like a picture of Lou's pregnant friend. But to everyone who knew my secret and got the hint from 'chocolate chip', it was a special image that was like showing everyone without really spilling the news. I saw 2,000 people already hearted it and even saw Paul and Josh liked it. So I liked too! hehehe The funny and very ironic thing was that I saw Harry's name pop up on the like list. Then the other boys' names slowly followed. How ironic that they didn't even know it was me. But I just shook my head and put my phone away.

"Ok, shopping time!"

 

-/-

 

"Ok! Josh" Lou pointed at Josh. "You go look at the furniture store and look for things on the list I gave you. If you think it's cute send us a pic and we'll decide."

"Aye, Aye Captain" Josh saluted her as he took off down the mall to go look for baby furniture.

 She then grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the baby clothing store. "Now, you and me have to go find cute clothes!" 

It was a lucky thing that the mall was practically empty or people would start questioning why a pop star and his stylist were looking at baby clothes.

"Ooo!" Lou pulled out a cute blue onzie. "This is adorable! But it's not the right size so I'm going to go check with the clerk if they have anymore size." I nodded as she then took off towards the back of the store.

I was browsing a rack os small shirts, some that had adorable Irish cartoons on them when I heard from behind me "Niall?" I froze with wide eyes because I recognized that voice. It was Danielle, which means Liam could be with her. _Shit shit shit_ I mean I am covered up but its hard to explain why I am in this store in the first place. I turned around slowly to see with relief that it was only Danielle and Eleanor. I was lucky to have a big rack of clothes in front of me, hiding my bump which was slightly showing today.

"Hey! How are you girls?" I smiled at them and prayed the stayed right where they are.

"We're good" Danielle said with a smile as Eleanor nodded in agreement. "How are you? And why are you shopping here?"

"I'm good and um..I"m buying...um....new things for my nephew Theo." Forgive me Theo for dragging you into this. I'll buy you some extra teddy bears when I go back to Mullingar.

They both looked like they bought it as they cooed. "That's so cute Niall" Eleanor said genuinely. "He must be getting big."

I laughed. "Yeah he is but he's doing good."

Everything was going smoothly until I hear Lou's voice approaching. "Ok Niall! They found one in the right size! Oh my gosh your baby is going to look so cute and.." she stops as she looks up to see Danielle and Eleanor, whose eyes are wide and mouth hang open. "Oh...hi girls. Didn't, um, see you there..."she trails off as she looks apologetically at me and mouths 'sorry'.

I just shake my head saying 'its ok' and turn to look at the other two girls as they swallow down the new information. Eleanor squeaks out "Baby?"

I nod my head slowly as I let out a breath. I signal them to come around the clothing rack as they walk around to get a good view of me. I lift my hoodie up to show my four month bump. "Wow..." Danielle lets out as they continue to look at it.

"Listen.." I begin as I put the hoodie back over my bump. "I know it's crazy and trust me, sometimes even I question if this is just one big dream or not, but everyone who knows is keeping this a secret. Not so much from the world as we are from the other boys. They don't know and I'm not ready to tell them. I'm guessing you guys already know that things went sour but please don't tell them. Please" I begged them.

Their shocked expressions morphed into sympathy as they both nodded. "I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this on your own Niall. We know that things didn't go so great with the boys, but we won't say anything to them. Trust us."

I smiled in thanks as Lou hugged me into her as she spoke up, "I can tell you that he isn't alone. Never has been and never will be. He has me and the rest of his family, home in Ireland and here. In fact, do you girls want to help us pick out baby clothes?"

They both looked excited at that idea. "Really?"

I nodded because hey! I could use all the help I can get. They squealed in excitement and began browsing with me and Lou through the racks of clothes.

 _I could feel my new wall slowly building up._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgVXyV__FgE 
> 
> (the link to the amazing cover by James Arthur. In the story, we will pretend it's Niall who wrote and preformed this song.)
> 
> oh! and next chapter will have the other boys' P.O.V.'s!!! :D


	12. The Four Hearts That Broke Themselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Finally finished this epic chapter! Ok this chapter is all about the story from the other guys' perspectives. (yay!!) You'll learn what happened through the four other's eyes, except one won't be fully revealed till later in another chapter. But this chapter will definitely open your eyes to see what happened. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> *also note that this chapter is mainly flashbacks, each boy giving a view of certain events which if you put all their views together, it is a flashback of everything that happened*
> 
> Oh! and its gonna be a looooooong chapter! Be prepared.

(Third Person's P.O.V.)

His laugh. Niall's beautiful laugh rang throughout the arena. Louis, Liam, Harry, and Zayn could only watch in painful yearning as Niall swatted his hands at Josh who was trying to tickle him. Maybe it was the lights or something, but Niall was _glowing_.  He was like a star, shining brightly in the dimly lit arena as the crowd went crazy when Josh hugged Niall from behind and laid his head on his shoulder. Jealousy and longing rushed through the four boys' hearts as they witnessed Niall leaning back into Josh with a smile on his face. That should be one of them or all of them holding him close or making him smile like that. Another stab at their hearts was when Josh kissed Niall on the cheek quickly before running back to his drums. Fans screamed excitedly as Niall just rubbed his cheek with a dopey smile on his face.

It had been a few weeks since Niall's singing of 'Young' and the boys just couldn't seem to get close to Niall. They wanted to apologize ,to beg for forgiveness, but Niall was always missing (mostly likely avoiding them) or hanging out with other people like Josh and Lou. The boys knew they messed up, **big time**. For one, they hurt their little Nialler who was and is the puzzle piece that held them all together and two, they could have apologized to try and make it up to him, but they were too ashamed and scared to try and work it out so they let the wall crumble down. To even think that this whole relationship could work without Niall was crazy. When the four of them got back together it felt just  _off_. The cuddles, smiles, and kisses felt empty and fake in the beginning and now they didn't even do those anymore because of how it left an ache in each of their chests.

 Their attention was brought back to their Nialler, when some of the boys of 5SOS came running on stage during the twitter questions. The headliners all lifted Niall up and spun him around. Niall laughed with delight as they chanted his name. The audience even started to join in with a chant of "Niall! Niall! Niall!" 5SOS set Niall down gently then smothered his face and head in kisses. The crowd went crazy and the other four band member of One Direction felt their hearts crack. Niall just pushed Michael and the boys off with a laugh and skipped over to Josh by the drums.

Liam, Louis, Zayn, and Harry could only put on a fake smiles and wonder how things had gotten this bad?

 

-/-

 

(Liam's P.O.V.)

Niall looked like an angel, radiating light like he was the sun. Which he is. Well, at least to me he is. He makes everyone's day brighter, always putting others first before himself. He is known for being the suffer in silence type, the kind that will not say a word about how much pain he is in unless you pry it out of him. When we started this relationship, I made a silent promise to myself that I would always protect him and never let him get hurt. I promised myself that I would never, ever be the cause of that silent suffering. 

_I broke those promises._

_  
_ Flashback

In the beginning of this whole mess, I didn't really suspect anything was wrong. The last night we all had sex together was supposed to be good. I remember that it was Zayn, Harry, and I then Louis and Niall. As I was thrusting from behind into Zayn as he was pleasuring Harry with his mouth, I looked over to see Niall on his back with Louis in between his legs. They were making love slowly and genuinely, holding onto each other tight. I was in awe at the sight before my attention was pulled back to the two boys in front of me. After we were all worn out, I saw Louis move to the farthest side of the bed from Niall. I could of sworn I heard a sniffle but the thought passed quickly as we all settled down and fell asleep.

The next day, Niall and Louis had a chat while the rest of us got dressed and ready. I remember that Louis came into the room with his head down as we were all laughing at a some joke. He didn't say anything only just got his stuff and headed to the bathroom. Niall didn't come into the room at all.

That week was when we noticed that Louis was overly affectionate towards us, _just_ us. He wouldn't even hug Niall or give him a peck. I didn't know what happened. But we didn't talk about it, that is until Harry brought it up. He tried to get Louis to kiss each one of us, but when he got to Niall, he just gave a kiss on the cheek. When questioned by an upset Harry, he had bursted out "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO! BECAUSE I..I DON'T LOVE.."

I stared in shock at him. How could Louis not love Niall? I just asked him "But..Lou..don't you..don't you...?" 

He turned to me and told me softly "no."

That's when everything started to fall apart. We tried to keep the one relationship going with Niall and the other with Louis. But see, Louis was over affectionate, pushy even. We had a rule where if one person was left out on purpose, we wouldn't have sex. But on one night when it was Zayn, Harry, and I rooming with Louis, he just started to attack Harry with his mouth right away. He pushed him off gently, trying to respect our rule that we had followed with Niall, but Louis only moved on to making out with Zayn and feeling me up. The three of us tried to tell him to slow down and not push it too far, but Louis just continued trying to keep things going and started to say things like "Is it because you don't love me? Is it because we're not all together? Can't I _prove_ my love to you all?" 

Eventually, we all gave in. Louis moans and our groans filled the room as we ravaged each other in all different kinds of positions. I remember afterwards as all the others feel asleep, feeling sick to my stomach thinking of how we left out Niall. I knew Zayn and Harry felt the same, because the next night that we all three were with Niall we just kissed him and went straight to bed. We couldn't handle the guilt we all felt that we left him out and we just felt fucking unworthy to go that far with him.

That's when I started to question things. Were we all still in love? And if we were, how the heck were we supposed to come out together in a year or so? Especially now that we have a division in the relationship? I haven't even told my parents that I'm gay. It all seemed so wrong. I was scared, nervous, anxious, and just frustrated with myself. These thoughts ate away at me with each day passing, with each touch one of the boys gave me. My head was feeling like it was gonna explode with all these emotions I was holding in.

When that night me and Niall were going to share a room, I was just not feeling up to the concert. I was frustrated looking out in the crowd and seeing signs saying "Mrs. Payne right here!" or "Marry Me Liam!!". They were all girls who didn't have any idea that I was gay and would crush their dream of becoming 'Mrs. Payne'. What would they all think when they find out the five of us are in a relationship together? They'd probably send hate or just be disgusted with us. Say goodbye to our careers forever! Maybe I should just end this before it gets worse?

Harry, Zayn, and Louis tried to get me to smile but I could only plaster fake ones. Nothing would make me feel better....or so I thought. As I thinking of all the horrible names the media and haters would call us, all of a sudden a pair of hands pulled my head downward and a set of lips pressed against my forehead. It felt like all my thoughts had melted away into oblivion as the person pulled back to look in my eyes. _Niall._ I felt a genuine smile grace my face as he smiled with joy up at me. Then he skipped off to somewhere else. When it was time to sing Little Things, we all took a seat on the set of stairs. I sat near Niall because I just felt a warmth radiating off of him. It was like he was keeping all those pesky, bad thoughts away. As he sung his solo, I traced my finger lightly on his arm. His milky white skin always glistened in the light beautifully and I knew that I would miss him so much. As he finished he grabbed my hand and squeezed and I knew what I need tonight. I needed his love, one last time.

Which is how I ended up smashing my lips into his. I could feel his surprise but he melted into my arms as I kissed him fervently. I lifted him up and pushed him against the wall. I was going to miss this but was what I was about to do wrong? I pulled back and asked him hesitatingly "can I?" He looked so adorably confused but nodded anyways. I quickly attached my lips back to his as I took him to the bed. To me, he was like a angel made of glass as I laid him down gently and took off our clothes. I couldn't and wouldn't get enough of kissing him. Never. It reminded me of how I felt crushed when Niall and Louis first got together. My crush on the beautiful blond that had started ever since I heard his lovely Irish accent seemed hopeless, but then they asked the rest of us to join it and I was so happy, because I could hold and kiss my Nialler and of course the other four any time I wanted. But after tonight, it would all be over and...I didn't want it to be.

I had entered him swiftly and bit down on his neck, worshipping the smooth porcelain skin as he adjusted. As he nodded to let me know he was ready, I pulled back and thrusted into him, building a steady rhythm. He moaned my name as I went faster. I didn't want to leave him nor the other boys I loved. I wanted to hold them close forever, so I made sure there was no room between Niall and me, gripping him tightly. I was mad that the world was hateful and judgmental, I was mad that Louis had Niall first then just left him like he was nothing, and I was mad at myself that I was going leave someone who I loved so much because I was scared. I thrusted faster and harder in my anger and frustration as he came between us with a shout. My hips stalled as I came inside him and I sunk down into his body. We stayed connected as we caught our breaths, then I pulled out and Niall laid on my chest. I pulled the cover up over us and kissed his head as he feel asleep. 'I'm sorry' I thought as I drifted into a restless sleep.

The memory that haunts me to this very day is that morning after. I let everything I had been holding inside out on sweet little Niall. I remember how hurt and in pain he looked as he pulled the covers closer to his body. I didn't mean for it to seem like I was using him or that it was a last minute get some before I ended things. It was too remember him and the others by, but I can see that I was wrong no matter what the intention was behind it. So I listened to the chant in my head of _Just leave, Just Leave, Just Leave,_ grabbed my bag and headed to get a new room.

All weekend I spent in my room was tormented by Niall's hurt face and trying to figure out what to do, so I called up Danielle. I know, I know..I'm a shitty person. I just felt the need to try and be normal. To be what the world accepted as "normal". It was nice to catch up with Danielle even if my smiles weren't so real, but I could see that my choices were really affecting the boys. Zayn looked upset and Harry looked so sad. Louis always kept trying to touch me, even when I shrugged him off gently. And Niall....I didn't see him at all.

When we went to the club, I was grinding with Danielle but I couldn't help but picture one of the boys with me. Holding one of them close, kissing and loving them. That's when I knew I made the wrong decision. I dropped Danny off at home then went and booked my flight home. I was going to tell my parents and sisters about my sexuality and the relationship (or what's left of it). I told management the next morning that I was headed out and didn't even stop to think of how the atmosphere was tense and a heavy rain cloud seemed to set over the boys. I was too busy focusing on my self. I was too busy being selfish.

I remember being so nervous as my parents hugged my at the airport and took me home to see my sisters. We all sat around the dinner, eating my mom's famous spaghetti and talking about things that have changed. As dinner neared an end, I blurt out "I'm gay!" My father choked on his glass of water why my sisters stopped eating to stare at me with wide eyes. I felt ashamed but I was tired of being scared. I was tired of trying to be "normal". My mother is the one who just smiled and said "Liam, I gave birth to you. I love you and accept you, no matter what. I'm glad that you're finally able to admit it." 

My sister Ruth just turned to her and asked "You knew?" I stared at my mom with the same curious expression. How the heck did she know? I didn't tell anyone besides the boys, crew, and management.

She just smiled. "A mother knows everything. Plus I saw those pictures of you and Danielle from this past week and you looked, well..not truly happy." I didn't think anyone noticed my fake smiles. Wow, I guess mothers do know everything.

My dad cleared his throat as I looked to meet his gaze. I gulped with fear building up in my veins. "Liam...you're my son and I am going to support you no matter what. Doesn't matter to me if you care for birds or lads." I blushed but felt accepted as my sisters nodded in agreement.

"So Liam...." Nicola began with a devious smile on her face. "Anyone special?" She wiggled her eyebrows. I just immediately went scarlet as my two sisters laughed at my embarrassment.

"Oh hush you two" my mom shooed their comments away. She then turned to me and laid a hand gently on my shoulder. "Thank you Liam for being open. And whenever you do find the right person or _persons_ " she gave me a pointed look as my eyes widened "we would be happy to meet them."  

I just nodded as dinner finished and we began making ice cream sundaes together. I felt so much better and now I didn't really care what the world would think of me. I decided to call Danielle while my family was talking. "Liam, I understand" Danielle stopped me as I began apologizes over and over for sending her mixed signals. "I didn't expect us to get back together. I knew you just needed someone to be there for you and I tried to be. And thank goodness you realized that the world doesn't matter. Not when you have amazing people you love, no matter what the gender." I smiled but felt my heart sting as I realized how badly I hurt Niall. So I told her what I had done and she just listened. "Well, I'm disappointed in that Liam. You know how Nialler looks to you as his big teddy bear. He's so sweet and loves you dearly. Just try to make it up to him. Apologize first off then take it from there." I agreed and thanked her for listening before hanging up. I went back to my family and tried to enjoy the rest of the trip while only really wanting to be back with the band. 'All I needed to do was get my boys back.'

But that was easier said then done. When I flew back to the states and made my way into the hotel, all the boys were there to greet me. Louis immediately ran to me and pulled me into a hug as I buried my head in his neck. I definitely missed this. As I pulled back and gave him a kiss on the forehead as I was so used to doing, I saw movement in my side view. I pulled back to see that only Harry and Zayn where there. Niall had run off and I realized my mistake. The kiss on the forehead was _our thing_. I wanted to kick my ass at that moment because I just had to go and hurt Niall again right? Geez.

Anyways, the other boys pulled me along and just accepted back so easily. The cuddled with me, kissing me, and telling me that they were so happy I was back. But I could tell it was all incomplete. When I was leaving to Wolverhampton, I didn't even realize that the whole relationship turned to shit. That everyone had just turned on Niall. Selfish assholes is what we were. Niall was no where to be found when I wanted to talk to him, to apologize to him for everything. But when I did pass him in the hall, I froze. How could I come up with an apology great enough for yelling at him? For calling our whole relationship a mistake? For making him feel like I was only using him for sex? For making him feel like he was the problem in the relationship? _I couldn't._ So I let Niall just pass by me quickly with his head down. I felt empty every time I let him walk away. I know I should have tried harder, but I didn't know what to say. Well, you know what they say... _Actions speak louder than words._ But I did nothing, and when I did it seemed all too late.

I remember how we were all surprised to hear Niall was going home for only like 3 days.  That's not even enough time to sit down and have a pint in Ireland but Simon gave him the go ahead and he was gone in a flash. All of a sudden I panicked. What if he is quitting the band? What if we hurt him so bad that he is going to run away?!! I can't let him get away, so I took off after him. I had to take a taxi to the hotel but as soon as they parked I threw the money at them and ran inside to the elevators. I kept praying I would make it in time and by grace the elevators opened to show Niall with his luggage. "Niall you're leaving already?" He just nodded and tried to pass me, but I grabbed his arm. 'Don't lose him, try make him stay' I thought up a plan quickly."Niall..I...well.um..shouldn't you just..stay? I mean..maybe we can all hangout or something...?" Hangout? I mentally face palmed since I doubted Niall would ever want to 'hangout' with us again. 

He gently lifted my hand off. "Sorry Liam. I gotta go. Have a nice break." I stood feeling like a piece of my heart was running away. I turned to try and stop him, "Niall..I...Wait!" but the doors had already closed as the elevator went down. I ran as fast as I could down the hall to the staircase. I ran down two or three steps at a time, trying to get there before he left. When I did finally make it down to the lobby I could see the Louis, Harry, and Zayn looking out the front windows at Niall's car began to drive off. I ran past the guys with a shout of "He's Leaving!" and out the door, already trying to call him on my cell. The other three followed me as I got his voicemail. He must have turned it off. I felt like watching the love of my life (at least one of them) drive away from me forever. And I bet in that moment the other three felt the same.

I tried calling Niall over the short break with the other guys right beside me. I even tried send him at least 20 texts, but he never answered. Not one. It was only on Wednesday that we heard from Paul and Jeff that Niall had gotten back Tuesday afternoon. So he didn't leave the band. That's a good sign. From then on though, we never saw Niall around. And if we did he was hanging out with Josh and Lou, or hanging out the some backstage crew who he had gotten to know really well. He never came around us unless we were at a concert or interview. On the trip over to the meeting to talk about the movie and concert that night, I had tried to ask how his visit home went. He just looked at me in surprise before answering simply "It was good" then he turned back to look out the window. I could feel the wall he put up between us getting higher as the four of us were stuck on the other side. 

The four person relationship was turning sour, like swallowing a nasty tasting cough syrup. I know we all loved and cared for one another, but without Niall it seemed pointless. One night, we all talked about how empty the relationship felt now. We all discussed how things weren't right without Niall and how we all hurt him. Louis was stayed mostly quiet during that part, never really explaining things but to me it didn't really matter. Things just weren't right.

End of Flashback

I broke my promises. Myself and the other three boys hurt Niall without even thinking of him. And now why as we watch our Nialler getting more happy each day, our hearts grow more painful to bear without him. The fact is that we messed up badly and I'm scared that we can't fix it.

_I'm so fucking scared._

_-/-_

(Zayn's P.O.V.)

 At night, after Liam, Louis, Harry, and I tell each other goodnight without any kisses or "I love you's" and head to our separate sleeping areas, I get comfy on the couch in my mound of blankets and pillows and open up my laptop. I immediately go to my favorite bookmark in youtube and plug in my headphones. The video shot from an audience member's camera always starts the same with the blond angel looking down at his guitar as he adjusts the strap. His beautiful face then looks up and lights up with a smile. "Hi! So while the crew tries to sort out the technical difficulties, I'm going to sing you'll a song." The audience screams loudly. "So this is a cover of Tulisa's 'Young' that I thought really applies to my life right now. I hope you like it."

He strums his guitar as he lets out the first beautiful sounds from his mouth.

"I said forgive us for what we have done...

We're young

We're young

We're young..."  

I find myself mouthing along to the words as my throat closes up and tears blur my vision.

"I said forgive us for what we have done.

Oh we're young

yeah..."

And the song goes on as my heart leaps in my chest like mad. This has become my ritual for night time. I snuggle down and watch videos of all us from three years back or even a few months back, the ones when we were all happy and whole. But mostly I watch videos of Niall, my blond angel. The video of him singing 'Young' is my favorite one to watch though. I can say that I have watched it at least 50 times, feeling like I can never get enough of his angelic voice. And the smile and shock that graces his face when the whole arena give him a standing ovation at the end, melts my whole being. He deserved it, every single one of those claps.

But I can't help how my tears of awe turn into quiet sobs of pain thinking of how I berated and belittled him that night we all went to the club. I told him so many hurtful things that had no ground and that I still have no idea where I got them from. Niall was always the sensitive one in the band, who felt self-conscious when his teeth weren't perfectly straight and always felt horrible about himself when so called "fans" sent him hate saying that he couldn't sing, that he wasn't hot, or that the band didn't need him. Then all those "fans" started to call him hot or became Niall girls when he fixed his teeth and started working out. But I fell in love with the cute, shy, young Niall that I met in bootcamp. I fell in love with all the boys and my love for them grew as time went on.  So many times me and the boys had tried to comfort Niall and tell him that those fake fans were wrong, so fucking wrong because we needed him. I needed him. We built each other up from day 1 and that was the base of our relationship. But then I went and tore everything down that we had worked so hard to build up in a few drunken sentences. I can't help but slowly crumple into a crying mess as the video ends.

_I need him so bad._

Flashback 

When Louis had refused to kiss Niall, I was confused and so freaking lost. Louis doesn't want to kiss Niall? But they're the ones who started this whole relationship. Louis seemed so upset as he shouted that he didn't love Niall. The only thing that could come to my mind was 'what did Niall do wrong?' And somewhere inside of me, a switch had been flipped.

I blamed Niall. I blamed everything on him. I thought that he had fought with Louis or hurt him in someway and I started to distance myself from him. Yes I would still tell him that I love him and kiss him, but I was cautious around him. I did feel guilty that night we three had sex with Louis and left Niall out, but I didn't know how to handle the rift in the relationship. Though I didn't act out till Liam grew apart from us after his 'designated' night with Niall. First Louis now Liam? In my view, it could only be Niall causing this mess. To me, I thought he just didn't want this relationship anymore so he tried to sabotage it. Tried to break us apart.

 _If I could go back in time to the moment I thought of that crazy and stupid idea, I would probably punch myself in the face_.

But I continued to silently blame Niall and take Harry with me. Harry and I had always felt closer in the relationship. It was like we understood what the other was thinking without ever having to explain it out loud. Wherever I went, Harry followed. He is like my partner-in-crime, my other half. So when we both felt saddened that Liam left us, we understood how the other felt. I was fuming silently, not being able to handle getting emotional about it, while Harry was just plain sad, feeling like he wasn't good enough for Liam. And then he started to hang out with Danielle again. All that was going through my head is 'Are you fucking kidding me?!!'

Niall would try to comfort me, but I shrugged off his touch. I didn't want his fucking comfort, it was his fault anyway. I knew that I just had to convince Harry of my way of thinking. So I pulled in aside in a deserted corridor in the arena one day and started to tell him what I thought. "Harry, you know I love you right?"

He nodded with a slightly confused and worried expression. "Well I think I know why Liam left. Why Louis and Niall aren't together anymore."

He looked around and whispered, "Why?"

 _I wished now I had just kept my fucking mouth closed._ "Its Niall's fault. He first fought with Louis. Made him feel like his love wasn't good enough, which is why he's trying so hard to prove his love to us! Then he told Liam some shit that probably destroyed him!"

I remember Harry looking so conflicted. "But..Niall wouldn't do that. He loves us."

I shook my head and grabbed him by the shoulders. "He doesn't. He's jealous of all of us or some shit! He wants this relationship to go down the tubes and take us down with him!"

"Z, I get it but I don't think..."

"Harry. It's his fault. Who was the last to talk to Liam? _Him_. Who was the last to talk to Louis before it ended? _Him_. And he's now going to try to tear us apart!" Harry's eyes widened with fear.

"I...Z..."

"I know, I know you're scared. But trust me. Okay?"

"I don't..."

I pulled his mouth into mine and kissed with as much emotion as I could. I need him to be with me. I couldn't have him against me. I pulled back slowly and looked into his eyes. "Okay?"

He closed his eyes and nodded as I smiled and pecked his lips. He then wrapped his arms around my middle as I wrapped mine around his neck. I thought I knew what was going on and thought I had it all figured out. I thought I was saving what was left of our love and everything would be ok. What can I say except  _love makes us blind_.

The weekdays had passed and that Saturday was when everything fell apart. We had all gone to the club to go have fun and take a load off. But what got to me was that Louis had brought Eleanor as a cover and Liam brought Danielle. I could feel my blood boil with jealousy and anger as my heart clenched painfully. I need to get drunk to numb this emotion, I hated crying. It made me feel week. So I pulled Harry to the bar and started ordering drinks. Harry only drank one, but I took in shot after shot after shot of tequila. I needed to numb this painful feeling in my heart and I thought I was doing a good job of it, until I just looked at the dance floor to see Liam grinding on Danielle, and all the feelings rushed to the surface. I was about to take a sip of my beer when I noticed Niall sitting at a table with Josh. Josh excused himself to probably go to the bathroom, leaving Niall to sit there and stare at the dance floor. I was drunk and I felt like taking my pain out on someone since the drinks weren't helping. Who better than the person I blamed for all of this?

So I staggered over to Niall, with Harry following behind me quickly, and plopped down into Josh's seat. I chugged down the rest of the bitter alcohol then slammed the bottle on the table. "You know...when I first was put with you guys, I was the happiest guy in the world. I mean..I got to make my dream come true, sing to so many people, and just ride the awesome roller coaster of life. You know? But the best part was that my best friends had my boyfriends." Any self pride that I had for myself flew out the window that night as I casually and openly slurred about our big secret. "And it was all good!! Sooooooo fucking good, you know? Like the sex was great and the secret was fun to keep, but also because I loved you alllll. But now? HA! IT's just ALL gone to SHIT!" I waved my arms around crazily. "Annnnd do you know whose fault it is Niall????"

 Niall had looked so helpless and confused as he shook his head slowly, but I didn't care. Harry was sitting next to me, gazing down at his hands as I continued my drunken rant. He understood this needed to be said, so he let me keep talking to Niall. I told him earlier that after this we would both feel better. I kept chanting in my head _Hurt Niall! Hurt him like he hurt all of us!!!_ as I went in for the kill.

"ITS YOURS!" I yelled angrily. "IT's is All FUCKING YOUR FAULT NIALL! First! You messed up and fought with Louis who can't even KISS YOU! Then! YOu drove LIAM away from us! And NOOOWWW, we have watch as he grinds all up on that FUCKING BIRD! THE one who he had LOVED once Niall! I mean did you want this relationship to just be DESTROYED?! Did you hate the happiness we BROUGHT EACH OTHER?! And you know what?! YOU are the WORST singer out of us! We didn't need you and we DON'T! You are also ANNOYING, FUCKING STUPID, AND SELFISH!!!" I leant forward in his hurt face as I growled out, "and I am so fucking done with you." Then I got up and stumbled away into the crowd.

You know how I said that I would feel better after saying all that? _I didn't_. Instead I felt disgusted with myself and sick to my stomach as tears pricked in my eyes. The heartbreaking look on Niall's face had broken through any drunken haze that I had had as I ran outside the club. I could hear Harry calling after me, but I just kept going. I walked around to the side of the club and turned into an alley way as I leant a hand against the brick wall and puked. I heard Harry's running footsteps slow down when he approached me as I continued to throw up all the alcohol in my system. He rubbed his hand on my back as I spit out the last remnants of the god awful liquid. I could see some flashes going on behind me, but I too drunk and sad to care at that moment. I just stood up straight, wiped my mouth, and turned to Harry with tears falling down my face. "That was supposed to make us feel better." I choked out through the sobs. "Why doesn't it feel better?"

He just looked at me sympathetically as he pulled my into a hug. More flashes were going off but I just closed my eyes letting the tears keep flowing and hugged Harry closer. After a few minutes, Paul came up to us and took us towards the car, mostly dragging my sorry drunk ass to it. Harry held me tight as we drove back to the hotel. Paul took us up to our room and gave Harry his cellphone to talk to management who were on the phone. I just laid on the bed beside him as Harry put it on speaker. "What the heck is going on? The media is going crazy with photos of Zayn puking his guts out from a 'Wild night out' and they also have pictures of you two being really close, claiming 'Harry comforts his lover'?! What happened?"

 Harry turned off the speaker and talked to management, trying to help do damage control as I rolled over onto my other side and fell asleep. All I can remember of that night's sleep was having a horrible nightmare about Niall being thrown tomatoes at on stage as we all pointed and laughed at him. His body just curled up on stage as he cried. I woke up and ran to the toilet to be sick again. Harry sat behind me and rubbed my back.

The meeting Monday morning was tense. I could see out of the corner of my eyes Niall shrink down in his seat when he came in after Harry, Louis, and me. Liam then came in last, looking like he didn't even know there was tension in the room. Simon had said that they were able to clear up things that had gone down this weekend, sending me a pointed look. I just looked down at my feet in shame. When management asked if anyone besides Liam was traveling home, my heart cracked a little when I heard Niall's horse voice say "no." Shit, he must have been crying all weekend. I did that and it didn't feel good. Not one bit.

But I couldn't own up to my mistake. So when we got back to the hotel, I walked off to have a smoke in the back entrance with Harry following me. I didn't know what to say to Niall, so I said nothing as we walked away. Once outside, I took out a cigarette, lighting it up and taking a drag of it. I leaned back against the wall as Harry stood beside me on the wall too. We were quiet, not knowing what to say. All of sudden the back door opened and Louis walked out towards us.

"Ok what's going on with you guys? I could literally karate chop the tension in the meeting this morning in half." He stood with his hands on his hips waiting for an answer.

I just took a drag of my cigarette and look to the side as Harry spoke up "We..well we broke up with Niall."

Louis' face instantly morphed into shock and horror. "What? Why?! I mean what the fuck happened?!" Why was he so worried? Should he have been happy that we followed his lead?

I turned to look at him as I stomped my cigarette out on the ground. "The same thing that happened with you and him. He messed it all up and yeah. That's it." Even after feeling like shit for hurting Niall, I just kept on fighting for my hopeless point to get across.

Louis looked so confused. "What? What do you mean the same thing? And what the freak do you mean he messed it all up?!"

Me and Harry were confused, but I kept going. "You know. He fought with you and hurt you and drove Liam off then.."

Louis waved his hands up quickly. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! We didn't fight and he certainty didn't hurt me. If anything I hurt him! I.... it doesn't matter but Liam had his own issues to deal with, none of which is Niall's fault. What the fuck did you guys do?!" He looked mad yet guilty at the same time.

All me and Harry could do was stare back blankly and ask ourselves the same question.

When Liam came back to us, it was nice but not perfect. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to have him cuddle with us or kiss us again. Even glad he stopped going out with Danielle. But it felt all incomplete. I couldn't help but grow confused at the sudden change of heart and feel even more guilty that I blamed Niall for something that obviously wasn't his fault. I also felt guilty that I dragged Harry into my shitty scheme. I remember calling my good friend Perrie and telling her all about my mistake as I cried. She just listened and tried to calm me down, which I was grateful

 All four of us tried to cuddle up together on the couch, me sporting a fake happy smile because isn't this what I wanted? But it felt wrong, so very wrong. I could also see Niall pass by us with tired eyes and a sad expression. He must think that we are all so happy with out him, but we're not. Far from from it actually. Because when the others don't think any of us are all looking, I see _everything_. I see how Liam gives longing looks at Niall's back as he walks out of the room with his head hung down. I see the way Harry's lower lip trembles when Niall isn't there in our group cuddle. I see the way Louis will stare off into the distance with a wide eyes filled with guilt and pure sadness. But most of all, I see how we all have taken a blond angel so beautiful and thrown him to the ground. The only thing I can't stand to see anymore is my reflection. To see the monster that stares back at me, the one who tore down my blonde angel and hurt him so bad. I wanted to say sorry, get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. But I didn't know what to say to do. So I put on a blank face and tried to think of a way to build Niall back up.

But then something changed. All of a sudden Niall's light grew stronger and his eyes started to look more alive. Each time I got a glimpse of him whenever he wasn't hiding or hanging out with someone else, he was getting better slowly. He avoided us like the black plague. And soon the fake happiness we tried to bring into the cuddles and kisses wasn't enough. The four of us realized this and slowly fell apart.

 

I remember how Liam tried to stop Niall from going home for that short break. We were all worried he wouldn't return for good, but thankfully he did. So then we started to try and touch him more during concerts, since that was the only time we could all pretend that we were one happy band. It hurt when he would just lightly shrug us off and skip off to hang with Josh and the guitarist, Rick and Roy. That was another thing that bothered me. He hanged out with Josh _all the time_. I know I had no right to be jealous, but it was like a disease eating me form the inside out. When I was on twitter during a break, I visited Niall's page to see he had posted photos and links to instagram photos of him, Josh, and Justin at the V festival. That should be us with him, with our arms around him and making him smile. I remember how we had all planned to go together a few months before the mess. I imagined how I would wrap my arms around Niall's waist from behind as we swayed to the music the live band would be playing. I imagined how we didn't have to worry everyone seeing since it would be packed and too dark to tell. I imagined it being perfect, and it probably was....just the four us weren't there.

The calls with Perrie became less frequent. My guess is how busy she was with Little Mix. But then she would say she had something to run and do if I tried to talk about the subject of Niall, which was a lot. But I just shrugged and accepted it without question.

When we were called in to another meeting with management, we all thought we would try and ride together with Niall. When he came down and saw us waiting, he looked so adorably confused. Had we really let us grow that far apart? Paul pulled him close and walked him outside, explaining our idea. We all couldn't keep our eyes off of him in the van as he stared out the window in fascination. What I wouldn't give to know what he was thinking about.

By some stroke of luck, I ended up in the back of the elevator near Niall with our hands brushing each other. I took the risk and stuck my finger out to brush along the back of his hand. He gently pulled it away from mine as my heart felt like it was crumbling to pieces. I missed him badly. I watched as the elevator dinged and he followed Paul and Jeff out to head to the meeting room. I remember after when we got back to the hotel, he ran over to Josh and Lou with a big smile. I missed the way he used to smile like that at me.

That night, after warming up  our vocals for an hour without Niall, we went to try to find the vocal coach when we saw the place was deserted. After searching forever, we walked down a hallway when we heard noises. In confusion, we all headed toward the source of the noise to see everyone walking out of a big meeting room the arena had. They all had excitement plastered on their faces as they past us like we weren't even there. Even Niall and Lou walked past us, smiling to. Louis had asked what was going on and Paul told us something about a quick meeting and that we had half an hour to go get dressed.

All through the concert, all I could focus on was Niall. How he radiated true joy through each song we preformed. When the technical difficulties happened, the four of us thought we would just take a break in the dressing room. Like usual, Niall didn't join us, but after a few minutes we went back to the stage to see what was up. That's when we got to witness Niall singing something beautiful yet heartbreaking. A song of apologizes that we hadn't given him. I didn't even try to hold in the tears when we all got back to the hotel room.

That night, the four of us talked about how empty this relationship had become. I talked about how fucking sorry I was and still am for hurting Niall and how I didn't know how to fix it. I said sorry to Harry that I dragged him down with me, which he only shrugged and focused his teary eyes on the rug below. And that's where we all fell asleep that night, in the ruins of our own doings.

End of Flashback 

After watching Niall singing 'Young' one more time, I closed my laptop and set it down on the coffee table. I then snuggled down into my little couch beg and closed my eyes. I said a silent prayer that things would get better, that my little blond angel would come back to us, to me. I could feel the sobs start again as I hoped I wouldn't have that horrible nightmare again. The same one from the club night that plagues my dreams from time to time.

_I just need him back, so fucking bad_

-/-

 

(Harry's P.O.V.) 

As I lay alone in my bed, staring off to the side as tears roll down my face, I can't help but brush a hand over the empty spot where one of the other boys should be. The tears start spilling out more when I think of how Niall used to jump on me after concerts and tickle me on the bed. I would let out giggles as he bent down and kissed my neck. "Love you puppy" he would whisper in my ear. I would then then pull him up and bury my face in his chest shyly.

While in public with interviews and such, I seem like the most outgoing member of the band when in actually I am the most shy. Not so much a confidence problem as much as it is just a quiet persona. I was always known as a follower growing up, because I was always up for whatever was planned. As long as I got to tag along and be with my boys, I was happy. That's why they sometimes called me puppy, because I followed along or was too shy to speak out. But the boys understood me and I understood them. They accepted that I was shy and would have to be asked a lot if I needed or wanted anything. Only a few times would I say something if it was important. But they never tried to change who I was, they just loved me the way I am. I never thought my main trait would become my greatest downfall. I buried my head in the sheets as more tears fell down my face. 

_I should have spoke up and stopped this all_

 

Flashback

I was so confused when Louis grew distant from Niall. What had happened? Everything was perfect and I didn't want our relationship to crumble. So for once, I tried to say something. And for once, it just made things a whole lot worse.

"Now Niall." I waited to see Louis go over to kiss our Nialler as he had done with me, Liam, and Zayn. He glared and me then went over to Niall, where he hesitatingly put his lips on his cheek. Niall looked so sad as he closed his eyes.

"On the lips Louis." I was getting frustrated and upset inside, like a whiney kid who was told they couldn't get a new toy from the store.

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"And why not?" Like I said, whiney kid.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO! BECAUSE I..I DON'T LOVE.." I felt like someone had slapped my hand as if I had tried to reach into the cookie jar. No...please don't mean...

But no, Louis said he didn't love Niall. I looked at Niall to see his face lowered in shame and sadness. My lower lip trembled as I tried not to cry. I brought that upon him, I hurt him by saying something. So right there, I made a mental promise not to speak up anymore, because it would only end up hurting somebody. 

_I really wish I hadn't made that promise._

After, I felt like a little kid going back and forth between divorced parents. I could only quietly smile as I tried to please both Niall and Louis, but inside I wanted to cry, throw a temper tantrum, and beg for things to go back the way they were. Louis was trying so hard to be affectionate to us, as if he was trying to prove something. But to who? And for what? I was so shocked when he kissed me hard on the night us three were assigned a room with him. He wanted to have sex, and I just felt so lost. What about Niall? But then Zayn and Liam gave in as they pulled me into the mess of kisses and bites. _I didn't speak up and try to stop it._

Afterwards, I couldn't get close to Niall. I felt so guilty that we left him out, so I just gave him a peck and turned with my back facing him in bed. I loved him but I also felt like I was hurting him. I just felt torn between these two relationships we were all trying to keep going.

The one person I thought had really understood me in this whole mess was Zayn. We're so close that we could lean on each other for anything. But then when Liam left, I felt so sad. Zayn on the other hand was fuming inside, holding everything in because that was just the kind of person he was. He hated showing his emotions. Niall would try to comfort us, but I was too focused on the sadness and hopelessness I felt. Our whole relationship was falling apart and all we could do was  just sit back and watch.

Then Zayn pulled me aside one day in an empty corridor to talk to me. He tried to convince me that Niall was the one behind this. That the whole mess was his fault. But why would he want to hurt himself? I saw the way he looked when Louis implied he didn't love him. There was just so much doubt in my mind.

"But..Niall wouldn't do that" I tried to argue. "He loves us."

Zayn shook his head and grabbed me by the shoulders. "He doesn't. He's jealous of all of us or some shit! He wants this relationship to go down the tubes and take us down with him!"

"Z, I get it but I don't think..."

"Harry. It's his fault. Who was the last to talk to Liam? Him. Who was the last to talk to Louis before it ended? Him. And he's now going to try to tear us apart!" That right there made my whole body freeze and my eyes widen with fear. Zayn was my partner-in-crime, the person I was closest to. I already felt like I had lost Liam and Louis was being so different, I couldn't lose Zayn too.

"I...Z..."

"I know, I know you're scared. But trust me. Okay?"

"I don't..."

He put his mouth on mine and kissed hard. I could feel the passion and need in it. He need me just like I needed him. He pulled back slowly and looked into my eyes. "Okay?"

So I nodded as he pecked my lips and smiled. _And again, I said nothing._

That following Saturday night was when things went horrible. As Zayn yelled at Niall, telling him lie after lie, insult after insult, I could only keep my eyes fixed on my hands. Zayn said this needed to be done. He said this would make us feel better. I know I should have stopped him, should have pulled him away right when he started drunkenly blabbing about our relationship in public like that. _But I said nothing_.

 Zayn finished his rant by leaning forward and growling out. "And I am so fucking done with you." Then he got up and disappeared into the crowd. As I looked up to see Niall's face, my heart tore itself apart. He looked so broken and devastated and so betrayed that I let it all happen. 'No' I thought. 'This wasn't how it was supposed to go, this wasn't how I was supposed to feel after.' Then I went and made another huge mistake by getting up and chasing after Zayn.

How I wish now that my feet had stayed planted where they were.

I chased after Zayn, calling his name as he exited the club. I finally pushed through the throng of people outside where I walked around to try and find Zayn. And that's when I found him puking his guts out in the alleyway. I walked up to him and rubbed his back as he continued throwing up. I could feel flashes going off behind me, so I tried to shield Zayn as best I could with my body from the cameras. After a few minutes he stood up, wiped his mouth, and turned to me. What shocked me was that Zayn was crying. Zayn **never** cries. "That was supposed to make us feel better" he spoke through sobs. "Why doesn't it feel better?" I was wondering the exact same thing, but I just pulled him into my chest and hugged him close. More flashes were going off, but it didn't matter to me. I felt like a child trying to console their parent, not knowing what to do or how to bring them comfort.

Luckily Paul rescued us from all the paparazzi and took us back to the hotel. Zayn didn't speak once, just kept silently crying. When we got to the hotel and up to our room, Paul handed me the phone saying it was management. They were upset and wondering what the hell happened. I let Zayn fall asleep and went to talk to them privately. All that I said to them was a lie. Something like Zayn was having family problems at home and he got too drunk and upset tonight. They luckily just took the excuse and said they would handle it before they hung up.

I then walked over to the bed and got in beside Zayn, who was sound asleep. I think I stayed up at least an hour, thinking of the Niall looking so broken before I feel asleep. That didn't last long when I was awoken by some quick movement on the bed, then the sound of running till it changed to someone sounding like they were puking. I got up to see Zayn wasn't in bed and headed sleepily over to the bathroom. He was crouched in front of the toilet puking until he was dry heaving. I just got behind him and rubbed his shoulders. I think after the events that happened tonight, I could say that I felt a bit sick myself.

During the weekend I would stare at my phone, starting to type out a message to Niall, before deleting it each time. What could I say? I was so confused because I followed Zayn's plan, but deep in my heart it felt wrong. So I didn't text Niall at all that weekend. _I didn't say anything_.

But after the meeting Monday morning, when Louis came outside where Zayn was smoking and I was standing there, he got angry at us. He told us that he never had a fight with Niall nor did Niall do anything to Liam. Liam had his own struggles he needed to take care off. He didn't understand Zayn and mine's whole logic. My stomach dropped to my feet to when I realized we were wrong. What had we done?

Liam came back to us, but it wasn't the same. Yes we were happy to have him back, but Niall wasn't there. When he would pass by us looking so worn out, I wanted to cry. No one really called me puppy anymore nor nuzzled into my neck with kisses. I didn't realize that Niall was actually the main one who did that till it was gone. I felt like a child who had thrown away an old toy, only to realize how much it meant to me when it was gone. I could tell that the others missed Niall too. Our cuddles weren't comforting and our kisses weren't filled with love. They felt like nothing without the missing piece. 

When we were called into a quick meeting, the boys and I were heading through the lobby to go outside. Niall wasn't with us, but I thought he would catch up with us. We were immediately greeted by loud screaming from fans outside the hotel. As I looked up to see there wasn't one, but two black SUV's in front. I spotted Niall in the first one as it started to drive away with him in it. Niall wasn't going with us? But we always went together. :( I felt like a rain cloud formed over me as sadness washed through me. Niall left that afternoon to go to see his family as I called my sister Gemma and my mom. The knew when I didn't want to talk so the did the talking for me, telling me all about how they are doing and how life is back home. It felt better, because I just needed to hear their voices, to know that I hadn't lost everything.

When Niall came back, he seemed happy. He had Josh and Lou by his side or I would see him hanging out with our headliners 5 Seconds of Summer. I sometimes wanted to go over and join them, to be apart of the fun even if I didn't add a word of the conversation. But I thought that Niall would hate me especially since I haven't apologized yet. I'm scared because my excuse would be 'sorry I was just following Zayn's plan and didn't have enough courage to stand up for what I felt was right.' _So again I thought and did nothing._  

I'm a coward.

Niall grew further from us, never in sight but only when we had an interview, meeting, or concert. Concerts were my favorite part in this bleak mess, because I could get away with nuzzling into Niall's neck. He would allow it before awkwardly patting me then stepping away to go goof off with Josh. I really disliked it. What really broke my heart was when he nuzzled into Josh's neck. I loved with he used to do that to me, even if I didn't tell him in words.

A few weeks later, I remembered that we had to go to a meeting and we four decided to try and ride with Niall to the main office. He looked so confused when he saw us down there waiting for him. I wanted to run up to him and nuzzle into his neck, but Paul came and pulled him outside as we followed along. The van ride was filled with tension as Niall ok said a quick answer to Liam's questions. I was feeling like my face looked like a puppy wanted to snuggle with his master as I watched Niall's beautiful blond head all the way there. After the meeting went fine and we got back to the hotel, Niall looked like he was searching for something in the lobby. I wanted him to come with us, to finally just talk, but he ran off to Lou and Josh sitting on the couch. They looked so excited as they headed back out. Niall brushed past me with a "excuse me" and I felt my heart break as he left with them and  _I said nothing_.

That night, we were called in by one of the vocal coaches to do vocal warmups. Niall was missing, which made me sad but we did the singing warmups anyways. But during the whole hour, the coach never showed up and neither did Niall. Finally we walked out the room to try and find someone, but it was like the whole place was a ghost town. Not one tech nor stagehand was walking around. I felt kinda scared, shrinking near Liam as we walked around the arena. For a good few minutes, we couldn't find anyone. Then we heard laughter and talking in one of the hallways. We followed the source to see everyone coming out of a big meeting room, including Niall, Josh, Lou, and Paul. Even management was there. I felt left out. It was like being in high school and told that all your friends got together and hanged out over the weekend, but no one had bothered to invite you.

The concert that night went good until the whole technical difficulties. But I'm glad that those happened, because then we got to hear Niall sing so beautifully that I cried. I cried cause I miss him. I cried because I hurt him by doing nothing. And I cried cause everything had fallen apart.

Sitting around in a circle with Louis, Liam, and Zayn that night we talked about how sucky things have been. We talked about how we need our Nialler back. Zayn told me he was sorry he had dragged me down, but I just shrugged and looked at the rug. It was my fault too. He didn't make me do anything, I chose to hurt Nialler. I chose not saying anything. I chose not to be brave and fight for something that means so much for me.

I would see Niall so happy hanging out with Josh and Lou or even all the other friends he made. They did everything together, always commenting on each other's twitter statuses or post photos together on instagram. One status of Lou's caught my eye one afternoon. She had posted 'Chocolate Chip' with an instagram link. I immediately thought it would have something do with Niall and food (you can tell I think about him all the time) and clicked the link. But it wasn't Niall. It was a picture of Lou posing with her friend's pregnant belly. It was really cute and apparently the girl nicknamed her baby Chocolate Chip. I saw that Paul, Josh, and Niall were among some who already liked it, so I liked it too. In some way, it made me feel apart of their fun group. Sad, I know. I showed the other boys what Niall had liked and they liked it too. They definitely missed being in his life too. In that moment, I can only hope we can get Niall back before it's too late.

End of Flashback

 I opened my wet eyes to see the empty spot on the bed still there. I could feel my lips begin to pout, quivering with the oncoming cries. Whenever I felt like I had a bad day, hating that I had to pretend to be so confident and flirty, hating that the media made me seem like a man whore, or hating when people would send me hate on twitter, I would get into bed and cry. Yet, I was never left alone because Niall always seemed to know when I needed someone to hold me. He would get into bed with me, pulling me into his chest as I silently let tears leak out of my eyes and onto his shirt. But he didn't care about his shirt, only about me. He would start talking about his family or tell me a funny story from when he was a kid. Then he would tell me how lucky he was the he had met me. He would say he was so lucky to have such a cute, quiet, and perfect person in his life. He always knew how to make my tears stop. 

He always said the right words that I wanted to tell the boys when they were in my position, feeling bad about themselves. But I never said anything, only held them and let the others do the talking. And now here I lay, no one to hold me and tell me that being me was good enough. That being shy and not saying a lot was ok. I drove off the person who used to tell me that, and now I can only just wish for him to be in this empty spot on the bed with me and hold me close as I cried about how my main trait became my biggest flaw. 

_Me saying not enough hurt someone more than any words could have._

 

-/-

 

(Louis' P.O.V.)

I messed up. I messed up so freaking bad. I was scared, thought I was doing what was best, and didn't know what to say. And now because me, it's all fallen apart. It's torn all of our hearts apart, just because I panicked.

_I didn't mean for any of this to happen_

  

Flashback

This revelation was making me feel torn, from the inside out. Not even Harry and Zayn's goofing off made me forget my thoughts. Because just when I was relaxing, Niall with his perfect halo of golden hair, walked into the dressing room. I froze for a moment, Harry and Zayn too caught up with each other to notice. Liam, who had been laughing at us, turned to look at Niall with heart eyes as he pulled him close and kissed his forehead. I felt a tearing in my heart when I saw that. _Jealousy._

But then Zayn ran over and kissed his neck, whispering soft words into his skin. Another pull at my heart.  _Possessiveness._ Zayn the lifted a laughing Niall up on is shoulder and ran off with him as Harry followed behind, smacking Niall's butt.

Liam looked at me with his crinkle eyed smile. "C'mon Louis. Let's go home." I gave a believable smile and nod and followed him out to the car. All I could think is 'I need to stop this before I do something I'll regret.'

That night I tried to take the longest getting ready. Niall had been the first to be done, hopping in the bed and snuggling down into the mound of covers. I felt the corners of my mouth threaten to pull into a smile, but then they immediately went down into a tight, thin line as I saw Liam get behind Nialler in bed and pull him into his chest. He then bent down as placed kisses on his neck as Niall titled his head to give Liam more access to continue. Then Zayn came over to the bed and crawled over to be in front of Niall as he kissed his chest and lips. I could feel my hands gripping my night shirt in a death grip. I turned away form the scene as Harry walking over to the bed. _Breath Louis. Just deep breaths._ I stripped off my clothes quickly and headed over to the bed. I got behind Harry and snuggled into his back. He always was a cuddle bug. As we started goodnight giving kisses, an idea popped into my head. Maybe this would end my problem and keep it all perfect. So I gave three pecks, one to Harry, one to Liam, and one to Zayn. Then quickly got back in my spot and snuggled into Harry's back. I could feel my gut wrench with longing to give that last kiss, but this needed to be done.  _Go to sleep. Don't think about it. Just go to sleep._ So I closed and hoped Niall didn't notice.

But he did. Because in the morning I could see him look a so down. _Dangit I can't do this. Not this time._ So as we were heading out the door, I pulled him in and kissed him with all I had.  _God it was heaven._ Afterwords, he looked relieved and for the rest of the day he was a carefree, bubbly Niall. But the feelings were coming back, the kind that made me shaky and panicked. So I began avoiding Niall. Pulling away from him and trying to slowly distance myself from him. And he didn't make it easy.

He would try so hard to ask me what he did wrong or fix the problem. I would just smile or pretend everything was fine. He looked so sad each time I did that, I had to get away before I blurted everything out. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone what was going on inside my heart. It would tear us all part.

Then the night came when we all felt the need to be as close to each other as anyone can. But all my running away and distancing myself didn't work out when we were paired off into them three and me with Niall. And I could feel my heart exploded in my chest. He looked so scared when he realized that it was us as he looked into my eyes. There was fear, like I was going to scoff and walk away from him. _Dear God, what was I doing to him?_ But no I was the one who was scared. I was scared he would see everything I was feeling in my eyes. Being away from him these past few days was so hard, that in this moment, I didn't want to run. I wanted to be right here with him. I wanted all of him.

So I crawled to him and up his body to hover over him. Could I really say goodbye to this? This angel? I had to. So I whispered "I'm sorry" as I leant down to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me back firmly as I stripped us naked. I started to stretch him out, but could only could focus on kissing him or staring into his breath-taking blue eyes. He nodded when he was ready as I lined up and slowly and gently entered him. We started to move together as one as he started to tear up. This was love making in the purest form, the kind you wanted to treasure and hope to do another time, yet I was making it a goodbye. I could feel my own eyes began to water as I leaned down to kiss away his tears. He moaned as I hit the sweet spot inside him as I bent down to kiss his neck softly, to savor it. We were so close, but I didn't want it to end.  _But it has to Louis, you know that._ I looked into Niall's beautiful eyes and kissed him one last time to remember by as we came when a cry into each other's mouths. _Let go Louis. Let go._ I pulled out and went to the other side of the bed and laid facing the wall, letting out a quick sniffle to try to keep my tears in. As the five of us all settled into bed, I could only stare at the wall.  _It's for the best, you know it is._ I feel asleep that night, dreading tomorrow.

How do I tell him this? How do I tell him a lie. I guess I start with a little bit of the truth."I don't hate or think you aren't worth it. I just...I..I just don't... _feel_  the same way about you as I do about the other boys." Good Louis, good. Now, _finish it._  "I just don't...love you." God those words tasted horribly sour on my tongue as I spit them out. Niall's face had drained white and he looked so heartbroken. Yet, in all his pain he said "I understand." God I could cry at those words of my caring little Nialler. But that would be giving in, so I got up and quickly went to the bedroom where the other three were laughing. I grabbed my clothes and went straight to the bathroom, locking the door and turning on the shower to make some sound. Then, I slid down the the door to the the bathroom tiled floor and cried.  

That week, I focused all my efforts on Liam, Harry, and Zayn. Constantly placing kisses on them, constantly touching them. Of course, I did it when I thought Niall wasn't looking. I didn't want to put him through more torture than I already was. The kisses on the three were demanding and harsh, the touches purposeful and lingering. All I could think was 'feel, feel, feel'. The boys noticed me and Niall's distance and tried to fix it. Gosh, I want to bury myself in the ground at that memory.

It was the few times Harry had something to say, which he rarely talked unless it was important. "Ok lads good show, but I think he need to fix something." He turned to look at me. "Louis come give me a kiss please." I was confused but shrugged and went up to him, standing on my tip toes to give him a kiss. _Make it loving._ "Now Liam." What was Harry doing? I went over to Liam and gave him a peck.  _Feel._ "Now Zayn..." That's when I froze for a moment. I knew exactly what he was trying to do. Son of a bitch. I went over to Zayn and kissed him quickly before sending a stern glare at Harry. Here its comes. "Now Niall." I narrowed my eyes at the so called 'puppy' of the group before walking over to Niall. When I met his gaze, my face softened. _Make it quick, fast, don't think, don't feel._ I slowly placed my lips on his cheek. "On the lips Louis." I whipped around to glare harshly at Harry. "No." _Stop it._

"No?" he narrowed his eyes in anger.

I took a step towards him and answered firmly "No." _Stop it Harry..please_

"And why not?"

Before I could even think, I blurted out "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO! BECAUSE I..I DON'T LOVE.." I stopped myself right away. Oh God! Why did I say that? I didn't mean to. It's a lie! I swear! Dear God this wasn't supposed to happen! I didn't mean to cause Niall any more pain.

I could feel the shock radiating off of the boys, while devastation radiated off of my lovely Nialler. Liam was the first to break the silence. "Bu..Lou..don't you..don't you...?

I knew what he was asking but then I thought maybe I could use my mishap as a way to sever the tie. _Oh God, I'm so sorry Ni. Just Lie Louis. Lie._ I turned to Liam and let out the last painful word of that night that still rings in my ears to this day.

"no."

From then on, the three boys split there time between me and Niall. I tried to forget how much pain I was putting Niall in, no matter how much it ripped my heart apart, and focused on the three other boys. I tried so hard to be affectionate, to feel everything. But it wasn't enough. So I thought that I had to go all the way. Maybe then everything would be ok and this whole thing could be resolved. I knew the rule that we had about sex. If one person is purposefully left out, then the others wouldn't do it at all. But I bent the rule, till it snapped in half.

On one night I had all three boys, I immediately attached my lips to Harry's. _Hunger for them, be desperate for them._ Harry was so shocked as he tried to gently push me off. So I moved on to Zayn who kissed me but tried to slow it down, before things went to far.  _Take it to far Louis, take it all the way._ The three were conflicted, not knowing why I was pushing this.  _Beg them Louis, take them into this. They need this. You need this._ So I began "Is it because you don't love me? Is it because were not all together? Can't I **prove** my love to you all?" I could see my words wearing down their resolve. _Yes Louis, prove your love. Prove it Louis. PROVE IT!_

Zayn was the one who broke first, pulling our lips together. Liam then began kissing my neck as we started undressing. Harry stood by like a lost puppy until Liam and Zayn pulled him on the bed into our heated kisses and desperate touches. I could feel my heart shriveling as we continued through the night. This would be the answer. This would fix everything, I just needed to feel. _And feel and feel and feel._ I let Liam thrust in me as I laid back on the bed, I sucked off Harry then made out with him while using my hand to bring him over the edge, and I finally rode Zayn as the other two made out with each other, pleasuring one another at the same time. I expected to feel better after that. But as they fell asleep, I lay in bed feeling even more troubled than before. Having sex helped with nothing. All it brought was a guilty conscious, empty strain, and a horrid feeling in my heart.

I didn't even think for a moment that Niall was staying in the room connected by our wall. I wished I could go back and slam my head into that same wall right then and there.

I continued to try and be close to the three, but sex was out the question after that. And then Liam was the one starting to distance himself. He was getting frustrated at something, I just didn't have a clue what. Well that was until I tried to make him smile at one concert, which failed, but then I saw a sign in the crowd that said "Marry Me Liam!" held up by a girl maybe around 16 in a One Direction shirt. Was that what bothered Liam? That he couldn't marry all those Liam girls? Or!!! was it the thought of revealing that she would never become 'Mrs. Payne'? No girl would. Ah, Liam must be dealing with a sexuality crisis, especially since our relationship includes, or should I say _included_ , all five of us. So when he stayed away from us after the weekend, I didn't worry. Even after we all saw the pictures of him handing out with Danielle, I didn't panic. I just sent him lingering touches even when he shook them off. _That's right Louis, keep touching him. Let him now you still want him, love him._  The other two boys weren't handling it so well. Zayn was brooding while Harry looked ready to cry. When Liam took off for Wolverhampton, I could only try to keep us three together.

That Saturday night, I took El to the club with me to try and keep up a good cover. It was actually really fun, but I kinda longed to dance with a certain someone else. _Don't think about that Louis. Forget it!_  I thought the other lads had fun too, until we showed up for a meeting monday morning and it was  _tense._ Zayn and Harry were blank faces while Niall was shrunk low in his seats. Liam was the only one who came in peppy. What hit me was when after Liam said he was traveling home over the break and they asked us if we were all staying here, Niall's voice was horse and he sounded so sad and tired. What happened? What happened to Ni? I think all of us were surprised by his bleak voice.

When we got back hotel, Liam went to leave for the airport while Zayn and Harry headed to the back of the hotel quickly. Niall watched them go with a sad expression as I met his gaze. I wanted to go over and comfort him. Maybe just a hug and- _NO! DOn't! YOu fall again. Forget it. Don't do it Louis._ So I instead took off after Harry and Zayn to find out what happened. I abandoned our precious Nialler just like the rest.

I found smoking Zayn and a quiet Harry leaning against the back wall. I had to find out what happened with them and Niall. I put my hands on my hips as I asked "Ok what's going on with you guys? I could literally karate chop the tension in the meeting this morning in half." There I go resorting to humor to cover up my worry and panic. 

Zayn took a drag from his cigarette and looked away from me as Harry quietly spoke up. "We..well we broke up with Niall." _What?! No no this isn't how it was supposed to go!_ "What? Why?! I mean what the fuck happened?!"  _It was supposed to be split perfectly, me with the three boys and Niall with the three boys._

Zayn stomped out his cigarette and said, "The same thing that happened with you and him. He messed it all up and yeah. That's it." _Same thing? They have no fucking clue what happened between Niall and me, not even Niall does!_

"What?" I asked getting more and more confused. "What do you mean the same thing? And what the freaked do you mean he messed it all up?!"

It was Zayn and Harry's turn to be the confused looking ones. "You know. He fought with you and hurt you and drove Liam off then.." _What the f-? They obviously misinterpreted everything and they have no clue what I know about Liam!_

I immediately cut them off and waved my hands in the air. "Whoa whoa whoa! We didn't fight and he certainly didn't hurt me. If anything I hurt him! I.." shoot don't talk about it. "It doesn't matter but Liam had his own issues to deal with, none of which is Niall's fault. What the fuck did you guys do?!" I was mad, so very fucking mad. How dare these two dummies hurt our Niall, my precious Ni. But then guilt settled in my stomach because _I_ hurt Niall. _I_ started this all. 

Zayn and Harry started blankly with guilt. They knew that they messed up too.

But then Liam came back, _back to us_. He had sorted himself out at home and I could tell that things were good when I went to hug him, he placed his face in my neck as he hugged back tightly. Then he pulled back and placed a kiss on my forehead. I was expecting it to make me feel warm, to feel good. But all I felt was _nothing._ Nothing and heavy weight of guilt on my shoulders.

The three boys and I tried to make it work. Tried to make it seem like we were so happy. But again, we all felt nothing but guilt, longing, and emptiness. The cuddles I imagined would make me feel happy instead felt like a hammer chipping away at my heart. Even the kisses felt like a huge piece was missing. And as we all pretended that we were all with just the four of us, I could feel the damage I had started. When I thought no one was looking, I would just stare off in the distance, my mind plaguing with guilt and heartbreaking pain. My whole plan wasn't working. It didn't change anything. What I thought would drive us all apart wasn't the problem. The problem was me trying to prevent it from driving all of us apart, thinking that my plan would help us all. But it didn't. Instead, I broke my own heart and helped break the others before we even had a chance to think about it. _God I'm so sorry._

I rarely saw Niall, but when we did, he was different. _Better._ He seemed to get brighter each time I was able to sneak a glance at him. The feeling of  _jealousy_ and  _possessiveness_ came back full force when I saw how close him and Josh were. I could tell Harry, Liam, and Zayn felt the same way. It was like seeing your loved one, who you had pushed away and told that you didn't have time for them, be loved and cared for by someone else. It was  _torture._

The four of us stopped trying to pretend everything was alright, because it wasn't. Just fucking wasn't. We all started to try to get close to Niall during concerts or interviews at the months went on. That was the only time we could find him. But he would either take the lone seat in an interview with a smile or just act with us on stage then skip off. He always looked so good, wearing lots of layers and a big smile on his face. I wanted to hold him, to get on my knees and beg for him to never leave. But I couldn't do it, not with the audience in front of us. Not with the other three boys right there too.

What caught my attention was how many people he had gotten close to. Not just Josh, Lou, and the guitarists, Rick and Roy, but I could see him laughing with the stage hands and light technicians. I also had caught glimpses of some of the cooking ladies sneaking him a treat every so often, but I said nothing. When we went out, Paul and the other security guards were cautious, but even more so around Nialler. One incident was when that mob of girls and broken through the barriers set up and tried to grab at us. As I was being pushed and pulled at, I looked up to see a girl being pushed at Niall which caused him to fall forward. I tried to reach out, but was stuck where I was. Luckily, Paul caught Niall and eventually police were able to get the fans back. As the four of us stood together afterwards, we couldn't help but glance in Niall's direction as security and medics checked him out. _Did something happen?! Why is everyone around Ni?_ I felt panic build up in my chest, but then they gave him the go ahead and we all headed back to the hotel. After that, security was much more tight and I could always see them all having an eye on Niall. Me and the other four boys also tried to always stay close to Niall, well as close as we could get. 

When we were called in early by one of the vocal coaches before a concert I assumed he meant all of us. He told us when we get there to warmup for a while. The four of us arrived with no coach nor Niall in sight. Liam then said that we should just start, but I couldn't help but let my mind wander during the warmups. _Where is Niall? Shouldn't he be here?_ After practicing for an hour straight and no one coming in, we decided to go find the coach or Lou to got get ready. But as we walked around the arena, it was deserted. Like everyone was gone. After searching for what felt like hours, which was probably just a few minutes, we walked down a hallway to hear..laughter? We followed the noise to see everyone, the crew, 5SOS, management, and Niall walking out of the big meeting room C with smiles on their faces. Niall passed us with Lou and I instinctively wanted to go with him. But then I saw Paul so I asked what was going on. He just smiled and said it was a quick announcement and that we had half an hour before the concert and should go get ready.  _What was everyone doing in there? Were they hiding something?_

As Niall finished singing his cover of 'Young' and the crowd went wild, I could feel tears in my eyes as my heart aches.  _I feel the same the exact same like before all this, even more._ I want to run out to Niall and kiss the daylights out of him. I want to shouted to the world that I fucked up and I'm sorry so sorry. _I was wrong. It didn't work. I was wrong!_

That night, when me and the three other guys sat around discussing how empty we all felt with Niall, I could hear the pain in each of their voices. Even Harry seemed so down as he stared at the rug. _My fault my fault my fault_. But I stayed quiet when they all discussed what they had done wrong. I couldn't tell them, not now. But we knew that we had to fix this, get Niall back, no matter what. That night, like every other night, there were no goodbye kisses or "I love you's". No that night we all said "night" then parted ways for bed. Nothing is all we felt.

End of Flashback   


I messed up, really badly and now it feels like it's all too late.

I'm so scared. We all are.

I need Niall back. We all need him.

I need to say I'm sorry so many times. We all do.

I go into the bathroom and close the door behind me. I lock the door and turn on the shower. Then, I let the tears pour out as I slide down the bathroom door onto the tiled floor once again.

_I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that gave you all a big insight. :) 
> 
> *just a quick note: the italics I used in Louis' P.O.V. are actually him talking to himself in his head. Like encouraging himself to keep going.*


	13. As We Part, The Four Hearts Try to Hold On

(Back to Niall's P.O.V.)

"Aww look you're starting to waddle!" Lou cooed with delight as we made our way down the hallway together. I'm about a 5 months and a week now, and ready for that big break to come quickly. My bump, although super cute and I definitely wished I could show off, is getting harder to hide. Especially, now that I'm starting to waddle. When I'm at concerts or interviews, I have to take slow steps or really focus on my walking/dancing around the stage so the boys don't catch on that I'm pregnant. Today I was only wear sweat pants and a hoodie, not really trying to hard to hide my bump since we didn't have anything planned today. 

My stomach suddenly garbled loudly. "Lou I'm hungry" I moaned with a hand on my stomach. She just shook her head, grabbed one of my hands and pulled me down the hallway. "I know, c'mon. We're almost to the dining room. Hey! Maybe they have your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes with pickles and hot sauce." She made a disgusted face at that. Ah cravings. As you can see, my taste in food is really whack but trust me it taste amazing! 

"God I hope so" I smiled and laughed as Lou pretended to gag. We reached the doors of one of the dining rooms in the hotel as we went inside. It was a big beautiful room, decorated like an old french cafe. There were at least 20 table set out with white linen covers with lace edging along the bottom. It wasn't too busy, only a few hand crew members and dining staff who waved to us as we made our way over to the table Josh and Calum were sitting at. 

"Good morning boys" Lou said as she pulled out my seat for me, which I graciously took. They said "Hey!" back as I started to look over the menu. Then she took her seat beside me as a waiter came and took our drink orders. Paul suddenly dropped down in the other seat beside me with Jeff next to him. "Good morning" he said as he unfolded his napkin and placed it on his lap. He looked up to the waiter when asked what beverage he would like. "Coffee please."

As the others began to talk about stuff, Paul leaned over and whispered in my ear "The boys are asking where you are again." I sighed and thanked him as I focused back on the menu. Over the past month or so, they boys have constantly trying to find me to talk I guess. I always either a) hide, b)pretend I don't notice, or c) do both. What is there for them to say? 'Oh sorry Nialler, we all decided to take it out on you and now after months of not apologizing we are ready to move on and forget this mess!' Yeah no thanks. Plus, if I went with them right now, they would probably notice my bump. Unless Lou put me in something that covers it up, but still I can't take the chance.

I looked through the menu and finally discovered what I was craving for. As the waiter came over to me, I asked "Can I please have chocolate chip pancakes and three eggs on the side? Oh and can I have a side of sour cream, hash browns, bacon, and pickles and hot sauce?" The waiter , who we learned is name Marty, just smiled amused and wrote it down. Marty has been dealing with me for the past month and knows how my pregnancy affects how much and how weird I eat. "Sure thing Nialler" and with that he walks off to place our order.

A we all settle down in our seats to wait for food and talk, I hear footsteps approaching us. My eyes do wide with panic, but luckily I hear a sweet voice coo "Niall, you look lovely today!" I turn to see my adopted grandmothers joining us for breakfast. They each give me a kiss on the cheek and take a seat at our table. "Thank you Lucy. I actually think ya'll look lovely." They just smile and bat away my complement with a blush.

The conversation goes on as my hand starts rubbing my bump. It's become a habit when I'm not in front of public or the boys. For one, I just love rubbing my stomach, but I also do it to try and feel movement. Dr. Markson said I could feel kicking as early as 3 months, but so far I haven't felt one. And I really, reallllllllly want to. I try talking to my little chocolate chip at night, try to encourage him to kick. But he just stays quiet and listens to my voice or the music from the headphones. 

Who knew I was about to get my wish?

The waiter and another helper come back with trays of all the food. He passes it all out then puts my plate down last. "Here ya go Nialler." I smile and say "Thanks Marty" as we all dig in. I am about to put my fork with my food in my mouth when I feel a flutter in my stomach. I stop and wonder what was that? I feel it again and put my fork down on my plate. Everyone is busy talking to notice I haven't eaten. I bring my hands to my stomach and wait. I feel it again as my eyes go wide with realization. Lou turns to look at me with concern. "Niall are you ok?" Everyone stops talking to look at me as I smile when I feel it again. It's a kick. I smile and look up to Lou as I take her free hand and place it on my bump in the right spot. She looks confused before her face breaks into a smile as she feels the kick too. She then gets teary eyed as she smiles at me. "He's kicking." Everyone awws at us as I turn and tell Paul and Jeff to feel. They look like just as happy as I do when they feel the baby kicking. 

I get up and waddle excitedly my way over to Josh. "Joshie feel it." Josh puts his hand on my stomach and waits. Within a minute, he lets out a laugh of joy as he feels the kick too. Calum puts his hand on my stomach too to feel it. "Wow, Chocolate chip gotta a strong kick." We laugh as the grandmothers come up and replace the boys' hands with theirs. "Aww, he's excited too." They coo and hug me tight. I then waddle over to the other tables to make the techs feel it too as the people at my table laugh at me. But I can't help it, I'm so excited and happy, everyone should get to feel this amazing thing. Even when Marty comes back to check on us, I take his hand and place it on my stomach as he looks so confused. But then the baby kick the spot where his hand is and Marty smiles big as he says "Good for you Niall." 

After my excited 'hey-everyone!-feel-this-amazing-kicking-go-on' party, I take my seat and dig into my food. The others look kinda grossed out at my cravings, but I don't care. _This is heaven_.

My mom, Rebecca, and Lou have been skyping and calling each other a lot this past month. They have been handling the baby shower planning while I just relax which is really nice. They finally got the invitations sent out last week and I can tell everyone that knows is excited. It's planned for 2 days after I hit 6th month mark. I should be getting back a few days before that which I'm actually excited to get to celebrate my baby shower. Everyone is invited from security, techs, backstage crew, and management to my adopted grandmothers, Josh and Lou, 5SOS, Little Mix, Justin, Eleanor and Danielle, and even some friends from back home whom I called and told my pregnancy to. So far, they have all rsvp'ed which makes me really happy that everyone is going. For me it's not about the gifts , but about celebrating the baby with the people who have helped out so much these past months. To say I'm thankful is an understatement.

As I finish my plate, Paul claps me on the shoulder. "C'mon Nialler, we have to get you and the boys to a meeting in an hour." I'm confused because I haven't heard of any meeting planned. Paul only looks like he knows a good secret as an excited Lou and Josh stand up with me. "We'll go get him ready." Oh right, my tight hoodie doesn't hide the bump to well. We say our goodbyes and make our way up to the room to go get changed.

 

-/-

 

I'm sitting here in the middle seat in management's office, wearing a big hoodie and a baggy t-shirt under with skinny jeans with a stretchy waist band. I don't know how I got here to begin with. I was going to go sit at the end, but since I was last to arrive, the boys were already sitting in the chairs with Liam already in my seat. I could tell they had purposefully left the middle one open for me, so I slowly walked as "normally" as I could to the seat and sat down.

"Ah Good!" Simon clapped his hands with a smile. "Now that you're all here, we have the full plans finalized and laid out for movie premieres. It's going to be three premieres, one in London, one in L.A., and one in New York. You'll be taking a jet to each location. They premiere days work out in that their is a day or two in between each one, so you should be back home within a week. The first date is in about a month an half. Sorry to cut into your break boys, but I promise after you finish those dates, you're completely free for six months." Oh shoot. That would mean 24/7 trying to hide my bump from the world and boys. Oh boy oh boy. Hey! I'm having a boy! :D Wait!! Niall focus!

"So..." Simon continued. "Since you boys aren't getting your full break, we are letting you go home early. You just have to get through two more weeks than you go home." YES!!! Mother! YES!!! So that's what Paul, Lou, and Josh were keeping a secret. Man, I am so freaking excited, but for some reason the other boys didn't seem to happy. "Alright so that's it boys." We nodded and got up before Simon said "Oh Niall can I talk to you for a minute?" I nodded and sat back down, but the other boys looked like they wanted to stay. But Simon looked at them saying "Privately." They got the message and reluctantly left the room, shutting the door.

"Niall I need to discuss the plan with you, without the others overhearing why."  I nodded in understanding as he continued. "I'm sorry that we're cutting into your break with the premieres but we tried to get them as early in your break as possible before your bump gets any bigger. Unless Lou can't hide it well enough, I think that you should be fine. If you're nervous about looking revealing, we could say that you got sick and couldn't attend the premieres, but I know the fans would be sad and the boys suspicious. Plus I'd hate for you to miss them."

I just shook my head. "I'll be fine. I'm sure Lou will come up with something...hopefully." I have no idea how that's gonna work. And I have to move as slow as a slug to try and not waddle on the red carpets. This is gonna be tricky.

"Well just keep us posted and if you change your mind or something, call us." I got up and was about to head out the door when he called out. "Oh and Niall!" I turned to see him and the others grinning like mad. "We'll see you at the baby shower." I just smiled and nodded as I went out the door.

The others were leaning against the walls and I guess had been waiting for me. They stood up as I came out of the room. When I saw them, little chocolate chip started kicking like mad. Goodness gracious, please not now.  'Ok remember Niall, slow movements.' I just eased on passed and headed for the elevator, the boys following behind me closely.

 

-/-

 

As we arrived back at the hotel, we all walked into the lobby. I knew they were going to ask something, try to talk to me, but I wasn't ready. God, please send me a miracle to help me.

I started walking towards the elevators as the others followed. I hit the button and waited for the it to get down to the lobby level, trying to think of something a quick getaway and not to panic. Zayn rubbed the back of his head as he started, "Um Niall, do you think we could..."

"NIALL!" My prayers were answered as Josh and 5SOS came running up to us. "Come on Nialler! You promised you take us to go see that new movie!" Ashton whined as Josh wrapped an arm around my shoulder and started guiding me through the lobby again and to the car outside. Oh right! I did haha and thank you Lord! The other four boys stood forgotten by the elevator as we went back outside and hopped in the car to drive to the see the new film.

 

-/-

 

The two weeks flew by so freaking fast, thank God. And luckily after the previous meeting, I was never left alone with the boys for a moment. Either Josh, 5SOS, Lou, or Paul and Jeff where always with us. And of course concerts, the whole audience was watching us, so heart to heart conversations on stage were out of the question. But the boys always tried to stay as close to me as possible. A few times I had to duck their hugs, knowing if they tried to hug me they would feel the bump and the whole hiding plan would be foiled like a baked potato. Get it? Cause bake potatoes are foiled? No? Darn it there goes my dream of becoming a comedian.

During a few of the nights these last two weeks, I invited Joshie to come sit by me on the bed as I talk to my baby. He's been there for me so long and through all of it that I thought he deserved to be apart of something special like this. He usually just listens and watches with an amused smile, but I can tell he thinks its really cute what I do. Sometimes he joins in and starts telling funny stories about me. I always end up laughing so hard with tears coming out of my eyes that the baby kicks crazily.

Another thing that has also changed is my mood. While I'm usually happy during this whole pregnancy, I have also grown more emotional. The other day I cried over some adorable gingerbread cookies the adopted grandmothers made me and it took a good half an hour to stop the tears. Paul and Jeff laughed when one time I cried over Lou saying that I looked "so adorable with my beautiful bump".  I just swatted at the two guys playfully and tried to sniffle the tears away.

Chocolate chip's kicks are getting stronger and more frequent which always manages to make me smile. The only bad part now since the baby is kicking is that he can start kicking at any time. I can tell you 99% of the time, I'm super excited to feel him kick me, especially when I talk to him at night and he'll kick my hand when I tell him a good story or play some good music. But the 1% of the time where his kicking isn't a good thing is when I'm at a concert or interview and somehow he knows the boys are near me. That's when he turns into a soccer player and kicks like mad, especially when they try to touch me at concerts. I try to calm him down, but nope he keeps on kicking with them near me. It confuses me so much, but I just try to focus on the baby and the upcoming break.

Tonight is the last concert before we all head home tomorrow for the long break. While it may seem sad, I don't feel down because I see them all in a little over a week for the baby shower! My family is really excited for me to come home, plus Josh, Lou, and her family are coming with me to Ireland. I'm really happy, because it's gonna be great! :)

"Ok, here come here Niall" Lou said, standing there with some gaze and padding. I walk over to, taking off my shirt as she begins to wrap the thick gaze around the top of the bump and up my chest, placing the padding on my upper chest then wrapping the gaze over it. It is supposed to make my bump and chest look more even under my clothes. We wouldn't want my secret to be given away, especially on the last day at the last concert. That would just cause a frenzy. We are currently in a remote dressing room, one that is separate from the other boys, as we get ready for the show that starts in half an hour. After she finishes wrapped the gaze, which actually helps, she hands me some black jeans to put on that has a nice stretchy waist band at the top. I'm pretty lucky in that all my pregnancy weight is only in my stomach area and not my face or thighs. I put those on then throw on a loose short sleeved shirt to put over the padding and gauze. She then hands me a zip up leather jacket that is big enough to not expose my stomach but still look good. I also put on my comfy white supras, which are surprisingly helpful with my swelling feet. She looks me over before clapping her hands in content. "Looks good! Here come take a look!" I walk over to the full length mirror to appraise my appearance.

It looks good and with the padding on my chest evening me out, you can't tell I'm pregnant. "It's good Lou, perfect really." You would think I'm going to over heat with all this on, but the crew have made it more cold in the arena tonight and the techs aren't going to put too much of the lightning on me. Everything should be good.

And it was. The concert went great as the crowd's energy was super loud and awesome, the band was spot on, and the us five sang perfectly. I was having a blast, but the other guys' smiles were forced. I could tell they weren't as happy about this being the last concert and the break coming up. What would happen after the 6 months break? Would we all be the same, never truly fixing the problem or connecting again?

"You've all been an amazing audience and we love you all so much! Thank you for making this last concert extraordinary! Goodnight!!" Liam yelled, then they all disappeared through the stage as Josh played the drums loudly. I danced one last time before going through the opening in the stage. All the stage hands, crew, management, and Lou were there to cheer for us and pull us into hugs. It was done. The tour was finished and now I could focus on my baby.

 

-/-

 

I was in my room alone, packing my bags and making sure everything was set. Josh and Lou were in their own rooms, packing all their stuff for the flight tomorrow morning. I called my mom and talked to her and my dad for a little bit, the excitement building up in my body that I was finally going home. Even chocolate chip was kicking with the same excitement, ready to "meet" grandma and grandpa. I told them I loved them both and hung up just as someone knocked at my door. I thought it was Josh, already done with packing and coming to hangout, so I waddled over to the door to answer. I looked in the peephole out of habit, ready to pull open the door, when I froze at the sight. It wasn't Josh, but Liam, Louis, Harry, and Zayn. I retracted my hand quickly and stepped back. _Crap_ , I was only wearing a loose t-shirt that _definitely_ didn't cover my bump. They knocked on the door again as I remained quiet.

"Niall?" Louis called through the door. My heart leapt in my throat at the sound of his voice. I hadn't heard him talk to me in so long. "Niall are you there?" The baby was kicking like mad again, somehow knowing that the others were right on the other side of that door. "Please open up. We need to talk to you. Please."

I kept taking steps back quietly. I couldn't, not now. I was so close to being safe, so close to getting home. I wasn't ready to tell them. I wasn't ready to talk to them and relive the pain they caused me all over again. The baby was kicking hard, almost like wanting me to go talk to them. I just put a hand on my bump and patted it softly. _I can't. I'm sorry, but not now baby._

"Niall?" Zayn called as he banged firmly on the door again. Liam spoke up next. "Niall if you're in there please let us in." I almost expected Harry to talk, but he stayed quiet on the other side. To me, he was and will always be a puppy. I shook my head, a smile threatening to form on my face before it fell quickly as Liam continued. "Please we need to talk to you. We need to tell you we're s.."

"Guys! Hey Paul's looking for you." Josh's voice came through clearly form the other side of the door as he once again came to my rescue. They said something to each other before I heard multiple footsteps walking away. A knock then sounded on my door as Josh called through. "Niall you can open up now. They're gone."

I breathed as sigh of relief as I waddled quickly to the door and opened it up for Josh. Sending my a smile, he walked in and pulled me into a hug as the door closed behind him. I melted into his comforting hug as chocolate chip's kicking started to calm down. "Hey it's ok" he whispered as I nodded and pulled back. He smiled at he as he pulled me to the couch. "Now let's watch some X-factor reruns before we have to go to sleep to wake up early." I just followed him with a smile as we settled down on the couch and snuggled.

As we watched the show, I thought back to the panicked moment a few minutes ago. It was a close one. I wasn't ready to tell the boys. I wasn't ready to even talk to them.

_I don't know when I'll ever be._

-/-

 

(Louis' P.O.V.)

After our failed attempt to try and talk to Niall last night, which Josh just had to come and interrupt us with a bullshit excuse, we decided that we would today to talk to him, no matter what. We had to. _I_ had to.

The feelings that were burning inside me, didn't scare me anymore. Instead it's what woke me up feeling motivated and determined. The other three guys felt the same. We had let our Nialler go for too long and we had to get him back. We need him back. _I_ need him back. But when we went to go knock on his door again, all of our hearts cracked when we ran into Paul. "Hey boys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Niall already left. He left this morning with Josh and Lou, Tom, and Lux." Our Nialler? He's already gone? He patted my shoulder and the others' sympathetically as he passed us. "Sorry boys." Then he walked down the hall and turned to go to his room.

Harry, whose lower lip was trembling, asked heartbroken, "He's gone?"

All of us just stared, feeling like it was too late. Even if we got to see him for the premiere which he probably won't even talk to us the whole week, he'll be gone for six months in a whole different country. _Isn't this what you wanted Louis? What?  Is your precious Ni gone? HA sucks to suck._ My thoughts, which had once encouraged me to keep going with my stupid plan, now seemed taunt me in my misery.

We eventually walked past Niall's door and headed to the elevators and down to the lobby. Once there, we walked one of the dining rooms to eat breakfast. Some of the crew were there, but most had already taken off to go home. None of us felt like eating, not when the one thing that matter was gone. Why does it feel like he's almost gone _forever?_ Oh God, please no.

I could hear Harry sniffing while Zayn looked away out the window. I knew Zayn was slightly fuming, but I knew the anger was directed towards himself. I could even see his chin beginning to quiver with the cries he was so desperately trying to hold in. Liam was staring at his phone, finally giving up trying to call Niall only to receive voicemail after voicemail. And I just want Niall. _Niall Niall Niall_

As we sat in the dining room, which was now empty except for us, I heard the sound of voices passing by the entrance. "I'm so excited Lucy." The voice was one that belonged to one of the cooking ladies. "I can't wait! Only a little over a week then we get to go to Ireland!" I looked up in surprise. Ireland? Niall's homeland? I saw the other three boys had heard the conversation too as they looked towards the door with curious faces. "Yes, I am too Marlene. Especially to see Niall and everyone too!" Niall and everyone?

Zayn was the first to get up from his seat and go stand by the door to hear better, us following his lead quickly. From the doorway, we could see the two older women standing in the lobby with their suitcases by them. They however couldn't see us. Marlene then asked "Have you gotten Niall's gift yet?" Gift? Was his birthday coming up? "Actually I saw something in one of the stores at the mall that's perfect! What about you?" Marlene nodded her head in excitement. "Yeah, I got him a lot of new clothes. Oh you should see them, they're just so perfect. I'm sure he'll be able to use them lots before he grows out of them." 

We all were so confused, but then she said something really important that immediately drew our attention back. "When are you getting there?" 

Lucy pulled out her iPhone to check her calendar. "I'm going to arrive next Sunday to help set up then I'll stay till the following Wednesday morning. That way if I'm too partied out Tuesday, I can just go to sleep and not have to worry about my flight or packing."

Tuesday? A party tuesday? And Niall is going to be there?

"That sounds good! I'll probably do the same and then we can help make some of our famous cookies! You know Niall loves those. When is it supposed to start again?"

"I think the invite said around 2. You know how Niall gets so tired at night these days. Poor thing."

Just then the third cooking lady came out the elevator with her luggage. "Hey girls! Ready?"

They nodded and took their luggage over to the front desk to check out.

We all stepped back when confused expressions on our faces. Liam was the first to speak up. "So Niall is having a party and we weren't invited?"

We all nodded before Zayn spoke with a spark in his voice. "Should we go?. Not to crash the whole thing but to talk to him." He eyes then softened as he said, "I can't lose him. I need him back."

Liam put a hand on his shoulder. "We all do Zayn. We all do."

Time to go get Niall. "We'll I say we find out where the heck this thing is and go to that party next Tuesday! Whose in?!"

Harry nodded vigorously, Liam said "I'm in" with a nod, and Zayn said "Yes. For our Nialler." I nodded as we set our plan in motion.

 _We were going to get our Nialler back. No matter what._  


	14. The Day The Four Others Finally Saw What I Had Behind My Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!!!! This chapter is what the whole story has been leading up to! God I can't wait for ya'll to read it! Enjoy! :) 
> 
> (p.s. niall's outfit is the one he wore in the pics with Theo! here's the link if you need a visual-> http://31.media.tumblr.com/1f22cc8389de206a214a331eb825f624/tumblr_mqhzsyAhpn1rtuomso1_500.jpg)
> 
> see end notes please!

 

(Niall's P.O.V.) 

I could hear the sound of birds chirping outside as I open my eyes to see the sun beginning to peak through my window. I sit up slowly on my bed as I stretch my back out and rub my bump absently. Even at 6 months, I am quite small for a pregnant person. Lou swears my bump looks as big as Kate Middleton's was when she was at six months. I got up from my bed and went over to my lounge chair to put on the clothes Lou set out for me. Today I was wearing my dark navy jeans with the elastic stretch on the waist, my white supras, and my white sleeveless 5 Seconds of Summer t-shirt. My baby bump popped right up in the shirt, but I didn't worry. Today wasn't about hiding my bump, today was about celebrating it. It's the day of my baby shower. 

I make my way downstairs, where I could smell bacon frying and pancakes cooking. I felt chocolate chip start to kick a little. I know baby, I know. Don't worry we are definitely eating soon. I walk into the kitchen to see my mum making breakfast with Lou helping her. Greg, my dad, Josh, and Tom are standing around, talking adamantly about the awesome Football game on last night. Rebecca is sitting at the dining table, bouncing a happy baby Theo on her knee, as Lux stands in front of them making silly faces, trying to get Theo to laugh. It feels like deja vu' all over again except there's bacon this time! Oh and Josh, Lou, Tom, and Lux are here too. hehe

Lux, who successfully made Theo gurgle with joy, spots me and runs over to hug my legs. "Ni!" she squeals excitedly. I laugh and pick her up, setting her on my hip as best I can with my bump. She pokes me stomach as I make my way over to sit at the dining table. "That's a baby!" I smile and nod at her as I kiss her cheek, causing her into a fit of giggles. When we got to Ireland last Sunday afternoon, I decided it was a good time to tell Lux that I was going to be having a baby. She immediately was happy because she asked with an excited face, "I'll have some to play with then?!" We all just laughed and told her of course. I choose to have Lou wait to tell Lux so late, because Lux hung around all of us during the tour. And kids, no matter how much they don't mean to, can and will blurt out things that we definitely didn't want revealed  *cough*pregnancy*cough* in front of the other four boys. I take a seat and set Lux into the seat next to mine.

"Good morning sweetie!" my mum says as puts the plate on the table and kisses my cheek. She takes the other seat next to mine as the others begin sitting down to eat. Lou is bouncing in her seat as she looks at me and says "It's the day!" I just laugh as everyone lets out a whoop or cheer. Gosh, I love my family.

We dig in into this delicious food when the doorbell rings. My dad wipes his mouth with his napkin, then pops up with an "I'll get it." He goes to the front to open the door, which I then hear a "Bobby! Good morning!" "Good to see you Bobby!" "Got any coffee?!" Ah, it's my adopted grandmothers. They've been so sweet this past few days, coming over and making cookies and baked goods for the shower today. "Good to see you ladies. C'mon in! We're just eating breakfast." 

They walk in the kitchen with smiles on their faces and bags in their hands. "Niall!" "Niall you look so handsome!" "Today's the special day Niall!" All three come over and kiss my cheek, making sure to touch my bump in fondness. I smile really big at them, saying "Thank you Lucy, Marlene, and Tara. Would you like to join us for breakfast?"

They smile, but shake their heads. "No we can't. We have to go help set up. We just came to drop off your gifts a bit early and to pick up Lou, your mom, and Lux to come help us."

I groaned "I can help too! Please?!!" 

Everyone, and I mean everyone excluding Theo, said "No" with a smile. I pouted and stuffed more pancakes into my mouth. They all decided that I should be surprised for my baby shower so I don't get to see the decorations 'till later. Boo! So unfair!

Lucy walks over to me. "Now, now. No pouting Niall. Today is going to be good and we can't wait for you get to see the place! Now, open the gifts from us!" She handed me over her bag, while Tara and Marlene placed theirs near me.

I smiled and opened Lucy's up first. I felt my big smile grow on my face. "What is it?" "Show it Niall!" "Yeah show it!" I obliged all their requests as I lifted the mobile up for all to see. The girls let out "aww!"s as the guys let out dramatic "awwwww!!!"s I just laughed but inside I felt like melting. The mobile was so cute, because it had six cartoon shamrocks that went around and around as baby music played. It was perfect. "Thank you Lucy. I love it!"

I set the gift back in the bag as I went to open Marlene's next. It was a bunch of cute baby onsies, either with guitar's, soccer balls, or even chocolate chip cookies on them. Ha there was even a One direction one! "Haha thank you Marlene. I love them so much and especially the chocolate chip cookie one." She smiled really big and said "You're welcome Niall."

I moved onto the last gift. I pulled it up to see it was big stuffed animal. A white fuzzy bear that was bigger than Theo. _Is it weird that this reminds me of Harry's baby photo? The one where he's trying to eat it?_ Whoa! Why am I think of him?! Forget it Niall!  Tara's voice brought me back to the present. "Because you're baby is gonna be a cute little snowflake like you!" I smiled and said "Thank you". Then I stood up and wobbled over to them to hug them tight.

"Now!" Lucy announced. "While you guys relax and make sure our Nialler here doesn't get there too early and try to sneak a peak.." I pouted. "..we are going to steal Maura and Lou and also take along our special helper Lux." Lux giggled as she ran to take Lucy's hand. My mum and Lou stood up saying goodbyes as the six of them headed out the door.

I kept pouting as Josh threw his arm over my shoulders. "Cheer up Ni. You'll see it soon." I sighed but nodded. I just don't like surprises :( not one little bit.

Greg called us to follow him to the living room. "Game's gonna start soon!" And with that, I was back to my cheery self. As we all settled down to cheer own Ireland in the game, I could only feel like today was a big day. And I was right.

_Today was going to change **everything**._

 

-/-

 

(Liam's P.O.V.)

I looked in the mirror as I buttoned up my shirt and tried to take deep breaths. Today was going to be big. We were going to finally talk to Niall, I could just _feel_ it. I was getting really nervous, something I haven't felt since I auditioned for the second time on X-factor or when we were waiting to find out if we had gotten through to the live shows. Even Madison Square Garden didn't have me racking with nerves like this.

I think my whole body, mind, and even my soul knew that today would affect the rest of my life. Today was the day I had to get Niall back. We had to get Niall back. My life would not work without Niall. This wasn't some breakup you get over in a few months and move on to find someone else. No this was the forever I always hoped for. The one I was too selfish to accept. But I promise that I'm not going to let him go if we get him back. That's one promise I'll never break

And now I have to go and fight for it with three other boys who love him just as much as I love him and them. I was tired of having to say that. _Him and them_. The only title it should be is  _us_.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Louis calling out "Liam are you ready?" I looked in the mirror one last time, nodding with determination, as I walked out to the hotel living room.

"Yeah. Let's go get him."

 

-/-

 

(Zayn's P.O.V.)

I was leaning against the hotel wall, not being able to take my eyes off a certain spot on the ground. I needed him back, we all do. All I want to do is run to him, get on my knees, and beg for his forgiveness. I don't care if I cry in front of the whole world, I'm not going to hold inside all my emotion and love for him. I'm done with being a stone wall.

I take a cigarette out, intending to light it to try and take the nervous edge off, but my hand starts shaking at my thoughts. All that is inside my mind is Niall, the beautiful angel and our happy memories together. But then my mind goes back to the nightmare last night, the still vivid image of him looking heartbroken on stage as I pointed and laughed at him with the whole audience. It was the same face he made that night of the club, the same night these nightmares began. I can't sleep well anymore, not unless I have Niall and all the other boys beside me.

I look at the unlit cigarette and put it back in my pocket. I don't want it, not again if it means we can get Niall back. Him and the boys are the only things I ever need to take the edge off. I say a silent prayer, hoping that I can still get him back. We need him so bad.

The back door opens up and Louis, Liam, and Harry walk outside. I nod at them as we all head to rental van. We all hop in and start our journey to the place the party is being held at. 

We're coming Niall. Please just hold on.

 

-/-

 

(Harry's P.O.V.) 

My knee bounces anxiously as we drive down the road. I'm sitting in the backseat with Zayn as Louis drives and Liam tells him the directions to the place. It's a quarter to 3, so the party should be getting into full swing. I doubt the dancing or drinking will start so soon, but hey it's Ireland so who knows? I don't know why it's so early in the day, but one of the cooking ladies had said that Niall was tired at night. I'm still a little confused but if going means I get to see Niall and be one more step closer to getting back to be able to nuzzle in his neck, then to the party we go!

You might be wondering how we found the place? Well it wasn't easy at all. First we knew from the cooking ladies that it was in Ireland and we guessed in Mullingar. But there were actually a lot places it could be. Since we didn't have an invite and couldn't go and ask for one, we did the next best thing. We started calling around to different party locations in the small town of Mullingar. We went with the idea that since the cooking ladies were going, it wouldn't be a pub, and since she said everyone would be there (probably meaning over 20 people at least) it must be quite a big place. We called looking for reservations under the name Horan. After we convinced them that this wasn't a prank, they all told us that they didn't have an event that was scheduled under that name. Even when my shyness, I talked to so many people at the different locations. But I didn't care, because I would talk to the whole world just to get to say "I love you" one more time to Niall.

Finally after searching the whole week and calling place after place, I suddenly thought of something. What if they put under a different name? So I told the lads to try Gallagher, his mother's maiden name. After a few more calls, we finally found someone who did have the reservation down for 2pm. Yes!!! We said "thank you" and hung up really quickly.

So here we are, driving to St. Thomas' community center. Apparently, Louis said that it's the place Niall used to come for school talent shows. He once told him how the whole town would come out to see it, meaning it's a pretty big place. I could feel my heart fill with a little joy at that information. I'm still learning so much about someone I love, but I'm ready to learn everything about the beautiful blond. If it means he'll hold me at night and tell me stories form his childhood, I'll do anything.

Zayn squeezes my hand on the middle seat as we get closer to the place. I squeeze back and can only hope that everything will work out.

I'll say anything to get him back. Anything.

 

-/-

 

(Louis' P.O.V.)

I grip the steering wheel tight as we head down the country road, passing beautiful green land. We're going to be close to him, closer than we've ever been in these past months. My heart beats a mile a minute as we near the community center. Hundreds of cars are parked any and everywhere. I pull to park by a blue nissan and turn off the engine. We all just sit there a moment in silence as we get ready to make the biggest decision of our lives. The one that we should have made months ago. 

I'm scared to tell him and the lads everything that's been going on inside me. But I need to. No more being scared or thinking I know what's best or even not saying enough. We have to get our Nialler back. Enough wasting time. I'm sick and tired of us hurting him.

I turn to face the boys and say "Let's go to our Nialler." They all nod with the same determination as we hop out the van and start down the path to the community center.

Please, let us say sorry. Please let's us love you. Please, give us one more chance.

_-/-_

(Niall's P.O.V.)

(-an hour earlier-)

We're driving to the location now and I'm so excited and nervous too. It's weird because I'm so happy to get to be able to celebrate my pregnancy and see everyone again, but I'm nervous because I just have this _feeling_. Like something is going to go down or I don't know, just something big. I think it's probably just because I want to see everyone and the decorations so bad, so I just shake it off and push that thought to the back of my mind. 

"We're hear Nialler!" Greg calls from the passenger seat. I see so many cars already here, gah! I just want to go inside. Greg parks near the front, thank goodness I don't have to walk that long path, as we all get out. I want to run inside, but my dad and Josh hold me back. "Now now Niall. Take it easy. Don't want you to go into labor early."

I huff but allow them to walk we slowly to the door, me waddling there actually. As we get to the door, Tom and Greg look at me with smiles before pushing it open. 

Wow

Everyone begins to cheer as I go inside. The whole place looks amazing. There's streamers and lights all around, and cute little center pieces at each table. I begin to laugh as I spot the balloons all around the huge rooms. There are simple blue and yellow ones and then there are ones that are literally chocolate chips. Oh my gosh! That's freaking perfect haha. They must have had to special order them.

Lux comes running up to me as I pick her up and kiss her cheek. "You did all of this?" She just nods with a smile as I tickle her into a fit of giggles. Tom takes her from my hands as Lou come up to me and hugs me tight. "Thank you" I whisper with tears gathering in my eyes. She hugs my closer and whispers back "Anything for you Ni." I hear a chorus of "aww's" as I pull back and try to wipe the tears away. Damn hormones.

My mother comes hugs me tightly as I hear her start to cry. "I'm so proud of you" she sobs out. Oh gosh I'm going to cry so hard today and I've only been here for five minutes. I pull back as we both wipe our eyes, laughing at the messes we are. My dad claps his hand on my shoulder as he says "You're doing good kid. You're doing good." I hug him sideways and my brother comes and hugs us both. Then Rebecca, with a curious Theo, hugs me tight. I then pull back to kiss Theo on the forehead as he giggles like mad.

I open my arms up to my adopted grandmothers. "Thank you so much. I love it!" They are too modest, only saying that they we're happy to help out. I then begin hugging and greeting all the other guests. Over a 100 people showed up, from Paul and Jeff with the other security guys to the backstage crew and light technicians; from Little Mix and 5SOS to Danielle and Eleanor; from management and Justin to my friends from here and even Dr. Markson. I can only be so lucky to have these amazing people in my life.

Some, who were just went over the top with kindness, brought gifts, which I was super thankful for. But others followed my idea on the baby shower invitation we sent out and donated the gift money that they would have spent on me to a local charity that helps children in need. I know I could provide for my baby just fine, it's those other children who are the ones who need and deserve more help and support. Again, I am so thankful for everyone here.

"Ok Niall, c'mon guest of honor!" Lou pulled me up to sit at a table set up in the front that had a long white cover over it. "We are going to play some games!" I just laughed and followed her to my assigned seat. I asked Josh and Lou to sit by me, so I wouldn't feel so awkward. As we sat down, Lou turned on the microphone and began talking."Ok you lot! Welcome to Niall's baby shower!" Everyone cheered loudly as felt my smile widen. "Now before tonight's festivities begin, I will hand over the mic to Niall, who I know wants to say I few words."

I nod and take the mic from her before I begin. "Thanks Lou. I..I just want to say thank you to every single one of you. I can't even tell you how much you've helped me over these past months. Even if we just talked, I am thankful to have everyone of you in my life. And I'm so happy that I know that chocolate chip is going to have all you amazing,wonder, and beautiful people in his life as he grows. So thank you and thank you! haha I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you all thank you enough. I love you. Thank you." Awws let out and they clap loudly as I pass the mic back to Lou.

"Ok, now for the first game. As you see there are cards at each table. Take a closer look and they look like bingo cards. Now since Niall is a boy, we decided that the game should be more fun, more manly. So instead baby things as the categories, we made the cards have sport teams, famous Ireland pubs, favorite foods, rejected baby boy names that didn't make Niall's list, and even songs of that band we all know and work for, One Direction." We all laugh as we each pull a card in front of us. "So let the games begin!"

It was actually really fun. Especially when each square had ones like O'Laughlin's pub, kentucky fried chicken, Ireland's soccer team, Pineapple (baby name suggested by Luke from 5SOS), and Best Song Ever. The prizes the winning guests one were gift cards to good fast food joints, small tvs, and huge teddy bears. But every guest would be going home today with a  t-shirt that either said "I survived Nialler's Baby shower" or ones that were the picture of me holding Theo when he was born, only Theo's face is now a cartoon chocolate chip. I definitely would make sure to take home one of the cartoon chocolate chip ones.

We were starting a new game as it neared 3 o' clock. 

"Ok.." Josh began. "The next game is, one of us up here are going to call a food from list of Nando's we have up here. If you're table has that picture of it in the centerpiece, you'll have to come up with an awesome nickname for Nialler's baby. The first table to shout it and get an overall thumbs up, wins. We'll keep going till one table is left. Oh! and it can't be chocolate chip! Ok so the first plate of food is Peri-Peri chicken!" About 8 tables huddled together, whispering to each of the members of their table.

After three minutes, one table shouts "Baby Nandos!' The room boos playfully. Josh calls out, "Not too original. Anyone else?" Jeff yells "Coco chunk!"I just laugh at his usual nickname for the baby as the crowd laughs and gives him a somewhat ok response. Josh shakes his head and says "Hmm, too close to chocolate chip. Anyone else?" Calum stands up and yells out "Fruit of Nialler's womb!" haha I get! Fruit of the loom. Good one. Everyone cheers in the room. "Nice Calum. Your group wins!" Calum and his table whoop in victory as Josh hands me the microphone. "Your turn Nialler."

I smile and look at the list of food that could be on the tables. Chocolate chip starts kicking slowly but I just guess it's because of the food. Hungry again haha. Everyone is chatting as I decide to call out a dessert. I look up to speak when the front doors open up and chocolate chip's kicking goes mad. My eyes go wide with panic as my mouth opens gobsmacked.

 _What are they doing here?_  

 

-/-

 

(Third Person P.O.V.)

No one notices the four boys at the door, except Niall who sits frozen in his seat in shock. Zayn, Harry, Liam, and Louis look around so confused. No one is dancing or grinding, nor does it look like there's any drinking going on either. 

Lou and Josh start to notice Niall is in shock and worriedly ask what's wrong? It's only when they follow Niall's gaze do they two find themselves frozen. The whole place notice's the host are silent and look back to see what they are staring at. The whole room goes silent as they all lay eyes on the four boys. _Oh God, Oh God, Oh God_.

The four boys start walking towards their Nialler as they scan the room. It's shocking to seem what seems like the whole team of over a 100, management, and backstage crew are here. Even Lou, Paul, and Josh are here. What's going on?

Zayn looks around and spots..Perrie and Little Mix here? Her eyes are wide with panic but she doesn't move from her spot at her table. 'She was invited too and she didn't tell me?' Zayn thought with confusion and slight hurt.

Liam looks around seeing everyone look back at the four of them with shock and uneasiness. He then laid eyes with surprise on..Danielle?! Liam was getting a little sad and frustrated. 'Since when is she super close to our Nialler?'

Louis saw where Liam was looking and felt his own eyes widen when he saw Eleanor next to Danielle. 'What the heck is going on here? What is everyone hiding?'

Harry looked like a lost puppy as he gazed around the room at everyone he was friends with or worked with. Justin, 5SOS, all the crew, even Simon and management where here. 'And we weren't invited?' As they walked towards the front, he could feel sadness creep through his body, but he pushed it aside because he and the others came here for one thing...Niall. 

Maura, Rebecca, Bobby, and Greg all got up form their seats and walked quickly over to stand near a frozen Niall, who sat panicked in his seat,. 'Shoot, shoot, shoot! They weren't supposed to be here! They aren't supposed to know!' Chocolate chip was in a kicking frenzy at the closeness of his daddies. Niall's eyes went even wider with panic as he placed a hand on his stomach. 'What if they see my bump?! I'm not ready. I'm not ready!' But luckily the white table cloth placed on the table went down to the floor, hiding Niall's bump behind it as he sat in his seat. He also thanked God for someone choosing balloons that had simple colors and chocolate chips, and not ones with baby items on it. Phew! Josh held his hand as Lou grabbed his other one.  

The boys finally stopped about 2/3 of the way in the room, looking directly at Niall. He was so beautiful, glowing brightly in the room as he looked at back them nervously. All the boys where so overwhelmed at the sight of their Nialler, it took a few minutes before Liam started speaking. The whole room was silent in the background, watching the scene before them. 

"Hi Nialler." Niall felt his throat closing up with the emotions building up. "I'm sorry we kinda crashed your party, but we really need to speak to you." He looked so down, but Niall couldn't speak to them. Even if he kinda wanted to, standing up would reveal his bump.

He shook his head. "Sorry but I can't." The four boys looked brokenly at him.

Zayn took a step forward with guilt and pain in his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept well in weeks. "Please Niall. We have so much to tell you, to apologize for. Please, can we just speak for a moment? Just the five of us?"

Niall squeezed his hand as the baby kicked harder. It was like chocolate chip wanted Niall to go to them. To just hear what they had to say, but chocolate chip was the whole reason Niall couldn't.

So he said shakily, "I can't. It's too late..." Gosh how the words even pained Niall to hear coming from his mouth. "You had your chance and you never took it. I'm sorry."

Louis felt his heart breaking. "Niall.." but his Nialler only shook his head and looked down.

Liam swallowed the lump in his throat as he began pulling the other boys back outside. They had lost him, they had failed. And slowly, one by one, the four boys exited the community center, closing the door after them.

Everyone let out a breath as Niall stood up, with the help from Lou and Josh as he walked around to the front of the table to lean/sit against it as he rubbed his eyes. His family came and rubbed his shoulders and hugged him as everyone watched him with silent sympathy. Today was supposed to be a good day, a happy day. Yet all he felt was his heart tearing itself slowly. Chocolate chip only continued to kick.

 

-/-

 

(Harry's P.O.V.)

No more nuzzles. No more stories of Niall's childhood as he held me tight. No more being called "puppy", which was and still is my favorite thing in the whole wide world. 

We walked down the pathway to the back van as we all felt our hearts crumbling to pieces. Louis was sniffing, his shoulders shaking slightly, but he kept walking forward. Zayn kept his head down, biting his lower lips to keep from crying. Liam's puppy dog eyes looked so sad as he looked around the grassy place and tried not to break down. I just felt my chin quivering, knowing full well that if I started crying, I might never stop.

We were silent, an agonizing silence. Is this what it's like to the others when I don't speak? Is this what it's like when I say nothing during those times they need comfort? Not even my hugs can take away the pain. Nothing will be the same after this. We lost our chance we..

I stop right where I am as the others start to notice I'm not following. I look up to meet each of their eyes as I say "No." I shake my head. "Not again. We lost him once and now we are going to run away?! To not fight?! To not say anything?!!!"

They all looked shocked but then nod in understanding. "I'm done letting him walk away" Liam says as he swallows the lump building up in his throat.

Zayn lets a a single tear roll down his face as he says "I need him, so bad."

Louis says with a firm voice. "I started all this, I'm going to finish it. We all are."

I nod then turn right around and walk quickly back to the community center. 

_This is our chance and we're taking it!_

 

-/-

 

(Third Person P.O.V.)

Perrie watched form her seat near a window as Niall's family and his friends tried to comfort him. He looked so torn and sad as they hugged him and told him it was going to be alright. She knew what went down between all of the boys and immediately sided with Niall. No matter how close she was to Zayn, Niall needed her more.

As she looked out the window to see if the boys had disappeared already to their car, her eyes widened at the sight of the boys almost running back as she stood up out her seat. "They're coming back!" she yelled as everyone looked at her in shock. She and many others ran from there seats to the front of the room to stand in front of Niall and hide his bump. Her and the rest of the girls of Little Mix, Justin, Josh, Lou, Paul, and Jeff, friends of Niall's, his brother and his wife, his mother and father, James, and a lot of the crew stood anxiously in front of Niall as the doors opened up with a bang.

The boys walked forward as they stopped in the middle of the room. A lot of people were standing in front of Niall, looking at them nervously. Niall's shoulder and head could be seen in the middle, the rest of him behind everyone else. They didn't see as Niall placed his hand on his bump and his mother placed her hand on her son's shoulder. 'What could they possibly say?' Niall thought to himself as he waited for them to speak.

The four boys knew that they hadn't wanted to have everything out in the open in front of everyone like this, but if it get them one step closer to Niall again, then they would shout their apologies to the world. 

A small sliver of hope grew in Niall's heart as surprisingly Harry was the first to step forward and speak loudly. "I'm sorry. We're so freaking sorry. I was wrong. We were wrong. I'm sorry I didn't say enough Niall. I'm sorry I didn't stop Zayn from saying all those things. I'm sorry I never texted you that night at the club and tell you I was wrong. We were so wrong. I miss you, so much. Every time I would see you hanging out with the others or post pictures on twitter, all I wanted to do was go and join you. To nuzzle in your neck and hug you so tight. But I was scared to apologize, I thought you would hate me. I was to shy and too quiet to let you know I was wrong. I love you and I'm sorry I never said that to you enough." Niall felt a piece of his heart warm at his "puppy" standing up and speaking for himself in front of everyone. He also felt a part of his new wall fall down.

Liam then stepped forward. "I'm so sorry Niall. I was scared. As the relationship split apart, I questioned if it was still love. How were we all supposed to come out in a year when their was a split in it. I scared because I hadn't even told my parents I was gay and definitely hadn't told them I was in a relationship all of you. I was scared they'd hate me. Just like those girls with posters at the concerts saying "Marry me Liam" or "Future Mrs. Payne" would be devastated knowing not just me, but all of us would never make their dreams come true. I thought it would destroy our careers and lives, so I tried to be normal. It's why I walked away, but I hurt you. I had held all the worries in my head to long and let it out on you. Our last night together, I didn't mean to make it seem like I was using you. I just wanted to remember you, to hold you close one last time. But no matter what my intentions were, I was wrong. So fucking wrong. And at the club I realized that I rather be dancing with one of you boys. I imagined I was dancing with you Niall. So I went home and told my family everything. And you know what? They accepted me! Ha, I worried for nothing! And I came back hoping to get you all back, but I was wrong. Because me hurting you doesn't get forgiven over night. And it shouldn't. Even when I would try to talk to you in passing, I couldn't say anything because all the apologizes I came up with would never be good enough to forgive what I had done. I was a selfish bastard who only cared about what was going on in his life that I let you suffer in silence. I broke my promise and became one of the reasons you suffered in silence. I'm so sorry Niall, so fucking sorry." Liam looked down at the floor as he finished, feeling the lump in his throat finally stop his rant. Niall felt another piece of his heart warm up at Liam's confession. A big chunk of the wall fell down, smashing to the floor. It didn't pain Niall, but made him feel more whole.

Zayn sniffed as tears began building up in his eyes. Niall was kinda shocked because Zayn never cries. "I'm sorry Nialler. I was wrong. I was so wrong. When Louis said he didn't want to be with you, I thought you guys had fought. But I didn't act till Liam left us and then I just came up with the idea that it was your fault. That you had driven the two of them away and would break up the rest of us." He shook his head as he continued. "I was so fucking stupid. I don't know where I got that idea but I blamed you and took Harry with me. And when we all went to the club, and I saw Liam with Danielle, it was like a stabbing pain. So I drowned in alcohol, but it didn't go away. And then I saw you sitting alone and I thought 'hey! why not take it all out on the person I blame for this?!' God, I said such horrible things to you that I made up on the spot. I so sorry. I thought that it would make me, us, feel better but it made me sick to my stomach. I ran right out of the club and threw up in the alleyway, not from the alcohol, but from hurting you. From seeing your heartbroken face. All the things me and the boys had tried to build you up for, tried to deny what the haters said because it wasn't true, I went and threw it in your face. I'm sorry. I started having horrible nightmares about you getting hurt like that, me hurting you. I can't sleep anymore without you or the boys, it pains me too much. After Louis told me that you guys didn't fight and that Liam had his own problems to sort out, none of which was your fault, I felt like shit. But I didn't know how to say or make up for what I did. I felt so sad that I jumped to conclusions and hurt you, my beautiful blond angel. You wanna know what actually make me happy these days? At night, I watch old youtube videos of all of us together when we were so happy before this messed up thing. But my favorite is a video of you singing "Young" at the concert and oh, Niall you sing amazing. You crushed my whole stupid, drunken, lying rant and proved how amazing you can sing. How amazing we all knew you sung. And you fucking deserved that standing ovation with all those claps, every single one them. I miss you and need you so bad. All of us do. The four us aren't whole with you, it's all fallen apart. It fell apart right when we let you go and the fake smiles and empty cuddles we do when we're together, they don't help at all. I'm so sorry Niall. I need you back, please, so fucking bad." Niall felt the third chunk of wall fall without a care in the world as another piece warmed in his heart.

Niall looked at Louis who looked back at him with the same overwhelming fear and love the night they made love and created this beautiful blue-eyed baby he is carrying. Louis took a step forward as he confessed everything. "It's all my fault, all of this is. It's because I was telling the truth when I said I didn't feel the same way about you as I did the other boys. But I lied when I said I didn't love you. _I do_. I do so much. I panicked because I realize that I love you more than I do the other boys." Niall's eyes went wide as Liam, Zayn, and Harry looked in surprise at Louis. But he just continued his confession. "It's why I got together with you first place Niall. I felt more for you in my heart than I thought I'd ever feel for someone. Then we thought that we should ask the three others to join, to make us whole. And it was great and I was happy, but then I started feel jealous and possessive towards you. Trust me I do love and care for these three boys beside me, but it's always been you who I loved the most. It was always _you_ who I am _in love_ with. So I thought of a plan, to try and feel more for these three. To feel as much love for them as I do for you. It's why I ended things between us, which was and still is the hardest thing I've ever done. I had to distance myself from you, before I did something I regret. Funny how I regret all this because distancing myself from you was like distancing from my other half. I thought that everything would work out, that I would work on my relationship with the three of them, while they still dated you. But then it all started falling apart and went to shit. And even when I tried to  _prove_  my love to them, tried make my heart feel so much and to give everything I could, my feelings didn't change. They haven't. I only just helped the crack in our relationship get bigger and bigger till it all came crumbling down. My whole stupid, idiotic, and selfish plan backfired and I ended up hurting everyone." Louis' eyes started to water. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm so sorry to you and the boys that I did this. I thought that my hidden feelings would tear us apart, so I tried to stop it. But I ended up tearing it apart anyways. I'm so sorry Nialler, and I love you so, so, so much. We all do and always will." Niall felt another huge chunk fall down to the ground. His heart felt warmed, but there was still one last piece of wall still standing between him and the boys.

_It was time to take it down._

 

-/-

 

(Niall's P.O.V.)

It was silent as I looked around at the people who stood in front of me, guarding me and helping me to still hide my secret. Chocolate chip was kicking slowly but firmly. After hearing the boys' confessions and apologies, I knew that I had to be the last one to tell the truth. It's what everyone in this room deserved. I patted my brother's shoulder in front of me as I moved froward. Everyone in front of me, shielding my bump, looked at me in question and surprise, but I just nodded to let them know that I was doing this. One by one they understood and moved aside as I walked to stand in the front, kicking down the last piece of the wall.

As I came forward into plain view of everyone, I could see some relief and smiles starting to form on Louis, Liam, Harry, and Zayn's faces, but quickly morph into to shock as they all noticed my baby bump. Like I said earlier, it pops up in this band shirt. I put my hands on my bump and gazed down at it with love. Then I looked up at them and took a deep breath as I began to talk. _Well, here goes nothing_.

"Yeah. Today's my baby shower. Suprise. But anyways, you know would think that in all this mess, you would pity me. You know? Like I'm the one that got hurt by all of you. I'm one that felt not good enough. The one who couldn't even stop this all from crumbling apart. The one that never got an apology before today. But you're wrong. Because yeah it hurt feeling like I caused this all, but I know I didn't. I was just the one who got blamed and abandoned and hurt. But I was lucky to have people to help me get through it, to keep going." I looked back at Lou and Josh who gave me smiles of encouragement. I looked back to meet the boys sad gazes.

"And then I started getting sick some mornings, just feeling exhausted. I thought maybe it's just my body dealing heartbreak. I was kinda just waiting for my heart to smash on the floor like a glass cup and break into a thousand pieces. But then Joshie took me doctor, well got Paul to drag me actually haha, and I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock but as I gazed at the screen and saw this little baby, the size of a chocolate chip, which is what I call the baby actually as a nickname, I felt hope. It was like this tiny chocolate chip sized life was saving my heart from breaking, and I felt happiness for the first time in weeks. Everyday I felt better, like I could breathe easier knowing I had something to keep going for. And because people helped me along the way. Joshie was there from the beginning, always supporting me. Lou helped me dress and hide my bump from you all and stepped up perfectly to fit her duties as godmother. Paul, Jeff, and the other security guys protected me and my bump, always looking out for us wherever we went out. Management was so helpful and understanding, also helping to get a flight and tell my family about my pregnancy. And I couldn't tell you how relieved and happy I was when my parents and my brother and his wife accepted and supported me. And from there, I just found a lot more people to help me. Everyone in this room helped me out, kept this all hidden from the world, from you guys. But please don't mad at them, because I asked them to hide it. Most of the time they found by accident, like Perrie and the girls at the V festival or Danielle and Eleanor at the mall as we shopped for baby clothes. I didn't want you to just try to get close to me again just because of the baby. I was worried the baby would get attached to you and you'd leave so easily like you left me. I couldn't have you hurt my chocolate chip like that. But I can see that it wasn't as easy for you as I thought."

I could see such much sadness fill the four's expressions. But I kept talking, I had to get this all out. "These past months have been filled with so many happy memories. Like when we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Oh God, it's most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my whole life. Ha I remember when getting like 20 pictures for family and friends to see the baby that day. Another time was when we got to find out the gender of chocolate chip." I placed my hands on my stomach. "It's a boy." I smiled at the four boys as their faces started to crumble into tears. "I remember crying in happiness as Lou and Josh cheered so loudly that we even pulled Dr. Markson into our group hug. Lou got over 50 pics that time for people to see ha. That was the night that we all met in the big meeting room for a "announcement party" where everyone got to hear me announce the gender and even Little Mix and my parents were skyped on. You guys were called in to warm up as a distraction. I just remember everyone cheering and happy and surrounding me in a big group hug that was filled with so much love. Oh gosh, when they baby first kicked at breakfast one morning, you should have seen me. I was so excited that I just got up and went around the whole table to get them to feel it. I even went over to the other tables to make people feel the kicks. Everyone was laughing but I couldn't help it. I just wanted them to feel this amazing miracle kicking inside in me, to feel as happy as I was and am. You know what was hard about the baby starting kick? I haven't told anyone this. I can tell you I was so happy almost every time he started kicked, but the times when I was around you four, whether in concert or in interviews or just being near you....he started kicking like a little soccer player. Like he just _knew_  you guys where there. Like he is now." All four boys look down at my bump as chocolate chip continued to kick.

"But I can tell you my favorite part in this pregnancy so far, is at night. I started this on my flight over to Ireland when I was going to tell my parents actually, and ever since it's become a ritual I do. Before I go to sleep, I sit on the bed and place my hands on my stomach and just talk to him. Just me and the baby. About my day, about the band, even about you all. I'll tell him funny stories from when I was little, tales about the fun shenanigans we got up to, or even I just tell him how excited I am to meet him, to hold him, and to love him. I sometimes put my headphones on my stomach and play my favorite songs from my favorite bands, even some of our own songs. Those are usually the ones he kicks too. Josh even helps me sometimes and tells him stories that make me laugh so hard I end up tears haha. But this one particular night that really got me. It was me and the baby by ourselves, and for some reason that day, I felt scared. I was just so worried that I wouldn't be a good dad, that I would mess everything up, and that I wouldn't be enough for him. I remember I started crying so hard that I couldn't even say anything. Usually when I'm talking to him, he won't kick, he'll just listen. But as I had my hands on my stomach, I felt his little foot come up under my hand and stayed pressed there for a full minute and then it just went back in. It was like he was trying to tell me it's ok. That I am going to be a good dad, that everything will work out, that I'll be enough. As long as we have each other everything's going to fine." I smiled wiped my watery eyes. The whole room looked touched as the boys looked at me with tears falling down their faces.

"See I actually have learned to forgive you, even if you didn't apologize before today. But I can't forget, can't just hop right back into things. You know, even when our relationship fell apart, I was and still am so grateful. Did you know that after shows, I go into a quiet room, sit in the corner, and just take minute to appreciate everything. It's like you all didn't realize what I realized from the very beginning. It's a miracle or fate that we were all put together, because if me and Harry hadn't gotten those second votes, the rest of you three would have been sent home at boot camp. One Direction, all of this right here, and _us_ wouldn't even exist. But you forgot that and took it for granted. And that's the thing. You weren't there, for  _any_  of these amazing moments in these past few months. And I don't know if you'll be there for the next special moments in the few months left or even as he grows up. So don't pity me. I feel blessed and thankful for everything that has happened, even when I had to deal with the heartbroken feelings after we fell apart. It's _you_ that has deal with learning this, knowing everything you missed out on, everything you left behind. It's _you_ that has to fix this whole mess between us now. It's _you_ that chooses what do next." I looked into the boys' tear-tracked, heartbroken faces as I said " **And I pity you**." 

With that, I walked around the people by me, headed to the back where the kitchen door of the community center was, and went inside to escape the tense room as I breathed out and in easier. I leaned against the counter as I rubbed my bump, feeling chocolate chip's kicks ease down slowly. 

_It was out. Everything was out. And now I could only go on from here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry it's not over! :) still more chapters to come ^_^
> 
> ****oh and does anyone have good suggestion for baby boy names?! send them in! :D****


	15. Where You Are, So Is Our Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope that last chapter was amazing for you as it was for me! thank you all reading ^_^  
> I want to apologize because when I wrote this story I somehow totally mixed up the names and when I wrote Rebecca in, I actually meant to put Denise, the name of Greg Horan's real wife. I am so sorry for that mix up but since we already kinda had the name in for so long I'm just going to leave it there. The pretend part in this story will be that Denise's (fake) middle name is Rebecca and that's why everyone calls her Rebecca. Sorry again and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> (here's links to pics of gorse fields and up close shots of the flower itself http://bmdo.org/Educational/Ogham/images.ogham/gorse_l.jpg  
> https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/db/Whin_or_Gorse.JPG  
> my favorite pic of it ->http://www.imagesofdannadsign.com/gorse_flower.jpg)
> 
> and whoops! accidentally hit post instead of edit earlier when it wasn't finished yet so i had to copy and delete that chapter and sorry if that confused everyone! so here is the full chapter 15! :) enjoy <3

(Niall's P.O.V.)

I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist securely. Then, I walked over to the sink and wiped off the fogged up mirror with my hand. Staring at my appearance, my gaze drifted down to my bump as one of my hands traced lightly over the bump. It was the morning after the baby shower and things just felt... _different_. It was like before the party, I knew how things were planned out, how things were supposed to go. But after yesterday, everything now was so _uncertain_.

Yesterday after staying in the community kitchen for a few minutes, Josh and Lou came in to check on me. I had felt more calmed down after having some time to myself to think, but I didn't really know what emotion I felt at that point. Relief? Sadness? Hurt? Love? I was just a jumble of emotions and yet calm at the same time. Josh hugged me sideways as he informed me that after I had left, Simon with the rest of management and Paul had pulled the boys outside to talk to them. Then he guessed when only management and Paul came back in, the boys had left. I don't know if I felt relieved or saddened at that news, but I allowed my two closest friends to coax me back into the room and to continue the baby shower. Everyone was so sweet and kind, trying to make sure that I still had fun and some telling me how touched they were by my speech. I just smiled, but couldn't really feel the same excitement as before, not after everything that happened. As the party had come to an end and I made sure to hug and thank everyone for being there and for helping me these past months, Simon and the management team with Paul and Jeff pulled me and Lou aside to talk and ask me some questions about next week.

"Ok Niall, I was wondering if you made a decision about if you are going to the three premieres or not? If you do, Lou can probably find an outfit that works or we can do something to cover up your bump." I had stood there for a minute with my hand on my bump and suddenly realized something. _I didn't want to hide my bump, not anymore. Not after today._

"Actually yeah I am going to go to the premieres..." They all looked happy and ready to start planning until I said, "...but I don't want to hide it. Not anymore." They all looked surprised before I looked at management and asked, "If it's ok with you all, I want to reveal my pregnancy before the premieres next week. Maybe by a tweet cam or something?"

They looked at all of each other before Simon asked, "Are you sure Niall? Are you ready for the world to know?" I know why they're asking. It could and would effect our whole image and fan base, plus probably bring hate from all around. But then I remembered the faces of the boys when I told them I was pregnant. They had looked so shocked and saddened that they didn't know, but I could see tears of joy mixed in with their sad ones as I told them I was having a baby boy. I looked up and nodded. "Yes. I know I'll receive hate, but he's worth it." I rubbed my bump. "He doesn't deserve to be hidden like he's a mistake, cause he's not and never will be."

Lou and Paul smiled as they looked to management, who looked at me then at each other before turning to me, smiling. "You've really stepped up Niall" James said like he was a proud dad. "We'll support you with whatever decision you make." They rest nodded in agreement as I felt a weight lifting off my chest. Simon put a hand on my shoulder as he smiled at me. "So how about Thursday morning?" I smiled at him. "Sounds good."

They all nodded then walked off and left me alone with Simon. "Listen Niall, the boys..well today was overwhelming for everyone...but after our discussion with them outside, we had to send them away so they could had to head back home to the UK today to get ready for next week." I felt bummed but then he said, "But they wanted me to tell you that...they're gonna fight for you Niall. They aren't gonna let you go. Anyways me and the team will get on promotion and announcements for Thursday, so you just take it easy and everything will be ok." He smiled and patted shoulder as I gave him a small smile and nodded.

Back to the present, I walked into my room and changed into a comfy shirt and sweatpants. Yeah so tomorrow morning is when I am going to do the tweet cam for the world. Management was already tweeting, messaging, and sending out information to the fans, the media, and the world that I was doing this tweet cam tomorrow. I could tell by the response so far, it was going to be big. I didn't hear from the guys last night, but that's mostly because I turned off my phone. I'm just too nervous to talk to them or even see if they texted or called.

As I put on my clothes and dried my hair with my towel, the doorbell rang. I was kinda confused because we weren't expecting any visitors today, but I didn't worry about answering it since I knew either my mum or dad would do that. As I hung up my towel on the rack, I heard my mother's voice call from downstairs. "Um...Niall...can you come down here please?" I took one last look in the mirror then headed down stairs.

As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I could see my mum standing by the front door that was open as she kept glancing outside. I walked up to her and she turned to see me coming and said "Oh Niall, it's...they're for you." Confused, I looked out the front door as my eyes popped wide in shock. There, sitting on the street in front of my house where three big moving vans that said Nancy's Garden across them and sitting on my lawn where what looked to be at least over 300 floral arrangements of gorse flowers. The bright yellow petals gleamed beautifully in the sunlight as my dad talked to one of the delivery guys.

"They came with this." It turned to see my mother holding out a single envelope with _Nialler_ inscribed on the front. I took the envelope, holding it nervously. I took one last look at all the beautiful gorses on the lawn as the delivery guys unload even more from the trucks, then I focused at the envelope as I carefully opened it and took out the letter.

_Dear Nialler,_

_How can we ever begin to say anything worthwhile after telling us that you're pregnant with a beautiful baby boy? No words can describe how much sadness, guilt, pain, yet utter joy we all felt when we found out everything yesterday. You're so beautiful Niall, always have been, and when we saw you with your baby bump, you took our breaths away. Our apologies will never ever be good enough to make it up to you for the months of pain and hurt we put you through, for our mistakes. But we will not give up trying to make it up to you. To get you to love us again. If it takes a hundred years of begging on our knees for you to even give us a second chance, then we'll do it. Anything for you Nialler, anything for you._

_We're also so sorry that we didn't stick around yesterday after you left the room. We begged Simon and management and Paul to let us stay, even if we were too gobsmacked and in shock to come up with anything important to say to you, but they decided it would be best for us all to have space and to get ready for the premieres. We hope you're still coming because being at those will mean nothing if you aren't there. We in fact refuse to do it without you! REFUSE!!! _

I kinda chuckled at that as I continued reading.

_So even if we can't be there right now to, no matter how much we want to, we are not going to let one minute of another day go to waist not trying to make it up to you, to apologize for everything. Even though we know this won't even begin to earn us forgiveness, we had these flowers delivered to you to show you what we see when we look at you. You are so bright and beautiful, like the sun shining down from the clouds above. Your our little blond angel. We remembered that you said these were you favorite flowers in the whole wide world since you were a kid, so I hope it will bring you the same happiness that you bring us._

_We love you and will try to win you back with everything we have. And we will be there for every special moment that happens with "chocolate chip" that happens next. We promise with all our hearts._

 

_Love yours forever and ever,_

_Louis, Liam, Harry, and Zayn_

 

_P.S. We love you <3_

 

I swallow the lump in my throat as I finish the letter and look back out at all the pretty gorse flowers. You may ask why do I like those ones? Why not roses or lilies or even sunflowers? Well it's because when I was little, I would go explore in the grassy fields of Mullingar during spring. And they would be covered in these beautiful gorse flowers. The first time I saw them when I was five years old with my brother Greg, I was in awe. I thought that it was what heaven must look like. Ever since then, those have been my favorite flowers.

I feel my eyes start to water as I think back to the letter. What got me about the part with the flowers is not that they compared me to the beautiful flowers, but that they said they remembered I liked them. I feel choked up a little because it hits me that I remember exactly when I told them that. It must have been a year or so ago, when we were picking out flowers to send to our mums for Mother's Day. We had asked each other which flowers we liked the best when I had said in passing that the Irish gorse were my favorite. I thought no one had really paid attention, but I see they did.

_They remembered? After all this time?_

I carefully put the letter inside the envelope and walked down the front steps to get a closer look at the hundreds of gorse. As I touch one of the soft petals, I smile because somewhere I just know that my five year old self was right.

This definitely must be what Heaven is like.

  

-/-

 

I take a seat on a comfy chair set up in the living room as Josh helps prop the laptop up on the table in front of me. My heart is pounding as I try to take deep breaths to clam down my nerves. Today is the day I tell the world in a tweet cam that I'm pregnant...and I am freaking the freak out!

My mum, dad, Greg and his wife, Josh, and Lou with Tom and Lux are all sitting behind the laptop, here as a silent support as I tell the world my news. Even Paul is here, deciding to stay here in Mullingar and fly out with me Sunday to London for the first premiere. He says it's to protect me and my baby, but I also think he is a big softie and wants to be here to support me too.

Josh turns on the computer and log on to get ready for the tweet cam. We posted the link an hour ago and we already have over a crazy 5 million people waiting to watch it, with more people joining as the clock counts down the minutes. "You ready Ni?" He puts a hand on my shoulder as I take another deep breath and nod. He pats me on the back softly then takes a seat on the floor next to my chair, to be out of the camera view, and grabs a hold of my hand as I see only 1 minute left till we go live. I look up around the room at my family and friends as they support me, and I can't help but say "Thank you" as I rub my bump with my free hand. They all smile encouraging and nod at me.

3, 2, 1... The red light goes on and I'm live. "Um..hi! Can everyone see and hear me?"

I look down at the comments as they say 'yes' 'crystal clear nialler!' 'i love you Niall <3'

I look back up into the screen as I begin, "So first I want to say thank you all for your support or even thank you for people watching this who aren't fans of us, but chose to watch this video anyways. So I have a big announcement and before I say it, I want to tell you something. This might cause a lot of people to feel disgusted or even hate me, but I don't care. So I will just say it... I'm pregnant."

I happened to take a quick glance down at the comments to see "WHAT?!!" "!!!!!!!!!!!!" "OH MY GOSH?!!!!" and then I got scared hate would start popping up so I looked back at the camera and slowly stood up to show my bump.

"I'm a little over 6 months actually." I sit back down then grab Josh's hand again as I continue. "I get it, if you start to hate me. Because it's hard to understand. I didn't even now I could conceive a baby you know? ha But it's been one of the most amazing things. And I can't help but feel blessed every time I look down and see the bump or even feel him kick. It's like the most amazing feeling and if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. This baby is not a mistake nor is he a "demon child" or whatever. He's a baby, a beautiful innocent baby that I love. So go ahead send hate, because I'm telling the world this because he's worth it. He's worth loosing the fans who don't understand, he's worth risking my career over, and he's worth so much more than any award or money or gifts I could ever receive. I'm blessed and I love my baby. And I have people who have cared and supported me through this whole thing, so I'm fine if it's me and them against the world.

But I'm hoping that I can have some support from you guys. So thank you for watching this and hopefully you understand. Bye." I waved then hit the end button.

The screen went black as I closed my laptop and let out a long breath. It was silent before I felt arms wrap around me from the side. I stood up and wrapped my arms around Josh as best as I could with my bump, as the rest of my family and friends joined in for a group hug. Greg said quietly, "I'm proud of you Nialler." Everyone hummed in agreement as I felt a weight leave my chest. Even if it ends up being me and them against the world, I knew I would be just fine.

Later that night, as I sat on my bed in basketball shorts and one of the shirts from the baby shower, the one with me holding Theo with a chocolate chip as his face, I decided that I was ready to turn on my cellphone. I wasn't quiet ready to check twitter but I wanted to see if I got an messages. My phone started buzzing over and over as the texts kept coming in. Most were from today from my friends and family saying I did great and they are always going to be there for me. I texted them all thank you so much and moved to check the ones from tuesday. The texts where from the boys saying that they were so sorry and hated that they had to leave but that they wouldn't give up. Not now and not ever.

My phone suddenly buzzed with four new text messages. I opened the first one that was from Liam.

_U r so beautiful and ur bump looked amazin on camera. I miss and luv u lots Nialler. So much._

So they watched it? I went on to the next text. It was from Harry.

_Hi Niall. You did great and I just wanted to say that I love you! Hope you like the flowers. <3 <3 <3_

I smiled as I checked the next one that was from Louis.

_Ni, I'm so proud of you. I know you wouldn't have wanted me or the boys there, but I wish we could have been beside you to support you. I'm so sorry Niall but we are going to make it up to you. I promise. Please tell chocolate chip tonight when you talk to him that we love him so much. Love you with everything inside of me_

Then the last one was from Zayn.

_You did so good Niall and when you showed your beautiful bump, I cried. I can't wait to see you soon, our beautiful blond angel. Love you XoXo_

It felt nice to read those but I didn't reply to them. I know they would understand that I wasn't ready to talk yet. I just needed a few days of rest from them and the world before I went to those premieres. I could only hope everything went ok.

I set my phone down on my nightstand and sat back on the bed as I placed my hands on my bump. Where to begin? "Well today daddy got a present, a really amazing present..." I went on and on talking about the gorses and how they became my favorite flower. I also told him how funny it was that we had to decorate the front lawn, back lawn, side of the house, and even inside the house with all the flowers we got. Our house is so bright, that it would make the sun jealous, but I love seeing the flowers everywhere. I told him that I told the world today about him, and how I would always protect him and love him no matter what. As I was finishing my nightly talk, I stopped and said one finally thing. "Your other daddies love you, so much."

 _He kicked excitedly at that_.

 

-/-

 

"Ok Ready Niall? Josh? Lou?" Paul asked us as we checked that we had everything one last time. We all nodded and then gave my parents, brother, and Rebecca one last hug.

My mother kissed my cheek as she said "See you back here in a week." I smiled and hugged her one last time before I headed out to the car with the others and hopped in. Then we waved goodbye as we drove off to Dublin to go to the airport. Tom and Lux had gone back to London around Friday, while Lou and Josh stayed with me to help me choose and outfit and keep me company as we headed to London with Paul for the first premiere.

We got to the airport in good time and hopped on the private plane for an 1hour and 30 minute flight to London. I slept the whole time, being woken up by Josh when we got there. I grabbed my bad and made sure my big hoodie was on before we headed out. Some paparazzi and fans where there, somehow finding out when I would arrive from Ireland. They all called out things like "Niall over here!" "Show us the bump Niall!" "Niall Niall!" I just kinda walked passed them and tried to sign as many things as I could. Some fans even wanted pictures with me and them together, so I humbly and happily obliged. 

I should tell that on Friday, management had called to say that I did great in my video and I should be proud. They also told me that surprisingly, well at least for me it was, that the response was mostly positive. I thought that it might have just been a trick to make me feel better, but I logged on twitter to see my timeline and DM's flooded with message of congrats or that they were so excited for baby Nialler. I so thanks to as many as I could and corrected the nickname to chocolate chip. Immediately, the top trends were CHOCOLATE CHIP, Nialler'sbaby, or #Finallya1Dbaby! Yes, there was a few haters, but whenever someone started to say even one bad thing about me or the baby, the fans attacked them so fast, silencing any hater who dared to approach.

I couldn't ask for better supporters. And that's another thing! I think instead of loosing fans, the announcement just made us bond as a stronger family, probably even gaining a few new fans. I think they were just happy to be let inside my life deeper than we ever really let them. It was the truth and they liked hearing it. The only thing I couldn't elaborate on was the trend, Niallspregnantwhosethdaddy?! I just pretended I didn't see and moved on, because 1) our relationship isn't together right now and we're still working on it and 2)the world doesn't know the other four boys are gay. But things were going good and I was happy.

We finally got through the cameras and media to our car that took us to the hotel we were staying at in central London. The place was crowded with hundreds of fans and growing. We had to drive to the back just to get out. As I took a step out of the car and went to reach for my suitcase in the trunk, Lou tisked at me and slapped my hand away as Josh and Paul handed the luggage. "But Lou.."

"No buts Nialler. You are pregnant and will not do any heavy lifting. Got it?" She stared at me as I pouted but finally agreed, "Yeah ok. I got it."

She smiled and nodded at me as she wrapped her arm around my waist. "C'mon we have to go get you ready for tonight!" And with that I was being ushered into the hotel back doors as Josh and Paul walked behind us, hauling the luggage.

 

-/-

 

Lou ran her fingers through my hair one last time, making sure the gel styled it up perfectly. We were getting ready in mine and Josh's hotel room, but Lou said Josh and Paul should be surprised so they can't come in and see me till I'm all ready. "There. Perfect!" She clapped her hands then helped me stand up from the low vanity chair. I was wearing a black fitted t-shirt and black jeans with black supras. "One last thing!" She picked up the black and white varsity jacket that I was wearing tonight from where it was laying on the bed, and helped me put it on. "Done! Ok Josh, Paul! You both can come look now!"

They both walked in the bedroom, fully dressed, and looked with happy surprised at me. "Wow! Nialler look at you! Gonna make some heads turn tonight!" Paul joked with me. Josh looked at me with a smile. "You look awesome Ni!"

I just shook my head with a smile but said "Thanks guys." I liked my outfit because the fitted shirt showed off my cute bump, but Lou added the jacket for style and comfort, so if at any moment I felt uncomfortable, I could wrap it around me and shield my bump.

Lou was dressed beautifully in a sequin dress. "Ok I have to go get Tom and Lux ready so I'll see you there! Love you guys!"

We waved goodbye to her as she left the room. "Bye Lou! Thanks again!"

Josh then turned to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders "Ready Ni?"

I smiled "Let's go."

The three of us  headed out of the room and to the elevator. Once we got to the main floor, we walked out of the elevator and headed down the hall towards the lobby. I was nervous as heck because I hadn't spoken to the guys or texted them these past days. But that didn't stop them from sending me text after text, like "good morning" or "I hope you and the baby are having a great day", and of course the killer "I miss and love you lots" I knew I was ready to be near them but I just didn't know how everything was going to go. 

We turned the corner and there they were, all four of them looking dashing and handsome in their outfits. Lou truly knew her fashion. They all seemed to be standing around, fidgeting nervously, but they looked up my way when they felt us enter the lobby. They looked away before all their heads snapped back in a double take when they realized it was me. All their mouths parted open as they continued to look me up and down, lingering on my bump. I could feel myself blushing, but thanked the Lord and Lou that she had put some cover makeup or something on my face to keep it from getting red. Chocolate chip was kicking up a storm.

Harry looked dashing with his hair swooped up as he sported a black blazer over a white hearts and black shirt with black pants and boots. Louis looked sexy in his black jacket and rolled up pants. His hair was nicely tousled too. Zayn looked so edgy in his leather vest with a long black jacket over it and black pants paired with combat boots. And Liam was so suave in his leather jacket over shirt and tie with black pants. He even grew some facial hair which just made him like 007.

I gulped nervously as they continued to stare with emotions I could read in each of their eyes clear as day. _Love, lust, want, need, longing..._

I was wondering how the heck they could find me attractive with a bump, but then Josh patted my back and said, "Hey I see ya at the after party Ni! Good luck!" And with that he walked off to head to the premiere with Rick and Roy. I was sad that he couldn't walk with us but then someone came to stand somewhat in front of me, saying "Hi Niall." I turned to see Liam and the others near me, but trying not to encroach on my personal space. But I could tell that they wanted to be as close as possible, I could see it in there eyes. I just said "hi" quietly back.

Zayn swallowed before saying, "You look beautiful Niall. Really beautiful."

I let a small smile through and said "Thanks. So do you all."  Then I added shyly, "And thanks for the flowers, they were great."

All the boys smiled happily at me as Louis asked with concern in his eyes "How was your flight?"

I nodded and said "It was good" as I rubbed my bump absently where chocolate chip was kicking. They all looked down and gazed at my bump with so much adoration in their eyes that it was overwhelming and I had to look away. Thankfully Paul came up to us. "Ok the car is ready. Let's go." We all nodded and followed him, the boys staying close to me as we exited the hotel lobby. 

The screams were immediate but we all hopped in the two SUVs. The plan was for Zayn, Liam, and Louis to go in the first one, with me and Harry in the second one. I immediately headed for the second car with Harry following. I could see the other three hesitating to go to the first car, not wanting to leave us, so they followed along to our car. "Sorry Paul, but we all go together" Louis told him as Paul tried to protest. No one can get through Louis when he gets sassy. 

I hopped in the SUV, sitting on the far side near the window, Harry took the back seat with Louis as Zayn sat in the middle and Liam took the seat on his other side. Paul hopped in the driver's seat and Jeff in the passenger's, then took off to the theater.

It was silent in the car, but not completely tense. My right hand laid on my leg as my other hand slowly rubbed my bump, trying to calm chocolate chip's kick down. I suddenly felt a light tracing against the back of my right hand as I gazed down. Zayn had the back of his hand gently caressing mine as he gazed down with longing in his eyes at our hands. It was just like in the elevator, but this time I didn't feel like pulling away. But I also didn't feel like I was ready to reciprocate so I just let him keep softly tracing the back of my still hand. Fate then decided that was enough for now as the car came to a halt and I looked up to see that we were here. Fans screams could be heard even in the car, echoing fuzzily around us. Paul turned in his seat and said "Ok we're here. Let's do this boys!" As both he and Jeff got out. Jeff opened the door near Liam and ushered us out. One by one the boys got out of the car, creating screams of fans outside to get louder, till I was the last one left. The boys stood near the car waiting for me as Harry stuck out his hand for me to use. I looked at it hesitatingly for a moment before placing my hand gently in his as I got out of the car.

 _Time for the show_   _  
_

-/-

 

(Third Person's P.O.V.)

Harry helped Niall out of the car as the other boys watched with longing and care. Niall's presence was immediately greeted by loud screams from all the fans. He smiled at them and all the boys could feel their hearts melt at the sight. He was so beautiful, making them do a double take earlier in the lobby as he showed up in his amazing outfit with his hair perfectly styled. Even pregnant, he made it look so sexy caring a child, _their child_. Louis, Liam, and Zayn felt like they wanted to stay with Niall the whole red carpet, but management had planned that the three of them had to walk together, so they sadly walked down the carpet, but put on smiles for the fans and camera.

Niall and Harry walked down the carpet together as planned, Niall figuring Harry would put on that facade for the media and fans and wander off to talk to them, but instead Harry stayed close to Niall. He didn't want to pretend to be outgoing or flirty, he just wanted to stay close to his Nialler. The paparazzi were going crazy as the boys went down the carpet, taking pictures as fans got their own pictures with the boys and their stuff signed. Eventually the boys took pictures individually. The paps especially took a lot of pictures of Niall, him holding his bump with one hand near the bottom of it and another on the top with a smile on his face.

"Niall!" He heard from behind as Perrie, Leigh-Ann, Jade, and Jesy came running up to him. He hugged them tight as began taking pictures with them. They all put one of their hands on his bump as they each sported big smiles for the camera.

The other boys acted well for the media and fans, but really all their attention was secretly focused on Niall. As they watched from a far him and Little Mix taking pictures, they couldn't help but wish that that could be them. They wished that they could be the ones holding his bump, giving him loving smiles and kisses on the cheek. It felt like torture watching this from afar, but then they just reminded themselves that they had a long way to go to get him back but they can't and won't give up. No matter what. And hopefully one day that will be them again.

The final pictures were all five boys together. They each stood with arms around each other, the four wanting nothing more than to touch his bump and kiss his cheek, but they held back. Harry would gaze over at Niall and wish to nuzzle in his neck and rub his bump softly, curling himself around Niall. Liam had to keep focusing his eyes back on the cameras, not being able to go more than a few seconds before looking back at his glowing Niall. Zayn let his arm pull Niall around the waist closer, still reeling from tracing the back of his hand earlier. Louis felt his whole heart grow with love and his held his Nialler close on the other side, never wanting this moment to end.

But those moments passed and it was now time for the movie.

Everyone headed inside as the five boys stood in front to give speeches of thankfulness and love. After, the movie played which was really funny to watch, even though so of the moments Niall and the others felt embarrassment burning them up. But it was good and the crowd loved it, makingthe boys feel blessed and say a silent thanks to everyone.

 

-/-

 

(Niall's P.O.V.)

The after party was in full swing, people dancing, chatting, and drinking to their hearts content. Except me, of course. I was the one who got to sip on water and get up to use the bathroom every 5 minutes. *sigh* The joys that pregnancy brings. Just kidding, but really the baby just loves to play kickboxing on my bladder. 

People have come up to me to say congrats or to tell me how great the movie was, all complements which I humbly say "thank you" and hug them tight. Josh is grabbing another drink from the bar as I sit at one of the tables, looking at all the dancing people having fun. I see my water is gone and am about to get another before someone sets a glass of water in front of me. I look up to see Liam, Louis, Zayn, and Harry looking at me with longing and nervousness. I nod and say "Thank you."

Liam says "We'll see you tomorrow? For the flight?" I nod as they all nod then walk off reluctantly one by one to mingle with the guests. I appreciate them for giving me my space. Harry walked a few steps before he turned around quickly and came over to me, kissing my cheek softly before he scampers off with a lively Nick Grimshaw. I can't help but rub the place where his lips were, smiling just a little. Josh comes over with his new drink and we start arguing over the soccer match form yesterday's game. All I can think was that this is how my night should have gone at the club. Guess cheers to new beginnings Eh?

 

-/-

 

The rest of the week we were on the go, traveling from London to NY, NY to LA. The boys were always helpful, immediately siding with Lou and not letting me carry my own luggage. They handled all my bags for me where ever we went, no matter had much I said I could do it. They were also on guard when it came to going outside, almost they themselves had become like Paul and Jeff. If a big crowd was forming, they would ask nicely and push everyone back to make sure I didn't get hurt. It was cute to see how protective they were being, although I didn't let them know I thought that. 

The next two premieres went smoothly, fans were excited as ever and paps took pictures constantly. It was fun, but at the end of the day, I was really tired. And finally, thank God, it was time to head home.

We were at LAX airport, checking in our bags before we headed off to our separate homes. I was beginning to worry how things would work when they went to the UK and I went home to Ireland. Would they give up trying? Would they let us go? I guess I just had to accept the fact that things probably wouldn't get better and try not to get my hopes up.

I could see people beginning to recognize us, but luckily they left us alone for the moment. I hugged Lou, Paul, and Josh tight before they headed off to their gate. "I'll miss you all and hopefully see you soon in a few months." They said they'll miss me too and of course they are coming for the birth of the baby. "Bye!" I waved as they waved back and walked to their gate.

I was left with the four others as I asked quietly "So..I guess this is goodbye?"

Zayn said with a hint of secrecy "Actually our gate is further down so we could walk with you."

I nodded ok and walked with them towards the way to their and my gates. I saw the gate for London and stopped, preparing to say goodbye, but they kept walking. The turned back to look at me, noticing I wasn't following, as I asked confusedly, "Isn't this your gate?"

They looked with fake surprise at each other before they all shook their heads. Zayn said, "The gate for Ireland is further down ." 

Ireland? What????

Louis said, "Yeah I mean we have to go back to the new home we bought there so we all can be close to you and the baby."

I must of looked like an owl with my wide eyes as Liam asked with a smile, "Didn't think we would just say goodbye now did you Niall?"

Harry looked at me with a cheek grin. "We aren't letting you go. You're stuck with us."

I just blinked at them as Zayn motioned me forward with his head. "C'mon, we have a flight to catch." 

I nodded then walked forward with them to our gate. I kept my head down and tried to hide the smile that was forming on my lips. 

_Maybe it's ok to get your hopes up after all._

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/69400000/jpg/_69400657_ap_bandjpg.jpg - link to outfit's the boys wore at the premiere


	16. Can You Feel What I Feel?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my goodness! over 2000 hits thank you! and sorry did that whole thing of hitting post instead of edit again *face palms*
> 
> !!!!!! OH! and if anyone has any baby boy name suggestions please send them in :) I'm still stuck on what to name chocolate chip!!!!!!!!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter!

 "So how ya feeling Nialler?" Josh's voice rang in my ear as I juggle the phone and my bowl of mac n' cheese topped with mayonnaise. 

"Good. Have another doctor's appointment today so we'll see how chocolate chip is doing. The guys are coming too." I sit down at the dining table and take a spoonful of my macaroni, popping the cheesy goodness into my mouth.

"Thats great. So..how are things going between you guys?" 

"They are getting better, but I'm not ready to just give in..you know?"

"Yeah, I totally understand. I just don't want you to get your heartbroken again Ni. Just take it slowly ok?"

I smiled because Josh really cared for me, making sure I was always ok. "I will Joshie. You probably have the gig now so I'll let you go. And hopefully see you in a few weeks. Love you!"

He laughed over the line as he said, "Love you too Ni. Bye!" And then I hung up and continued my conquest of the mighty bowl of mac n' cheese. A deadly opponent, but no match for me and my hunger! Ha ha!

It has been a little over two weeks since we all got back from LA. I'm still staying here with my parents while the other boys are living at their home they purchased, which is about 10 minutes away. I still can't believe they moved here, all for me and chocolate chip. I haven't gotten to see them though because my mom and dad wanted me to go visit my nan and granddad and some other family members around Ireland with them and to show off my bump, so I just got back two days ago. But that didn't stop the boys from texting me everyday, though I don't reply to them even though they are cute and make me smile. I don't want to let myself fall back so easily only to get hurt again, so I'm just taking it slow and steady as it comes.  

The reason I told Joshie that I will hopefully see him in a few weeks is because management had called and asked if we wanted to help put on a charity concert for Comic Relief again. Of course I said yes immediately, even if it's cutting a tiny bit into our break time and I'm pregnant. But I don't mind! The boys however tried to argue with me about it, saying that it would add stress on me and the baby and it could be dangerous around the stage. I just told them no, that I had preformed pregnant for so many months before and I can do it again one more time. Especially for a great charity like Comic Relief. The media has also been trying to get me to do an interview, one which even management declined until I said I was ready. I just don't when because I know the main question everyone wants to know is who is the father? And how do I tell the world that I was (and maybe will be in again) a relationship with my four bandmates and that Louis is the father but I consider all of them the father? Too confusing if you ask me. So I am waiting to decide the right moment for now.    

Finishing the big bowl of mac n' cheese, I sit back in my chair and rub my bump contently. Tomorrow marks my seventh month and I can't help but be excited. That will be one more month down and only about 2-3 more to go until I get to hold my baby. I have an ultrasound today and since the boys have been so nice and selfless moving to Ireland for me and chocolate chip, I called Louis yesterday, who was shocked that I was calling, and told him and the boys over loudspeaker that I had an ultrasound tomorrow and they were welcome to come with me if they want. I heard immediately shouts of "Yes!" and "Of course!" and so they are supposed to pick me up in a few minutes or so.

I stand up and waddle over to the sink and put my dishes there. I hear my phone buzz on the table and I pick it up to see that Harry's calling. I hit answer and say "Hello."

"Hey!..Niall!" he sounded so shocked that I answered, causing a smile to grace my face.

"Hi.." I chuckle.

"Well, I-I....I mean we..we are calling to say that we're headed on over to pick you up..yeah!" He sounded nervous, causing my heart to warm up.

"Ok see you guys soon then."

"Yeah..um...yeah...c-c-cool. See you....bye.....I love you!"

I have to smother my laugh with my hand as I say "Bye Harry" and hang up.

I shake my head with a smile on my face as I head up the stairs to grab my shoes and jacket. I put them on, having to take extra time putting on my shoes since my bump hinders me bending down ha, and then stood up and checked my appearance in the mirror. My bump sticks out more now, but definitely not as huge as I thought I'd be or expected with all that I ate. It's funny cause I did look up pictures of Kate Middleton pregnant after Lou told me I look like she did, and we are actually really similar in bump size at the same time. Thank goodness that I was lucky to get a small, cute bump going. 

I don't even know how long I have been standing there staring at my bump when I hear the doorbell ring. My parents are at work so doorbell duty is up to me. I head on to go answer it, making sure to go down the stairs carefully. Once successfully and safely at the bottom, I waddled over to the door and swing it open.  _Cue the kicking._

The lads all look at me with happiness on their faces as they say "Hi." I give them a smile and say "Hey."

Liam asks "Ready to go?"

I nod and step outside and shut the door behind me, locking it. Then I step down the stairs and walk with them over to the car. We hop inside, me sitting in the middle this time between Harry and Liam, as Louis is driving and Zayn's in the passenger seat. I can feel a little tension but thank heavens that there's music playing. I rub my bump near the bottom middle, wishing that chocolate chip's feet to go back in. Liam, who is sitting to my right, notices me rubbing and ask "Is he kicking?"

He is but I don't want to tell them that. I know they desperately want to feel it, and of course wouldn't just place their hands on my stomach without my permission, but I tend to avoid that whole topic with the boys, not wanting to make them and me feel bad or awkward when I say that he is and they aren't allowed to feel it right now, not yet anyways. So I lie and say, "Nah, just something I do a lot."  _Yeah, a lot because he kicks constantly whenever you all are near!_

Liam nods and smiles, then tries to focus his attention on the passing houses outside. I look down at my bump and can see Harry's hands folded in his lap as his knee bounces anxiously. It's like he's trying to control himself from leaping at me and smothering me in hugs and kisses. I think they all are.

Thankfully we arrive at the doctor's office in no time and Liam helps me out of the car. Not a paparazzi in site, thank God for that, as we head inside and sign in. We then sit down in the chairs and wait to be called back. Louis and Zayn take the seat next me, as Liam and Harry take the seats outside of them. I'm feel relaxed, thinking about random things like what I'm already craving for dinner, when I notice that the other boys are...anxious. I can see Zayn is sitting forward in his chair, elbows on his legs as he bites his nails nervously. Louis has his ankles crossed, as his legs bounce and he stares straight ahead at the wall. I lean forward to sneak a peak beyond Louis and see Harry has his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped loosely around them. I do the same in Zayn's direction and see Liam has his arms crossed in front on his chest. He keeps looking up at the clock, probably wishing for time to go faster. Sitting back in my seat, I look down and rub my bump softly with my hands. I guess they all are really anxious and excited to hear the baby's heartbeat, to get to see him for the first time. I know I was.

"Niall Horan?" the nurse calls me as the boys pop up quick with relief and anticipation. Louis and Zayn turn towards me and help me up slowly. I nod in thanks at them and follow the nurse to the room. She leaves us there as I hop up on the table and the boys take seats near me. It's quiet for a few moments before Dr. Markson comes in. "Niall! Good to see you!" Yes, Dr. Markson is going to be handling the delivery so he flew out for the shower and is staying here, working as an "exchange" doctor in this office for the next few months until it's time for me to deliver. That way, if something happened, heaven forbid, he would be close enough to help me and not have to inform others over the phone. I thanked him profusely for his kindness and effort.

He notices that Lou and Josh aren't the ones with me and sticks out his hand in introduction. "We all haven't met before. I'm Dr. Markson, Niall's doctor who has been taking care of him for these past months."

The boys stand up and take turns shaking his hands. "I'm Liam." "Louis." "I'm Zayn." "Harry."

"Ah yes! You must be Niall's bandmates!" They all nod with smiles as Louis and Zayn take a seat, while Liam and Harry remain standing. "And not to be too forward, but I'm guessing after the shower that you are the fathers?"

They all blush and look sheepish but nod with smiles.

"Alright. So Niall I'm going to just check on your vitals then we'll do the ultrasound."

I nod as he checks me over, asking me "How you've been feeling? Any problems?"

" No, I'm good. Not so tired really, but hungry pretty much all the time." The boys chuckle at that as Dr. Markson nods. "Seven months tomorrow right?" I nod as he as check my pulse.

"Ok Niall, let's check on chocolate chip shall we." I nod and lay back on the table as I lift up the bottom of my shirt and Dr. Markson turns off the lights. I feel self conscious, knowing the boys are now looking at my bare bump without any hindrance, but I just breath out as Dr. Markson applies the gel to my stomach. He then turns on the machine and places the wand on my stomach as the sound of movement then a steady  _whooshing_  fills the room. The boys faces morph into shock and awe.

Zayn asks quietly, "Is that...?"

Dr. Markson nods. "Yep, that's the baby's heartbeat."

From where I'm laying, I can see all the boys beginning to tear-up at the beautiful sound. "His heartbeats sound great Niall. Getting stronger each time." He move the wand around a bit before the picture comes up "And there's your baby."

Chocolate chip is about the size of an eggplant, all curled up close and tight. I hear Liam sniff as I look up to see him standing near me with tears building up in his eyes. Harry's chin is wobbling as a few stray tears fall down his face and he looks with love at the screen. Zayn is sitting in the same position he was in the waiting room, only this time he keeps looking mesmerized at the screen as he tries to wipe the tears away. Louis is sitting near me, letting out a happy chuckle as tears flow down his face. He grabs my hand without thinking, something inside making me just let him hold it as he says "He's beautiful." The boys all nod in agreement as I smile at the picture of my baby. Yes, he certainly is.

Dr. Markson looks at me as he asks, "Niall, you said you wanted pictures for the boys?" All four boy turn and look at me in shock and surprise, like a hopeful 'really?' but I just nod with a small smile at Dr.Markson. They been doing good these past weeks, so I think they deserve to at least get to see Chocolate chip whenever they want to.

Dr. Markson hands me a paper towel as I let go of Louis' hand and wipe up my stomach. He turns on the lights and then hands each of the boys a printed picture of the baby. As I clean off my stomach, I can see each of the boys holding their picture like it's made of glass as they gaze in wonder at it.

 I sit up as Dr. Markson says, "Ok, so he is doing good, growing just right so we won't have to get a checkup till next month. That all good?" I nod.

"Great! So you are free to go and hopefully see you all again next time!"

I hope down from the table and head towards the door, with the boys following behind me. "Thanks Dr.Markson! See ya!" The boys say bye too and then we head down the hall and back to the car.

It's quiet except for the music playing in the background as we drive to my parent's house, but I think the boys are still mesmerized from seeing our baby. Hmm.. _our_ baby, I like that sound of that. We get there fast and we all hop out, the boys walking me to the door. I step up on the front steps and turn to look at them to say thanks for the ride to the doctors.

"Thanks Niall" Liam says before I can talk. _Thanks?_

"Um, why?"

Zayn speaks up, sounding choked up a little bit, "Because you let us see him and hear his heartbeat. And you're right. It's the most beautiful sound in the whole world."

"And you gave us the pictures. Just..thank you." Louis says holding his picture close to his chest and his eyes grow watery, the boys all nodding in agreement.

I just smile at them. "No problem. Thanks for the ride."

I am about to go inside when Liam speaks up, "Wait! Um Niall..we were wondering.." he looks to all the guys as they nod encouragingly, "..if maybe um, tomorrow we could take you out? Like to hang out I mean, I mean..it's not a date..unless! if you want it to be a date it could but there's no pressure! Like just hanging out and eat food! You love food! and yeah..I.."

I raise my hand and stop Liam's rambling with a smile. "That sounds nice. To hang out I mean. How about you pick me up around noon?"

They all get excited smiles on their faces as Harry says, "Yeah! Sounds good! Thank you! Yeah! Ok! Noon! Perfect!" Zayn and Liam smiles and says "See ya tomorrow Nialler" as they start to drag Harry away who looks like an excited puppy. Louis watches them for a moment before he turns back to me and says, "See you tomorrow Niall." He then surprises me and steps up to my level before he hesitatingly puts his lips on my cheek. I don't feel pain, humiliations, or sadness like the last time, but a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach as my heart beats faster. I can feel chocolate chip is kicking with a fiery passion. He then whispers "I love you" and turns to walk briskly back to the car.

I wave to them then go inside and close the door behind me as I lean back against it. I let out the breath I was holding in and rub my bump. My heart starts to calm down as I take deep breaths. 

_If tomorrow is anything like a few minutes ago, I think my heart is going to explode from love._

_-/-_

I laugh as I scroll through twitter, checking the #Finallya1Dbaby trend. The fans are so hilarious, putting things like "praise Jesus!" or a picture of water with the caption "Is this just water or a pool of my tears?" They even drew some funny pictures of me pregnant and the boys running around like crazy.

I am sitting in the living room, waiting for the boys to get here and it's 11:58. They called a few minutes ago and said they would be here so twitter helps me pass the time. I retweet a few pictures, loving the fan's reaction when they notice that I retweeted their pictures. The OMGs!! and the AHDKASDAKSDSAIDOSD always make me laugh out loud. _  
_

The clock hits 12 and the doorbell rings. I confusedly get up and make my way towards the door. I swing it open and there are the boys standing there with big smiles. "How did you guys ring the bell exactly at noon? Where you guys already here and waiting for the time to be 12?" I smirk at them, putting my hands on my hips. Chocolate chip is kicking, again, excited to be near his daddies.

They give sheepish smiles, as Liam rubs the back of his hid and blushes. "No...why we do that? Haha..."

I smile at them, knowing full well they did do that that, but I let it go. "Ok! Where to?" I shut the door behind me, locking it, then waddle down the steps.  

They boys turn to smirk as Harry says, "It's a surprise."

I pout and groan as I waddle to the car. "Aww c'mon..."

Louis just shakes his head, hopping behind the driver's seat. "Nope, not going to work Nialler. Just gotta wait and see." 

I groan but get in the car anyways. Harry's up front with Louis as Zayn sits on one side of me, and Liam on the other.

Hopefully it's a good surprise. Chocolate chip seems to think any surprise is good, as long as we are all together.

 

-/-

 

"No way!" I exclaim as we park beside the stadium. We drove a short trip to dublin and are now going to see the Ireland vs. Amsterdam Football match. Once out of the car, I turn to look at the boys. "Are you serious?!"

They all smile happily at me as they nod. I can't help but smile as we head inside. With tours and baby stuff, I totally forgot to buy tickets the one of the biggest matches of the year. They were sold out, and not matter how well-known or rich I may be, I am not one to buy out a stadium and steal spots already purchased by someone else. Somehow the boys got tickets, not even sold, but man was I stoked!

I turn to them and say gratefully "Thank you." They all look sheepish as Zayn says "Anything for you Nialler. C'mon." We go to our seats which are on the second level in reserved seating area. We take our seats and I could burst from excitement, because the view is actually really good. Liam takes a seat by me as he says, "Sorry Nialler. We got the seats up a level because we didn't want a ball to come flying at you and the baby. You know, safety first!" I smile at Daddy direction's ways, but shake my head. "Liam, these seats are perfect. Thank you." He smiles one of those adorable crinkle-eyed smiles and  I feel chocolate chip's kicking pick up. This day hasn't even started and I already feel my heart swelling.

The game was great though. I pretty much got so into it, cheering loudly, standing up with the whole crowd, high fiving the people behind me when Ireland scored a goal. I even got mad with some people and shouted at the refs making dumb calls. The boys just laughed at my enthusiasm but most of the time got into the game as much as me, even Harry and Zayn who aren't big Football fans. Sometimes, the boys got nervous and tried to make me sit down, saying that I wasn't going to send myself into an early labor. I thought that was ridiculous, but obliged their requests and sat. We won, 36-20 and I was feeling great as we headed back to the car. Some fans had spotted us and stopped us to take pictures, which we happily did.  

Most of the girls actually just wanted a picture with me and the bump. I could see each time the girls placed their hands on my bump to take the picture, the boys' eyes shined with protectiveness and jealousy. Zayn even had to hold back Louis for lashing out when a girl had asked if she could kiss my bump in the picture. I was kinda torn between pleasing the fan and being uncomfortable, but luckily Liam stepped in and said we had to go actually. The were sad but nodded in understanding. We waved as we got in the car and drove off. 

On to the next surprise!

 

-/-

 

(Third Person's P.O.V.)

The boys pulled up outside of an old diner that was rumored to have the best shakes in town. Looking to please their Nialler, they choose this place and hoped Niall would like eating here.

Niall was happy with any place to eat right now, his hunger and cravings going wild. They went inside, which didn't have too many people in it, and got seated in a big booth, Niall in the middle. The waitress, who was an older woman, came by taking drink and food orders, Niall's choice of coke and a hamburger with onions and salami on it with a side of onion rings covered in ice cream definitely making the boys eyes pop out, but the kind waitress just chuckled and wrote it all down, taking the orders to get fixed in the kitchen.

As the food came by, the boys all ate and talked about anything and everything. The four boys told Niall all about their new house, laughing as they described Louis asking guy at the grocery story if he knew for certain if there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The old man had looked at him funny and told him to "piss off", making Louis blush in embarrassment at the memory and Niall's bump shake hard with laughter.

The boys adored the sound of Niall's laughter and melted at the sight of his unhindered smile. Zayn slipped out in awe, "You're so beautiful Niall."

Niall's laughter slowly stopped as his smile faltered. The feeling he had felt every time he held himself back in moments of the past few weeks like these, burnt in his mind and heart. He just shook his head and said, "Nah, not really." He picked at his onion rings as his mood went down.

The other four boys grew confused as Louis said, "But Niall you are. You were before and now you're.."

Everything that had held Niall back spilled out. "But I'm not. Even before I was pregnant I'm wasn't. I still don't know why you guys keep trying to win me back. You guys seemed fine without me. Didn't need me for cuddles or kisses. Didn't need me for group sex. You know, I think you were right Zayn. You guys probably don't even need me in the band, since I'm the worst singer out of all of us. I just..." he sighed as he said, "I'm not worth it...what's the point?" Niall was frustrated with his pregnancy mood swings, but this was all what he had been feeling the whole time. Even after the sorry's and the you're beautiful's, it was hard to believe they truly wanted him.

The four boys felt their inside contract and their hearts ache. _No, no, no! This isn't supposed to be what Niall's feeling!_ Zayn felt absolutely horrid, even now, his drunken rant comes back to haunt him. He still can't sleep too well, not having his Nialler by him, but he had hope to get him back soon. But at this moment, Zayn feels like he wants to die, seeing just how much his words had an effect on his precious Niall. The other boys feel horrid as Zayn, realizing with guilt and horror that Niall heard them all having sex without him. Liam realized that Niall must have felt not good enough when they didn't try anything with him after that, when really it was because they felt guilty. Harry felt like awful, wanting nothing more than to cry at the sound of Niall's dejected voice, wishing he had spoke up from the very beginning. Louis knew it was his fault, seeing his beautiful Niall look so sad even after they've been trying so hard to make it up to him.

Louis grabbed Niall's hand and said, "Niall, I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I was the one who pushed the boys to have sex. I thought it would make me love them like I love you, but it didn't even work. It only just hurt you and I can see even now it still pains you. I'm an absolute shit for doing all that, but please believe me when I say that I love you. We all do."

Zayn spoke form across the table with pained eyes. "Niall, everything I said that night of the club was absolute bullshit. I made it up, I used everything that you ever felt insecure about and hurt you with it. But it was all a lie, and I'm so sorry. So so sorry. But I can tell you that I'm telling the truth when I say you're so beautiful, so freaking beautiful. And your voice is heavenly and perfect."

Liam grabbed Niall's other hand. "Niall, even if Louis helped to talk us into sex, we still all decided to go along with it. That's why we didn't try the same with you, because we felt guilty, dirty, like shit. It's _us_ that didn't feel worthy of you Niall. We still don't and probably never will. But we aren't going to stop trying to be, trying to win you back. We aren't going to give you up. Never."

Harry spoke up, "The cuddles, kisses, and sex were all empty. They weren't worth a ounce compared to getting to sit here and see you smile or laugh. We needed you then and we need you now and forever. You are worth it, beautiful, and we love you with all our hearts. Please, believe us. We..we love you. And will continue to always love you." Tears were gathering in Harry's eyes.

Niall smiled small at them with watery eyes, chocolate chip kicking slowly. He then closed his eyes and nodded slowly after a moment as the waitress came to drop off their check. The boys didn't say anymore as they paid the bill and drove back to Mullingar.

 

-/-

 

(Niall's P.O.V.)

The drive back was quiet as the sun went down. We arrive at my parent's home around 8, the stars just starting to shine in the dark sky. The boys all got out and walked me to the door once again. I stepped up on the steps and turned to face the four boys.

"Thank you for today, it was fun. Sorry, about dinner. I just, it's hard to let my guard down, to believe everything you say. But thank you, I know you're all trying."

Liam spoke up, saying, "You don't have to be sorry Niall, it wasn't you're fault. It was all ours. You deserve for us to work hard, to win your love back." They all nod in agreement, longing and love shining in their eyes.

I nod with a small smile and say "Yeah. Well, goodnight" turning to go inside. But as I touch the door handle, I freeze. They've been trying so hard, always trying to go at my pace.  _Maybe I have to be the one to take the next step?_  

So I turn back towards them, seeing they are still right where they were. Their faces of longing, lift up waiting for me to say something, but I don't. Instead I take a few steps down to their level and take Liam's hand and place it on my bump, right where chocolate chip is kicking and has been kicking all day.

His face, as well as the others, grow confused before Liam's eyes widen and his mouth falls open in shock. He looks down at my bump before he asks, "Is that him?"

I smile and nod. "Yep."

Liam's eyes grow misty before his hand slide off slowly and I replace his with Zayn's hand. Zayn stares in silence and concentration at my bump until his face crumbles in tears and a watery smile breaks out. He nods and sniffs as I bring Harry's hands to go in place of Zayn's. 

Harry's face looks like a little boy watching the animals at the zoo in wonder as he waits to feel chocolate chip's kicks. Once he does, his whole face lights up likes it's Christmas as he bends down to put his face near my bump and nuzzles into it a little. I can't help but chuckle as he kisses it lightly then stands up to allow Louis to feel.

Louis is hesitant to place his hands on my bump, as if he would hurt me and the baby with a simple touch. But I know he won't. So I reach out to take his hands in mine and place our hands on my bump. He looks into my eyes, bites his lips, then looks down at my bump as he waits. I keep my hands over his and watch his face as he waits, and his reaction when he feels the kick is truly heart warming. He smiles with tears falling down his face as his shoulders start to hunch in every so often. He lowers his head for a moment, breathing in and out while trying to hold in sobs as Liam rubs his back. Then he looks up with his beautiful blue, teary eyes as he says "Thank you. Thank you, so much."

I smile at them and say "No problem" as chocolate chip continues to kick with glee.

_He's happy to be felt too_

 

-/-

 

I pour milk into my bowl of Rocky road cereal (a popular Irish brand) just as I hear my phone buzz on the kitchen counter with a text. And it buzzes again, and again. I go over to get, but before I can see the texts, my phone rings, showing Louis is calling.

I pick up and say "Hello?" with confusion.

"Niall! I..I'm sorry! We didn't know..We! Were on our way! Sorry!"

I go to say 'what?' but the doorbell rings so I take the phone with me, which I can hear Louis shouting to the boys in the background to hurry up and get in the car. I swing open the door as my eyes widen. Standing there is Louis' mum with his five sisters, Zayn's mum and his three sisters, Liam's mum and his two older sisters, and Harry's mum with his sister Gemma.

"Hello Niall!" They all smile brightly at me.

"Hi..." I must look in shock, because Liam's mum comes towards me, placing a hand gently on my arm and says, "The poor thing must be in shock. C'mon girls let's get him inside before he catches a cold or something." I'm too gobsmacked to argue so I let the girls all lead me into my living room as they excitedly talk to me.

"Sorry to just show up unexpectedly.." Louis' mum starts, "but when the boys told us that they were the father, well we just had to come see how you were doing and to try and see how the baby's doing as well."

Harry's mum smiles at me as she sees my bump. "You look fantastic Niall. How far along are you?"

I gulp as I say, "7 months and a day." They all aww at me as I place my hands on my bump.

Zayn's mum says with a kind smile. "When Zayn called me up and told me the news, he was so happy that he cried. Ha I think we both did. It will be the first grandchild for all of us." She looks around as the mum's all smile.

I look around and ask worriedly, "You don't mind you know that.."

Harry's mum shakes her head as they all do. "No Niall. We love our sons and you just as you are. And the fact that you're giving us a grandchild is just an even further blessing." I smile, feeling relieved at their support and love.

Daisy, one of Louis' youngest sisters, asks excitedly "Is it a boy or a girl?!"

I smile and says "It's a boy."

The girls look happy as Phoebe jumps around and yells out, "We'll get to dress him up in our dolly clothes!" We all laugh at the cuteness of the twins.

All of a sudden the doorbell is ringing like crazy and fists are pounding against the front door. "Niall! Niall! Are you in there?!!" The boys are shouting panicky from outside.

Louis' mum goes and opens the front door, the boys running in and panicky asking, "Where's Niall?!" She laughs but points them towards the living room.

They run to us sitting on the couches and start saying, with exasperated breaths, "Niall we're so sorry!"  "We honestly didn't even know they were coming till they called us this morning" "We're sorry!" " "We love you!" 

I just chuckle at their faces and at Harry's last words and say "It's ok. They all just wanted to find out more about the baby." 

Louis' mum comes to the living room with her hands on her hips and ask, "Now Niall, have you eaten breakfast yet?"

I shake my head. "I was going to eat some cereal.."

"Cereal?! That's it?!" Harry's mum asks me. "No, no we are going to make you some breakfast!" She and the other mum's stand up and head towards the kitchen. 

"Mum.." Harry groans, but she just ruffles his head. "Now buts, now go keep Niall company while we make breakfast." And with that they disappear into the living room. Nicola, Ruth, and Gemma go and help out too, while Louis' younger sisters and Zayn's younger sisters go to play together outside and the Louis' older sisters and Zayn's older sister wander off to talk and gossip to one another in the dining room.

It's just me and the boys as they come to take seats by me on the couch. Liam turns sheepishly as he says "Sorry. When we got home after the baby shower and before the premieres, we were so sad but so happy at the same time that we kind blabbed it out to our families."

Louis twisted his hands nervously. "We just hoped that we could make it up to you, so that you might one day let us be close to you and the baby. We kept trying to tell our parents that, but they were too excited and insisted on visiting."

Zayn shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. "Kept trying to tell them that it wasn't the right time but here they are."

Harry looked down as he said, "Sorry", probably thinking that they had somehow messed everything up. They didn't though.

I smile and shake my head. "Hey, it's ok. It's actually really sweet to have them here and to get their help with things. Chocolate chip now just has even more people to love him."

They all smile gratefully as I rub my bump. 

Zayn notices and asks softly "Is he kicking?"

I close my eyes and nod as I continue rubbing.

Louis asks hesitatingly, "Can we..feel it again?

I nod without opening my eyes and move my hand to point where it is. "Right there." I point to the middle center of my bump, near the top.  I hear all four of them gather close in front me and place one of their hands there gently on my bump as they feel the constantly kicking underneath. It's quiet, just us in this moment. 

"Wow.." Harry says.

Liam says quietly "He kicks so much. Does he do this all the time?"

I nod and admit "Yeah, when I'm around you four." I open my eyes and look into each of their love filled, hopeful eyes.

 _"Every time."_   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *check the beginning notes if you skipped them :) *


	17. Getting Closer to Letting Them In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a little while since I usually post, just had a lot of homework and stuff for college I'm working on. And kinda had to come up with an idea how to write this chapter, but I got it! SOOOOO enjoy! :)

We all squished around the dining table and ate breakfast, which let me tell you was freaking delicious, as the boys' mums and sisters chatted constantly about their excitement of the baby's arrival in a few months. My mum came home early from work to and was so happy to see her friends, hugging and laughing with them joyously. I just smiled and kept stuffing my mouth with blueberry pancakes (with pickles on them), feeling just happy that the house was full of cheer and good friends. As the dishes were being put away and the kitchen being cleaned up, Liam's mum pulled me aside to talk to me in the living room.

She sat me down gently on the couch as she took a seat next to me. She gave me a smile as she began. "You know I remember when I was pregnant with Liam. I was so excited, because we were going to be having a little boy." She looked off in the distance thoughtfully with a smile on her face before turning her gaze back to me. "He was my last you know? And it wasn't because of you know, nature decided that was it kinda thing. It was because of our experience when Liam was born. I don't know if he told you this but when he was born he was a little premature, about three weeks actually. And when he came out, he didn't cry. He wasn't even breathing. The doctors thought he was a still born. It was only after some reviving did he react and he was alive and ok. But he wasn't."

She swallowed a lump in her throat as I looked at her sympathetically. I knew some of the story but not everything. You never really get to hear the other side of the story like this. So I held her hand in mine as I listening intently. "He was released from the hospital after a week and me and Geoff were so happy. Nicola and Ruth couldn't wait to hold their baby brother. But then he started getting sick. He was yellow and he wouldn't eat. He took him to the hospital and the ran tests. They said was fine, just a little gangrene but would be just fine. He didn't get better. He kept getting sick, having to spend the early years of his childhood in a hospital. And it was hard seeing my baby in so much pain, so sick." She stopped to wipe a few tears from her eyes before continuing. "As you know I'm sure, they found out one of his kidneys didn't worry properly. He had to have up to 32 injection a day to function with the pain. _32_. At not even 2 years old. And Geoff and I could only hold his hand and _kiss his forehead_ , trying to wish that we could take his pain away. It was only when he was 4 did his body learn to cope and we were able to not go back to the hospital everyday. Thank God for that." She let out a chuckle through her tears.

She then placed her other hand over our connected hands. "So when he got into the band, I was so happy for him. It was more of a life and blessing than I could ever hope for him. And then..I saw how he looked at all of you boys. How he looked at _you_ , Niall. But I knew he was uncomfortable talking about it, so I just waited patiently. Then one day he came home for break and burst out the truth over dinner. It was like he was afraid of what we would think, of what we would do. I remember I just smiled and told him that I loved him because he is my son and would support him. He looked so happy to tell us, to know that we all accepted him. Then I had to just wait for him to tell us that he was with all you." We both chuckled as she held my hand tighter.

"You want to know the reason I was so easily accepting of Liam? Because when we were hospital, him not yet diagnosed with a failing kidney, I made a promise to God and to myself to always be there for him if he makes it through this. To accept and love him, no matter what. Why would I punish him for loving who he loves? Especially when he could of not made it when he was a baby. That's why I didn't have children, no after having to go through so much with Liam. Not after feeling so uncertain if he was going to make it."

She smiled before she lifted a hand up and nodded in question at my bump. I nodded with a smile as she placed her hand on my bump, letting it rest there. "When Liam came home at the beginning of his break, from I guess here, he was so upset. I asked what happened and he told me everything..." She looked up to meet my eyes with a sympathetic look."...right from when it all went bad. He told me how he felt horrible at how treated you, scared and trying to be normal. He told me how he found out how the whole thing got messed up because of him and the boys, how they all treated you. And then, with tears in his eyes, he told me how you were having a baby boy. Oh you should have seen him Niall, he was talking on and on about how beautiful and perfect you looked, how he wanted to cry and cry because he let you go, they all did."

She rubbed my bump softly before continuing. "So please, I know the boys made a huge mistake, they all did. But please, I want you to know that they love you so much and so does Liam. And I know it will take time for you to forgive them, I'm not trying to plead for you to take back Liam or any of the boys. I just want you to remember that life is so short and uncertain. I learned that when Liam was born. So don't hold on to the bad things or the things you can't fix, but hold dear the good things, the memories, and don't them go. No matter what you're choice is, don't let the good memories go like the boys did, like they are tryingto make up for now ."

I smiled and nodded as I gave her hug. She rubbed my back softly as I closed my eyes. I pulled back and said "Thank you."

She nodded at me and said. "You're welcome. And no matter what happens, I will always be here for you and the baby." I smiled as we got up and went back into the noisy kitchen. The boys smiled at me as I waddled in and Liam's mum went to chat with my mum and the other mums. All of the boys' sisters immediately flocked over to me as they asked to feel my bump, me laughing as I happily obliged their requests.

 _'Hold on to the good things, the memories'_  I head echoed in my mind. And that was exactly what I was going to do.

 

-/-

 

Liam put the last of the luggage in the trunk as Zayn helped me into the SUV. I slid in the middle by Harry as Zayn hopped in beside me. I heard Liam slam the trunk closed as he walked around the car and hopped in the passenger seat, closing his door. Zayn rolled down the window as I waved to my parents and brother bye. Then Louis put the car in drive and we drove off to the airport.

The past few weeks were great. The boys' mums and sisters stayed for at least another week after that breakfast and took me and my mum out shopping and to eat. The boys were of course forced to stay back as their mums and sisters said it was "their time to be close to Niall and the baby". I inwardly chuckle because they even took me to a few Lamaze classes. The instructor was a little confused as me, being a guy, was doing the exercises as the mums watched me on the side and cheered me on. The boys were allowed to come to those, holding my hand and telling me to deep breathe. Most of the time we all just tried to not burst out laughing, because our mums would scold us and tell us to pay attention.

The boys and I have grown closer over the past few weeks. They never go a day without telling me that they love me, which truly does warm my heart, but I am not ready to say it back. They understand though, even though I can see it pains and saddens them. They love to touch my bump and feel chocolate chip kick. I have even allowed them at night, before they leave to go back to their house, to sit on my bed with me and listen to me talk to the baby. They each put on hand on my bump, feeling him kick softly as I babble on about life at home and the boys. Night time has truly become my favorite time for sure.

We arrive at the airport and hop out to check in our bags, the boys of course not allowing me to handle any thing. Paparazzi are taking pictures but the boys form a protective barrier between me and the paps. I waddle in with the boys hauling the luggage beside me. We are heading on a flight to London to host a two day concert for Comic Relief in the famous O2 arena. I so excited and I know the boys are, even if they whine and try to persuade me to relax and not do it. Sorry but nobody is stopping Nialler and Chocolate chip from preforming in that arena!!!!....well, except if I'm feeling tired and...wait no! NOTHING will stop us!!!!!!!!!!

We check in and are escorted to the private jet that will take us to London. I waddle on the runaway towards the plane as Liam keeps a hand on my back to steady me. You would think that being about 7 months and 3 weeks pregnant, I would have the waddle thing down. But nope, I sometimes can feel off balance and lean to much that almost fall, definitely scaring the boys into an early grave a few times. But I'm good, or at least better at it now. But it feels nice to have Liam and the others care so much for me and the baby. My bump is a little bigger since the 7 month mark, but still small and cute and adorable. At least I think it is since the boys constantly coo over it and can't keep their hands off it...If you know what I mean ;) Wait what? what? I'm confused.

We get in the small plane and I see Paul and Jeff are there to greet us with big smiles and hugs. After greeting our bodyguards, I take a seat near the window as Louis takes the seat next to me. The other boys take the seat near us and the crew closes the door and prepares for liftoff. We all buckle up as the plane starts to take off. Once in the air, I lean my chair back to try and take a nap. As I close my eyes and try to get comfortable, Louis offers quietly, "You can rest your head on my shoulder if you want?"

I open my eyes to look at him as he looks back at me uncertain, worried that I'd reject him. Hmmm..he would be pretty comfy... I shrug and lay my head on his shoulder as he lets out a breath he was holding. I snuggle my head into him as he wraps his arm behind me, holding me close. Then he silently hums as I feel my eyes drift closed.

After what seemed like only ten minutes, I felt someone softly shaking me. "Niall..." Louis whispered. "Time to get up babe. We're here." I groaned and sat up groggily, stretching out my back and rubbing my bump. I looked out the window to see crowds of girls and paps waiting for us to get off the plane.

Looks like London was definitely ready for us.

 

-/-

 

After dropping our bags off at the hotel, we head on over to the O2 arena for practice. When we get inside, the first people I spot is Josh, Rick, and Roy. "Joshie!" I run over to him, well actually just waddle really fast, kinda like a turtle trying to run, but that is beside the point! Josh runs up to me and wraps his arms around me tight as I wrap mine around his neck. We laugh together because I can still feel the bump between us as we hug.

I pull back as I hear "Nialler! How's it going?" Rick and Roy come up to hug me as I say "Good. And how's the sunday night jam sessions? Not as fun without me right?" I fake pout as they laugh and pat me on the back. "Of course not. Can't have a good jam session with our Irish man."

All of a sudden I hear running footstep and a squeal as I hugged tightly from the side. "Ni!!!!" Ah Lou, I laugh as I hug her tightly back. She smiles at me as she pulls back then bends down to talk to my stomach, placing a hand on my bump. "Has chocolate chip missed his godmother?" She kisses it when she feels the kick under her hand as I smile. She then goes over to hug the other boys who are standing a little way behind me. Josh, Rick, and Roy gave them a wave hello. Joshie wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he pulled me towards backstage as Rick and Roy followed behind. "C'mon Nialler, we gotta catch up." I smiled and nodded as I glanced back to see the boys watch us go sadly.

 

-/-

 

After hanging out with my jam group for a little, me and the boys are now on stage doing sound check. Singing song after song, doing weird dance move after weird dance move was actually really fun. Everything was going good till we were told it was time to practice going on the moving platform that would take us to the middle stage. Then the boys started freaking out.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Liam asked the stage manager worriedly.

"Yeah, I mean what about Niall?" Louis spoke up.

I looked confused at them. "What about me?"

Zayn met my gaze with a hesitant expression. "We don't want you to get hurt. Especially since you could fall over, even just standing up."

"Hey! That was one time..." The four of them gave me pointed looks. "...ok maybe a few times, but I'll be fine. Plus there's a harness."

Harry asked the manager, "Can we make Niall wear two harnesses? Three?"

"No..." I groaned. Michael, the stage manager, just chuckled and said, "Don't worry. Those harnesses hold up to 300 pounds. Nialler will be fine with just one."

I fist pumped and walked over to the platform and hopped up with a techs help. The boys then quickly walked over and started firing more questions.

"Have you tested this?"

"Will the platform work properly?"

"Can we put a net under us to catch us if we fall?"

"Can we not do this for the concerts?"

"What's your last name?"

Everyone looked at me as I shrugged. "What? I don't know Mike's last name."

Mike laughed as he said. "Yes I have tested this, yes it will work properly, no we can't put a net, yes we have to do this for the concerts harry, and it's Parker." 

I smiled big as the boys groaned then hopped on the platform with me. Zayn and Liam immediately put my harness on for me. "I can do it you know, I'm not incapable of putting on my own harness. I'm just pregnant."

Zayn just smiled and shook his head as Liam said, "Well too bad, because we are going to make sure this is on properly and perfectly." He then patted my bump and bent down to kiss it.

Once we were all strapped in, we took off as we sang the song 'Change My Mind'. I love that song. You could see the relief on the boys faces as we made safely to the middle stage. They helped me undo my harness and get down off the platform. See, I didn't fall not even once!

The rest of rehearsal went great and soon it was time to get dressed for the show. This time we are all in the changing area together as we get ready. Lou immediately put me in a grey and white london flag shirt that had no sleeves. It was a tank which you could immediately see my bump, but it was ok to show it and quite demanded to be shown by the fans. I was also wearing white supras and black maternity jeans. "Looking good Ni, looking good" she says as she appraises my look. I smile as I feel someone come up behind me and wrap their arms around my stomach while putting their head on my shoulder. "How's chocolate chip doing?" Josh asks as I smile. I'm sure he can feel the kick the baby gives as I say "Good, hungry, but good. And ready for the show."

I can feel the intensity of the other boys' gazes on the two of us but I just try ignore it. This is just how touchy Josh and I are with each other. It's nothing romantic, just friendly hugs and snuggles. Josh pulls back as he says, "Better go get you something to eat before the show then." And with that he pulls me out the door as Lou goes over to help the other boys dress. We walk down the hall as we go into a makeshift dining room and I spot some familiar faces. "Niall!!" my adopted grandmothers yell excitedly as they run over to give me great big hugs.

"Oh Niall you look lovely and glowing today" Lucy says as she looks me over. "Thank you Lucy but oh stop it." I bat away her complement with a smile.

"I'm guessing you're here because you're a bit hungry" Marlene asks as she puts her hands on her hips and smiles at me.

I nod sheepishly as they laugh and pull me over to sit down and eat. They bring me some delicious tacos which are so freaking good as I chat with them and Josh about how I am so ready for the baby to almost be here. I'm almost done eating when the boys walk in and Liam says "Niall it's almost show time." I nod and get up as I say "Thanks for the food!" Then I waddle over to the boys who seem eager to be near me again. Josh also follows to go take his place behind the drums. The curtain is down and I can hear the screams and chants of joy going around as the clock ticks down the last seconds before we start. "3! 2! 1! AHHHHHH!"

_And let the show begin!_

  

-/-

 

The show is going great, we all seem to be on tonight. I think it's the idea that this arena is sold out and will help raise so much funds for Comic Relief. The boys always stay close to me or love to hug me during performances. Remember when I said they can't keep their hands off the bump? Well someone must of put superglue on it, because 98% of the time you will find one of the boy's hand on it. The fans absolutely went wild tonight when they saw the bump. Lots made posters of me and the bump or me holding a chocolate chip. I laugh at some that say "I'll be Nialler's baby mama!" One guy even had that one but said "I'll be Nialler's baby daddy!!!!"  I just laugh and have a blast, always trying to make sure this concert is amazing, just like the one tomorrow will be.

It's time for the platform and immediately the boys help me up on it then hop on too. Liam immediately hooks me into my harness and makes it securely tight. Then he bends down and places a kiss on my bump as the crowd goes crazy will screams or lets out cooing awws of delight. He stands up straight and winks at me as I turn my head to face the front, trying to hide my blush and focus on the song starting up. 

As we go over the crowd, I smile and wave at them, making a lot of girls cry or wave back at me. I can feel a hand on my back, probably Liam, making sure I don't bend over to far when waving. Once we get to the middle and the song is near the end, Zayn helps me out of my harness. But then, he does something crazy and surprising and sweeps me off of my feet, literally, as I hold on tight around his neck. He hops off with me as he then places me down gently so I can stand. I look at him in confusion but he only places a kiss on my cheek and goes off to sing more of the song. If the crowd was crazy before, then they must be completely going mental right now. It's so loud with all the screaming and cheering as we continue on the show.

I few times Harry has come up behind me and nuzzled into my neck and Louis has hugged me and my bump. I don't know what's up with the boys but it's getting really hard to fight my feelings down for them. Jesus, don't even get me started how much chocolate chip is kicking tonight. He might as well be a fan jumping around crazily, watching us from one of the seats in the arena. 

The show ends with a huge thank you and an awesome end song of What Makes You Beautiful as we say goodnight. I'm ready to go back to the hotel and crash for the night.

One show down and one to go!

 

-/-

 

I was chilling with Lou and Josh in the dressing room right now as we waited for a few hours to pass before the show. Josh had immediately pulled me aside to hangout when I got here and I felt bad. The boys obviously felt left out and wanted to hangout with me, but I could also tell Josh wasn't their biggest fan right now. I could understand though, completely actually.

A knock at the door stopped the conversation as I looked up to see Liam, Louis, Harry, and Zayn."Hey.." Louis said, "Can we talk to you Josh?" I looked in surprise at Josh as he looked at them with a twisted mouth. Then he nodded as he stood up to go outside and talk to them. Lux, who was in the corner taking a nap, started to stir crankily. Lou went over and picked her up. "Niall, I need to go get her a snack. I'll be right back!" She then left out the other door.

My curiosity got the best of me, so I got up and quietly went to stand by the door as I heard the boys taking in the hallway.

"Listen Josh.." Liam started. "We just want to say that we're sorry for everything we put Niall through. We know you really care about him and have taken good care of him over these past months. So thank you."

Zayn spoke next. "We know that we've been shit to Niall. We know that we don't deserve to ever be close to him again, but we're trying to make up for it everyday."

"Just please don't take Niall away from us." Harry begged sadly. Take me away from them? What are they talking about?

"We love him, so much. And even if we don't deserve him, it kills us to see how close the two of you are. Please just give us one more chance with him." Louis asked of Josh.

Josh spoke up quickly. "Whoa! It's not what you think. Yeah I care and love Niall, but we never did anything romantic. I think even if we tried, he always had his heart set on you four. I wouldn't cross that boundary, even after all the shit you pulled. I just..." he sighed. "I just worry about him. I don't want him to get hurt again by your four. He deserves the best and nothing less." He paused for a moment as the other boys agreed with him. "I get it, that you all are trying. I'm sorry if I've been seeming like I'm trying to steal him from you. Just, take good care of him. I know if you keep trying, he will eventually love you again, but don't take that for granted."

Louis said, "We won't. We promise."

Josh spoke solemnly. "I've had to hold him crying at night and I shouldn't have to do it again. So if you guys hurt him again, I will hurt you all. Got it?"

"Yes" "Yes" "Yeah" "Definitely, we won't hurt him."

"Good" then it sounded like they shook hands or something so I rushed back, waddled at super sonic speed, to my chair. I sat down then took out my phone, pretending to look busy. They all came in with smiles on their faces as they took seats near me and started chatting and joking around. I couldn't help but let out big smiles or hardy laughs. I felt whole inside, like everything was slowly coming together.

 

-/-

 

"Good job boys. The founders of Comic Relief wanted to let you know how grateful and thankful they are for what you did these past days" Paul clapped us all on the back proudly as we all smiled. We were standing on the tarmac, ready to head home as Paul told us goodbye. We had already told everyone else goodbye at the hotel before we left.  "Now have a safe flight and me, Josh, Jeff and Lou will see you all in a month or so." He then gave us hugs and waved to us as we boarded the jet to fly home. Louis held one hand on my back, to keep me steady, as we walked up the staircase before going in the plane.

I rubbed my back as I walked down the aisle to my seat. Today it was just being bothersome, a little sore from having to carry around a baby and go non-stop for the past few days. Zayn took my bag and put it away as I went to sit down. Even the seat wasn't helping diminish the pain. "Here." I looked up to see Liam with a pillow in his hands as he said "Just lean forward a little." I did confused before he put it behind my back. I leaned back and actually felt relief a little. I looked up with a smile."Thanks Liam." He nodded happily then bent down and kissed the top of my head before walking to sit down in his seat by Zayn and Louis. Harry took the seat next to me with a big smile. We both buckled up as we were about to take off. For some reason I wasn't really tired this flight, so I just looked out at the window at the runaway going by way. Harry then coughed before asking, "Um Niall?"

I turned to look at him and internally cooed. He looked like a little boy in first grade who was nervous to ask his crush a question. "Um, do you think I could lay my head on your shoulder?" I swear he is like a new puppy who just wants to be loved.

I smiled and nodded. "Sure."

He lit up excitedly before he quickly put his head of curls on my shoulder. I could feel him nuzzle close before putting a hand on my bump, rubbing softly. "I love you" he whispered quietly. I smiled and said "I know Harry. Now get some sleep, you're tired." 

He nodded then nuzzled in my shoulder once more before closing his eyes as I looked out the window. The clouds had a brilliant fluffiness to them that almost made you want to reach out and feel it. I watched them for a while before feeling my eyes start to drift close.

 

-/-

 

We pulled up to my house as we all hoped out. It was about 3 in the afternoon as my parents came outside to hug me and the boys and welcome us back home. My dad and mom grabbed my bags once the boys unloaded them, then took them inside to give us privacy. I turned to them with a smile on my face. "I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow?" They all nodded before Louis said, "You did great Niall. I'm glad we did the concerts, knowing that it's gonna help out so many people." 

"I think we all did good. And thanks for today, for you all helping and caring for me. So thank you." They smiled happily as I waddled forward and placed my lips on Louis' cheeks, hearing him gasp in surprise. I pulled back with a smile before placing my lips' on Zayn's cheek, seeing that Zayn was actually blushing. Cute.  Then I stood on my tip toes to kiss Harry's cheek, pulling back to see him biting his lip trying to fight off a smile, and failing. Then I gave one last kiss on the cheek to Liam, who brought a hand to his cheek after I kissed it to rub it softly. He couldn't help but smile widely.

"Bye" I said as I turned and waddled to go inside. I opened the door, went in, then as I was closing it, they said "Bye Niall" with dopey smiles on their faces. I shut the door, then sighed contently. I then headed upstairs and laid on my bed as I rubbed my bump. I could feel myself falling harder and harder for them, being so close and ready to tell them how I truly felt. 

_But I didn't feel worried about it at all. It just felt right._


	18. Those Three Perfect Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! it's been a busy week and I have been running around like crazy! Here it is and let's just say that I hope it brings big old smiles on your faces! ;D Enjoy and thank you for reading! ^_^ <3
> 
> (see end notes for pics of nursery room)

I bring my arms in the air and clasp my hands together as I stretch out my my back. Once stretched out and fully flexible, well as flexible you can be at 8 months 1 week and 3 days pregnant, I rub my baby bump softly with a smile on my face as I gaze around the room. I would say that today has been good day so far. After lunch, my mum and dad helped me set up a few things in the nursery we made out of Greg's old room. It's not completely done yet, but we'll eventually get there. I waddle out of the room and over to my own room so I can change out of my sweats and into some jeans (stretchy kind of course) and a big t-shirt, as my parents head down stairs. 

Things have been going great these past few weeks. I'm so close to getting to hold chocolate chip that I can taste it!!  Wait...sorry that probably sounds really weird, because let me say that I will NOT be eating my baby. Ok! Moving on! Me and the boys have also gotten closer, even though I haven't told them I love them yet. I can tell they get really sad or disheartened when I don't say it back, but they understand, even if it's hard for them. But we are moving forward in that I let them take me out on a few dates. The first time we went to the pub for open mic night, me of course having to pout not getting to drink any beer, but the boys didn't drink either so I wouldn't feel left out. It was funny because they all went up and sang really cheesy love songs while gazing at me, getting playfully booed by everyone in the pub because it was so freaking corny. The boys were good sports though, just shrugging and sitting back down near me with smiles on their faces. I remembered I bit my lip, trying to contain my smile, and looked down at my water, trying not to let my blush show.

The second date was actually a really cute one. They blindfolded me so it could be a surprise, and drove me, after hours of trying to convince me that I wasn't going to be killed (hey! you never know! I watch too many horror movies) out to a beautiful field that was covered in thousands of gorse. I actually started to cry, *sigh* hormones, because it was just such an amazing view. Louis had wrapped his arms around my shoulders and led me carefully over to a clearing in the middle of the yellow field. Liam and Harry laid out a blanket as Zayn put down a picnic basket. I remember I awed inside as we all sat down and ate a picnic together, talking about everything. Afterwards, I leaned back with my hands on the ground and keeping my upper body up, as the boys each took turns to feel my bump, chocolate chip kicking hard that day. What really got me was when after each one of them felt the kicking, they would place a kiss on my bump as I felt my cheeks blush brightly. Then we all laid back and watched the clouds pass overhead as I closed my eyes. 'Heaven' I remember thinking. 'This was definitely heaven.'

Tonight, the boys are coming to pick me up to take me to have dinner at their place and also to show me a surprise. This whole week, I keep begging them to tell me what it is, but they would only shake their heads with secretive smiles and say it wasn't ready yet that I would have to wait till Saturday. Thank goodness time flew by and tonight is the night! I really want to see what it is!!!!

Once all dressed and ready I go stand in front of my full length mirror and take a peak. But then I freeze and instead of smiling at my appearance, I feel my mouth form into a frown. I'm wearing my white Ramones t-shirt with light blue jeans, and my white supras, but that's not what's bothering me. I've been pretty small during my whole pregnancy, and some would even argue that I still am, but right now I feel just.... _big_. Oh who am I kidding? I look like a huge whale! Oh god! Have I been crushing everyone I hug to death?! Jesus.I feel my lip start to tremble and look away from my hideous reflection, just as the doorbell rings. Great! The boys are here and they are going to see how huge and ugly I look! I don't want them to see me. :( 

I walk over to my bed and sit down on the side of it, my head hanging down as I feel tears slipping out of my eyes. A few drops hit my bump as I rub the bottom of it. I love my baby, don't get me wrong, and usually I love my bump, but today I just feel so huge. Gosh dangit, these freaking hormones make my emotions go crazy. My mom yells from downstairs, "Niall! The boys are here!", but I don't get up. I don't want to do anything but sit here and cry. After a few minutes I hear pairs of feet coming up the stairs as someone knocks on my door. "Niall?" Liam calls from the other side, but I just keeping silently breaking down. The door opens and I hear the boys come in as I keep y eyes down on my bump and sniffling. Someone takes a seat beside me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Niall?" Louis asks me. I just sniffle as I continue to let the tears slip out. "Niall are you crying?" I nod as he quickly wraps an arm around me and another person sits down on the other side of me. "Niall.." Liam says as he rubs his hand up and down on my upper arm. "Why are you crying? What's wrong?" I see someone crouch down in front of me by my knees as one of the other boys gets behind me and nuzzles their head near my neck as they rub my back softly. I'm guessing it's Harry from the nuzzling. The person in front of me, whom I'm guessing is Zayn, uses his finger to lift my chin up as I meet his concerned honey brown eyes and he meets my teary blue ones. "What's wrong Niall? Please tell us, so we can help you." I sniffle as I choke out, "I'm fat" sniffling again, "and ugly. And huge like a whale. And nobody wants me when I look like this." I look back down as I rub one of my wet eyes with my hand.

The boys all says "no, no" "Nialler no" as they all scoot closer to me, wrapping me in their comforting warmth. Zayn lifts my chin back up as I gaze into his determined eyes. One of his hand squeezes my knee. "Niall you're so beautiful. Don't you ever say you aren't. And you're not huge babe. You're pregnant and carrying our child, which is the most beautiful thing. It's incredibly sexy and makes _us_ all want you so bad."

I sniffle and ask quietly, "Really?" They all nod genuinely. 

I let out a shaky breath as Louis speaks up. "You're perfect Ni. Everyone in the world can see it. And you're still one of the tiniest pregnant people I've ever seen. This.." he places a hand on my bump and rubs gently, "does not make you fat, huge, or ugly. You are doing an amazing thing by carrying this baby we made out of love and our baby is going to be so perfect and beautiful just like you Ni." He pulls me closer as he continues to rub my bump.

Liam's hand travels down to one of mine as he squeezes firmly. "Nialler, I don't know why you would ever think that. I wish you could see yourself through our eyes, because you're absolutely breathtaking. You're glowing and perfect just the way you are. Please don't ever think badly about yourself. You're amazing." He leans forward and kisses my forehead softly as I close my eyes and breath out.

Harry nuzzles in my neck as he says, "We love you Niall, we always will. Please know that you're beautiful." He nuzzles more as I feel his arms come from behind my back and rub my bump on the sides softly.

I take a few moments to stop crying and nod, as they all continue to rub apart of my body gently. "Sorry" I let out quietly. They all snuggle closer as Louis says "It's ok Niall. You're beautiful and always will be. And when you're ready, if ever we're that lucky, we'll show you just how beautiful you are." I smile slightly as I start to feel better after what they boys said. I'm sure Louis can feel how hard chocolate chip is kicking, but he probably doesn't know that it's because my heart is beating so fast because of their words that chocolate chip is reacting.

_I can't help it though. With all that love and care they show me, how could I not feel it?_

 

-/-

 

After a few minutes to collect myself after the breakdown, the boys helped me downstairs and I said bye to my parents as we headed out the front door and hopped in the car to drive over to their house. I actually haven't gotten to see it yet so I'm pretty excited. I can also tell the boys seem a little antsy too, maybe it's because of the surprise. Geez! The anticipation is seriously killing me! I just want to see what it is. 

Finally we arrive and Louis, who sat beside me this time, hops out first and offers me a hand to help me out. He doesn't let go, and something in me wants to keep holding on, so I let him hold my hand and lead me to the house. It's a really nice house, pretty big and painted cream colored with black roofing. The front door is brown with grey brick outline the doorway. I really like it, and especially that there's nice green trees and bushes around the property. Zayn fiddles with the front door nervously, and opens it as we all walk inside. Wow, the house is beautiful inside too. Big open spaces where the living room is with a nice cozy fire place and I great kitchen to cook in too. I smile as I survey the view before Liam coughs anxiously. I turn to see him and the boys looking excited as he asks "Ready for the surprise?" I smile and nod feverishly, ready to find out what the big secret is. Harry takes my other hand as the boys start leading me up the stairs. Once on the second level, I can see other doors probably having rooms for the boys and guest rooms. We walk down the hall to a door that's closed as they all look at me expectantly and nervously. What could it be?  "I hope you like it" Louis says quietly. "Ready?" I nod as Zayn opens the door and I let go of Harry and Louis to step inside and see.

 _Wow...._       

My eyes begin to blur with tears as my heart melts in awe. The boys made one of the many rooms in this house into a baby room for chocolate chip. The nursery, which was perfectly sized being not too big and not too small, had two large windows that let in the sunlight to illuminate the room. In the middle of the room was a light brown wooden crib that had blue blankets and bedding in it. That sat on top of a white and grey square rug where a brown rocking horse stood beside it. There was a wooden changing table and a big wooden dresser where I could see new baby clothes popping out of it. I smiled once I saw the blue plush chair sitting near the dresser and by a small side table that held a lamp on it. The walls are white wooden planks that go all around the room, that give the whole place a light, airy feeling. But the true breath taker though, was the ceiling. It was painted so freaking beautifully, I'm guessing by Zayn with some help from the boys. It was a light baby blue, painted like the sky with almost sheer, white fluffy clouds everywhere. I feel a few tears fall down my face, but I couldn't seem to care to wipe them away. My mouth hangs open in awe. They did this? All of it?

"Do you not like it?" I turn to see the boys wringing their hands nervously as they look at me worried. Oh how wrong they are. I love it, I'm just too overwhelmed to say anything. I turn back around and walk over to sit down slowly in the plush chair.  Liam says "I mean, he doesn't have to stay here. We know you have been getting a nursery ready at your house, but we just wanted you to be able to bring him over here. Just so he always has a place to stay, if you want that is."

I'm still sitting there in shock as I gaze around the room. I now see another wall where toys and books and anything a child could ask for sit on the floor. It's so perfect and it blows my nursery ideas out the window. "You don't like" Harry says dejectedly. I shake my head and bring a hand to wipe up my eyes. "Hey..."the boys come forward and kneel down in front of me.  Zayn touches my arm. "We can change it. I know it's not the best but.."

I cut him off as I say "No. It's perfect. I love it." I'm rewarded with big heartwarming smiles and sighs of relief from the boys. I ask "Did you paint the ceiling?" Zayn blushes and says, "Yeah, we all did. We came up with the idea after our picnic together in the field. We thought the baby would love looking up into the clouds like we did that day." I smile and gaze up at the ceiling in wonder. Zayn points over to the wall where all the toys and books are. "We also left the wall over there free so when he gets older he can draw on the wall and make it his own."

That's when it hits me. "But wait, when he gets older? I thought you guys were only staying till a few months after he is born?" They all look at each other before they smile at me. "Niall, we meant what we said months earlier. We aren't going anywhere. You are stuck with us. We will even be taking him on tour with us, if you think it's ok of course, unless you think it's best to leave him in the care of your parents. "

My eyes open wide as I feel my throat close up. "You're staying here? Permanently living in Ireland?"

They all nod as I smile big. God, my heart is feeling like's it's going to explode. "We love you Niall and this beautiful baby you're carrying and we are going to be there for everything. For him and for you. No matter what." I smile as I gaze back up at the sky painted ceiling.

_It may not be heaven, but it's pretty dang close._

 

-/-

  

We walked down the stairs and headed to the kitchen. I couldn't bring myself to talk through my overwhelmed feelings as Zayn pulled out a seat for me at the kitchen counter and the other boys began making dinner. He kisses my cheek softly and he went to help prepare the spaghetti. They boys were talking animatedly, laughing about some joke as they cut the vegetables and boiled the pasta. I was sitting silent, watching the boys cook, still not over the awe of the beautiful nursery. I felt like I was in a daze, but feeling like my heart warmed tremendously. I look down at my bump, rubbing it tenderly with my hands. Without the boys, I wouldn't have this beautiful baby growing inside of me and I certainly wouldn't feel him kick softly right now. The boys have given so much, moving here permanently for me and the baby, giving me love everyday, never once letting one minute go to waist not letting me feel loved. I look at the boys as they work so hard to make a meal for me and I feel my whole body burn with want, need, and most of all,  _love._

So I let those three perfect words slip out of my mouth.

_"I love you."_

The boys continue on cooking and preparing the meal, so focused on getting dinner ready for us that they didn't really hear me. It was only after a few seconds do the words seem to register in their minds. Liam stops chopping the tomatoes instantly, followed by Zayn, who had begun to pull open the fridge door, freezes in place. Louis, who was stirring the pasta in the pot, stopped suddenly. He turned off the stove as he kept his focus on the still cooking noodles. Harry, who had started to get out the plates, put them down slowly on the counter. 

They all turned slowly to look at me with hopeful, longing, and loving eyes. Louis asked shakily, "What..what do you say?"

I rub my bump affectionately, as I say "I love you." I can feel my heart leap in my chest that I am finally able to say what I've been dying to say out loud.

Everything is silent as those three passionate, breathtaking words echo in the room. Then, as tears spring to Louis' eyes, he makes the first move and comes quickly around the counter towards me and kisses me hard on the lips. I breath in surprised but soon melt into his lips. _**Love**._  Chocolate chip gives a hard kick as I lift my hands to cover his own as he cradles my face. As he pulls away slowly, trying to let the kiss linger till the very last moment, I open my eyes to gaze into his beautiful ones, a few tears escaping down his face. I give him a small smile and stand up from my seat as my eyes look at the other three, frozen in place.

Liam is the next to move, walking slowly over to me as I move past Louis. As Liam comes to stand in front of me, he wrap his arms around my back and pulls me forward, my bump making it difficult to get close but manageable. His lips crash into mine as I close my eyes and wrap my arms around his neck. _**Longing**. _ One hand caresses up from my back to my neck as it touched there gently to keep our lips connected for as long as it can be. As we pull back slowly, he gives me lingering pecks to make it last. We finally pull back completely as I open my eyes slowly, meeting his kind, brown eyes looking so happy as they glisten with tears. He closes his eyes and kisses my forehead tenderly while he holds me close as I sigh in happiness. Once he pulls back to look at me with love and relief,  I send a smile his way as I pull out of his embrace slowly and turn to see Zayn, who has come around the counter too and is standing a little ways over from us.

I waddle a little ways over to him as he takes swift strides forward and grabs my face, turning his head to the side a little as his mouth captures mine. _**Need**. _ Our lips move together as my and his heads switch sides. His arms pull me around the waist as close as we could possible be, my bump only seeming to make him kiss me faster and firmer. I feel wetness on my face and I know Zayn's crying, from happiness or love, I'm not sure. Maybe it's both? But I keep my hands on his shoulders as he kisses me a few more times, stopping as we both open our eyes. He brings one hand to stroke my face softly as I see the tears still lingering in his eyes. Yes, it's definitely both. I smile at him then pull back to kiss one last person.

Harry stands in his same spot behind the counter, looking at me nervously with his hands folded in front of him. I look in his eyes and send him a small smile, nodding at him that it's ok. He chokes out a sob then runs over to me and hugs me tight, putting his face into my neck. I wrap my arms around his shoulder and he nuzzles in my skin and places teary kisses there. He then lifts up his head and gently turns my face to kiss, uniting our lips quickly. **_Want._**  We stay there, not moving our lips, just kissing in that single moment. We pull back and I open my eyes to look into his, his arms never unwrapping from around me. I can see his chin wobbling with silent cries he is holding in. I wipe his wet eyes as I say, "Shh, it's ok puppy." That sends him quickly nuzzling back into my neck as I hold him as close as my bump will allow.  

I hear Harry sniffle as he asks "Why? How?" I hug him tighter as I tell him what's been on my mind and in my heart these past weeks. "Because you all have done so much." He pulls back to look at me, but doesn't let me go, as the other boys come closer to touch me gently. "You've moved here for me, for us and you've treated me amazingly. You've tried you're best to make up for everthing, and more than everything.  I thought before when I didn't have you all that I was fine, happy even. But now, I feel so much more whole. More happy and complete and so freaking loved. I love you all and I'm ready to say it and keep on saying it."

They all smile at me with teary eyes as they hug me close in a tight group hug. The boys are placing kisses on my face, head, and neck and I feel so happy, so whole. I feel a hand gently turn my head a little to the side as Louis' lips connect with mine needfully. I kiss back with as much force, feeling just as much need and want as he and the other boys do. I feel it in my whole body, all the way down to my toes. He pulls back he says breathlessly "Niall... are you..do you..can we..?" I know what he is trying to say. I feel it, the desperation in his voice and the boys' touches. They want to be closer, skin to skin, mouth to mouth, heart to heart. I've missed them and they missed me, even more so. And I want them too, I want them so badly. So I use my hand to stroke Louis' face and say quietly yet loud enough for all the boys to hear, "I love you. Please show me you love me. Like how you said you would earlier? Please." The boys freeze their movements for a moment before Louis leans forward and crashes his mouth back onto mine. I feel someone hugging me from behind and placing kisses on my neck as someone else rubs my bump. I pull back from Louis as Liam turns my head with his hand and kisses me firmly, relishing in the love we feel. He hugs me close, continuing to kiss me, before he bends down a little and sweeps me off my feet.    

 Liam walks us over to the stairs as he carries me bridal style and heads up the stairs quickly. He kisses me firmly, the other boys following along as they strip off their clothes along the way. We have so much to make up for all the lost time together. Once in one of the bedrooms, Liam takes me over to the bed and lays me down gently on it as he continues to kiss me passionately. He pulls back to stand up and take off his own clothes as Louis, now fully naked, takes his place, bending down to kiss me with so much love that my back arches up, feeling my heart lifting me up to the sky. He pulls back and I can see his eyes filled with overwhelming love and not fear this time, but want. I nod to him as I lift my arms and he slowly begins to lift my shirt over my bump, while a naked Harry and Zayn join us on the bed, one on each side. Once my shirt is off my body, Zayn starts placing kissing my chest and working down the side. Harry places kisses in my neck as I close my eyes and move my head to the side so he can continue ravishing my skin, my breathing becoming heavier with each passing second.

A nude Liam joins us on the bed, to the side of Louis, beginning to take my maternity jeans off gently as Louis cups the back of my neck and brings our lips back together in a heart-warming kiss. I wiggle my hips to help Liam slip the jeans off my legs, freeing them as Louis pulls back to gaze into my eyes. He then sits back as Liam looks at me, placing his hands gently on hips, raised slightly by my bump. I bite my bottom lip and nod as I hold his gaze. He bends forward kissing my bump as he slides my boxers down, me raising my hips a little to help. That's when they all pull back to look at me, and I mean truly look at me.

And in that moment, I don't feel self conscious. Because I look into each of their eyes, and all I see is four boys who look like they hold the whole world in their hands. It's an overwhelming feeling, seeing the love, lust, adoration, awe, wonder, want, need, desire shine brightly in their eyes. My whole body tingles as Louis chokes out, "You're so beautiful." They all nod as I smile up at them, truly believing those words. And I know that they will continue making me believe them with every kiss and every touch tonight and the next day and the next.

I let out a breath as they each attack my body with their mouths, worshipping my skin and leaving lingering love bites everywhere. Their making this all about me and I can feel their love being poured into each kiss. They move around me, switching places to continue kissing my skin as Harry comes to kneel in front of me. He places one last kiss on my neck as he rubs my bump softly. He brings he face down to kiss my bump before he moves down to place a kiss on my hip, nibbling a mark there too. Liam's kissing over my chest, my skin tingly with each press of his lips.

 Harry moves to further down, leaving open mouth kisses on my thighs as I inhale sharply. Then he takes me in his mouth as I let out a throaty moan, Zayn marking my neck then peppering kisses up to my jaw. Louis kisses me on the mouth and swallows my moans as Harry continues to work his mouth over me, one of my hands lightly gripping his curls. He keeps one hand on my hip and the other hand on the bottom of my bump, softly rubbing it affectionately as I feel me getting closer to the edge. I pull my mouth back from Louis' as I moan out, "Harry..." He continues to move his head up and down, moaning around me. Before I can get too far though, Harry then removes his mouth and moves forward to kiss me lightly, before bending down to kiss my neck softly as he says "I love you". I smile and say "I love you puppy" tenderly as he moves to the side and Louis takes his place.

Louis looks in my eyes as I gaze back at them with love. I feel the other boys placing kisses on my skin and caressing my body softly, often rubbing my bump with loving hands. Louis kisses my bump ever so softly before he hovers on me and kisses me with all his might as I feel him start to stretch me out for him. Even with my eyes close, I can't help but feel a few tears escape when I realize that he isn't going to leave me after this. This time, he isn't going anywhere.

I nod when I'm ready for him, our lips still connected as he positions himself then enters me gently. I moan into his mouth as the other boys nip at my skin. He pulls his head back to look into my eyes as he places his hands on the bed on each side of me as moves his hips forward slowly. My body moves with him, arching my back with each thrust, never breaking eye contact with him. Tears start gathering in his eyes as I feel him trace my bump gently with one of his hands. One tears falls on my face as he says "I love you Niall, so freaking much." I stare back into his eyes, our bodies still moving together as I say "I love you too Louis." He smiles with a crumbling face as we both get close to our climaxes. Before we fall over the edge together, he bends forward and kisses me with everything thing in his soul as one hand holds lays on my bump. It's like jumping off a cliff into the ocean, feeling the shock and chills spread throughout your whole body as you come up for air. I gasp as pleasure takes over my whole body, Louis breathing his own gasp into my mouth. "Love you" he whispers against my lips as he pecks them lightly and pulls out gently to move to my side.

Zayn comes to kneel in front of my, gazing into my eyes with a slight hesitation. I grab his hands on kiss them lightly but placing them on my bump as I nod at him. "I love you Zayn."  He looks at my bump with devotion and awe before he leans forward to kiss me softly. "I love you too Niall." He then continuing placing kisses down my chin, then my neck, to my chest. "So sexy" he says as he bites lightly, licking over his mark, "so freaking sexy." He then moves down to finishing kissing on my bump, letting his lips linger there before he looks up to meet my gaze then moves further downward and takes me all in his mouth. I feel myself begin to harden again as works his mouth over me. He moans around me, sending vibrations through out my whole body. Dear lord. He pulls off like Harry did before I could come and switches places with Liam. 

Liam gazes down at me as he bends forward and pecks my lips gently. "Can I?" He whispers. I know this time he wants to be with me, but not as a last time. No more goodbyes. "Yes Li. Please." He nods before bends down and kisses my bump quickly, getting in between my legs. Then he pushes his hips forward, sliding himself inside of me as I inhale quickly and feel my eyes close in pleasure. I feel one of the boys grab one of my hands, intertwining our fingers and kissing my knuckles lightly as Liam bends forward and wraps one hand behind my back and the other his places on the bed near my stomach. He moves his hips forward slowly, thrusting sensually and slowly as I look into his eyes. He looks determined, even though his eyes are watery. "I love you Niall. I'll never leave you again, none of us will. We promise. Never again." He thrusts, hitting the right spot, as I moan silently and nod my head. I believe them, I believe everything they say. And I know that they have all learned just lucky we are to be together, never taking anything for granted again. I hold onto to his arm with my free hand as he continues to thrust. "I love you too. And I know Liam. I know you all won't leave me."

We're nearing that cliff again, so I take my hand and wrap each around Zayn and Harry as they inhale and moan aloud. Zayn's head rests on my chest and Harry breaths heavily into my neck as I work my hands up and down on them. I want them all to come with me, to feel as complete as Louis and I do. I feel so close, and by the heavy breathing I can tell the other three are close. I look up and say "Louis.." He comes closer and I lift my head as he understands and leans down to kiss me fervently. The tidal wave of pleasure and love wash over me and the boys and we reach our highs together, Louis' continuing to kiss me enthusiastically. I moan and breath heavily into Louis' mouth as he stretches his arm over Harry's body and rubs my bump softly with his hand.

After a few minutes of coming down from that amazing and overwhelming filled love making, Liam pulls out and gets up to grab a towel. I let go off Zayn and Harry as Zayn rubs his head down in my chest, sighing contentedly. Liam comes and wipes me and the boys clean, before throwing the towel in the hamper and coming to lay down behind Zayn. Harry nuzzles his head once more in my neck and kisses there, before sitting up and switching places so Louis can be right next to me and Harry laying down behind him. I turn to my side as to face Louis as he snuggles close to me and rubs his nose against mine, and rubs my bump gently with his hand. I smile tiredly at him as he smiles back at me and pecks my lips. I feel myself starting to get sleepily before I feel each of the boys scooting closer and kissing some part of me softly as they whisper "Goodnight Nialler. I love you." I smile with my eyes fully closed as I say "I love you all too" and drift off to sleep happily.  

 

 

-/-

 

The new week is spent getting closer to each of the boys. Not only do we all spend it together, but I also have had alone time with each one of them intimately, even if all we do is cuddle and kiss. My heart and mind feel at peace, everything falling into place and coming together perfectly. Chocolate chip can't be more excited and happy I'm guessing, kicking up a storm as I let Harry nuzzle into my neck and tell him stories of my childhood, or let Liam hold me from behind when we either make love or snuggle as he kisses my neck, or when Zayn lays near my stomach during our time together and kisses it constantly as he sings his favorite songs to it softly.

Louis is something entirely different. He was my first, the one who I feel in love with first, the one who helped me create this beautiful baby I'm carrying. I feel a special connection that bonds the two of us and holds us close. He shows his love for me in ways that he can't show for the other boys, tying our hearts together. 

Right now, we're currently sitting in the bath tub with my back pressed against Louis' chest. The bubble filled water covers us up to our chests, except for my bump which slightly sticks up from the water. The room is dark, the only source of light coming from the candles set around the bathroom that we lit before we got in the water. Louis' hands rub over my bump as he places kisses on my head and my neck. I turn my head to to kiss his lips, feeling my whole body tingle. God how I missed this. His hands pull me closer as the kiss gets deeper, yet we stay like we are, no desire to take it any further but to just savor our moment together.

He pulls back as he rubs our noses together and pecks my nose. I giggle and bit my lip as I lean back into his chest. "We're going to have a baby, and I can't wait to see how beautiful he looks." Louis whispers in my ear. "I hope he looks just like you Ni." I shake my head with a smile as I say, "I hope he looks like you Louis. But I guess no matter what, he'll have blue eyes" I chuckle. 

Louis' laughs, his chests vibrating against my back as he continues bringing his hand to trace over the curve of my bump. He says softly, "Beautiful blue eyes, adorable irish accent, ivory skin like his daddy.."

I giggle and retort, "Brown wispy hair, beautiful bronze skin, sassiest attitude you've ever seen like his dad.."

"Hey!" he shouts indignantly with a fake offended air as he nips playfully at my neck.  I giggle as he hold me close. "I know no matter what he looks like, he's going to be beautiful Ni. Everything you make is beautiful. It's why I love you, why we all love you." He licks over the love bite he made as he whispers, "I love you Niall." 

I turn to look at him as I bite my lip with a smile. "I love you too Louis. He leans forward and kisses me tenderly as chocolate chip gives a kick.

_And my heart continues to beat fast as your love pours out on me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the boys' house -> http://www.sellityourself.ie/photos/5x/pihaley/mnt_front2.jpg
> 
> (same as in picture but there's more trees and bushes not just flat lawn out there)
> 
> This is the link for nursery -> http://www.mabledesign.com/wp-content/uploads/Baby-Nursery-Room-Design-Ideas-Blue-and-white-wood-boys-nursery-room.jpeg
> 
> this is the link for the ceiling -> http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Y47b7Nw_ueQ/TK9uq-u_uSI/AAAAAAAAAEc/--x-_5tF8k4/s1600/IMG_1982.JPG 
> 
> (everything is the same in the picture except in the story the ceiling is painted like the sky and there is no lamp hanging over the crib like in the pic. Also there is the wall you don't see where other toys are.)


	19. Always...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry it took me so long to finally get this chapter out. Been a busy past few weeks with a few writing blocks but please forgive me for the delay. Also we are almost done with the story!! *crowd cheering* I can't wait to finish this story and I hope you all are excited too. Wow! Over 5000 hits?! You all are too good to me and I can't even begin to thank you enough for all your support by sticking with this story! :) And please forgive me for throwing in one last drama filled experience in here. But it will help the boys to truly see the lesson that is to be learned.
> 
> So here it is, tell a friend! Pregnant Niall is back AGAIN!!! :D
> 
> Seriously, finally got this chapter is out! So go ahead, tell your friend, a family member, heck! Go call up some random number and tell that person because it's finally here! Again, so so sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter out but it's another epically long chapter so yeah...haha
> 
> So please, enjoy <3

 

I feel myself being pulled from my dreams by a pair of lips pressing down softly on my shoulder. I feel a hand softly rub my bump as another pair of lips press against my forehead, lingering there for a moment. I can feel a smile find itself forming on my lips in this state of bliss I'm feeling. It's only when I feel a hand trace my thigh gently and someone kiss behind my ear, do I finally give in to the amazingly gentle wakeup call. I slowly open my eyes to see Harry smiling happily at me as he leans on top of Zayn lying next to me, both us on our sides facing each other. Zayn leans forward to kiss me gently as he traces his hand over my bump. He pulls back slowly as he says with adoring eyes, "Good morning." I smile as I feel an arm come around my middle from behind me as they kiss my shoulder again. "Good morning love" Louis mummers into my skin. I smile as I say "Good morning."

Harry leans over closer to me as he traces a finger along my bump with awe filled eyes. I find myself smiling at the cute gestures as Liam, who I remember falling asleep behind Louis last night after the passionate love making, leans from behind us as he runs a hand down my arm to my hind and links his finger through mine. "Feeling good this morning?" he asks. I close my eyes and nod, feeling so content. Louis pulls me closer to him as he snuggles into my back. "Hungry babe?" I shake my head, not wanting to move from this heaven, but my stomach betrays me by growling loudly. The boys all chuckle as Liam says fondly, "Of course you aren't." I can imagine him shaking his head affectionately. "C'mon Nialler, me and Harry will go make you some breakfast. Louis and Zayn can help you shower and get dressed." I smile and nod, reluctantly letting the boys get me up out of our comfy bed.    

Liam and Harry put on some boxers before they head down to the kitchen to start cooking breakfast as Louis takes my right hand and Zayn takes my left, leading me into our master bathroom. It's a beautiful bathroom, big enough for all of us to fit comfortably. Zayn turns on the huge shower to warm as he helps me in with Louis close behind me. I feel so relaxed as the warm water starts to cascade down my body. I tilt my head back as Louis nips at my neck and Zayn kisses my chest softly, both of their hands lingering on my bump. It's all utter bliss as they wash my body, leaving lingering kisses in the wake of their loving touches. Thankfulness is the only thing that fills my mind right now that we are all finally back together.

This past week and a half has been so amazing, the boys tending to my every need to make sure that I'm comfortable and well rested. I feel like I can never even lift my fork without one of them wanting to feed me, which I just let them do because it's too adorable. It's also a great new step that I finally agreed to move in with them, after they begged me for two days straight. I was reluctant, leaving my mom and dad who had been my support these past months, but my parents just smiled and said they were happy that I had gotten back with the boys and that I should move in with them to keep my own little family together. I pouted and accused them jokingly that they were trying to get rid of me, but my parents just laughed and said they would be fine and I could visit anytime I wanted easily, since our houses were so close by. So I said yes, and it's just been a great growing experience for a new relationship. _Our five hearts our tied together again, with the bonds now unbreakable._

I'm a few days from hitting my 9th month mark and two weeks after that is my scheduled C-section. (Only one way out for this baby and it's by C-section since I'm a boy thank you very much!) Josh, Lou, and Paul are flying in soon to be here when the baby comes and I'm so excited that chocolate chip is almost ready to come out of the oven. Hehe, it's kinda like chocolate chip cookies you are waiting for to be ready to pull out of the oven once the timer goes off. (note again: i'm not eating my baby, I'm just hungry all the time and food analogies are my thang okay?!)

Are the boys excited? Oh boy, don't even get me started. Once we moved all my nursery stuff into the nursery in the house, the boys went crazy buying things left and right. I would argue that he doesn't need all that, but they would argue how could he not need a toy that speaks up to 18 different languages when you press the buttons or a leather baby jacket that had flames on the side that he can wear when he gets to cold or wants to look cute? But again I just shake my head fondly and let them buy toys and clothes for our baby because the boys are just being too adorable. The boys have also read every baby book I own (and read already), from the ones Lou lent me to some I got as gifts from some of the crew at the baby shower. I just internally coo at the sight of all four of them ready the books with such focused faces. I ask them about it, but they all reply earnestly that they just want to be the best daddies they can be. It melts my little Irish heart when they say that. 

After being showered and loved up, me, Louis, and Zayn get dressed then head down stairs to find the sources of that amazing smell coming from the kitchen. Oh lordy does it smell great! Oh that reminds me! Another you should know is that the boys don't let me cook during the rest of my pregnancy and won't let me near the stove or microwave. Why you may ask? Well....1) The boys think I am not the best cook which could lead to danger (I'll have you know that I am a great cook! They just don't want to admit it cause they don't got my mad skills on the grillz) and 2) apparently pregnant people aren't allowed near microwaves. Freakin whack idea but whatever! 

I round the corner to see Harry and Liam plating some nice, big pancakes on the dining table. They also set out a lot of condiments because they have accepted and adapted to my weird food cravings ha. "Hey babe" Liam comes over and kisses me softly as he guides me over to the table. Harry pulls out a chair for me as I smile at him in thanks and take a seat. He bends down and kisses my cheek lovingly with a big smile on his face as he takes a seat next to me. The other boys take a seat as we all start to dig in to the tasty meal. As the boys discuss random things, I give complete focus to my task of spreading out a layer of peanut butter on my pancakes then covering that in jalapeños and strawberry jelly. I cut a piece and take a bite and can't help but moan at how amazing it is. The guys just chuckle at me as I continue happily eating this breakfast. "Thanks for breakfast Liam, Harry. It's great." They look pleased and nod in welcome at my compliment.

Zayn finishes his breakfast then asks "So Niall, are you ready for the interview tomorrow?"

Ah you see, after months of being begged for an interview, I finally agreed to do it with a local Irish TV show and discuss my pregnancy once and for all. I'm ready to answer all questions, but I just don't know what to answer when they ask who the father is. I'll probably just tell it was an old boyfriend or something, because I don't really know if the boys are ready to come out and tell the world they are the fathers. But I am nervous as hell though.

I nod and swallow my food. "Yeah, I mean, as ready as I can be."

Liam asks, "What time do you want to get there tomorrow?"

"Probably around 1 or so." I pause as I say, "You guys don't have to go with me. It could make people suspicious if you all are there with me?" I mean wouldn't that give a hint to the world that they are the fathers or something? I mean people will wonder 'what are they doing in Ireland?'

Louis takes my hand quickly and squeezes it. "Ni, of course we're going. And who cares what people think, they don't know. It will just.." he looks at the other boys as if in silent communication then continues, "..it will just all work out. Trust us?"

I'm confused but nod, swallowing down my worry with a big bite of pancake and save it for tomorrow. 

 

-/-

 

The day was spent lounging around, taking a moment to relax and spending quality time together. It was nice, just us holding each other and laughing at funny memories. I also got to talk with Josh on the phone a little bit, super excited that him, Lou, and Paul are coming in a few days before the baby's arrival. He can't wait to meet chocolate chip either and he also says Lou is literally having godmother duty withdrawals haha. I don't want to even know how she'll do when the baby actually gets here and she has to go back home to London. 

After eating a delicious meal of homemade pizza, my four slices covered Nutella and anchovies (note: the boys gagged), we got all showered up and dressed for bed time around 10. I know, I know. 10? Really Niall? But hey! Pregnancy takes a lot out of you, so excuse me if I feel like getting some good night's rest (while I can because the baby kicks constantly and keeps me up) before the big interview tomorrow.

All of us hop in bed, me actually lifted up bridal style and placed gently on it by Louis. Once safely on the bed, I scoot my pregnant self all the way back until I'm sitting up against the headboard and the boys are all sitting up close around me as I get ready to talk to the baby. It's become our nightly thing, me talking about anything and everything or playing music through headphones on my tummy for the baby. The boys would all sit around and watch, giving the occasional caress or kiss to my bump while their faces sport fond smiles and heart eyes. As the boys get comfortable around me, I lift my shirt up and rub my bump softly as I take a minute. _Love_ , love is all I feel right now and I'm so blessed and thankful. I have my boys back and once chocolate chip comes, our family will be complete. Fate made good on it's promise so tonight, I think I want to try something different.

Once all settled, the boys look at me expectantly with smiles, waiting for me to begin talking, but I sit there with a smile and shake my head. They all look adorably confused, so Harry, whose closest to the side of the bed, reaches over and grabs my iPod and headphones on the night stand and hands them to me, but I shake my head. 

"How about you all talk this time?"

They look surprised but also really freaking delighted as the all nod gratefully. It's not that I never allowed them to talk during these night routines, they just thought I would only want to be the one speaking. But no, because the baby, and me of course, would _love_ to hear their voices.

The boys look thought for a moment as they think of what to say. They all look around at each other to see who wants to go first (which I'm sure they are all dying to), before Zayn bites his lip and scoots closer to me. He places his hands on my bump as he begins softly. "Hi baby" chocolate chip giving a kick as Zayn lets out a quiet chuckle. "It's Zayn, one of your daddies. You can call me baba when you start learning to talk." He stops for a second and seems to swallow down the lump in his throat as he sniffs. I place my hands over where his are resting as he continues talking. "You know, I used to think crying made you weak. I used to hate it, the feeling of being vulnerable and open which why I never used get emotional. But then I went and made the biggest, worst mistake I could ever make. I hurt your daddy, Niall. I thought I was right when I said all those hurtful things to him, but that night, when I started crying outside the club, I knew was wrong. After that, I couldn't sleep for months, because I didn't have your daddy or any of your daddies by me. Most nights were filled with terrible nightmares and I just wanted for them to stop and to take back everything I said to your daddy." He sniffs again as I see a lone tear fall down his face. "And after trying to apologize, which I'll never stop doing, your daddy took us back and the nightmares stopped. Now, all I dream about is seeing you and holding you with all us sitting together, happy and whole. So I can promise you, I'll never hurt your daddy or any of your other daddies again. And I will never hurt you. I promise with all my heart. I love you so, so much." He bent down and kissed my bump gently, before sitting back up then leaning forward and kissing my lips gently too. "I'm sorry" he whispered as I nodded, feeling my eyes begin sting a little at his words.

He then sniffed and scooted back as Harry went next, laying his head down on my bump with one hand resting beside his head as his curls tickled my bump. "Hi baby." I sniffed as we all fondly watched our puppy speak. "I'm your daddy Harry and I love you so much." He snuggled closer to my stomach and my heart fluttered. "You know, when you grow up and if you discover you're shy and quiet, it's ok. It's ok to not say a lot. But always make sure no matter how shy you may be, to speak up for what's right. I had to learn that lesson the hard way and I hurt your daddy Niall too." He hiccuped as my heart clenched tightly, the stinging in my eyes growing stronger. I brought a hand to rub his scalp as he continued. "And make sure to tell someone you love "I love you" everyday, because you never know what might happen. I never told your daddy enough, none of your daddies enough, but now I'm never going to stop saying it. I love you chocolate chip, always." He snuggled his head on my bump again, kissing it softly. Then he sat up and looked at me, watery green eyes looking in my own blue ones, as he says so genuinely "I love you." I say it back to him as he leans towards me and pecks my lips twice, finally nuzzling his nose in my neck and leaving a kiss there. He then leans back and moves over, still remaining close to me, as Liam takes his place.

Liam places his hands on my bump and he gazes with so much love at it. From where I sit, I can see his eyes gathering tears as he smiles. "Hi baby. It's daddy Liam. You are getting so big, so close to letting us be able to hold you." He smiles and he rubs my stomach tenderly as I smile too and I rub my hand up and down his arm. "You know, I was so close to not being here, not being able to be there for you. All cause I was scared. I let me being afraid of what others would think hurt your daddy and take me away from you and I'm sorry." He wipes his nose before placing his hand back quickly on my bump. "But I don't care what anyone thinks now because I'm never going to leave you nor any of your daddies. Never. Doesn't matter what people think or say, as long as you keep close to people who love you, everything will be alright. I'll never let you go. Never, I promise." He nods his head and sniffs as he bends down and kisses my bump before he moves his head up to kiss me firmly. "Never" he whispers as I nod and feel a tear slip out my eyes. He pecks my lips once more, sniffling quietly, before scooting to the side for Louis to take his place.

Louis scoots close in front of me, before he bends down and begins peppering kisses on my bump affectionately. My eyes are watering as he finishes placing the 10th kiss before moving his hands towards where mine are resting on the bed. He slips his fingers through my own and places our connected hands on my bump. Him and I can feel the kicks chocolate chip gives under our hands, my heart filling with love at each beat it takes. "Hi baby, my beautiful baby boy." He kisses the top of my bump once more as the others boys scoot closer to us. "I'm your daddy Louis, haha" he gives out a choked up chuckle as his own eyes begin to tear up. "'Daddy'...to think that I gave up that title for a second hurts more than anything. To think that I might of never been there for you as you grow up, crushes me. And to think I gave your daddy up, absolutely breaks my heart." He sniffs as he lifts our connected hands and kisses the top of mine tenderly before placing them back on my bump. I feel some tears slowly fall down my face as I sniff too. "I made a really stupid choice because I was scared...scared of how much love I felt for your daddy. Love can be scary you know? But it also can be beautiful, like the kind of love it took to create you. The kind of love I threw away and I'm sorry..." His hands squeeze mine as a tears begin to fall from his eyes and land on my bump. He places his head down on our hands as he takes shaky breaths. I can feel some tears wetting our hands as some of my own fall down my face. The boys are all sniffing as they scoot even closer and rub either Louis' back or a part of me.  After a few moments, he sits back up and sniffs as he continues saying all that rests in his heart. "But I learned that it's ok to be scared of love, just don't let it go...don't make the same mistake I made. And I want you to know no matter what you do or say or who you will become, I will always love you. We all will. So please know you will always be loved. Always. I love you." He sniffs as he places one more kiss on my bump before he lifts his head and kisses me passionately on the mouth as I immediately understand the silent promise he makes between our lips. _Always. He will always love me. They all will. And he will never leave me. None of them will._ He squeezes my fingers as I squeeze back, our hands still sensing the kicks chocolate chip gives under them. 

We pull back from the kiss slowly as we both sniff and smile at each other, my gaze looking into each of the other boys' faces. We're all crying from joy or pain or both, who knows? ( although I could blame hormones for my tears, but screw it! I'm crying for the same reason as the rest of them are.) Zayn, Liam, and Harry place their hands on top of where mine and Louis hands are, all us now able to feel the strong kicks chocolate chip gives. This is _our family_ , _our home, our everything_. They all look up and smile at me as I smile back at them. Love is all we feel and is all we'll ever need. So I say aloud the promise we all make from this moment on.

"Always."

 

-/-

 

I pull on my Eagles 76 yellow and white long sleeved baseball tee, slipping it down over my bump. I look in the bathroom mirror at my appearance and lucky feel good today about it. The interview is in less than an hour and I've been pretty quite all morning. The boys know I'm nervous, cuddling me close as we watched TV and placing kisses on my skin to try and soak up my worries. It just hard, because what do I say? What will they ask? Do I lie and say everything went smoothly through the whole thing or do I tell the truth and say it was hard in the beginning but gradually got so much better? Then I'm sure they'll ask 'how the other four took my news?' Do I say they took it great? Or that they didn't take it at all because they didn't know till I was 6 months in? And the dreaded question, ' _whose the father?'_  And of course I know the answer for the one! It's God, because I immaculate conceived this baby!! Just call me Mary and my baby Jesus!

I shake my head at my worries as I hear a knock on the door. "Niall?" Harry calls on the other side. "Are you ready?" 

I take one last look at myself and take a deep breath. "Yeah I'm ready." I waddle over to the door and pull it open.

Harry, Liam, Louis, and Zayn smile at me as I walk into the bathroom. Liam says with a big smile, "You look good Nialler." I smile but it falls quickly because of my nerves. The boys notice as Louis walks over to me and wraps an arm around me. "C'mon Ni, we gotta get ya to the interview." I swallow and nod as they lead me out of the bedroom to head downstairs. Louis kisses my cheek as he says lowly, "Everything is going to be fine." I nod as he holds me closer.

Once we're outside and the house is all locked up, we hop in the car with me sitting in the back with me between Louis and Harry and Liam driving in the front with Zayn. The drive shouldn't be long since the studio is 10 minutes away. I can already imagine the amount of paps outside waiting for us. Once I had told management I was ready for an interview, they set up the date and made an announcement. The news sent fans in a tizzy and the whole world was excited to hear more about my story. Once it's filmed it will be uploaded to youtube and then everyone outside of Ireland will be able to see it. I am really nervous but Simon had informed me that they got the chatty man Alan Carr to interview me which is big relief. For one, he's funny as hell and two, he's understanding  when it comes to the sensitive topic of delving into personal life stories since he himself is gay and pretty famous.

Zayn turns on the radio to Emeli Sande playing Clown softly. Louis is holding my hand and he rubs his thumb across my knuckle. He brings it up to his mouth to kiss it as my heart warms. Harry lays his head on my shoulder and he rubs my bump softly. I take a deep breath as the green country side passes outside the windows. I'm mostly nervous, because I'll be doing this alone, none of the boys by me to gush about the baby or talk about our love with heart eyes. Instead, I'll be there by myself, with my bump of course, trying to tell the world my story yet a white lie at the same time. Heck, even before the interview, I'll have to keep my distance from the boys as to not raise suspicion, which pains my heart. It's seems just all too much. 

All to soon we drive up to the studio to see hundreds of paparazzi surrounding the place. They immediately go crazy as our car nears the place, flashes going off within seconds. I can only think God management set the interview up with a studio that has a gate as we pass through it, leaving the paps on the other side. If that wasn't there I don't know how we would have gotten inside. We park in the back and get out of the car, me being careful when hopping out, as a studio representative comes outside to greet us.

"Boys! Good to see ya! I'm Lance and welcome!" He shakes our hands as he smiles warmly at us. "Please come inside so we can get you ready to go! The studio audience is already here and it's crazy! Tickets sold out immediately was they were announced. So many people came to see ya!" He leads us inside and through the halls to a dressing room.

"Now feel free to eat and drink anything in here. If you need anything and just ask my assistant Denise. She will be in her office, which is the room across from yours. And she'll come get ya in about 40 minutes for the interview. Mr. Carr should be here soon too. So just relax and everything will be great. And it's a real honor for you to be here so thank you."

I just shake my head with a smile and say, "No, thank you for allowing us to do the interview here." He nods with a smile then leaves the room, closing the door to give us all privacy. I waddle over to the couch and sit down, with the help of the boys and just breath. I'm ready, I know I am but that doesn't seem to make the nerves slow their roll down anytime soon.

"Niall." I break out of my trance to turn my head as Louis strokes my cheek softly. "It's ok love." He grabs my hand, which I allow it since we're alone for now. I gulp and nod as Liam bends down in front of me to rub my knee with one hand and bump with another, placing a kiss on it as he smiles comfortingly up at me. "It'll go just fine Nialler, don't you worry." He kisses my bump again as I close my eyes and let out a breath. Zayn, who was standing behind me on the couch, rubs my shoulders as he bends down and kisses my other cheek. Harry is sitting on the other side of me, rubbing up and down my arm, placing a few kisses. I just take deep breaths and hold this moment in my mind, because it'll just be me out there in less than an hour and I need to be able to stand on my own feet.

A knock on the door brings us out of the moment and I somehow (don't even ask me how I did it) jump out of the boys touches and pop off the couch. I waddle a little ways from the boys as I say "Come in". I don't mean to seem like I don't wanna be next to them, but people would get suspicious if they saw how we just were, which them being here in the first place already does that. The boys haven't said anything about coming out so I have to keep up appearances. I think we are all surprised at what I just did as a blond haired woman, probably the secretary Denise, comes in and looks at us with a smile. "Sorry to bother you all, but it's time. Ready?" Wow where did the time go? I nod and follow her out, too scared to see the reaction of the boys' faces. 

The hallways is long, but I focus on taking firm steps, refusing to trip or something like that. Denise' heals click on the linoleum floor as my own supras squeak occasionally. All of a sudden I notice how there are a few more footsteps following behind us as I turn to see the boys catching up with us. I just turn back and waddle forward as two hands grabs mine. I turn to see Zayn and Louis looking at me with smiles as I smile back. But then we hear the sounds of audience members cheering and some more techs, who work in the back, are coming into our view. Denise stops and turns towards us as I quickly whip my hands from the boys' grasps and clasp my hands together on my bump innocently.

"Ok Niall, you'll enter from right over here in two minutes." She points the way as I nod and waddle over to my place. I can hear Alan Carr making jokes as the audience howls in laughter. I take a minute to breath as I wring my hands nervously. This is it, the interview that will tell everything and yet nothing at all. Is the half-truth better than reality or is it all just a lie?

Suddenly, a hand rubs my back as I turn to see Liam and the other boys smiling at me as they stand close. "Just deep breaths Niall. You're going to do great." I nod but as Liam leans to kiss my forehead I pull back and shake my head. They all look confused and hurt, but I lean towards them and whisper loud enough for the four of them to hear, "You can't do stuff like that here. People will see and they don't know we're together, nor any of you are gay. I'm sorry. I know it sucks, but I'm just trying to protect ya'lls secret and it's already hard enough for me to pretend right now where just best mates." They all looked shocked and devastated as I beg desperately, "please don't."

"And please welcome to the couch, you're favorite Irish man, NIALL HORAN!!!" The crowd cheers as I turn around and will down the tears building up from the hormones and pretending. I breath out once more before stepping out into plain sight as the audience cheers even louder. I put on a somewhat fake smile as I waddle over to Alan, where he enthusiastically greets me in a bear hug (the bump kinda making that hard). I hug back then pull back as he says, "Oh wait, pregnant selfie!" He puts his arm around my shoulder and pouts his lips as snaps a photo of us on his camera. I let out a genuine loud laugh as the audience chuckles. He then guides me over to the couch as he helps me sit down and he pops down into his seat.

The set is decorated like the one in london which gives me a comforting sense of familiarity. "Now Niall, are you thirsty? I know you're pregnant so no kegger bombs for you," the audience and I laugh as he continues, "but I've got some good stuff that knock you're socks off! I've got some milk, 2%" he wiggles he eyes brows suggestively as I chuckle. "I've also  got a virgin water, and the drink-that-will-make-you-forget-all-what-happened-at-the-party-last-night, Juicy Juice." We all laugh as I say, "I'll just take a water."

He pours it in a glass as I take a deep breath and rub my stomach. I'm feeling more at ease thanks to Mr. Carr's easy going humor and I can only hope things will go smoothly.

 

-/-

 

(Third P.O.V.) ~ a few minutes prior

The boys are all around Niall, trying to comfort him and calm him down. They know he's nervous, as are they. They planned out a surprise, a really big one with the studio and Alan Carr. It's going to be big and the boys thought it would be better to keep Niall in the dark about it or he might try to convince otherwise. Even management agreed to their proposal when they had called to them last week. Their nervous, nervous as heck, but they are tired of hiding and Niall and their baby are worth it.

As the snuggle close to their Nialler, a knock interrupts them. What startles them though how somehow Niall quickly popped off the couch and waddle away from them. 'How they heck did he do that? He can barely get back up from leaning against a wall.' The secretary Denise comes in with a smile to tell them that it's time. Niall quickly follows her out as the boys confusedly get up and go to catch up with them. 

Niall hears them coming and turns to see before averting his eyes quickly back to the front again. 'What's going on with him?' the boys think. 'It's probably just nerves.' Louis and Zayn walk quickly forward and each grab one of their hands as they smile at him. Niall smiles at them, before he hears the audience and quickly rips his hands away as Denise turns around. Zayn and Louis look slightly hurt as Niall goes to take his place to enter the stage.

Liam and the boys walk forward to get close to their Nialler. 'He just needs encouragement.' Liam places his hand on Niall's back and rubs comfortingly. He turns as" the boys smile at him and Liam says,"Just deep breaths Niall. You're going to do great." He nods, but as Liam leans to give a lovingly kiss on the forehead, Niall pulls back and shakes his head quickly. 'What?' Liam and the other three think with sadness.

Niall leans forward and whispers loud enough for all four to hear him. "You can't do stuff like that here. People will see and they don't know we're together, nor any of you are gay. I'm sorry. I know it sucks, but I'm just trying to protect ya'lls secret and it's already hard enough for me to pretend right now where just best mates." The boys are shocked and devastated he begs out "please don't." 

Then Niall's called on stage and he disappears through the curtain. Liam, Louis, Harry, and Zayn stand frozen as the audience cheers in excitement. 'Is it that what's going on? He think we aren't wanting him to tell the world that we're the fathers, that we love him and each other?' Even after everything, Niall still looks out for them, to protect them. 

The boys feel like face palming because they should have just talked to Niall earlier in the week and told him their plan and why the main reason they came with him today. Instead, the let the worries build up in Niall and now they understand he's nervous because he feels trapped between telling the truth and a lie. He feels like he has to do this whole situation today alone.

Well, it's time to change that. 

The boys go to take their place near the curtain as they wait for their cue. It's nerve racking, but they would do anything for their Nailler and chocolate chip.

_Anything_

_-/-_

_  
_(Niall's P.O.V.)

I sip on my water and then place the glass on the table as I sit back. Alan gets comfy in his chair as he begins the interview. "Now Niall, you must know that word on the street is that you've got a bun in the oven a-cooking. Is that true?" I chuckle as the audience laughs. I nod my head and say, "Yeah it's true" as I rub my bump.

"Oh good. I was wanting to clear that up because you know you aren't supposed to ask women if their expecting because they could just be more curvy figured. But since you're a boy, I was wondering if I shouldn't ask cause you could not be pregnant and just be going for that american look with a beer belly." The audience laughs as my bump shakes with a chuckle.

"No, I pregnant the last time I checked." Alan nods with a smile as he asks "Is it weird to be pregnant?"

"Yeah, it's weird because I mean I didn't know I could get pregnant so when I went to the doctors and they told me I was just shocked really." 

"Mmm, and how far along are you?"

"I'm a few days from being 9 months." Rubbing my bump as chocolate chip give a kick.

"Oooo!" Alan bounces in his seat as the audience chuckles. "Almost time for the baby to come! Exciting! And what gender is the miracle baby in your womb?"

"It's a boy" I say with a smile as the audience lets out "Aww's".

"Well, my dear sweet leprechaun, since you're going to have a baby, I got you some gifts." He pulls out a colorful gift bag with tissue paper sticking out of it and hand it to me. "Now since I bought these you have to make sure the baby wears them, I don't make the rules that's just common curtesy."

We chuckle as I pull out the gift. It's wrapped in tissue paper so I unfold it to see it's a few clothes for the baby. I pick up the first one, which is a blue t-shirt with Alan's face on it. I laugh as I show it to the audience, causing everyone to laugh loudly.

I put that on down and pick up the next shirt as Alan says, "Now turn it first to the audience so I can read it out." I turn it to the audience as Alan says "Now this one really describes this whole situation perfectly. It says 'I'm a cute baby whose conception will make the deepest thinkers of the world question our existence and the creation of the human race.'" I laugh aloud as the audience joins me. Dear lord, that's great.

Still smiling as I pick up the last outfit, a short sleeve onzie that has a cute saying. "What does it say Nialler?" I smile and say aloud, "It says 'My daddy's a hot Irish mofo', causing another round of giggles in the audience.

I put down the clothes and reach out to hug him, which he gets the message that I can't really stand up easily and gets up, walks over to me, and hugs me. "Thank you so much." He pulls back with a smile and bats away my thanks, "It's no problem. Can't have your perfect baby going without a great start to his sense of fashion by his Uncle Alan." I smile joyfully as he sits back down.

"So Niall, when you found out your pregnant, how did that go? Was it scary? And who was the first person you told?" _Here we go._

"Well, when I first found out I was shocked, but I wasn't really scared. Once my doctor showed me the sonogram and I saw this little chocolate chip on the screen, it was like wow, it's amazing. Right then I knew, abortion wasn't an option. Umm, the first person that knew was Josh, our band's drummer, because he went with me to the appointment when we both thought I was just sick. And I guess the first people I actually told was management and our security guys Paul and Jeff."

"And they were supportive right away?"

"Yes," I nodded quickly. "Definitely. I couldn't ask for more support from them and they were so understanding about everything. And from their I got support from the whole crew, my family, and friends. It was more than I could of asked for."

"Mmmm, now you say you got a lot of support.But did you not tell the boys right away? Your bandmates?" 

I gulped as I stopped for a moment. Do I tell a truth or a lie? Might as well start with the truth, just a little. "No, I guess I was...just nervous and worried how they would react about the whole thing. They are the people I'm closest to so I was worried about judgement. At that time we...uh, weren't on good terms at the moment."

"Oh no! I hope it's all been resolved...?"

"Yeah! Just a few small tiffs. But I guess back then it was just a lot to take in."

"Ah yess, but you eventually told them?"

"Yeah and they accepted me with open arms and a lot of support." _And love and cuddles and kisses and everything else I could ever want but can't tell the world about._

"Well, we know how you felt but what say we bring out the boys to ask about their feelings. So please welcome to the big, comfy couch LIAM, LOUIS, HARRY, AND ZAYN!" He stands up as the audience screams in excitement. What? What's going on? I sit confusedly on the couch as the boys come out with big smiles and greet Alan Carr. They then take a seat on the couch with me, Louis on my right with Liam on the outside of him, and Harry on my left with Zayn on the outside of him. The boys snuggle close as I gulp down my worries. I'm just really confused.

"Now boys, can I offer you drinks? Alcoholic or would you care for the hard hitter that's puts moonshine to shame, Juicy Juice?" They chuckle and just say water like me.

"Okay boys," Alan begins after they have their waters and are all settled in the couch. "Now this may come as a shock, but if you didn't know yet, Niall's pregnant." Everyone laughs as I let a smile crack through despite my nerves.

"Now boys, how did you take the news when you found out?"

Louis speaks up, "I think we're we shocked but happy nonetheless. And we we're going to support Niall no matter what." The lads all nod in agreement and say "yeah."

"Hmmm good, good. Now Niall, back a few months ago you made a tweet cam and announced to the world you were pregnant." I nodded as he continued, "And immediately the support came pouring in from fans. They were quite accepting of your pregnancy and the idea that you are gay or bi or pansexaul, whatever tickles your fancy." He waves his hands around dramatically as I chuckle at his flamboyancy. "Now I think the biggest question everyone is wondering, if you are willing of course to discuss the subject... _who is the father?_ "

It's so silent you could hear a pin could drop as every holds their breaths. I swallow as my brain thinks of quick answers to say. The boys? nope, can't say that. A random one night stand? no, never would do that. Josh? no, don't need to drag him into this. A secret boyfriend that I actually don't have? maybe, but that's just a disaster waiting to happen.

After a few seconds, I start to say "I, um...well..."

"I am."

The audience gasps as I turn with wide eyes to look at Louis. He looks a little nervous but smiles proudly as he wraps an arm around my shoulders. I just stare at him in bewilderment. What is he doing? Did he just realize what he just did? We're on live TV!

"And me." More gasps as I turn to see Zayn smiling happily.

"And me." I whip my head to see Liam nod his head firmly as he shows off a crinkle-eyed smile.

"And me too!" Harry says happily as he places a hand on his bump and rubs it softly.

I must look in shock as Alan, who is actually grinning ear to ear, asks, "Niall is this true?"

I open and close my mouth a few times as the boys snuggle closer. I turn to look in each of their faces as they look back with fond love and determination, so I just turn my head back to look at Alan and nod "yeah."

The poor audience looks in shock before a girl stands up and cheers, "FREAK YEAH!!! ZIANOURRY IS REAL!!" That seems to break the tension as the everyone chuckles, a smile starting to form on my face.

Alan asks, "Maybe you boys could explain how this all came to be?"

I'm still in somewhat of shock, so Louis begins, "When all grew really close during X-factor, becoming our rocks for each other during the whole, crazy process. And after the show, we just fell in love with each other."

"But Louis, what about Eleanor? Isn't she you're girlfriend?"

"No, Eleanor was always just a friend. She was hired by our management after the show to stop the gay rumors about me. It wasn't cause I was ashamed about it, but back then we were just starting out and our fans were always wanting to date one of us, so the idea that at least one of us was gay might have affected what fans may think of us and if they would stick with us or not. We really did need their support. But it was also during that time that me and Niall starting dating."

"Oooo! So Nouis was the first pairing then! And then what? The other boys joined along the way?"

Liam spoke up, "When they had first told us they were dating, we were supportive of them. I guess for me, I was kind of sad about it because I had a crush on Niall since X-factor." What??? I never knew that. My heart warmed at the confession. "I mean, I think we all in some sort of way did. But then, one day the both of them thought about how amazing it would be to try out the idea that all of us date each other. I mean, we were always together and long distance relationships were too hard, so why not date those closets to you who are only right down the hallway? And from there, it all worked out and we all just fell in love."

"And your management allowed you all to stay together? As long as it was under wraps?"

Zayn nodded and spoke, "Yeah. It was great because we got to stay together, even if it was hard to not to be able to hold each other in public and have to hide our relationship. Management had thought it best to wait a few years before coming out as the fans eventually now have become more accepting and started shipping us with each other. It was too ensure that they would support us no matter what. And I hope they still do after today."

Alan looked thoughtful as he nodded. "But then you all four say you're the fathers. Is that because you don't know exactly who or..?"

Louis shook his head. "I am the biological father with Niall, but we all consider us all to be one a whole family. So in truth, I would say we are all the fathers."

Alan nods but then asks confusedly, "So Niall, then why wouldn't you tell the boys that you're pregnant in the beginning if you all are in a happy relationship?"

Harry says, "Because we messed up." He lowers his head sheepishly in guilt as all the boys all nod and looked pained at the memory.

I swallow as I explain, "We had broken up a week or so before I found out I was pregnant. It was a lot of misunderstandings and mistakes but it was enough to make me think that I didn't want the baby to grow up torn between us all fighting. I just wanted to raise him myself and make sure that he always felt loved and protected." I rub my bump as the Louis' arms squeezes me closer.

Liam spoke after a moment. "We had made a stupid mistake by letting him go and we wanted to apologize and try to get Niall back. Which is why during the long break, five months after we all broke all, me and the boys flew over here to Ireland to talk to him and apologize, to beg him for a second chance. That's when we learned he was pregnant and from there we made a promise that we were going to try everything possible to win him back, no matter what. We were determined to get our family back together and after a few months, somehow, Niall took us back and we can't even begin to describe how thankful and lucky we are. We love him so much."

The boys scoot closer to me as Louis kisses my cheek. The crowd awws and my throat feels like closing up. They did it. They told the whole world that they are all gay and dating me and that they are the fathers. I can't even begin to describe how I feel.

"Well, that's so sweet!" Alan says giddily making the boys all chuckle. I nod, but sniff as I feel my eyes watering. "Aww Nialler are you crying love?"

I nod as the crowd awws again fondly. "Just damn hormones" I choke out as everyone laughs.

"Well, hopefully your fans will be supportive and hey! I think they'd be happy if you're all dating each other, just as long as you aren't dating any birds out there!" Alan says with a smile. "Well, thank you for coming boys and I do hope you bring the baby over to London sometime to visit his uncle Alan!" We chuckle as he turns to the camera as he says, "And that's it folks! The wonderful and soon-to-be baby daddies, ONE DIRECTION!!!!" The audience cheers as the boys help me stand up and give Alan a hug, before we all walk off stage. The backstage crew smiles at us as we walk back into the dressing room. I can't believe they did this all for me, planned this all out. _I wasn't alone, not anymore._

Once inside the dressing room, I stop and close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose, trying not to cry. Someone rubs my arm gently as they say, "Nialler What's wrong?" I open my eyes to see it's Zayn as I suddenly launch myself at him and latch on tightly, hugging him as close as I can with the bump. He's startled for a second before wrapping his arms around me. In a few seconds, the other boys wrap their arms around us as they join our hug.

"Thank you" I whisper as I close my eyes and feel a few tears escape down my face. The boys understand what I mean as they just hug me closer and place kisses on my head and face.

"Anything for you Nialler" Zayn whispers back, turning his head and placing a kiss on my cheek. _"Anything for you."_  

 

-/-

 

It's been a few days since the interview and I'm feeling great. Well beside, the occasional back pain and swollen feet, but still really great. I'm officially 9 months now and I am counting down the days till the C-section and when I get to hold my back. The support once all the boys came out was phenome-niall ;) Everyone was so happy because it was a win for every shipper out there. Whether it be Larry, Ziam, Narry, Nouis, and so on, every fan felt like they won which made the support just sky rocket. The fans have now been constantly joking about how during important things like the inauguration of the next president, I would yell out that my water broke or something. These also do funny drawings that show the boys going crazy with daddy duties as I just eat happily with my big bump. 

Right now, I am pacing in the dining room of our home, well actually waddling a few steps then turning and waddling a few the other way and so on. Probably look silly but I have no time to worry about appearances. Lou, Josh, and Paul will be here soon and I'm just too excited and anxious for them to be here. 

"Niall love," Liam came up behind me. "They'll be here soon. Just please sit down, you don't want to send yourself into labor." I just roll my eyes and huff but oblige his request and let him and Harry lead me to sit down on the couch in the middle of Louis and Zayn. They eased me down on the couch as Zayn and Louis immediately snuggled in on my side and rub my bump. Liam then began taking off my shoes. "What are you doing?" I ask confused.

He smiled as he slips them off. "I know you're feet hurt, especially with all your pacing today, so why not just relax Nialler?" I went to argue that I am relaxed but then he began rubbing my feet and _oh boy_ it was heaven. I close my eyes in bliss as I let my head rest back on the couch.

"See Ni.." Louis said with quiet drawl, "all you need to do is relax." He whispered the last part lowly and sensually as he kisses beneath my earlobe and bites down there, the moan escaping from my mouth before I could stop it. Zayn placed a kiss near my collar bone as I felt his hands go under my shirt and rub my bump. This was so unfair, since the boys know how pregnancy makes me horny and use that to distract me sometimes. Plus, I'm almost near my due date, so sex is kinda out of the question, well _most_ of it is...

The boys are getting more touchy before the doorbell rings and saves the day! The boys groan in annoyance while I cheer in excitement "They're here!" Haha so much for the sexy trance the boys had me in! I try to sit up but find it impossible with my bump. Gosh dangit! "Please help me up?" I look at the boys with puppy eyes and raise my hands. Luckily I'm just too adorable and hard to resist as they reluctantly get up from the comfy couch and help me stand. But man, once I'm standing I take off like a bullet and waddle fast to the front door as the boys scamper after me, calling out "Niall slow down." "Be careful Ni!" "Niall love not too fast" "Niall!!"

I beat them to the door, don't ask me how since I waddle at the pace of a slug, and pull it open quickly as I see three familiar and happy faces. "Joshie!! Lou! Paul!" I pull the closest person in for a hug, which was Josh, as he wraps his around me and my bump. He laughs aloud as he pulls back to see how big I've grown. "Wow! Ni! Chocolate chip must be getting big!" I just laugh as I move to hug Lou. "Aww Ni!!!" she squeals as she hugs me tight, and immediately pulls back to put her hand on my bump. "Hi baby. Did you miss you're godmother?" She kisses it as me and Josh chuckle. I then move to hug Paul tightly as he lets out an "umpf!" and laughs as he hugs me back. I'm so happy to have them back I start tearing up and sniffling. "Are you crying Niall?" He asks as he rubs a hand on my back and I nod and just pull him tighter as I cry, dang hormones. All three aww as the boys come to greet them.

"Well c'mon Niall, don't want you to catch a cold or something" Lou says as she tries to pry me off Paul, but I just squeeze tighter and shake my head. Nope, nope nope can't let go! Refuse to! Paul chuckles as he helps guide me back into the house, the boys just shaking their heads fondly and helping grab the luggage out of the car. I probably look like a pregnant koala bear latched onto Paul but I don't care. I just missed them all so much.

Once the boys are finally able to pry me off of Paul, they help set Lou, Josh, and Paul in the guest rooms. An hour later, we all pile back into the cars and head down the road to my parents house for a big family dinner. I'm sitting in the middle seat as Josh tells me all about what he's been up to and Lou rests her head on my bump, a smile permanently drawn on her face. 'I missed this' I think with a smile on my face. 

 We pull up to my parents house and get out of the car as my mum comes rushing out to greet us. "My baby!" she cries as she comes over and hugs me tight, kissing my cheek as few times. "Mum!" I laugh as she excitedly pats my bump. She pulls back and sees who came with us. "Lou!" "Maura!" Lou screams back as they hug tightly, laughing together. I just shake my head fondly and waddle over to greet my dad, Greg, and Rebecca as Paul, Josh, and the other boys follow me.

Once we all say our hellos again, we make our way inside and crowd around the dining table to eat this delicious food. It's a great time, everyone laughing and telling stories, mostly my mum telling embarrassing ones about me when I was younger to the boys as I groan. The boys enthusiastically listen as they all laugh heartedly and look at me fondly with overwhelming love. Louis, who is sitting beside me, grabs my hand and squeezes tightly under the table. I just smile and appreciate this moment. My family all together right in this room.

 _Right where we belong._  

 

-/-

 

After dinner last night and late night chatter, we said our goodbyes and thanked my parents for the delicious meal then drove back home. Waking up this morning was nice. The boys made me breakfast in bed as we all gave rounds of good morning kisses. It' was just.... _nice_.

The boys took off an hour ago to go grab some food and more baby products the insist on buying. Paul and Josh were abducted by my dad and brother to go to a football match in the city. Lou was invited to go out shopping with my mum, which she instantly agreed. They all tried to invite me to go shopping or to the game, but I wasn't feeling up to going out today so I decided to stay at home and relax. It took a good few minutes to convince everyone that I would be fine but they eventually let me relax and told me to call if I needed anything.

After watching a little TV, I waddled over to the kitchen to get something to drink, feeling thirsty. I really wanted to eat something, even if I wasn't all that hungry, but today my stomach felt like it was in knots, so I thought it be better not to chance it. I got a cup out of the cupboard and went to the fridge to fill it up with water. Once the glass was full, I leaned against the counter and drank my water while one hand rubbed my bump. My bump was feeling tight but I just closed my eyes and hoped the pain would go away.

I was brought out of my meditation by something wet hitting my feet. Shoot! I must have spilled my water...Wait! I looked down and saw that my pants were wet and my glass still somewhat full of water. But...

All of a sudden I felt pain hit my lower bump, from hip bone to hip bone. Oh god, what the... I'm cut out of my thoughts by another pain shooting through my body as I drop my glass on the floor, breaking into pieces. Oh god! My water broke and I'm in labor! Oh GOD OH GOD! Somebody call a doctor!!! Miss Scarlett! Miss Scarlett! I know nothing about birthing no babies!!!!

But seriously! I can't give birth! I'm a boy!!! And my C-section isn't schedule for almost two more weeks! Oh BOY! OH BOY!!!!

I try to stay calm and deep breath as I waddle slowly over to the living room to find my phone. 'Ok, deep breaths Niall. Isn't that what the lamaze class said to do? Deep breaths? Shoot! I should have paid more attention in class!'

I finally make it to the couch and pick up my phone, immediately trying the boys. I press call for Louis as I wait for him to answer, rubbing my stomach as tightness hits my lower belly. Dear Lord, is this what birth is like? It keeps ringing until it goes to voice mail. Wait a minute shoot! He told me when we got back to our house last night that he accidentally left his phone at my parents' house. Gosh freaking dangit! I hang up and try to call the next recent call which was Greg. It rings and rings again, and all I can think is 'curse that freakin football game! He's probably distracted.' I hang up and am about to try again when of all my luck, my phone dies. I forgot to charge it last night. Are you kidding me?!!!

I'm in too much pain to try and get up the stairs and grab my charger. Shoot freak freak freak! As if God let me have a miracle, I hear someone mowing outside. With all the strength I can muster, I get up and waddle to the front door. Eventually getting there, at a snail's pace, I open the door and see our neighbor, Ms. Henderson mowing her lawn. I waddle carefully out the door and down the stairs. She's focused on the lawn but I start frantically trying to wave to get her attention. "Ms. Henderson!" She doesn't hear me and I feel like I'm about to give up when she looks up and notices me. She thinks I'm waving hello and waves back with a smile but then another contraction hits and I fall down to my knees. She immediately knows somethings wrong and I hear the sound of the mower cut off. 

"Niall! Are you ok?!" She runs over to me as I shake my head as I choke out "I'm in labor, please help. My phones dead." She nods then runs to go get her phone as I try to deep breath. Not now chocolate chip, you're a little to early for daddy.

Ms. Henderson comes back as she says "The ambulance will be here in a minute. Do you want me to call anyone?" 

I nod and tell her the number of Dr. Markson and Liam and my parents. She nods and helps me up before easing me over to the stairs to sit down as she begins calling everyone. 

The ambulance comes quickly and they immediately load me on to the gurney and into the ambulance. Ms. Henderson, the sweet lady she is, gets in with me and holds my hand as we drive to the hospital. "Thank you" I smile gratefully as I can towards Ms. Henderson. She nods with a smile. "No problem, just take deep breaths and everything will be fine." I nod and take a few more breaths and the paramedics try to stable me.

After what seems like a lifetime, we arrive out the hospital and the EMT's unload me from the vehicle. All of a sudden I notice familiar cars pulling into the hospital's driveway as the boys and everyone rush out and come over to me. "Niall!" The come by my side as I'm being wheeled into the hospital. Louis grabs my hand as Liam grabs rubs my belly as  Harry and Zayn run beside us, with my parents, Lou, and Josh following after us quickly. Once inside, Dr. Markson spots me being wheeled in and runs over to us.

"Ok Niall, guess chocolate chip wants to come early so we have to get you into surgery quickly. If we wait to long, it could cause fetal distress." I nod and swallow, still trying to deep breath with the pain shooting in my lower regions of my bump. I'm nervous as the nurses wheel down the hallway to surgery but the boys all stay with me, touching me and comforting me softly. "It'll be fine Niall," Louis says with a nervous edge in his voice as he squeezes my hand. The baby's coming and it's earlier than we planned. "Everything's going to be fine."

Guess it's time to welcome our baby into the world! 

 

-/-

 

(Third Person's P.O.V.)

Niall stares up to the ceiling as he takes deep breaths. He is laying on his back on the bed with a curtain put up near his chest, blocking his view from seeing his stomach. Nurses are rushing around in the operating room as Dr. Markson walks in the room with cleans hand and gears up. A nurse had given Niall a medication to delay the labor, since he's a boy and can't push it out, and the anesthetic shot so he wouldn't feel them cutting him open when they begin the cesarian. His breathing is heavy but he thinks it's because he's nervous, ready and anxious to meet and hold his son. The other four boys were allowed in the room with him once they got dressed in the blue medical robes and face masks. Lou, Paul, Josh, and Niall's family sit in the waiting room as the wait anxiously for news. Louis, Harry, Zayn, and Liam sit and stand near their Nialler as they hold his hands and touch him gently in calming encouragement. To think they might not have been here if things hadn't worked out and missed this makes Niall's and the boys' eyes grow watery. Gratefulness and thankfulness fill each one of their hearts.

Dr. Markson, once robbed and gloved up, leans over the curtain. "Ok Niall, I'm going to begin. Tell me if you feel this?" He leans back and press the scalpel softly near Niall's bump.

It feel weird to Niall, but it's like it's a dull tickle. "No, it just feel like I need to scratch it or something."

Dr. Markson nods. "Good, I'm going to begin and we should be meeting your son in a little bit."

Louis squeezes Niall's hand as the surgery begins.

Dr. Markson cut a straight, clean line near the bottom of Niall's bump.Then he begins the work of cutting the tissue and lining of the embryonic sac. It feels so weird to Niall, like everything touching his stomach is veiled by a dull cloud of mist, but luckily it doesn't hurt. He takes a deep breath and tries to stay calm as his anxiousness grows in his chest. Liam rubs his hand on Niall's shoulder and squeezes as Zayn says "You're doing so good Ni. So good. Almost there."

Harry squeezes his other hand and nuzzles his face near Niall's as Dr. Markson cuts away more tissue. Louis brings Niall's hand up to his mouth and kisses it through his mask as he says, "We're going to meet our son."

It's quiet besides the sound of Dr. Markson working and the occasional beep of the heart monitor, as nurses and the boys they await for the baby to be delivered.

After a few minutes, Dr. Markson cuts the casing surrounding the baby and pulls him out. "And here he is...a baby boy!" He pulls the baby completely out and uses a small baster to squeeze the liquid out of the baby's nose and mouth. Then...the baby lets out a cry.

Niall lets out a happy sob as the nurses aww at the newborn crying. It's a beautiful sound that stirs love in everyone's heart. Dr. Markson lifts the baby up for the whole room to see the small newbron. Louis lets out a happy laugh as a tear falls down his face. He has a son, they have a son. He kisses Niall's hand again as he relishes in this moment. Liam smiles big as he bends down and kisses Niall's forehead with love through his mask. "You did it Ni" he whispers with watery eyes. Niall closes his eyes and nods as the baby wails loudly. Zayn cries unhindered at the sight of his son being lifted up as he bends down to kiss Niall on the cheek. Their baby is so beautiful, no doubt about it. Harry sniffs and his eyes grow misty as he nuzzles his face next to Niall's. Their little family is now complete.

Dr. Markson turns to the boys as he ask, "Who wants to cut the cord?"

The boys all look before they nod at Louis to do it, since he was the one who had an actually part in making the baby. He nods and kisses Niall's hand once more, before standing and walking to Dr. Markson. He takes the scissors and cuts the umbilical cord gently. Once cut, Dr. Markson hands the baby to a nurse as she takes him over to the other nurses to get him cleaned and checked out. Zayn walks over to them to take pictures of the baby's first minutes of life. 

Niall looks over in awe at the sight of his wailing son getting cleaned off by nurses while the other boys lean over and kiss his head, trying to keep their tears inside (and failing). It's was just all the so perfect and couldn't ask for a happier feeling.

But then suddenly, Niall felt so strained. Like all the air in his lungs had been taken out. It was like he was drowning in an ocean, panicking that he couldn't seem to catch his breath. Liam, Louis, and Harry were all standing around by him, their attention focused on awaiting to hold their son, as Zayn took pictures by the nurses. Dr. Markson was stopping the bleeding, sewing Niall back up quickly. Niall felt panic set in his chest as his lungs contracted quickly to get air in. Niall took one last final look at his son being lifted up by a nurse to hand to Zayn before he started to gasp for air.

The constant beeping of the monitor suddenly skyrocketed. For a moment everyone froze, turning to see Niall as his lips were turning purple and he struggled to breath Then all chaos broke loose. 

"Get the breathing tubes! And the oxygen tanks!" Dr. Markson yelled as the whole room went into panic. Harry bent down to touch Niall's face. "Niall? Niall!!" But Niall's couldn't answer as he gasped for air. The nurses then ran over to the four boys and dragged them out of the room into the hallway as one of the nurses took their son to the prenatal wing of the hospital. "I'm sorry you have to stay out here." Then she went back in as the double doors swung shut.

Harry crumbled on the ground against the wall. He put his hands on his face as he cried, his shoulders shaking visibly. 'No, this is a horrible nightmare, Niall can't be dying, he can't....'

Zayn stood pale faced and frozen near Harry, his eyes focused on the double doors they had just been pushed out of. He remembers standing near the nurses as they cleaned off his son, taking pictures of the beautiful baby boy. Then all of a sudden, it all went wrong in a few moments and...'No, God...' he thought. 'This can't be happening...Niall...please...' His shoulders hunched as he choked on a sob. His feet staggered back until he hit the wall and slid down next to Harry. Harry immediately curled around him as they both cried brokenly, holding on to each other for strength.

Louis was crying hard and yelling, "Ni!!!!! Niall!!!!'  He wanted nothing more than to run in there and hold Niall, beg him to be okay, but Liam kept a strong grip around him, preventing him from running back in there. They just witnessed the birth of their beautiful son, and now Niall was being taken away from them, from him. And it was like his heart was breaking all over again.

Liam kept his arms around Louis, but it was more like he was trying to keep himself from running back then from preventing Louis from running into that room. Liam felt like he had been punched in the gut at the sight of their Nialler gasping for air as he let Louis sob into his shirt. Louis' yelling had just became nothing more than a quiet and broken murmur, "Niall...Niall..."

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't how it was meant to be. Not after the whole painful ordeal of loosing each other, not after finally making up and getting their Niall back, not after the making most passionate love they had ever made, not after the late night talks as they felt their baby kick, not after the loving kisses and the heartwarming hugs, not after their beautiful son was just born and feeling their love grow even more. It just..can't be....

The nurses informed Lou, Josh, Paul, and Niall's family in the waiting room of what was going on as they all ran down the hallway and to hug the boys close. Everyone's eyes were wet with tears they so desperately tried to hold in as they thought of Niall not making it. They could only pray that everything would be ok. Louis, Liam, Zayn, and Harry choked up at the single thought that was clouding their thoughts.

_What happened to "Always"?_

 


	20. ...is Our Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sooo sorry it took me some time to get this chapter out! You wouldn't believe it but see I never logout, usually just stay logged in but for some reason my laptop reloaded and logged me out. And I couldn't for the life of me remember what my password was. And the thing is when I registered for this site it was through an old email that got deleted. So I couldn't do the whole send password change to email since I couldn't get to that old email account anyways, so I had to send AO3 support emails trying to prove it was me and all this stuff so finally I got my email switched and changed my password and got back online here so phew!!!! 
> 
> REMEMBER KIDS! ALWAYS WRITE YOUR PASSWORDS DOWN!!!
> 
>    
> Anywho! This is the second to last chapter then it's the Epilogue and wow....all I can say to ya'll is thank you. Over 7000 reads and I just wow....thank you.
> 
> Oh! and last thing! The first part of this chapter has lots of flashback which each of them is from a certain boy's perspective. It should be able to tell which boy's flashback is which but just wanted to let ya'll know ahead of time, 
> 
> Please, take this chapter as a late Holiday gift! Enjoy <3
> 
> P.S. The date chocolate chip is born doesn't exactly correspond to the exact dates of the This is Us premiere but if I did try to do the right dates, it would be closer to winter and too cold to have some of the scenes I wrote take place, so please forgive and just go with it. Thanks!

(Third Person P.O.V.)

Time passed slowly with no comfort for any of those in the hallway. It had been what seemed like maybe hours as everyone waited for news, news that could take their breaths away with relief or break their hearts with anguish. 

The boys all sat in silence, going over memory after memory of Niall in their heads and hoping to God it wasn't their last ones of him.

 

Flashback:

Liam and Niall were laying close together on the bed, with one of Liam's arm wrapped around Niall's shoulders. Niall's head laid on Liam's chest as his free hand rubbed his hoodie covered bump softly. It was just them today, snuggling close to take a nice nap together. The only sound was soft breathing filling the air as Liam's eyes traced the pattern of the ceiling. He was thinking about the interview two days ago when Niall said softly, "I didn't know you liked me."

Liam looked down at his blond angel as he pulled Niall closer and buried his face Niall's hair. He didn't mean to spill the secret of his crush back on X-factor in the interview but he didn't want to hold anything inside anymore. Holding things inside just ended up causing people pain, something he never wanted to do again. "Yeah, I really did." He swallowed before speaking again, "The moment I met you and you laughed, I just _fell_. You're were perfect. Funny, bubbly, outgoing, cute, beautiful, just...amazing really. I couldn't help but crush on you."

Niall lifted his head and placed his chin on Liam's chest as he looked with curious blue eyes at Liam. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly, sounding like he wished he had known, even if they all ended up together anyways.

Liam took a moment before answering, "I was scared." He closed his eyes and shook his head at that dumb answer. Being scared is something that hurt Niall and the others more than he thought was possible. 'I was scared' was the answer for all his problems. To this day, he regrets giving into his fear more than anything. He was pulled from his thoughts by a hand tracing his cheek softly. He opened his eyes to see Niall looking at him with loving eyes and a understanding smile, like he understood what exactly was haunting Liam's thoughts.

He looked down at Liam's shirt and he traced over it. "It's ok to be scared Liam, we all get scared about something. I was scared when I found out was pregnant. Scared that our baby would never know his other fathers, that...that I wouldn't be enough for him." He then looked up to meet Liam's guilty gaze as he said, "I was scared that I would never find the most amazing love that we all had. I was _scared_. But we don't have to scared anymore. We have each other, all five of us are together again and no fear nor worries nor being scared is going to tear us apart." 

A tear ran down Liam's face as he nodded and lifted his head to kiss Niall's forehead. He pulled back as Niall laid his head back down on Liam's chest. He closed his eyes and snuggled in Liam's warm chest and Liam's arm held him closer. Liam looked back up to the ceiling as he heard Niall say softly, "I'm glad we all got together."

Liam smiled as he closed his eyes. "Me too Nialler. Me too."

End of Flashback

Liam sat on the ground against the wall. He had his face buried in his hands as a tear slipped out. Niall's voice echoed in his head, _'It's ok to be scared Liam'_   and right now he was scared, so freaking scared. Scared that he would never get to hold Niall close anymore nor kiss his forehead. Scared that their son would never get to know his amazing dad who gave birth to him. Scared that if Niall died, his heart would be able to bear it. 'No' he thought as he shook his head, he _knew_ he wouldn't be able to bear it.

Zayn stood near Liam, leaning against the wall, his red-rimmed eyes never gazing away from the double doors. He kept chanting prayers in his head over and over and his right leg bounced anxiously. He needed their Niall and without him, Zayn felt his eyes grow watery again, he couldn't live.

 

Flashback: 

He was standing beside Niall, a hand pressed against his back as they waited inside the lobby for the car to be brought around. They were all leaving to head to the airport to flew back home to Ireland, ready to relax after finishing the 2nd charity concert last night for Comic Relief. The car came around and the other three boys heading out to help load the bags with security as fans screamed in excitement. He gazed over towards his beautiful Nialler and said "I'm glad we did this. As much as we didn't want to cause we were worried, I'm glad you didn't listen to us." 

Niall turned towards him and smiled as he said, "I'm glad too. But it's ok, I mean, you all were just worried about me and chocolate chip." He smiled as he brought a hand to rub his 7 month bump.

Zayn felt so much fucking love in his heart as he smiled at Niall glowing before him, so he couldn't help but say "I love you." But Niall just sent him a small smile and didn't say it back.

And it hurt.

Hurt because those three words are something he has been dying to hear from Niall for the past months. They all have. Hurt, because he is just so in love with Niall that it literally rips out his heart not to hear if Niall feels the same. Who knew the simplest phrase would make him feel like begging on his knees to hear just one more time? He knows he doesn't deserve those words reciprocated but it still doesn't ease the pain that crushes him when all he hears in reply is nothing.

At this point must look so heartbroken because Niall says, "Zayn I know. I know you love me, that you all love me so much...but I can't say it. Not yet. Not so soon after everything that happened to us. Not after hearing things that literally tore my heart apart by you, by all of you. It's hard, because I've forgiven and I care about you all, but can't let everything slip back so easily. I just need time and reassurance. Please understand that." 

Zayn felt a lump in his throat as he nodded in understanding. Words in fact do hurt, Niall being living proof of that statement. He places his hand on Niall's bump and gazes down on it with overwhelming love as he feels his heart fill with determination. He will never give up trying to get his Nialler back, never. None of the boys will.

As Niall gazes out at the car being loaded up and the fans cheering, he places a hand over Zayn's and says softly "Don't worry, it will all work out someday. I can just feel it."

End of Flashback

  
And it did. Eventually Niall told them he loves them and...and it was the biggest, most amazing gift that Zayn has ever been given, next to his beautiful son who was just born an hour ago. But if he never gets to hear his beautiful Nialler say "I love you" again, his heart will crumble to pieces. He looks at the doors and lets the tears fall quietly as he waits for any news.

Louis is sitting beside Liam, eyes looking longing at the doors like Zayn is. His slow crying never stopped, only his yelling. He looks at the door in pain as his mouths silently, 'Niall. Please let him be ok. Please let him be ok. Ni.' He closes his eyes for a moment to think about a time when everything was ok, when everything was perfect. 

 

Flashback: 

  
He held tightly to Niall's hand and carried a blanket in the other as they walk through the gorse fields again to the clearing. It's a Sunday and for his day with Niall, he decided to take surprise him and take him back here to this peaceful, beautiful place. Niall is 8 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days pregnant and looks stunning in his stretchy blue jeans that hug his legs and a royal blue t-shirt that accentuates his bump beautifully. He looks so happy to be here as Louis' heart beats fast and his stomach does little flips looking at his beautiful Ni smiling big. He would do anything for Niall to smile like this all the time, just say the word.

Once in the small clearing, he sets down the blanket his brought and then helps lower Niall down carefully to sit down. He then settles himself behind Niall with his legs on either side of him. The sun is shining brightly, but the wind blows a cool breeze, making the day feel perfect. He pulls Niall close as he kisses his cheek and rubs his bump softly.

Niall sighs into him as he leans back into his chest. Louis gazes out into the bright field shining beautiful as Niall says, "We should bring chocolate chip here when he is born. Bring him all the time as he grows up," Louis nods and tightens his arms around Niall, "He'll love it."

He kisses Niall's head then talks fondly of the picture in his mind, "We'll come out here when he is a few months old. All of us as a family, having a picnic, and watching chocolate chip as he giggles and plays with the flowers. We'll smile so big, because how can we not when a gift that beautiful lights up our lives with a simple laugh?" Niall smiles at the image as Louis continues, "We'll come here when he's five. He gaze with wide eyes as you tell him how you came here when you were five and fell in love with the flowers. And he'll smile up at you with wonder in his blue eyes, thinking how awesome it is to be just like his daddy."

Niall snuggles back into Louis more as he says, "I think he'll be happy to be like any of his daddies. And I'll be happy as long as he's happy....and that I have you all."

He scoots himself around to look at Niall's face as he cups it gently. "You have us all Niall. Forever. And chocolate chip is going to be the happiest baby in the world."

Niall smiles at him. "Promise Louis?"

Louis smiles back. "I promise."

They smile at each other before their faces fall slowly as they look deep into each other's eyes. Louis' heart beats crazily looking at the love of his life as they both lean their heads closer. Then his lips meet Niall's soft ones and it literally takes his breath away. He pulls back to breath in before connecting his lips back to Niall's quickly. His heart beats rapidly as he tries to get closer to Niall, feeling his body light on fire simply from Niall's hand touching his arm softly. How could he ever have thought to give him up? Give up his beautiful Ni? Give up his beautiful son?

He kisses Niall more firmly, trying to express everything, his love, his devotion, his want, his whole being in the kisses. His hand rubs Niall's bump as Niall's hand lays over his. God, he just loves Niall and his unborn son so much, so so much. And with feeling everything right now, he wants to have one memory to hold on that's all his own, just him and Niall. He pulls back sightly to look into Niall's beautiful blue eyes, "Can I make love to you?"

Niall looks back at him with adoring, loving eyes and nods his head. Louis smiles and kisses him again as he slowly and carefully lays Niall down on the blanket. As he lifts Niall's shirt, he places kisses over his bump, chest, and neck. As he undresses Niall, he kisses every inch of skin to make sure Niall knows just how much he loves and adores him.  

And they make love that day in the field's of yellow gorse gleaming around them. Niall's whimpers and soft moans fill the air with Louis' pants into Niall's neck, kissing the soft skin there. It is beautiful, memorable, and perfect as they express all their love in the single act of giving oneself to each other. Afterwards, he looked into Niall's eyes as he said "I love you, so so much." And Niall giggled and said "I love you too, so so much." And then they laid there for a hour more that day, wrapped up in each other with Chocolate chip kicking between them.

End of Flashback:

 

Louis' face crumbles in tears again as he remembers that day. He just wants to hold Niall and never let him go ever again and it kills his heart to think that he may never get that chance again.

Harry is lying on his side with his head on Louis' lap. He just keeps staring ahead, eyes blinking every so often as fresh tears spill out of his eyes each time. His chin keeps quivering, but he just turns his head and buries his face in Louis' thigh. He needs Niall to be ok. He needs to hold him. He just needs him so bad.

 

Flashback:

 

He watches helplessly as almost 9 month pregnant Niall lays in pain on the bed. Today the boys' woke up early before Niall and decided they had to go get groceries and more supplies for the baby while Niall rested. Harry immediately volunteered to watch over Niall, wanting to snuggle up with him the whole day. But when Niall woke up, he immediately said he didn't feel good and his back was being painful for him.

Harry immediately panicked and literally brought every medicine they had over to the bed. Most Niall couldn't take because of the pregnancy so he just drank some water and tried to will the back pain away.

Harry felt so useless and wished he could take away Niall's pain. He sat behind Niall, who is laying on his side, and tries to rub his back softly to help bring his precious Niall any comfort. It makes him think of how if any of the other guys were here, they would know what to do and what to say. He remembers how the painful silence walking out of the community center on Niall's baby shower day was what he thought the others must hear from him when they are in pain and it sucked. So he tried to talk.

"I'm sorry" he says as he snuggles closer to Niall and continues to rub his back.

Niall looks at him over his shoulder confused. "Why are you sorry puppy?"

"I'm sorry that you're in pain and I can't take it away." He pouts in sympathy at his angel.

Niall smiles a little as he says, "Hey it's ok. Pregnancy obvious can make my back hurt but it's not so bad. And it's not you're fault."

He places his chin on Niall's shoulder and his hand on his bump. "I know but I'm still sorry because it's more than that. I can't comfort you well like the others. They all know the right things to say like you do when one of us was hurt or sad. I always stayed quiet and now I'm trying to speak out more and comfort you, but I don't have any idea what the right thing to say is. I'm just...useless." He just felt so sick and tired of not speaking enough and now, not having anything worth saying to help anyone.

Niall rubs his hand as he says, "Hey. Don't say that. You're perfect just the way you are. You know what I like about you when one of us is hurt or sad?" Harry shook his head. "It's what you do. You hold us, kiss us and comfort in a different kind of way. _Actions_ speak louder than words Haz and you do that. It's helps more than anything, especially now when you've just stayed here with me and rubbed my back. Don't go changing yourself too much puppy. I love you just the way you are."

Harry sniffs and nods, because he never thought about it like that. He kisses Niall's neck and says "I love you" as he continues to rub Niall's back in a comforting silence. And that's how the other boys find them hours later, Harry spooning a pain free Niall as they both slept peacefully.

End of Flashback

 

The boys, Niall's family, Lou, Josh, and Paul are all lost in their thoughts about Niall. But their silence is broken when Dr. Markson comes through the double doors. They all pop up as they all hold their breaths as they wait. 

Dr. Markson looks at them and says.....

_Oh God! Please let him be ok._

_I need him to be ok!_

_I'm so scared!_

_Niall!!_

_Please please please. Don't take him away from us!_

 

 

...."He's fine." 

Everyone lets out a sigh of relief as they tear up in happiness. Niall's ok, he's going to make it. Oh God. "He had some respiratory distress but we sedated him and got in a breathing tube. Vitals are stable and he'll be ok."

Liam asks, "What happened? It was so scary. I mean his lips were blue and he looked like he was choking?"

Dr. Markson nods his head solemnly, "Apparently when they numbed Niall up for surgery with the regional anesthesia or as you may know it, the epidural, they aimed the shot too high which in turn caused the medication to reach his lungs. His lungs numbed with his lower body, at a slower rate, but nonetheless ended up in a way, "freezing" which in turn caused Niall to have respiratory distress."

They all looked shocked and almost horrified as they think of how that must of felt for Niall. Dr. Markson looks guilty as he says, "I'm sorry, it's was our mistake but he will be ok. We've taken the epidural out and it should wear off quickly. When his lungs start working properly, we'll take out the breath tube and the anesthesia will wear off in a few hours. He's been placed in a private room and you're welcome to go see him."

Maura says, "It's wasn't your fault, I mean it wasn't even you who put the shot in, but thank you. Thank you so much for saving my baby." She hugs him tight and pulls back as Bobby and Greg shake his hand with big thanks. Josh and Lou give him a tight hugs and Paul shakes his hand firmly. 

The boys all look at him with gratefulness as Louis says, "Thank you Dr. We couldn't live with Ni. So thank you, thank you so much." The boys all nod in agreement and wipe their teary eyes. Niall is their everything and without him, they couldn't live.

Dr. Markson nods with a happy smile. "No problem. Nurse Janet will take you to the room to see him."

The group says thanks as the elderly nurse leads them down the halls 'till they come to a room with the blinds drawn. "Here he is. Press the call button if you need anything dearies." 

They all nod in thanks as they go into the room. Niall is lying in the hospital bed with his eyes closed and a breathing tub sticking out of his mouth. He looks so peaceful as if he had just fallen asleep and not almost come close to dying. The boys walk quickly over to Niall and touch him in relief. He's here and he's fine. Louis brings up one of his hands as he kisses it as he murmurs, "Gave us a scare there Ni." He kisses his hands again as he wipes his eyes.

Harry kneels on the far side of the bed near Louis and pecks Niall's cheek over and over. He's so grateful Niall's ok and so thankful. 

Liam leans over to kiss Niall's forehead as one tear slips out. "Can't do that again Nialler. We can't lose you like that." He stands up straight and moves a little so Zayn can lean over nuzzle his forehead on Niall's.

"I love you Niall. Need to hear you say it again, please." He kisses Niall's nose lightly then stands back up to let the others see their Nialler.

Maura immediately goes over and bends over to kiss Niall's cheek, wiping her eyes with a tissue. "Oh my baby.." she murmurs quietly. Bobby stands near her, rubbing her back comfortingly with one hand and squeezing Niall's arm with the other in silent thanks to God that he's alive and ok. 

Josh and Greg stand close as they look at Niall with relief in their eyes. Paul with an arm around Lou's shoulders who sniffles and dabs her wet eyes. They are all just so grateful Niall's going to be fine.   

  

-/-

 

Four hours later, everyone sits anxiously around Niall and waits for him to wake up. The nurses took out his breathing tube about two hours ago when Niall's lungs started responding again. Now they could only wait for him to wake up which should hopefully be soon. 

Louis, Liam, Harry, and Zayn sit closest to their Nialler, constantly touching him as reassurance he is still here and still ok. Liam and Louis rubs their thumbs over Niall's knuckles as Harry lays his head on his arms the bed, watching up at Niall's chest fall and rise. Zayn sits in a chair Niall's head, tenderly rubbing his fingers through his blond hair. They all wait to see those gorgeous blue eyes of his again.

And as if God decides to finally grant their wish, they hear Niall take a deep breath in and slowly open his eyes. They immediately stand up and get close to him. "Hey Nialler, you're awake." Liam says and he touches Niall appreciatively.

"I'll go get Dr. Markson." Paul says as he heads out into the hall.

 Niall opens his mouth to say something before coughing with a heavy wheezing sound. He's face forms a frown as Zayn pets his hair comfortingly. "Hey it's ok. You had a breathing tube in so the nurses said you're throat is going to be a little sore."

Niall ask with a scratchy voice, "What happened?" The boys take a deep breath before explaining what happened with the epidural.

Niall looks at them with wide eyes as Louis cups Niall's cheek. "But you're ok. You're ok Ni and you're gonna be fine. Just fine." The boys all nod and kiss a part of Niall's face.

Niall nods as the rest of his family and friends gather close. They all touch him in happiness as they say words of gladness, "We're so glad you're ok." "Love you lots Niall." "Oh Nialler."

Niall quietly soaks in the attention and love with a smile as the door opens and Paul with Dr. Markson comes in.

"Ah Niall! You're awake. That's good." Niall nods as Dr. Markson continues, "Sorry about the scare. I'm assuming that the boys already told you what happened."

Niall nods again. "Yeah, they did."

"Well I'm just gonna do a quick check to make sure everything is ok." He takes out his stethoscope as Liam and Zayn held Niall sit up in the hospital bed, placing a pillow behind him as support. Everyone steps back a little so Dr. Markson can work.

Dr. Markson listens to Niall's heartbeat and breathing, checking his pulse also. After a few minutes, he says "Looks all good. After a day or so, you're voice should return to normal. And we stitched you all up and after a few months you can come in to take the stitches out, although there will be a slight scar, but nothing to worry about." Niall nods with a smile that spreads around the room infectiously.

Dr. Markson then sends him a smile as he asks, "Now, do you all want to see your newborn son?"

Niall looks in question at the other boys as they smile back at him. Harry, biting his lips, speaks up, "We wanted to wait till you woke up. So we can see him as a family." Niall beams at them before nodding his head excitedly at Dr. Markson.

Dr. Markson nods agreeably. "I'll get one of the nurses to bring him" and leaves out the door again.

After a few minutes, the door opens again as nurse Janet comes in carrying a small blue bundle. "Heard someone wanted to see their new baby?" She asks with a motherly voice.

They all smile and nod as they look with awe at the baby in her arms. She comes forward and hands the baby carefully off to Niall who gladly accepts his son in his arms, looking down at the most precious thing in the whole world to him. His eyes start to water as everyone gathers close to gaze down at the baby. 

He's absolutely perfect. Cute button nose with small pouty lips like his own. He's got some brown wispy hair on his head, taking after Louis' color and as he opens his eyes, he's met with Louis' deep blue eyes. He's got fair skin like his daddy Niall.  

Nurse Janet smiles as she tells them, "Even two weeks before the scheduled due date and he's perfectly healthy. Strong set of lungs and once he was swaddled, he hasn't cried a bit. Weighs 6 lbs and 4 oz. and is 19" inches long."

The baby yawns with his tiny mouth and everyone can't help but coo at how adorable he is.

Janet chuckles, "Yeah he's a cutie. Won over every nurse in the prenatal wing who laid eyes on him with those gorgeous blue eyes."

Niall holds his son closer. "Hey chocolate chip, I'm daddy Niall. You're so perfect and I love you always." Niall kisses his tiny nose as a tear falls down his face. Nothing he's accomplished in his whole life even comes close to giving birth to his beautiful son. 

He takes a moment before looking up to to the boys who have tears in their eyes and falling down their cheeks as he carefully holds up their son. Louis takes him first as he gazes down with a big smile. "Hi cutie. I'm your dad Louis. I love you so much." God, he is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, the perfect mix of him and Niall. He lifts him up and kisses his smooth cheek softly before he hands him to Zayn.

Zayn cradles his son in his arms likes he's made of glass, as he speaks softly. "Hey baby, I'm you're baba Zayn." His eyes glaze over with tears as the baby wraps his hand around of Zayn's finger. "Gosh I love you little one, so much." Right there he promises again that he'll never let anyone nor himself hurt this precious little thing. He brings the baby up and kisses his other cheek delicately before handing the baby to Harry.

Harry's already crying like a little kid who got exactly what he wanted for Christmas. "I'm Harry, one of your daddies. I love you lots and lots." He cuddles the baby closely and he nuzzles his nose against his son's little one. The baby yawns again as Harry bites his lip, smiling. He now has his own puppy to care for and protect. He hands the baby over into Liam's strong arms.

Liam looks down at the small baby wrapped in the blue blanket. As the baby looks up at him, he chokes on a sob. Never could he even think to leave this perfect human being who will rely on him and the others for everything. Never could he leave the four people and now five who he loves most. Never could he leave where his heart is. "Hi. I'm your daddy Liam and I promise to never leave you. I love you." He kisses the baby's forehead softly as he hands the baby to Lou who is bouncing her shoes.

Lou takes her godson and looks to almost break her face from smiling so big. "Hello there little one, I'm you're Godmother Lou and I promise to spoil you rotten." Everyone chuckles as Josh peaks over at her shoulder and rubs a finger along his cheek softly. "He's definitely gonna break some hearts when he's older. You made a cutie Ni." Niall smiles as he says, "Thanks Joshie."

Lou hands the baby the baby to Paul. Paul grins down at the tiny baby in his arms as he says, "Hey little one. You're definitely cute but hopefully you're not so much of a trouble maker as you're daddies are." The boys just grin at him as Louis says with a smile, "No promises." Paul just shakes his head fondly and chuckles.

The baby gets handed off to Maura with Bobby standing near her as they smile down at their second grandchild. "Hello cutie patootie. I'm you're grandmum and this is your grandfather and you have some many people here who love you. You can always come over to our house to have some chocolate chip cookies." She sniffs as she looks at Niall. "You did so good son, so good." Bobby nods in agreement as he takes the baby from Maura into his arms. He looks like one proud grandpa.

Greg looks at his nephew and says, "Ehhh, Theo is kinda cuter." Maura smacks the back of his head as Greg chuckles. "I'm just kidding. He's adorable Niall, cute as Theo. Good job little bro."

Niall smiles as Bobby hands the baby back to Niall, who takes him quickly. Gazing down at his son, he feels his heart not divide his love for everyone in his life, but multiply. All the love the boys have for each other has made this beautiful gift and he couldn't be more thankful.

Janet, who left the room quietly, comes back with a clipboard as she fills all the baby's information out. "Ok now do we have a name for the little tyke?"

Everyone looks at Niall as Niall looks down at the baby with a smile, rubbing his tiny cheek softly. Niall looks up at the boys as they smile at him, already knowing the name that they've decided that will suit their son, their little chocolate chip perfectly.

Niall nods as he says, "Charlie with an ie. Charlie William Horan." 

Janet smiles at him, nodding as she writes the name down. "Charlie. Cute name."

Louis, so in love, leans forward and kisses Niall on the lips. Liam follows suit and kisses him, then kisses his forehead tenderly. Harry comes over with a smile and kisses his cheek and his lips cutely. Zayn is last to kiss his lips lovingly as he pours everything into the kiss. They all then gather close to gaze down with love at their beautiful little boy. It's quiet, everyone to in awe and silent wonder looking down at this little bundle of joy gazing back up at them. This is a very special moment for the boys of One Direction. 

_For in life it is not about the amount of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away._

_-/-_

Charlie whines crankily as Niall picks him up from the crib. "Ok, ok. I've got you. Don't cry little chocolate chip. I've got you." He bounces the baby as he walks out of the nursery to head their master bedroom. He kisses the baby's cheek as he rubs Charlie's onsie covered back as he asks affectionately, "You're just a little hungry aren't ya?" Charlie only whines in agreement.

He goes into the room as he see the other boys waiting for him. He hands the baby off to Louis who bounces Charlie and soothes him with soft words as Harry comes over to run his finger over Charlie's cheek and kiss his forehead. Niall takes off his shirt and sits down on the bed in front of Liam as he hold out his hands to take Charlie again. Finding out in the hospital that he actually can breast feed was surprising but something that Niall decided he wanted to do. It develops a deeper bond between him and his little chocolate chip.

Louis hands the baby off to Niall as he lifts him up and helps his son latch on. After a few seconds, Charlie latches on and starts sucking hungrily. Niall runs a hand over his tiny head, gazing with love down at their beautiful son. He then feels arms wrap around his stomach from behind as he's pulled back into a Liam's chest, Liam's head hooking over his shoulder to look down at their son. Louis, Harry, and Zayn all sit close on the bed as they watch Niall breast feed.

If any other situation or with someone different, the boys would probably think this is weird. But this is their son, getting nourishment from one of the loves of their life. It's intimate and beautiful and the boys wouldn't want to be anywhere else than with two people who mean everything to them.

It's been a little over a week since they've been home and life has changed dramatically, and for the best. They've never seen so many diapers nor baby bottles in their whole life, but after a few days they've gotten the hang of caring for someone so little who demands so much care. Sure they are tired, but each have four other people (and extra helpers) who are ready to trade off, they make it work. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

Niall's family, Lou, Josh, and Paul have been so helpful by helping the boys whenever and wherever they can. Right now Maura and Lou are making a big buffet for lunch since a lot of people are coming over to see the new bundle of joy. Paul, Josh, and the other two Horan men went out to get more diapers and baby wipes. They tried to change jobs with the girls, but Maura and Lou gave them 'I dare you' looks so they immediately relented and went off to brave the baby isle at the store.

When the boys tweeted later on the day in the hospital,

_"Charlie William Horan born on April 7th at 3:37pm, the cutest and most absolutely perfect award we've ever received. Please respect our privacy at this time"_

with each boy attaching a picture of Charlie's hand holding their own finger, twitter nearly broke. Fans were cooing and crying and OMHFSJFKDKFJKing, sending congratulations and demanding pictures of the precious little chocolate chip. The news topped the trends and their celebrity friends sent congratulations also. The boys were happy but decided to wait before revealing Charlie to the public, wanting to keep their precious angel to themselves for as long as they can.

Once Charlie has had his fill of milk, Niall lifts him up gently as Zayn stands and walks around the bed to take Charlie, a burp rag over his shoulder. He lifts Charlie on his shoulder and he pats his back softly till the baby lets out a tiny burp. Zayn smiles as he lifts him up and kisses his cheek.

Niall melts back into Liam's arm as he gazes in happiness at his son and boyfriend, Liam kissing his cheek and holding him closer. Heaven has nothing on this moment right here.

The doorbell rings as the boys soak in the last moments alone with their son for the day before all the commotion of the day. Niall puts on a shirt as Liam stands up and takes Charlie from Zayn, kissing his forehead tenderly. The other boys follow with a kiss on Charlie's head as he gazes at them. Then they head out of the room and down the stairs to the awaiting company.

All the boys mothers, sisters, fathers, Tom with Lux, and Rebecca with Theo look excitedly at the boys entering the room. Everyone greets each other and peaks a look at the youngest member of the One Direction family. Charlie with his head on Liam's chest, looks at the people curiously with his big blue eyes and they all coo and aww at him. 

Not even one minute later, Charlie is taken out of Liam's arm into his mother, Karen's followed by his sisters' and everyone else. Thankfully, Charlie doesn't cry only just looks at all the people as he receives kisses and "gucci goos". 

It's a great day to have the whole family get together to celebrate the arrival of the newest addition and give thanks for the many blessings they've been given.

-/-

 

The boys all lay on their sides in a circle with an arm holding their heads up as they gaze at Charlie in the center. He's laying on his back on a blanket as he slobbers on his white fuzzy teddy bear. He's kicking his legs and and looking so adorable in his white short-sleeved onsie as the boys smile at the sight of him.

It's been another two weeks, filled with relatives and friends all trying to spend time with their son and hold him and make him feel loved. Finally, now it's just them, the five of them and Charlie alone in their house, the peaceful quiet filling the room.

Charlie occasionally makes cooing sounds but otherwise just gazes at his daddies when they try to make him laugh or smile. He has made a few smiles which of course melt their hearts, and the boys can't wait to hear when he will actually laugh.

Louis, with a big smile runs his hand over Charlie's arm. Never could he imagine that his life would be here now, with a beautiful Son and love of his life and his best friends.

Liam moves a little in and grabs Charlie's foot to kiss it, causing a coo to come from Charlie. How could anything every top having something a precious as Charlie? He moves back into the circle as he smiles.

Zayn runs a hand over Charlie's little tummy. It's almost like a dream to be this happy, to be here with five people he loves more than anything in the whole world. If it is a dream, he never wants to wake up.

Harry, being the puppy that he is, smiles as he crawls over to nuzzle Charlie's cheek and kiss it, causing a small smile to from on their son's face. Harry's just so happy, being with his family in a quiet peacefulness.

Niall watches them all, his heart warming at his boyfriends interacting with their son. The smile on his face shines unhindered as he reaches over to trace Charlie's hand as it curls around his finger. The boys all watch with fond, heart eyes as they scoot closer to their son and loved one. They all feel it, the joy and uninhibited love they all feel here together. It's happiness. A kind of happiness that they couldn't imagine experiencing alone.

 _[  
](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3284484)_Like they tend say, _"Happiness is only real when shared."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote at the end of this chapter is by Jon Krakauer, who wrote the book Into the Wild.
> 
> And the event with the epidural numbing the lungs actually happened to my mother when she had me. Scary to think about but luckily she's ok :)
> 
> P.S. Also in the next chapter I'll have pictures of baby Charlie aka Chocolate Chip ^_^


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the end of this journey and its been amazing.
> 
> Never would I thought that people would read this and enjoy it, so thank you. You all have made my dream for this story come true. Thank you for all the support and encouragement and I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I have writing it and seeing all the love.
> 
> I want to say thank you to reader littlestar for the help with Charlie's middle name and thank you to everyone who sent in suggestions. It was tough to narrow it down, but I decided to go with a name close to Chocolate Chip cause it just fit you know? :)
> 
> Here are pictures of who I picture for Charlie. (Such a little cutie and just knew this is what Charlie would look like. Please note I do not own these pictures.)  
> Here is Charlie's first picture they post to twitter/instagram-> http://amanbirthservices.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/infantboy.jpg
> 
> Here is another picture they have of Charlie at the concernt -> http://janedowdphotographyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/stineimg_2804bw5x7.jpg
> 
> (also quick side note: please don't plagiarize my ideas nor any of my works, I work really hard on this stories and I would hate to see someone try to steal them, thank you! <3)
> 
> I hope you all have a wonderful New Year and come to join me one more fun journeys to come with my other stories that I am excited to write:   
> -[Coming in Spring 2014] What the Water Gave to Me   
> -[Coming in Spring/Fall 2014] All I Wanted  
> and -[To Soon Be Continued] He Is Not Dead, Just Away
> 
>  
> 
> And so with a fond farewell, I bid you adieu and please enjoy. <3

(Niall's P.O.V.)

"C'mon Charlie. C'mon. Smile for us. Big smile, c'mon"

"Whose a big boy? You are. Yes you are Charlie-chip. C'mon smile."

"Gucci goo! Smile for us Charlie!"

"C'mon little puppy, you gotta smile."

"Swiggity swile, show us that smile!"

Harry puts the camera down as him, Zayn, Liam, and I turn to look weirdly at Louis. He stops waving the stuffed monkey around as he notices our stares. "What?" he shrugs his shoulders. "I've saw it on tumblr so I thought I'd give it a try."

We all chuckle and shake our heads at him, grinning as we turn back to the task at hand: making Charlie smile for the camera.

At three months and three days old, Charlie just sits there and stares back at us curiously. He is laying propped up on a blue pillow that sits on top of our dining table. He is wearing a blue and white knitted hat that my mum made, a diaper, and little white socks. For the past twenty minutes we've been trying to get him to smile, which usually isn't a problem, but today he just looks at his daddies like they're loonies as we dance around and make funny faces at him.

Harry keeps taking pictures even without that tiny smile of his showing, because he just looks too darn cute. His beautiful blue eyes standout with his little blue hat and pillow, definitely going to melt all the fans's hearts as well as the rest of world who look at this picture.

After a few more tries, unsuccessfully, we decide to call it quits, as Harry puts the lens on the Canon EOS camera and takes out the memory card. He goes over to his laptop sitting on the kitchen counter to start photoshopping the picture and upload it. The rest of us just stand around and look at our little Charlie-chip fondly.

Charlie, somehow decides that in that moment we are now being _absolutely hilarious_ as he starts smiling and kicking his legs.

We all groan simultaneously, "Charlieeeeee." He just lets out a baby laugh, the cutest and most beautiful sound in the world, instantly causing our hearts to melt and us to smile.

Liam goes forward towards Charlie as he says, "You're such a jokester aren't ya? Laughing at all your silly daddies." He bends down and blows a raspberry on Charlie's little tummy, causing Charlie to let out a giggle and his arms flap around.

I smile as I walk forward kissing Liam's cheek as I bend down and pick up Charlie carefully. I kiss his cheek twice as I hold him close on my chest with one hand behind his head and neck and one under his bum. Charlie sucks his fist in his mouth and gurgles, probably looking happily at Zayn, who is making funny faces at him.

I see that its noon so I kiss his head fondly and head to the living room, "I think someone's a little hungry, I'm going to go feed him." The boys nod at me as I walk over to sit down on the sofa. Once carefully sitting, I take one of my arms out of my shirt to lift it up over my shoulder while holding Charlie with my other hand. Then I maneuver him to lie cradled in my arms as I help him latch on, his little mouth sucking hungrily as he gazes his big blue eyes into mine.  

These past months have been perfect, everyday waking up to such a beautiful gift like Charlie. It's defiantly been a learning process for us all, even Louis who grew up helping take care of his younger siblings, but we took it all in stride. Charlie is just such an easy baby to handle, always smiling and curious but never a handful. That could just be that I have four other people to rely on to help, but even then our Charlie-chip just makes everyone's day a little brighter.

I feel the couch dip as someone sits next to me, I immediately know it's Louis when I see his tan hand reach over to Charlie, who is still drinking steadily. Louis tenderly runs one of his fingers along Charlie's arm to his hand, his finger getting held tightly in Charlie's little fist. I smile at him as I bring my own finger to softly trance his tiny leg, still an awe that I had a part in creating this tiny, precious angel.

After a few moments, Charlie's little tummy seems to of had its fill as he pulls his mouth back and making a spitting sound. I chuckle as Liam, who had walked over with a burp rag on his shoulder, kneels down in front of me with his arms out to take Charlie. I lift him, carefully maneuvering him into Liam's arms as he puts him on his chest and pats lightly to burp him. A few pats later and Charlie lets out a massive _ROAR!_...ok its more like a small pop sound that bubble wrap makes but ehh same difference. Liam smiles happily at the sound as he lifts Charlie up to kiss his cheek, standing up as Zayn comes to coo at Charlie and take him into his tattooed arms.

"Ok! The photo is ready!" Harry calls from the kitchen.

We all head over there to see the finished product. Today we are going to show the world Charlie for the first time by uploading his picture to twitter and instagram. Of course our families and close friends have already seen pictures, plenty over the last few months since everyday we feel the need to take pictures of his smallest achievements like smiling and blowing spit bubbles, real big accomplishments to be recorded. But yes, the world will finally get to meet Charlie William Horan. Today just seems like the right day.  

We gather around Harry to see him on his laptop playing around in photoshop and saving the final print. "Ok.." he claps his hands in finality. "What do you think?"

We all look and...wow. Charlie's eyes are so blue and wow, I'm the father of this beautiful baby? I had a part in making him? Geez, he's perfect. My face is defiantly sporting a big grin. "It's great puppy" I say as the other boys hum and nod appreciatively, seeming to be in the same awe-struck trance as I was.

I lean to kiss Harry's cheek, his dimples beginning to pop up as he grins at the praise. He stands up from his chair as he gestures me into it. I smile as I take my seat, going on to the internet and logging into instagram. The boys thought since I gave birth to Charlie, I should be the one to introduce him to the world with his first picture. I upload the finished picture with a few tags and hover over the enter button for a moment before hitting post. I lean back in my chair and smile as I gaze at it for a moment.

 

Our Charlie-Chip <3

 

#hesbeautiful #hesperfect #chocolatechip #iactuallymadethisbaby?! #luckydad #sayhellototheworldCharlie!

 

Not even ten seconds pass before hundreds of likes and comments appear, many consisting of people Awwwing and saying "HE's SOooO CuTE!!!", omg!!!!", "FINALLLYYYYYY!!!"  and "HELLO CHARLIE! WELCOME TO THE WORLD!" And the love and congratulations just kept on pouring in. It will not doubt be most favorite photo of the fandom that I uploaded, I know its definitely mine.

I logout and close the laptop as I sigh and look up. The boys are all standing around looking at Charlie slowly falling asleep on Zayn's shoulder as he gently sways side to side. I smile and stand up, taking Charlie from Zayn as he hands him gently to me, giving me a Charlie each a kiss on the forehead. I whisper "time for a nap", making my way over to the stairs as the other boys follow my lead.

We reach the top of the stairs and head to into the nursery, the sun casting a dim glow around the room as I walk over to Charlie's crib. I lift him up gently, kissing his head softly with the other boys follow my lead with their own kisses. I then lay him gently down in the crib, the slow rising and falling of his chest happing steadily as he wonders off into dreamland.  Arms wrap around my waist as I lean back into a chest contentedly, the rest of the boys falling close beside us as we gaze at our beautiful baby boy. I think we all could just watch our angel sleep for hours and never be bored.

It's the soft reality that settles in that this is us, right here and now. We've made it here from the first day of not knowing what to do, worrying every time Charlie cried or fussed, made it through hundreds of diapers, laundry washes, and feedings. We made it past the 3am wakeup calls and sleepless nights. We made it and there's no where we rather be.  

 

-/-

 

A week later and the day has finally come to head back on tour, only this time with an extra addition on board.

I bounce Charlie in my arms as the boys take our luggage out to the car to get it all loaded up. We've got everything packed for ourselves and Charlie's needs: extra diapers, toys, blankets, bibs, pacifiers, clothes, socks, hats, baby shoes (the cutest freaking things), and anything else we could fit into our suitcases.  

"Here you go Niall" Liam hands me Charlie's pacifier as I continue to bounce Charlie up and down. 

"Thank Li." I take it from him as he leans forward as kisses my lips then kisses Charlie's head. 

I place the pacifier in Charlie's mouth as he starts nipping on it, his eyes watching curiously at all the hustle and bustle around him. 

Louis adjust the baby carrier on his chest as Zayn helps buckles it from behind, decidedly going to carry Charlie for our trip to the airport and when we land. Once all strapped up, I kiss Charlie's head as I go over and carefully help Louis put Charlie in his carrier.

He fits in it securely and snugly in place as Louis bends his head to kiss Charlie's beanie covered head and then leans over to kiss my own lips, a smile forming between us. His kiss lingers longer and presses more firmly than the others, but its ok. Liam, Harry, and Zayn understand that Louis sometimes needs to do that, to show that he cares and loves me so much and that he's always there. It helps him work through his possessiveness and jealousy when we are all together.

We are all still together, still a party of five, but between Louis and the other boys is more of loving friendship, that still includes kisses and what not. But for Louis when its with me, its more about loving relationship, more about giving everything to me. We still all love each other and express that love, we've just found what works best for us. And I still love all my boys, equally and fully.

I pull back from the kiss as we all make one last round checks to make sure we have everything we need. Don't want to forget something important and have to worry about finding a replacement! Finally, when everything we could possibly need is in the car, we head outside, lock the front door, and load up in car. Liam's going to drive with Zayn in the passenger seat, and me, Louis with Charlie, and Harry sitting in the back. Liam's starts the car and we take off down the road, heading to the airport.

I smile at Charlie who sits there contentedly in his carrier, looking in my eyes. I make silly faces at him, causing his lips to curl upwards around his pacifier as he kicks his little legs. Louis and Harry chuckle as I keep Charlie entertained for duration of the ride.

We finally make it to the airport and its pretty packed, but that could just be travel rush. Liam pulls the car around to a closed off side entrance of the airport where Paul and Jeff are waiting for us. 

As soon as I open the door, the first thing Paul says is, "Ok! Where is the little tyke?"

I shake my head with a grin and step out, allowing Louis to come out with Charlie. Paul and Jeff openly "aww" at Charlie who gazes at them with wide eyes. I hug both security guards tightly, happy to see them again. Harry, Liam, and Zayn get out of the car to start helping Paul and Jeff unload luggage onto the cart that will be taken to the jet.

We are able to walk around the building where our jet is waiting on a separate tar mat and get settled inside. I sit next to Louis, with Liam and Zayn behind us and Harry on the couch, with Paul and Jeff in the back. We get all buckled up as we listen to the stewardess tell us about the safety instruction before the plane starts to take off and we're in the air in no time.

After a few minutes, Charlie starts getting a little fussy, probably tired, so I reach out my arms, "Here I got him." Louis carefully lifts him out of the baby satchel that hands him to me, giving me one of Charlie's soft blankets to wrap him in.

Once I have him half swaddled, I lay him cradled in my arms with his hand in the crook of my arm and start singing a soft lullaby to him. Within a few minutes, he's out like a light, his little mouth nipping lightly against the pacifier. Cute as a button. I bring my finger to trace lightly against his cheek. Louis's gazes down at Charlie with a smile, leaning over to peck my own cheek softly as he rest his hand on my thigh.

It's times like these I wonder if we will ever want to give Charlie a little brother or sister. Maybe the boys each want someone to call their own. But then I look at this little angel sleeping in my arms and I feel content, like one is the perfect number for us. I know all the boys call Charlie their own because there is no division, he has five dads who love him to the moon and back. It doesn't matter if biologically he came from me and Louis, he's ours and thats all that matters. But hey, you never know what the future holds?

A few hours later, we land in London as I put Charlie into the baby carrier again, never once waking him up. The boys smile as they see his little head against Louis' chest. I hand over the blanket to him so that he can put over Charlie in the carrier so that paparazzi won't take pictures of him and their camera flashes won't startle him. We decide to share Charlie on our own terms with the world, not by anybody else's.

We all take a deep breath as Paul and Jeff lead the way out into the airport. We walk down the long hallways where you can hearing the fans chanting for us. Liam is behind Paul and Jeff with Louis and me beside him, and Zayn and Harry behind us. We formed a protective barrier around Charlie, making sure no one can get to him. Louis holds my hand as we go throughout the doorway into view.

Everyone starts screaming, our names thrown out left and right. Liam luckily ties to shh them down, making fans slowly realize that Charlie is with us. They quiet down, excitement clearly written all over their faces as they take pictures on their phones and try to get a peek at our little bundle. We wave to them as we pass, receiving waves and shrieks in return. Luckily Charlie seems to be either asleep still or quietly curious under that blanket, so my worries about him are settled. We head to luggage pickup and the exit, paparazzi and even more fans clearly waiting for us outside.

Paul and Jeff push the crowd back with airport security as we make our way to the car, camera flashes going all around us. I keep my head down as Louis holds my hand tightly and guides me to the car, his other hand keeping the blanket in place over Charlie. Luckily we make it safe to the car, all of us getting in quickly. Phew! We all breathe a sigh of relief as Paul drives us off to our hotel.

I carefully lift up the blanket and see Charlie is still out cold, making me chuckle. Seems to be a heavy sleeper just like Zayn. I lay my head on Liam's should, relaxing for a moment before we get to see everyone again. I can't wait for the show tonight.

 

-/-

 

"Yaaaaay! Yaaaay! Yaaaaaaay!" I say dramatically over and over as I lift Charlie up and down, his whole face lighting up. 

"Ok Nialler, give me my godson" Lou says impatiently as she makes grabby hands. I chuckle and kiss his little nose before handing him over to Lou to take care of during the show. "Last kisses boys!" she announces as Liam, Louis, Harry, and Zayn run over to plant kisses all over Charlie as he laughs. It makes my heart melt inside.

"Ok, ok!" she says as she shoos us off. "Showtime boys, and don't worry he'll be here when you get back!"

We all give one last wave to Charlie as we head out the door and over to the side of the stage to enter. Josh comes over to stand by me and claps me on the back. "Ready Ni?"

I smile big and nod. "Yeah Joshie. I'm ready."

He hugs me tight before following Rick and Roy on to the stage to take his place behind the drums as the crowd starting cheering. I smile big before we all run on stage. 

"HELLO!!" Louis screams as the crowd goes wild! "Hows everyone doing tonight?!" The volume raising even higher in uniformed cheers.

Liam starts talking as the crowd quiets a tiny bit down to listen. "We are so glad to be back on tour! Missed all this craziness of preforming and the excitement." The crowd screams in agreement. "Now speaking of excitement you must have all heard that we had a new addition to the One Direction family!"

If I thought it was loud before, then it just got deafening. People are screaming so freaking loud that I'm glad I didn't bring Charlie out here or he might have gotten scared.

Liam laughs loudly. "Yes! Charlie William Horan or known to us as Charlie-Chip was born three and a half months ago and he's defiantly captured all of our hearts!" The crowd awes and cheers.

Here comes the surprise.

I lift up the microphone up to my mouth. "So since we didn't want the excitement to scare Charlie by bringing him out here..." the crowd groans. "...Hey, hey! We instead brought another photo to show you all. James can you bring it up on the screen?"

We all turn to look up at the screen as the crowd immediately Aww's in unison.  

 

The pic is one we took a few weeks ago with Louis' hands holding him up. It's one of my favorites.

"He's cutest little thing ever" Zayn says with a dazzling smile. "He's defiantly got us wrapped around his little fingers." The crowd giggles at the comment.

"So now that we have shown you the light of our lives." Louis says. "Let's get this concert started!"  Josh, Rick, and Roy start up the tune to Best Song Ever as the crowd starts cheering loudly.

And the concert goes without a hitch, everyone singing and dancing, having the time of our lives. The only thing on the downside is that we can't just leave the concert to go check on Charlie. I'm sure Lou and Paul are taking care of him just fine, but its just like a parent thing, you know? Like you can't stand to be separated from your child for too long. I think the other boys feel the exact same. I see how Liam keeps glancing back at the side curtain of the stage longingly, Louis keeps bouncing his legs when we are all standing around, Zayn throws a lot of looks at his watch as he probably hopes time will go faster, and Harry keeps dancing towards the side of the stage and catching himself into time to not go running backstage and getting Charlie. We just all want to be near our baby, but we have a job to do so we continue on trucking. Luckily, the concert goes well, the crowd screams and shouts excitedly as we are doing the final bows.

"Thank you and goodnight!" I yell as the band plays the final beats and the lights go out, the sound of the crowd cheers drift through the air as we finish.

We all rush offstage to see the whole crew waiting for us, techs, cook staff, security, and stylists. Everyone there begins immediately clapping and congratulating us with hugs as we go towards them.

"Good job Niall", Lucy says as she hugs me tight.

"Thank you Lucy." I smile as I take a look around at the heart warming sight before me.

Our whole One Direction family is here, smiling and buzzing with joy that we finished our first concert back. I see how the boys all laugh and chat with everyone, finally connecting us all together. No more lines drawn between us, no more secrets. Just one big family who has each others backs and loves one another.

I smile as I lean on the wall pillars, taking in everything. I feel the itch to join in the celebration and to go see Charlie, but I wait and hold on for a moment more. 

There is just one more thing I needed to do.

-/-

 

I walk into an empty dressing room, closing the door softly behind me with a click as the sound of everyone laughing and talking fades quietly. I walk slowly over to the wall, taking out my earplugs as I reveal in the peaceful silence. Its been so long since I've gotten to sit down and appreciate everything while all the rush of Charlie being born and taking care of him. During the concert tonight, I thought what better way to start off the tour then to do my reflecting ritual?

I turn around as I slide slowly down the wall, leaning my head back once I'm sitting on the carpeted floor with my knees up. Its so familiar, sitting here thinking. Who would have thought almost a year ago that I would have gained so much? That me and the boys relationship had grown even stronger, despite all the hard times we went through? Who would have thought that I would be a father to the most beautiful little boy, who lights up my world and everyone else's? Who would have thought the public would accept everything from my relationship to my pregnancy to everything with unfailing support? It's just crazy, it's just surreal, it's just-

I am brought out of my thoughts as the door opens and I look to see Liam lean his head in and smile once he spots me. He walks in the room, pushing the door open for Louis, Zayn, and Harry as they follow him in and close the door after them. I look at them questioningly, wondering what they're doing here, as the walk over and sit down on the floor next to me, Liam on my left with Louis on my right. Zayn and Harry sit in front of me as they lean themselves against my propped up legs. The boys don't saying anything, just scoot closely to me as Louis takes my left hand and holds it gently, Liam doing the same with my right hand. I look over to Louis as he gives me a smile, feeling my own lips begin to mirror his. I lean my head back against the wall as Louis places his head on my shoulder and Lean leans his head near mine on the wall, both boys rubbing their thumbs affectionally over my knuckles. I can feel Harry and Zayn rubbing my legs and ankles softly as my heart fills with a wholeness.

And we sit, in silence as we reflect together how truly blessed we are to have come so far and to still have each other. We loved and we've lost, but we've  also learned and we've gained. We have a son, who will always know that he is loved and can do anything he sets his mind to. We have families and fans who will support us no matter what. We have us, a love worth fighting for everyday.

After a few minutes, I silently get up with the boys. Zayn leans in first and pecks me lips, Harry following right after. I smile before Liam leans down and places a kiss on my cheek then on my lips. Louis is last, cupping my face as he kisses me lightly, leaving tingles in its wake. I smile at all of my loves and we all head out into the hall and head to where everyone is celebrating.

Lou is bouncing Charlie as she waves a stuffed animal in front of him, his eyes watching it with fascination. A lot of the crew stand around and watch the scene with a smile. Once Lou spots us, she smiles big and turn him toward our direction and points at us. He follows her finger and his whole face seems to light up as he spots up, flapping his arms and kicking his feet causing his audience to laugh and coo over him. I smile big at him as I come over and take him into my hands, lifting him up then kissing his cheek as I hold him close. 

Louis, Liam, Harry, and Zayn come up behind me to make happy faces at Charlie as they hug us both close. He just sucks on his fingers as he giggles at his daddies, making us all feel so blessed. I can't really even describe how happy and whole I feel, because no words will ever be good enough to describe this moment where I'm with my little boy and the loves of my life, with my family and friends, with the people that matter most.

But if I had to, I would say its just perfect.

 

 

 _The_ _end.  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is finished and I thank you.


End file.
